We live in a society, so the ability to make friends and cooperate is very important for a person. Throughout life we ​​often have to merge into new team and make friends. For the first time we are independently faced with such a need at school. Sometimes it can be very difficult for a child to adapt to a new environment and find friends. It is to these children that we want to give some practical advice that will help them make friends with classmates and become part of the team.

Of course, first-graders cannot do without the help of their first teacher. A good cool mother will do everything to introduce children to each other and create a new friendly team. Interesting games during breaks with the participation of all the kids, excursions for first-graders and exciting lessons - methods that will help the teacher create a cohesive team called “our 1st grade”.

But the state and readiness of the child himself to join the team (especially if he changes school or class) are also very important. The baby needs to learn how to meet people and make friends - these skills will come in handy more than once.

Do you want to help a child? Then give the baby these parting words:

1. Be yourself

This is probably one of the most important advice. Let him not try to look better in the eyes of others. People value sincerity. Liars are not liked, and when the truth comes out, they lose friends, trust, and sometimes find themselves the objects of ridicule.

2. Show kindness. Smile more often

“Friendship begins with a smile,” these words appeared in a kind children’s song for a reason. In the morning before school, set your child's mood in a positive way. After all, meeting people is so interesting! Let your child prepare to meet new classmates with a smile and an open soul. Among them there are many good, interesting and like-minded people. He will definitely realize this soon and make friends with his classmates.

3. Introduce yourself and get to know everyone.

This is not only a rule of politeness, but also the first step to building good relationships with new classmates. , of course, will help the children meet and get to know each other in the first lesson. But don’t let him stand quietly in the corner, waiting for classes to start. Ask him to approach his classmates and peers, introduce himself and chat.

Mothers can help first-graders with this difficult task: plan some kind of joint leisure time for the children. Going to the cinema, theater, circus or just a walk in the park is a great way to introduce and bring children together.

4. Try to keep the conversation going.

The kid sees his new classmates discussing something. Let him not stand on the sidelines, but join the conversation and tell situations from his life! Is the topic not close to him? Then let him try to interest his peers, if possible, starting a new conversation.

5. Look for common interests.

Did your child find out that he and his classmate are somewhat similar? Hooray! It's good because they have common topic for conversation and an activity that brings people together. Advise you to often ask about the hobbies of new acquaintances and talk about your own. In this way, you can make friends with all your classmates not only at school, but also outside it.

By the way, your neighbor/deskmate and classmates who live nearby are the baby’s first potential friends. They already have common place at the desk and the general way home. It's easier to get close to these guys.

6. Give sincere compliments and praise.

People love to be praised. If your child likes a classmate’s hairstyle or a classmate’s new sneakers, let him say so. But you don’t need to teach your child to make compliments just to please or please someone. Obvious flattery is not The best way make friends.

7. Help and don't be afraid to ask for help.

Does the child see that someone needs help? Let him offer it. This will bring the baby closer to his classmate. Is he unable to cope with something on his own? Tell your little one to ask someone for a favor. And let him be sure to thank the assistant and invite him to contact him if necessary. Mutual assistance is part of friendly relations.

8. Share.

Teach your child to share books, pens, rulers, toys and other objects (if he has such an opportunity, of course). This will help to establish a good relationship with the guys and get a spare pen when your little one needs it. It’s good if you have an extra sandwich or candy in your briefcase to treat your new friend (note to mom).

9. Don’t argue and avoid conflicts

Children cannot always agree. Sometimes quarrels and even fights happen. After such bad incidents, it is difficult to establish a relationship with a person. Teach your child to remain silent in time, not to start arguments, not to get into trouble, and to resolve conflicts peacefully. Sometimes it is better to give in and preserve a good relationship with a classmate.

We hope these tips will help your child become part of a new team and make many friends. Your baby needs support now: he is going through a difficult period. Don’t forget about this and do everything to make the baby’s adaptation easier.

“I want my children to be friends and play with as many big amount children and at the same time could, if something happened, fight back without any problems, using their fists, so that no one would have the thought of offending them again. Dmitriy"

Dmitry, let's start with the first question. How to teach your child to be friends and communicate with other children.

First, take a closer look at your own child. Mobile and active children always strive to make acquaintances, love to be the center of attention and participate in group games. Children who have a phlegmatic type of temperament feel quite comfortable alone.

