Perfectionism has long been the scourge of our time. In pursuit of a non-existent ideal, a person risks losing not only time and energy, but also his individuality. In this article we will try to figure out who a perfectionist is.

Literally, “perfectionism” is translated as “perfection, impeccability.” A person with this quality has inflated demands and expectations for himself and others.

What is perfectionism in psychology

Modern psychologists characterize perfectionism as the daily practice of placing increased demands on oneself, higher than those required by objective circumstances.

"All or nothing!" - the motto of a perfectionist.

Perfectionism has many facets and manifestations. It harms not only the person himself, but also those around him who deal with him. Scientists have put forward a theory according to which perfectionism has 4 vectors.

1. Self-directed perfectionism.

A person lives in constant anxiety that he cannot reach the heights that he has imagined for himself. Pathological desire for perfection - distinguishing feature such people. How more people falls behind the fictional ideal, the more his anxiety and self-doubt increase. To the listed signs one can add a passion for self-examination and an unwillingness to forgive oneself for mistakes and mistakes.

2.Perfectionism directed at other people.

Since a person with such a personality structure has high expectations for himself, they are also projected onto other people. Most often, family members become the “victims” of a perfectionist. He strictly controls that they meet his expectations. If this does not happen, the person becomes angry, criticizes and blames loved ones.

3.Perfectionism that is addressed to the world.

A person has the idea in his head that everything in the reality around him should happen measuredly, clearly, according to plan and at the appointed time. If the world treats “others,” the perfectionist becomes despondent. The anxiety that overcomes him is explained by the peculiarities of his thinking. He does not want to understand that life is dynamic and difficult to control. In psychology there is a concept - rigidity of thinking. It means an inability to accept changing circumstances.

4.Perfectionism aimed at society.

It is based on a person’s desire to be accepted and appreciated by other people. In this case, the main motivation becomes compliance with patterns and standards: “I, like everyone else, can be successful, earn good money, drive an expensive car.” At the same time, a person does not know his true desires.

Perfectionism is not always detrimental to a person. If the driving force leading to success is adequate aspirations and ambitions, we're talking about about healthy perfectionism. Neurotic occurs when the basis of activity is the fear of defeat and the inability to lose. If the result of an activity is not the same as previously intended, it is equal to zero.

Video response from a psychologist:

Causes

Perfectionism is a “disease” of people with low self-esteem. It is very important for them to be noticed, to receive approval, a positive assessment, and to bring everything to perfection. Scientists have found that perfectionism is based on two mechanisms:

• fear of failure;
• desire to be praised by others.

A person doing a certain job really expects his superiors to notice his efforts. Therefore, while fulfilling an order, he gets stuck on little things and starts adjusting and correcting something. It is noteworthy that there is no such thing as a perfectly executed job for a perfectionist. As a result, a huge supply of mental energy is wasted, productivity drops, and there is no satisfaction with work. Any criticism addressed to you is perceived as a personal insult. The potential for rejection is the source of the perfectionist's fear.

A person who craves praise actually wants to be noticed. The thought of one's own mediocrity is unbearable for a perfectionist. A person lives in his own world, in which he is a genius. Therefore, any misunderstanding on the part of others is perceived extremely painfully. A perfectionist attributes his failures to the imperfections of the world, instead of looking at himself from the outside and adequately assessing his potential. If a person receives praise and attention, he calms down for a while and says to himself: “Well! I was right! Everyone thinks the same as me.”

Perfectionism is a quality acquired in childhood. Parents often compared the child with other children, and the result was not in his favor. That is, love was conditional. As a result, the child became convinced: for parents to love, you need to be successful, collect achievements, then they will praise and appreciate. An adult with perfectionist qualities does not feel his worth without merit and success. These same ideas are projected into the world. High demands from parents and others significant people, leave an imprint on the formation of personality.

What does it mean to be a perfectionist

This phenomenon has always existed, however, it was studied in detail only in the 70s of the last century. Many scientists considered this feature to be a manifestation of a nervous disorder. Here is how David Burns characterized such individuals:

“Perfectionists are people whose standards go far beyond what is attainable or reasonable, people who, with all their might, persistently and relentlessly make efforts for impossible goals, define their own personal value solely in the categories of productivity and success.”

A person does not want to accept himself in his real form, so he replaces ideas about himself with ideal images.

