In every family there are conflicts, quarrels and crisis situations, and, as a rule, they are caused by the same reasons. When it comes to lessons and studying, problems most often arise of the same type. In this chapter we will tell you how to act correctly in typical difficult situations and quickly resolve conflicts. Of course, not all problems can be solved with these tips. Sometimes it is advisable to seek professional help.

What to do if a child...

...digging?

Before scolding your child for not sitting down to study, think about whether there is a good reason for this. Mutual misunderstanding only increases irritation. If you spoil your child's mood with an argument before he sits down for homework, he will have even less desire to do it. Try as calmly as possible to convince your child to do his homework.

Have you asked your child to sit down for homework many times, but he still plays with his cars or dolls? Don't let a conflict break out. Calmly remind your child that the time allotted for lessons has already passed and that he can play later, this will be his reward for his work. You can talk about how you convince yourself when you need to muster up the courage to do something unpleasant, such as ironing clothes. If your child sits down for homework at the same time every day, this will help you avoid quarrels on this topic.

If you see that your child is distracted and daydreaming while working, try to find out what the reason is. Perhaps he needed a break before starting his lessons to calm down or relax. Then you should discuss with your child whether you have chosen the right time for doing homework, maybe it should be moved. Try changing the timing of your lessons.

Another reason for a child's inattentiveness may be an excessive amount of work. Perhaps the child does not know where to start because there are too many exercises. In this case, a lesson plan will help.

If your child is often distracted during lessons, you need to work on his self-control. Invite him to write down on a piece of paper all the extraneous thoughts that come to his mind while he is studying. Most likely, there will be many important things on the list that the child is afraid to forget about. Once they are all down on paper, they no longer seem so urgent and can be done later. It will be easier for the child to concentrate on the task he is performing at the moment.

An alarm clock or an hourglass can help primary school-aged children concentrate. Decide with your child how many minutes it should take him to complete the task, agree that he will not rush and will try to do everything properly. If the time is up, we close the textbook, this is an iron rule. If the child was distracted and did not have time to complete the task, then he will have to go to school like this. A teacher's remark is often much more effective than constant parental nagging.

...can't concentrate?

The reasons may be different. Maybe the child needs to rest, breathe fresh air, calm down or drink water. Lack of sleep also reduces attention. Watching too much television overloads your child's brain with too much information, which also makes it difficult for him to concentrate on his lessons. Limit your time watching TV shows and playing games on the computer.

It is necessary to remove everything from the desktop that can distract the child - the more easily he is distracted, the fewer unnecessary things should be on the table. To increase concentration while reading, teachers recommend cutting out a “viewing window” from paper, through which only the necessary lines are visible.

Reconsider your own behavior. Perhaps you yourself distract your child with comments or what you consider valuable advice. Or you disrupt his thought process by offering your help. Do something else while your child is doing his homework, and intervene only if he really cannot cope on his own.

...feels overwhelmed and doesn't know where to start?

This feeling is paralyzing, but giving up and burying your head in the sand is not the answer. Help the child. First of all, he needs to feel that he can cope with the situation. To begin with, the path of climbing a big mountain needs to be divided into small stages. Together, make a plan for your child to act on.

It should be as specific as possible. Let your child work through the list and cross off item by item.

Perhaps the child is also slow because he misunderstood the task and does not understand what is required of him. Then you should work as a “translator” and explain to the child what he should do.

It is important that the child rests between tasks. Before the break, he should think about where he will start working again and prepare everything for this - then returning to classes will not be difficult.

If your child constantly feels overloaded, it's time to sound the alarm. Maybe he has accumulated large gaps in knowledge in basic subjects? This problem needs to be solved. Discuss it with your teacher.

...doesn't know what he's been asked to do?

Don’t rush to grab the phone and call your offspring’s classmates, think about who is responsible for ensuring that homework is written down in the diary? Ask him why he was careless in his duty. Was he chatting with his desk neighbor, only writing down half of it, looking out the window, thinking about something else? After that, let him try to solve the problem himself.

If such negligence occurs regularly, take action. Get a special notebook for writing down homework. As a last resort, you can ask teachers to spend some time checking that the child has written everything correctly, and you will also review the homework book and make sure that assignments are written down in all subjects. Strict control can be removed when the child becomes sufficiently responsible and obligatory.

…is stubborn and doesn’t want to learn?

The child tears the notebook to shreds and shouts: “Biology is darkness! I don’t understand her!”, throws out her arms or kicks a chair? If you also raise your voice and shout in response, you will achieve little. Comforting a child in a fit of rage is also useless - the irritation may even intensify. Pull yourself together so as not to escalate the situation even more. The threat of punishment will only lead to increased aggression. The child must cope with his feelings himself, but you can only silently show him that you understand his anger and sympathize. If he can't calm down, try redirecting his attention to something else. Offer to look at the situation from the other side, explain that mistakes are a completely natural phenomenon and that he will certainly be able to find a solution. Remind your child how he recently completed tasks very easily, explain that he has no reason to doubt his abilities. Or encourage him to take a break and continue doing his homework later when he has calmed down.

When the anger passes, calmly talk to your child about what happened to him, without judging his behavior. Say that you understand everything, but him kicking the chair didn’t solve the problem. Tell him what you do when you're angry.