It’s another matter when you see that a child wants to play with other children, but for some reason cannot do this. The parents' task is to teach him to get to know each other, communicate and play with them. Simple conversations about friendship are unlikely to help here; it is much more effective to sing songs about friendship together, watch cartoons, read and discuss books, and tell your child about your own friends. Personal example is perhaps the most effective method of all, to show and explain to the child how best to behave in a given situation.

Ask yourself questions about how many friends your family has, whether you often go to visit and invite someone to your place. The child most often inherits the pattern of behavior that is typical in the family.

The very first step to friendship is getting to know each other. In order to help your child meet other children, help him: tell him how to address a boy or girl. For example: “Hi. My name is Sasha. And you? Let's play!". You can rehearse at home with toys. Parents can also organize a joint game themselves, and then leave the children to play on their own. Any group games will help your child relieve stress and find new friends: hide and seek, catch-up, playing with sand, etc.

The wider the child's social circle, the more opportunities to make friends. Sections, clubs, schools early development, neighbors in the stairwell, the children of your friends. Invite other children to visit you, prepare for their arrival. Select suitable games, prepare sweet table, you can prepare small gifts. At the same time, teach your children etiquette and rules for receiving guests. Likewise, in those cases when you go to visit someone, you can grab a small surprise for a friend: draw a picture, make a craft, bake cookies, etc. Be interested in how your child’s friends are doing, worry together, or rejoice at the success of your child’s friends.

Teach your child that to join a group of children already playing, you need to wait for a pause, and then ask someone for permission to join.

In addition to the fact that a child needs to be taught to be friends, it is simply necessary to teach him to react to refusals without offense. Refusals are not a reason for frustration, but a reason to find a more interesting and suitable group of children. Be sure to praise your child for his efforts and attempts to get to know someone or join the game, regardless of the result.

It's no secret that even the best friends sometimes have conflicts. Here, too, you need to explain to the child that resentment and grief pass, but friendship remains. It also happens that children are simply not suitable for each other in temperament, and if games most often end in tears and fights, then there is no need to encourage such relationships.

Now let's talk about the second question. How to teach a child to defend himself. This question worries both moms and dads, but dads, especially boys, care more. Let's go back to personal example again. This phrase has probably set people on edge by now, but it is still very effective. From the birth of our beloved child, we try to give the child the best, teach him everything he needs, including the art of communication.

If your child is still small and cannot form complete sentences, and you see that he needs help, then YOU should provide this help. If a toy is taken away, it doesn’t matter. You can ask her back by exchanging for another. Pushed/hit - comfort your child, take him away from the fighter.

In general, you shouldn’t make a mountain out of a mountain. Most often, it is adults who “get stuck” on their child’s grievances. Before teaching your child to vigorously defend his interests, ask yourself a few questions: “How does the child feel about this situation?”, “Does he really feel offended, humiliated and unhappy?”, “How do I feel about this situation?”, “ Maybe it’s my ambitions or old grievances that are remembered now?” In most cases, the child quickly forgets or does not notice at all the unfair treatment that his parent focused on. They pushed me, didn’t take me into the game, teased me. It's OK. In a couple of minutes the child will find it himself new company, and will accept the most Active participation in already new game. Children's grievances are unstable and quickly forgotten. Yesterday's enemies become today's best friends.

Of course, the child needs to be taught and protected. Again, everything needs moderation. There is no need to be troublemakers who start to download your license for any reason. Just like you shouldn’t call your child a coward and a wimp.

In general, parents of preschoolers are most concerned about the self-defense of their children, and are trying in every possible way to teach them to defend their rights. Although it is preschoolers who most need the support of adults and expect help from them. They are not yet mentally and physically ready to exert physical influence and defend themselves from offenders.

Using your fists is the last thing. But sometimes you need to do this too. And only for children school age. They are the ones who are left without adult supervision and are sometimes forced to fend for themselves or protect a weaker comrade. But here, too, everything must be specified. For example, you cannot be the first to start a fight. You can't hit him in the face or stomach either. It is better if the child plays sports. There he will learn to control his emotions, become more tolerant, and make like-minded friends. Well, if necessary, he can stand up for himself.