A distinctive feature of perfectionism is that it does not apply to all areas of life, but to a specific one. For example, Steve Jobs was completely absorbed in work, did not pay attention to his appearance, and could spend the night in the company office. Known fact: if he noticed some kind of defect, he could correct it for days, while the corporation suffered losses. Such totality and immersion in activity cannot but affect family life perfectionist. The famous conductor Yuri Bashmet was so absorbed in his work that his wife had to make an appointment with him to see him.

Perfectionism is a quality that has no gender or age. It determines the type of person's response to the circumstance. However, men and women have some behavioral characteristics.

Perfectionism in women

In women, this personality trait manifests itself in the following signs:

1. A woman spends a lot of money on cosmetics, or in worst cases on a plastic surgeon, but believes that the result could be better. Constant dissatisfaction appearance reinforced by the assessment of significant people.
2. The female director is overly demanding. She forces people to redo the work because it seems to her that it can be done even better.
3. A perfectionist young lady believes that you can get everything you want if you put in the effort. The worst thing for her is when plans collapse due to circumstances beyond anyone's control.
4. A perfectionist mother constantly criticizes her child. No matter what progress he makes, she always says that there is no limit to perfection. Such women do not know how to praise their children.

Perfectionism in men

The male sex suffers from perfectionism no less than the female sex. Features of the behavior of an idealistic man:

1. He suffers from procrastination (stagnation) in business because he is very afraid of defeat. This fear is so great that it paralyzes activity. In such cases, preparations for an important event or transaction are delayed for a long time.
2. “If you want to do something well, do it yourself” is the slogan of a perfectionist man. He does not know how to distribute functions, he thinks through everything to the smallest detail, because he believes that only independent preparation leads to success.
3. In advanced cases, a perfectionist man becomes an eternal critic, a pedant and a whiner, tormenting his employees and household members.

Perfectionist child

Such a baby can be seen from afar. He is very anxious, the slightest failures lead to outbursts of aggression. The other extreme is when the child begins to engage in soul-searching and withdraws into himself. He starts any activity only if he is confident in his victory. The child takes criticism very painfully and seeks the approval of adults.

Is it good or bad?

Perfectionism can be a virtue only in one case: a person learns to overcome himself. This quality is typical for most successful people. It was this psychological personality trait that brought them to the Olympus of fame.

The flip side of perfectionism is the inability to accept yourself and others as they are. A person becomes a hostage to his own delusions. His self-esteem falls and rises depending on the achievements and praise of others.

An idealist does not have good relationships with people because his ideas about the world are very different from reality. If someone stops “meeting” a perfectionist, he becomes disappointed, devalues ​​and leaves instead of reconsidering his attitude towards people.

How to overcome perfectionism

It is possible and necessary to fight perfectionism. Firstly, to improve the quality own life. Secondly, to stop living in constant tension. There are several rules that a person who has embarked on the path of “healing” from perfectionism must learn.

1. You need to work on increasing your self-esteem. You can start a notebook and write down your small and big victories in it. For a person who constantly criticizes and devalues ​​himself, this is a very difficult exercise.
2. Understand your true desires and needs. Of the many goals, you need to choose the most significant one. Don't try to be the first everywhere.
3. You should stop comparing yourself to others and looking for flaws in yourself. Instead, you need to cultivate your own uniqueness. You can be tormented for half your life that you don’t have the same intelligence as Marie Curie. Perhaps she didn't know how to draw, write, or cook delicious borscht. Many people envy other people's talents, thereby destroying their own achievements.
4. A person cannot and should not be perfect. The essence of life is to enjoy it no matter the circumstances. There are many pleasant little things that can bring positive emotions. It's worth just noticing them.
5. A person has the right to be himself, regardless of the ideas of others. His value is not in the number of achievements, but in uniqueness and individuality.

People often confuse the terms “perfectionism” and “maximalism”. The latter is distinguished by the fact that a person strives for heights, but in the proposed circumstances. He thinks rationally and chooses the most acceptable options for achieving success. A perfectionist dreams of achieving an ideal that does not exist.

Every person has encountered manifestations of perfectionism in his life: either from his own experience, or because this quality is characteristic of someone close to him.

So what is perfectionism - a feature with a “plus” sign or a person’s painful desire for unattainable perfection?

It would seem that in human nature there is a desire to become better, a desire for the ideal. These days, many people make this aspiration a priority.

If earlier representatives of society endowed with this property caused an enthusiastic reaction from society, now this term is often found in a mocking or even condemning context.

What does it mean

What is the meaning of the word “perfectionism”? It means the desire for absolute perfection, for the highest degree of impeccability, for the ideal.

This psychological feature personality is also called “excellent student syndrome.”