I would like to tell parents to be wise and not rush their children to grow up. Be there for them and protect them when they are still in kindergarten and need you, and let your children go and let them sort out conflicts themselves when they are more independent and can fend for themselves.

To participate in training for parents

3. for an individual consultation.

…Now it’s fashionable to be friends with your children. Moms and dads always play the game “we are the child’s best friends, we have no secrets from each other, we share everything,” etc.

Let's not let you down in a roundabout way, let's go straight.

Question one: Why and with whom do people be friends?

• They are friends “around” something or “about” something.

This could be: passion, work, hobby, experience, worldview, religion, culture, etc. In friendship there must be a certain community that unites us, “around” which we are friends.

• A possible option is “against whom” are we friends?

But even in this case, we are united by “opposition” to someone.

Question two: What can you be friends with your child around? What common interests can we have with him?

For example: hobby fishing.

The level of participation in this event for a child and an adult is obviously different. The parent buys and prepares gear, takes it to the site, and thinks through other organizational issues. The parent puts his time and effort into this.

• From the child - participation. This is not friendship.

This is spending time together, learning, broadening your horizons, a way to teach and accustom to your hobby. Let's be honest: real fishing friends are completely different people. It is so? There is a different level and possibilities of communication with them, because they have a different age and different experience.

There is only two reasons why we can be friends with a child:

• about the child
• or about the Parent himself.

What does it mean to be friends with a child about a child?

In essence, put the child’s qualities and interests at the center of communication. Make them the “sun” around which our friendship will revolve. That is, to show that he himself and his interests are more important than everything else.

Often in practice this looks like systematic flirting and playing along: I'm the same as you, we're equal. This is an underwater reef that the Parent will sooner or later find himself on.

What is the name of this underwater reef?

• Lack of authority.

You and I are friends, which means we are equals. Therefore, I can tell you, as a friend, anything and in any form. Moms and dads are then surprised that the child has the right to tell them “he left here and closed the door on the other side!”, “What kind of garbage have you put on yourself, I’m ashamed to go out into the city with you!”, “I’m declaring a boycott on you - talk I won’t be with you, don’t come into my room!”

• These examples are from parents' stories during consultations. Why such an appeal? Because you are FRIENDS.

At their age and with their friends they talk and behave like this.

Why do you think that they will be “friends” with you differently?

“What they fought for is what they ran into,” says folk wisdom. We say: We ourselves gave such rights.

• Rights without duties and responsibilities, which is typical!

There is another “side of the coin” in friendship with children.

When we play with them “as equals,” we create a precedent for the child to think that he is actually our equal: in experience, in knowledge, in education, in abilities, in capabilities.

• Dangerous and harmful misconception!

It's a misconception because it's actually not true. Dangerous and harmful, because then the child begins to transfer it to other contexts of his life.

He comes into the company of adults and begins to behave there as an equal. Although he is not one. Remember in previous chapters we gave an example of a boy whose parents are proud of his “early adulthood”?

• Other distortions are also possible.

If mom and dad evaluate me as an adult, I believed in this, then why should I communicate with my peers. They are no match for me. Give me adults. The rest of the adult world did not subscribe to your “flirts of friendship.” Everything there is like in life. Because this is life. There they look for friends according to different principles.

So it turns out that it’s not interesting to be with peers, and adults don’t accept you. Who stays? Who is the most faithful and reliable friend? Parent-Pest. Who then, during a consultation with a psychologist, will shed “crocodile tears” on the topic “my beloved child has problems communicating with peers.”

• Do you want that?

That's why let's agree - there can be no friendship between parents and children, in its full understanding, since initially they and their roles in the relationship are not equal.

Parents, at least 18-20 years older, have in their life luggage hundreds of times more experience, responsibility, education, etc. Where is the equality here?

• Friendship with parents is not right. That's right - authority, respect and distance.

We say there should not be friendship, but authority and respect. We want to be respected, listened to, and our word and opinion to be authoritative. Where will this come from if we are friends? A friend’s opinion may or may not be taken into account. You can quarrel with a friend.

After all, with age and for a number of other reasons, our circle of friends tends to change. This is a normal, natural process when those with whom we were friends in kindergarten or school, they are not our friends as adults.

• Is this the kind of perspective you want from your friendship with children?

Friendship with a child is a fashionable trend, which then becomes a heap of problems for the Parent. The parent today earns cheap authority. As it seems to him. And here, without noticing it, he lays the foundation for problems for the future.

• Children should be friends with their peers

Do not deprive your children of realizing this natural need- friendships with peers. Don't take away their opportunity to learn how to build peer relationships.

• Do not deprive your children of the most valuable, one-of-a-kind resource - relationships with their parents as PARENTS, and not as friends!

They can have as many friends as they want and can find.

• And Parents – only you!

Emotional intimacy, openness, acceptance, support– these are not necessarily attributes of friendship. You may well give this to your children while remaining Parents, maintaining authority and distance in those issues that we have already discussed above.

• Although from the standpoint of common sense everything is very clear, right?

A huge industry is working to ensure that new “fashionable” theories from the field of education and psychology create for the modern Parent a situation of “eternal employment” with the problems of the same education and psychology. Fashion will pass. But the problems in relationships with children created by this fashion will remain. And then it’s up to you and your children to decide.

- "Why is it harmful to be friends with children?" .

“Mom and I are best friends.” “We have always had a very close and friendly relationship with our parents.” “Perhaps only my mother understands me.” Isn't this happiness? But why do people who utter these words in my office, as a rule, are deeply depressed, they are completely deprived of power, they have no strength to live? They are also worried about their relationships with their children - their own. They feel like they are wrong.

“THE WORLD IS LIKE A COLORFUL MEADOW IF YOU HAVE A FRIEND NEAR YOU!”

When I was 12 years old, my mother often cried and complained to me about my father. I sympathized with her terribly, felt sorry for her, tried to help more around the house. She began to be rude to her father because he was hurting her mother. And then she had a lover. I didn’t know such a word then, my mother explained that this was her friend, but my dad doesn’t like male friends, so I had to keep the secret and not tell my dad about the calls. But I had to convey “secret messages” from a friend to my mother. It was flattering, I was proud of my mother’s trust, I didn’t tell anyone. There was some special intimacy in this: here we are, two girlfriends, whispering about boys. Mom started taking me on walks - something she had never done before. Then mom decided to leave dad. It was very difficult and difficult for her, and dad was simply on the verge of suicide. And I rushed between them: covering for mom, trying to console dad.

This adult woman I have been treated for depression for many years. She does not have relationships with men, she does not trust anyone. And he doesn’t know how to defend himself, express anger, or defend his interests. In general, the picture looks a lot like unprocessed trauma. But who hurt this girl? After all, her mother treated her well, loved her, did not offend her, and was friends with her.

It's good when a child says: my mommy best friend, you can tell her anything, she will always listen, advise, and console. A competent mother will also explain what is happening to him, call the vague and incomprehensible storms in the soul some kind of with clever words, will tell you about hormonal changes. It is destructive when a mother makes a container for herself out of a child: she loads her secrets, sorrows and sores into him (more often into her). Shares her problems, including sexual ones. A father who left many years ago for another family communicates with his teenage daughter: he tells her about his difficulties with his new wife, reveals to her the secret of his relationship with his mistress, cries and complains.

How does the girl feel? That she was practically raped. She doesn’t want to know about her father’s amorous adventures, she doesn’t need such frankness. This violates her internal boundaries. She says that she herself would like to tell her father about herself, she wants him to listen to her, give advice, and support her. Instead, she has to console him, sympathize with an adult, periodically forgive his “mistakes” and get into the situation. That is, to do for him the work that good parents normally do for their children. It is the violation of hierarchy that is destructive. In fact, by devoting the daughter to the details of his relationships with other women, the parent makes the child his accomplice. Including sexual accomplice. That is, we see the most natural incest. Albeit psychological. A child has a confusion of roles in his head: he is a child who will grow up and start his own family, or a partner of his parent.

“WHO IS OUR HUSBAND?”
A family is a system, a structure. It has boundaries, laws and rules, roles are known. The task of parents is to feed, protect, educate, and establish the notorious rules. The task of children is to obey, grow, continue the family line, butt heads with their ancestors and move on.