A perfectionist considers himself obligated to do everything perfectly, exemplarily, without the slightest mistakes. Therefore, he is constantly dissatisfied with the results of what he has done, both by himself and by others.

Moreover, the areas in which people show this quality can be very different: work, appearance, family. The foundation for such deviations in personality structure is usually laid in childhood.

Throughout his life, a perfectionist usually resists compromise, chasing a mirage that is simply impossible to achieve. And because of this impossibility, he suffers greatly from his, as it seems to him, failures.

It turns out that his loved ones also suffer from the perfectionist’s tendencies. After all, he strives for the people around him to also adhere to his rules. He perceives deviation from the rules he has established as a personal loss or an insult.

How it manifests itself at work

Perfectionists are usually the most picky bosses, because their demands are too high not only for themselves and their colleagues, but also for their family and friends. But, being a performer, such a person tries to do the work entrusted to him as well as possible.

Often, perfectionists can achieve a lot in life, because in their field they become quite good specialists. They hone their skills diligently, and in addition they motivate them to become better than others, even inert people.

At the same time, perfectionists are rarely happy, because they always believe that the task they completed could have been done much better. Even if everyone else is more than happy with the result.

How does perfectionism manifest itself?

Some parents notice that their child is a perfectionist. From a very young age, he shows his inflated demands.

Such a child is accepted to carry out some task only when he is confident in advance of success and when he understands that he is able to compete, that there is a chance of winning.

Such a child is ashamed of his mistakes, cannot tolerate criticism, and often doubts his strengths, abilities and talents. As a rule, he is not satisfied with the result of the work performed, he is ready to work long and diligently on the results, bringing them to the ideal.

Such a child requires attention, he needs to increase his self-esteem, explain that mistakes are normal and that they can be corrected. Set realistic, achievable goals for your child and teach them to set priorities correctly.

Man

Men who are perfectionists have their own characteristics:

• Excessive reflection.
• Harassing yourself with self-criticism.
• Lack of tolerance for one's own and others' mistakes.
• Intransigence and uncompromisingness.
• Non-acceptance of criticism.
• Fear of failure.

These features can turn a man into a notorious whiner, despot or pedant. In any of these cases, his loved ones will have a hard time. They will be forced to adapt to this person, to endure alternately incredibly high self-esteem and attacks of self-flagellation.

Woman

As for women who are perfectionists, such ladies shoulder an incredible amount of responsibilities. And in the literal sense of the word - they load it up.

After all, for a perfectionist, work, personal appearance, and household chores - everything should be at its best. But you also need to be an ideal wife for your own husband and an ideal mother for your children.

Almost any person understands that it is impossible to be an ideal wife, mother, housewife and successful businesswoman at the same time. But a perfectionist is not able to understand this and persistently tries to achieve the ideal in everything.

At the same time, such a woman is almost as intolerant of her loved ones as she is of herself. Therefore, children often become hooligans in protest against the strict demands of the mother, and husbands find themselves much less ideal lovers or new wives.

In society

When communicating with a perfectionist, you should understand that his type of behavior is based on a black and white perception of the world. Or, in other words, these are maximalists: they live by the principle “either all or nothing.”

Such people lack tolerance, but have an inability to compromise. They need to be praised, because most often they have low self-esteem.

In addition, they need to try to gently explain that the world is not ideal, those around them are not ideal, he himself is not ideal - and this is normal. Learn to perceive the world as it is.

Such a person needs to be involved in a variety of entertainment, limit his work to a specific time period, and help him relieve stress.

There is no need to react sharply to criticism from a perfectionist and so-called “nitpicking”. It is worth accepting that this is the norm for him, and not at all an attempt to offend.

In a relationship

It is also important that in close relationships a perfectionist is often cold and distant. He can hurt with words and not even give it any meaning.

In his understanding, the chosen one must be ideal, just like their relationship. If they are far from ideal, then he experiences disappointment and perceives this as a betrayal. Because of this, sometimes he easily rejects his loved one or loved one.

If a person’s perfectionism is obsessive and seriously interferes with the life of both the person himself and his loved ones, then it is worth contacting a psychologist to solve the problem. After all, tension due to the desire for an ideal can lead to depression, apathy and other painful mental states.

What to do if you encounter this problem

To reduce the level of anxiety, a perfectionist needs to replace self-criticism with rationalism. In this case, there will be less self-flagellation.

The more successfully he uses his pragmatism and rationality, the more objectively he will evaluate himself and those around him. You should set only achievable goals. And the time for their implementation is limited to a certain time period.

What to do if someone close to you is a perfectionist? Such a person urgently needs understanding, support, human warmth, but he simply does not know how to receive all this. He is alienated from other people and from himself, because he runs away from his feelings and hides them. Worth supporting loved one, but talk about what is important to you.

Excessive demands make him incredibly tense internally. In addition, it is difficult for him to admit that he is wrong. He is often ashamed that someone has noticed his shortcoming, and because of this he may become angry and aggressive.

Such a person always feels a desperate desire to be strong and successful. Although he does not know how to enjoy success, he does everything not to show his weakness.

It is difficult for him to communicate informally. He often envies others, although he often does not admit it even to himself, and spends all his energy on maintaining the “ideality” of his image. He does not know how to humble himself, he is not able to perceive and accept a situation that he cannot change. Author: Artem Padalkin

Since ancient times, foreign words have been borrowed in Russia, the meaning of which is sometimes not clear to everyone. This happened with the word “perfectionism”.

The history of the term "perfectionism"

Who are "perfectionists"

“Perfectionism” also arises in everyday life. Probably anyone can find among their acquaintances women who are simply sick of putting their home in order. Some ladies cannot go to bed peacefully if they do not wash the dishes after themselves or wipe the dust on the shelf.
Remember your school years, you probably met girls who cried because of the B in their diary.
Bulimics and anorexics, as a rule, suffer from the strongest form of perfectionism, which is why they are so strict about their appearance.

With all this, such a skinny girl doesn’t give a damn about the order in her apartment, as a rule, it doesn’t interest her at all. Her “quirk” is her appearance, the rest is aside. An excellent student pays all her attention to grades, not paying attention to her appearance.
That is, “perfectionism” almost never affects all areas of activity; it always tends to concentrate only on things that are significant for a particular individual.

Did you start writing an essay on a not-so-important subject, hoping to quickly “pull” text from a couple of books, but ended up spending half the night working on it, perfecting every wording?

Do you periodically hear from friends that you don’t know how to “freeload”?

It sounds like you could be called a perfectionist. This complex English word refers to a person who does not tolerate well if he himself or the things around him are not ideal. Who strives for excellence: to be the best and have the best. A person with high ambitions, demands and demands, first of all, on himself.

Is it good or bad?

On the one hand, true professionals are often distinguished by perfectionism. A case in point here is the musician who cannot play an instrument that is even slightly out of tune. Moreover, such a desire (often bordering on elementary everyday tediousness for others) in many ways makes a person a true master of his craft. A musician hones his skills, a writer throws another unsuccessful manuscript into the trash bin in order to ultimately produce a truly worthwhile product. Perfectionism pushes people to constantly develop, learn, and not stand still.

The other side of perfectionism is intolerance to one’s own and others’ shortcomings. A person does not give himself the right to make mistakes, scolds himself for the slightest mistake, and places the same high demands on the people around him. If this quality is strongly expressed, a person is in constant tension, constantly limits himself, and his self-esteem is unstable. In other words, the so-called “excellent student syndrome.”

In this case, the efficiency of activity may, on the contrary, seriously decrease. A perfectionist goes into detail, spends time and effort on them, even if it is not necessary, for him there is no concept of “necessary and sufficient.” As a result, instead of a perfect result, there is often no result at all or it becomes irrelevant.

It is clear that in such a manifestation, quality does not lead to anything particularly good. And if a person demands the same level from others, he will receive not only tension, stress and constant dissatisfaction with himself, but also problems in interpersonal relationships...

Is it possible to get rid of unhealthy perfectionism if it interferes with your life?
Is it possible to learn “healthy” perfectionism if there is none?

To answer the first question, you need, first of all, to understand the reasons for such strict demands on yourself and the people around you. Children often become perfectionists whose parents gave them warmth and love not unconditionally (simply because they exist), but for good behavior, excellent grades at school, etc. As a result, a person strives to constantly achieve the highest results, believing that only This is how he can earn the love and recognition of people close to him. And any mistake becomes a tragedy and seriously spoils the mood and lowers self-esteem.

If this sounds like you, do the following. First, divide to what extent your perfectionism helps you. Remember what you managed to achieve thanks to this quality, in what areas it played a good service for you. After this, remember the situations when the desire to do everything perfectly got in the way and brought a lot of negative emotions because of the slightest mistakes and did not allow me to relax.

And now you need to try to make sure that this feature of yours brings you only benefit. At a minimum, let this quality manifest itself primarily in the field of study and professional activity, but does not apply to everything. It's not easy, but it's within your power. Realize that you have the right to make mistakes just as the people around you have the right to make mistakes.