What happens when this system is turned upside down? If a parent opens his soul to a child, he thereby pulls the child out of the “children” subsystem and places him in the “adults, partners, equals” subsystem. In the relationship of two sexual partners, which are the parents in the family, a third participant appears - a child. It is introduced ahead of schedule adult life, his intimacy is violated, there is turmoil and chaos in his soul. In fact, this can be considered incest and violence.

Oddly enough, it is “less” destructive when a parent asks the child not to talk about nest eggs or purchases on credit. Again, under the banner of “you and I are friends, but they may have their own little secrets.” So don’t tell dad how much these boots cost, don’t upset him. Don’t tell your mom that I ran into a traffic cop and gave him all the money because I was a loser. Money is also a symbol of power in the family, maturity, and if a child is given this symbol ahead of time, before his own experience has accumulated, this is at least strange. This does not change the essence: the child moves from a child’s role to an adult, which confuses his internal settings and prevents him from growing.

PEPSI AND HIPPIE GENERATIONS
Let's look at the idea of ​​friendship with children through a generational lens. Those who are now 50-60 years old are post-war children. What was their relationship with their parents like? Most often - none. Parents worked day and night, many did not have fathers, the school and public organizations. It’s hard for us to imagine now, but mothers were forced to go to work a month after the birth of a child who was sent to a nursery or a five-day school. The most severe trauma of early deprivation, there are almost no attachments, just duty and responsibilities.

This generation - the future sixties - remained teenagers: creative, talented, pioneers. Very few of them were truly close, trusting relationship with parents. They made sure that their son did not go down a bad path, so that their daughter did not “bring it in the lap,” they simply weren’t enough for more. There was no talk of any child psychology; they pressed with authority, pressed and punished.

And then the representatives of that generation decided that they would treat their children completely differently. They will take them with them everywhere, take them on hikes and to exhibitions, love them with all their might, will always be there and never leave them. Never. Even if the children fight back with their arms and legs and shout: “Let me go, it hurts!”

And most importantly, they are friends with the children. They take part in their parties, tell them to call them first name and first name, never close the door to their room (and the child is forbidden to do so), they want to be aware of everything that is happening to the child. This, of course, is very pleasant when a child is 5-7 years old. But when a teenager does not have the opportunity to be alone, when mom or dad enter his room without knocking, where he is alone with his girlfriend, when...

When its boundaries are constantly broken and violated. And you can’t be indignant - after all, “we are friends, we love you so much.” It is very difficult to defend yourself when the opposite is not enemies, but friends. Remember, in the first part of Harry Potter, Dumbledore rewards Harry, Ron, and Hermione at the end for their courage, intelligence, resourcefulness and loyalty. And then he gives the decisive 10 points to Neville Longbottom: “We know how much courage it takes to confront the enemy. But even greater courage is needed to argue with a friend.”

We see a similar situation in Europe and America: after the hippie generation, with their idea of ​​universal brotherhood, “sex-drugs-rock-n-roll”, “down with laws, long live free love!”, a generation of yuppies appeared: sanctimonious, exaggeratedly law-abiding , hyper-responsible. The family does a lot important functions, and safety is the first of them. But if in the pre- and post-war generations security was required primarily physical (to protect from the enemy, to save from starvation, to protect from attack), then among the “grandsons of the war” psychological security came to the fore: to defend the boundaries of one’s personality, not to allow oneself break morally.

And friendship is the absence of all boundaries between people. This is “you and I are one”, “we have everything in common”, no secrets, no secrets from each other. Only an adult and a child stand on different levels. And a secret cried out to your closest friend at night brings equal people together or separates them. But a child is not equal.

A MYSTERY IN DARKNESS
Apparently, it's the secrets that do the real damage. A magical, warm feeling of closeness and trust is caused by a parent and child doing anything together: fishing, sewing dolls, going hiking. Even doing a manicure together won't hurt. What does it do? Inclusion of the child in the sexual life of the parents. Even in the form of sleeping in a shared bed, because otherwise mom is scared and cold. And when dad introduces the children to each of his new companions, he somehow shows the children part of his intimate life. Children have the right not to know about things that do not directly affect them. You should not force information on them about how the adult part of life proceeds. Friendship is a relationship of equals.”