Before starting each more or less significant task, conduct a small preparatory work With myself. Specifically evaluate why this work is needed, by what time, which will depend on the results of its implementation. Decide how much time and effort you are willing to give to her, based on her real importance in your life. After that, make every effort to stay within these limits, even if this means sacrificing the quality of some details of the work.

If you just can’t start something because you’re afraid that you’ll do it poorly anyway, then use the following technique. Answer yourself this question: what’s the worst thing that will happen if I don’t succeed? More often than not, you can’t come up with anything truly terrible in response. So why not at least try then - it will be much easier to decide.

“I would like to become an artist, but I know that I cannot become a brilliant artist, and I will not agree to anything less.” Typical speech of a perfectionist. Your task is to learn to enjoy the process of doing what you love, and not to chase the result. Ask yourself in what business this is possible for you, do it. And purposefully learn to enjoy what you love. Have you always wanted to draw, but “do you know that you have no ability”? Take a huge stack of paper and give yourself the opportunity to draw on it all the way you want, even scribble it out. Don't stop until you "catch" a moment of pleasure from the process itself.

And when a person is passionate about the process, the result will not take long to arrive. But the main thing is that there will no longer be that nervousness that prevents you from moving.

Another problem of perfectionists is the inability to relax, the inability to rest without thinking about worries and matters. Your task is to purposefully learn this. Whatever great plans you have to conquer the best universities in the world, find the time and opportunity, almost force yourself to completely “switch off” at least for a short period of time every day.

And finally, remember more often that you are a value in yourself, regardless of your achievements, despite your mistakes. Learn to love and accept who you are.

But sometimes perfectionism, on the contrary, is not enough. And as we have already discussed above, healthy perfectionism really helps to achieve success and helps to improve oneself.

If you’re used to doing everything “sloppy”, and your favorite phrase is “And that’ll do,” is it possible to do something about it?

First, realize that you need to work on yourself. The higher you set your goals, the higher your achievements. The better you do something, the more pleasant it is to look at the result, the higher the ratings of others.

Therefore, you need to try to pull yourself together. Develop a reward system for yourself for work done with truly high quality. Take time to enjoy your own quality results. Think in advance about the criteria for the quality of the work performed and focus on them so that there is no opportunity to “crash”.

There is another original way. Ask someone from your environment to monitor and evaluate the quality of your activities. It’s good if this person is a real perfectionist who has high demands and criteria. And gradually learn to look at yourself through his eyes.

Remember that only by setting the bar high can you achieve much.

The pursuit of perfection is, in fact, wonderful, the main thing is not to get hung up on it!

Everything is on the shelves, joint to joint, minute by minute - what do you call a person who does everything perfectly? How to describe a person who loves maximum order in everything and does not tolerate any shortcomings? What is the complexity of this phenomenon and why such behavior can interfere with life.

A person who does everything to the maximum is called a perfectionist. Moreover, people with this trait try to do everything perfectly, regardless of their real capabilities. Sometimes, causing negativity in life.

Perfectionism is a character trait

It’s more of a lifestyle, which sometimes backfires on the perfectionist himself. The whole point is that the main and most important description of this phenomenon is to do the job as clearly and efficiently as possible. Either simple cleaning and decluttering your closet or hanging wallpaper in your apartment. So what's the problem? Okay, good quality?

Sometimes, perfectionists take on tasks that are beyond their capabilities. Trying to complete it 100%, they “hang” over the problem for hours, not having the psychological ability to delegate it to another person. Spending time, they try to understand the niche and complete the task as efficiently as possible. Although, a person who does not have such a “illness” would simply do the job as best he can.

Another characteristic disadvantage of perfectionism is frequent disappointment in oneself. As with everything around them, this type of people also places high demands on themselves. In addition to external components, perfectionist people are very scrupulous in “rummaging” in their inner world trying to make it perfect.

Perfectionist in relationships

Of course, both in relationships and in family life, a person who is used to doing everything to the maximum will try to arrange everything as “beautifully” as possible. Of course, regarding your perception of beauty.

The partner of a perfectionist is, as a rule, a person not endowed with such a character trait. On the contrary, subconsciously perfectionists are looking for a mate that they will “finish to perfection.”

Despite the obvious disadvantages, a lifestyle where you do everything to the maximum is more of an advantage than a disadvantage. In a world where everyone is only chasing money, not caring about quality, a perfectionist is a real find.