Children need to be taught to make friends - yes, yes, such seemingly natural relationships are not born out of nowhere, the ability to make friends is not absorbed with mother’s milk, children need to be explained the rules of interaction in a team, their significance. To teach a child to be friends with other children, as practice shows, you need to make a lot of effort. Children's friendship is a real success, because a child who has a friend is more protected, his level of psychological comfort is much higher than that of a loner.

What is friendship? This is interaction with the people around you. If previously a child had enough communication with his mother and other family members, then from the age of three he gradually begins to be interested in his peers. How to interact with them? In many ways, the success or failure of a relationship depends on what communication skills the child has mastered when interacting with his parents. Relationships with peers are a turbulent life on the border of one’s own “I”.

How to teach a child friendship, to make sure that he is not an outcast in the children's group?

The problem of children's friendship in psychology: movement inward and outward

Friendship is important aspect in the life of a child, because it is on the border of one’s own “I” that the most interesting things happen: the child invites something or someone and lets them in, tries to protect himself from something or someone. And this is important for both psychological and physical health. If we talk about the physical level, our body needs air, food, water and excretion carbon dioxide, sweat, urine, etc. At the psychological level, such movement in and out is carried out by our needs.

The needs associated with movement outward are the so-called aggressive needs. These include both the need to protect one’s own territory and actions related to expanding one’s own boundaries and capabilities (enrolling in a university, declaring one’s love, etc.). The fulfillment of these needs is important and useful, but only in an acceptable form. For example, if your husband makes you angry, you don't hit him in the face with a shovel like a little girl in the sandbox, but you express your feelings with your voice, gestures, and I-messages. Another example: if you are in love, then you do not attack a person with kisses, but present your feelings differently, for example, like Tatyana to Onegin. The inability of a person to express his needs associated with movement beyond his own inner world, leads to the accumulation of internal energy, which can manifest itself in uncontrolled outbreaks anger and rage. It’s good if anger and rage, as they say, serve simply to “let off steam.” It is worse if the accumulated internal energy
finds a way out not in anger and rage, but in chronic illnesses or in a feeling of dissatisfaction with oneself and one’s life.

The needs associated with movement inward are designed to provide our body and our personality with something new, pleasant, and useful. If we talk about love in the context of this type of need, then in order to love and be loved, you need to be able not only to defend yourself, attack, conquer and master, but also to accept, let in, listen. That is, to be able to accept gifts, including the gift of love.

In a healthy psychological process, the needs associated with movement inward and the needs associated with movement outward continuously replace one another.

As for the psychology of children's friendship, in this case the child must be able to make acquaintances, accept love, recognition and stand up for himself in a team. So friendship between children is a phenomenon of constant compromises.

Each person himself regulates the mode of opening and closing his borders, gradually learning to let in what is useful and reject what is harmful to his inner world. The development of this mechanism is inextricably linked with the awareness of one’s feelings, needs and ways of constructively presenting them to the world.

It would be a mistake to think that the problem of children's friendship will resolve itself as soon as the baby begins to go out into the yard, at the age of three or four years. Of course, the child begins to communicate with peers with already developed skills of fusion, pressure or cooperation.

Fostering friendship: how you can teach your child to be friends with other children

Among the most common problems in children's groups are fights, that is, the inability to talk constructively about one's anger; isolation - fear of presenting yourself, your feelings and desires; the desire to dominate - the realization of the need for love through intimidation; as well as the manifestation of hysterical methods of interaction, clinginess, long-term grievances, the desire to impose one’s desires on others.

The psychology of children's friendship is not selfish; everything has its source. The stormy rivers of children's problems carry within them the waters of parental attitudes, feelings, fears, restrictions and difficulties. But before moving on to the advice of psychologists that can help children in their difficulties, you need to plunge into parental difficulties.

To make a child’s life happy on the playground and in the company of peers, to help the child make friends, as practice shows, two things are enough:

• adhere to the rules for expressing emotions and presenting needs;
• and be sure to be just as attentive to your desires and feelings.

The ability of parents to correctly present and fulfill their needs helps the child develop the skill of cooperation, both with adults and with peers. Attentive attitude not only to the needs of the child, but also to your own, as well as search constructive ways their satisfaction will help you discover and delineate the boundary between you and your son or daughter, especially as the baby grows, becomes an adult and learns to listen to the world around him. In the process of nurturing friendship, remember that for children you are the very first, most natural and accessible trainer in terms of communication and interaction with the world. Only you can teach your child to defend himself when needed and to ask for help and attention when needed.

Of course, parents have to sacrifice a lot of their needs with the birth of a child. Sometimes, for example, even the time when mom or dad takes a shower is determined by the baby. Parenthood, in addition to tenderness, joy, pride, tenderness and love, imposes on us the need for enormous daily work. That is why parents become parents not at five or twelve years old, but at that age when a person is able to temporarily sacrifice his needs for the sake of another small creature. The key word here is “for a while.” For both children and parents, the laws of fulfilling needs work the same way. The fulfillment of needs can be postponed for a while, the frequency and form of their satisfaction can be changed, but it is impossible to completely get rid of the desire to improve, learn new things or simply relax!

True children's friendship in a team: teaching children to be friends

For long-term friendly relationships in a team, it is important to be able to show not only friendliness and goodwill, but also to be able to defend one’s interests without destroying friendly relations.

Being friendly and kind is a wonderful attitude or attitude to start a relationship, but unfortunately this is not enough for a long friendship. It is impossible to enjoy each other endlessly. It is impossible to have the same desires, the same aspirations, the same opinions about all events, phenomena and objects and, thanks to this, remain in an idyllic state of fusion. A difference in views will certainly give rise to a dispute, a difference in needs will lead to the need to identify and defend them. On the one hand, this is a simple truth, on the other hand, it is an insurmountable barrier for many relationships, and not only children’s.

The most difficult stage in the development of any unions (love, friendship, child-parent) is the realization that your partner, although similar to you in many ways, is a different being from you, and much in his vision does not coincide with your point of view. Accepting this difference makes relationships deeper and more interesting - one where there is room not only for friendly head nodding, but also for contradictions and arguments. At this stage there is a contact between the two different worlds, understanding and accepting their differences. As practice shows, it is impossible to teach a child to be friends without understanding and recognizing the differences between people, without respect for other people’s needs. Without this, only an unhealthy merger can become the basis of the relationship. And this, in turn, inevitably leads to resentment - we were deceived! - or feeling guilty because we did not live up to the expectations of another.

How to teach a child to be friends with peers, to always be a welcome member children's group? Help in getting through this difficult stage in a relationship will be the ability to respect the feelings and desires of the other, as well as the skills to establish and defend your priorities. Moreover, it will not work to defend, having only compliments and friendly smiles in your arsenal. So you need to give your child additional behavior patterns that will help maintain both friendship and his own individuality.

Strong friendship at school: how to teach your child to be friends with classmates

If you noticed, children do not like those who boss them around all the time, but they also do not respect those who cannot stand up for themselves. New fairy tale will help the child learn to communicate his needs to others and listen to other people's desires. As you probably already understood, the main training ground will again be your relationship with him.

Strong friendship between children at school is impossible without the ability to express one’s desire and respect the wishes of another - this is the main skill of productive communication. This is exactly what you can successfully practice in your relationship with your child. Note: How often do you neglect your child’s wishes or your own? What motivates you to act this way?

If we take natural tendencies in the formation of communication skills with peers, then interest in other children arises in children aged four to five years. When playing, kids of this age mainly reproduce the actions and actions of people well known to them: moms and dads. From the age of five, children's play becomes more complex.

On the one hand, children want to remain “like everyone else,” to have similar toys and notebooks. On the other hand, children who can offer something extraordinary are popular. It is important to help your child find a balance between the desire to be like others and the desire to be special. Such duality of aspirations is inherent in man in general and clearly manifests itself during each of the age-related crises, which can also be observed in our first-graders who are overcoming the crisis of six or seven years.

To teach your child to be friends with classmates as closely as possible, help your child come up with interesting, original ideas. Treat your child's desire to be like others with respect and understanding. It could be real help in making friends and helping to comfortably join the school community. The child develops his main arsenal of communication skills with peers when communicating with his parents. By not skimping on messages of love towards the child, parents help the first grader to be friendly, and by showing him by example, the ability to stand up for yourself and listen to the desires of others will give the right direction on the path to building long and respectful relationships.

It is important to help your child find a balance between the desire to be like others and the desire to be special.

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