…gives up as soon as he encounters difficulties?

An eternal questioning look, every time “I can’t do it”? Explain to your child that you will not do his homework for him. Encourage him not to give up, but to think again.

If you see that the task is really difficult for him, help him with advice or leading questions, but do not suggest the answer. Challenges are an integral part of learning. Explain to your child that it is quite normal not to be able to do something the first time and that sometimes you need to try different solutions. As a rule, by discussing a problem out loud, a child finds a solution more easily.

Does a lack of self-confidence reduce a child's motivation? In this case, you must explain to him that you believe in his abilities and are convinced that he will cope with the task.

...claims that he cannot study well without the active influence of his elders?

Many schoolchildren, especially high school students, as well as some students, believe that they lack their own motivation and willpower - they need someone older, who has authority and power in their eyes, to “force” them to study. Students love to tell how they skipped lectures for a whole semester and had fun, and during the session they did not sleep at night, preparing for exams. Punctuality and reasonable work planning often seem stupid to them; this attitude towards the learning process is formed in school. Your task is to explain to the child that this position is incorrect and to teach him in advance a competent learning strategy. It happens that even children who are ambitiously striving for excellent grades “neglect” this or that subject because they are waiting for the right moment, “inspiration” to finally start studying. If you always wait for the muse to appear, the results will be disastrous. A student who knows how to plan his work is unlikely to experience a rush of adrenaline in his blood on the last night before the exam, but he will calmly go to bed with a pleasant feeling that everything is done and he is ready for the test.

... doesn't like a subject because he doesn't like the teacher?

Very often, with the arrival of a new teacher, children’s attitude towards the subject itself changes. When a teacher causes antipathy in a child, the subject becomes unloved and the student does not want to try. If your child has such a problem, it should not be ignored. Explain to him that you study not for the teacher or for the school, but for yourself, and you cannot allow yourself to neglect any subject due to external circumstances, especially if the subject itself is interesting to you. If a child does not like either the teacher or the subject itself, it will not be easy to find a way out, but you still need to try. Think with your child how he could benefit from the knowledge gained in these lessons: for example, during his next trip abroad he will be able to speak English himself with new friends, and without knowledge of history he will not be able to enter a university and get a degree. desired profession. Explain to him that you cannot change anything in the current situation, so he must tune in to productive work and gradually build a normal relationship with the teacher. In this way, you will place responsibility for the situation on the child, push him to independently resolve the conflict; this skill will definitely be useful to him in the future.

If there is an acute conflict between a child and a teacher, you need to talk - preferably all three of you.

The problem of children's inattention is most often faced by parents whose children have started systematic schooling. And this is quite understandable, since educational activity requires from the child new, higher forms of voluntary behavior, the ability to control his own mental processes, including attention.
As a rule, parents are well aware that good attention is one of the most important conditions successful learning. That is why among parental instructions at the beginning of the school day you can most often hear: “Be careful! Don't get distracted at school! Get together in class! Listen well to the teacher!”
For low-performing schoolchildren, such calls are becoming quite common. However, if a child really has problems with the development of attention, demands to “be more attentive” alone will not do.

DIFFERENT REASONS

First, parents need to understand possible reasons insufficient attention of the student. Let's list the most common ones.

Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. Children with a similar diagnosis are characterized by excessive motor activity, impulsiveness, poor concentration, high distractibility. Difficulties in organizing their behavior and maintaining attention, as a rule, are clearly revealed long before entering school. The situation is schooling only makes their problems worse. The parents of such children require extreme patience and consistency in their relationship with the child. They must carry out their educational practice in close contact with doctors, teachers and psychologists, since children with attention deficit disorder need special comprehensive correctional and developmental work.

Chronic somatic diseases, sickness of the child. Children with poor health are characterized by high fatigue and low performance. The reduced function of their attention may be due to a general weakening of the body. Such children require obligatory adherence to the regime, dosing of loads, rest (preferably nap). If these conditions are met, which reduce the influence of physical and physiological restrictions, such children can have good attention.

Individual characteristics nervous system. Properties of higher nervous activity influence the development of all properties of attention: students with a strong and active nervous system are more likely to have stable, well-switched and distributed attention. Students with an inert and weak nervous system are more likely to have unstable, poorly switched and distributed attention. Knowing the basic features of the child’s nervous system, parents can help him develop such qualities and skills of attention that can be trained: skills of maintaining attention, switching it and distributing it.

Fatigue and overload. The life of a modern child is filled with many responsibilities. Typically, a schoolchild’s working day is not limited to the actual educational activities, but includes visits to various clubs, sections, studios, etc. (however, not all of them are attended by the child). at will). Often the student’s work schedule is so tightly scheduled from morning to evening that the student barely has time to prepare homework. This leaves virtually no time for proper rest, and children do not get enough sleep. Physical, psychological, and information overload inevitably lead to decreased performance, increased inattention and absent-mindedness in children.

Age restrictions in the development of attention. The attention of children of primary school age may not be perfect due to age characteristics general mental development. At this age, attention is indeed still poorly organized, has a small volume, is poorly distributed and unstable. The reason for this is the insufficient maturity of the neurophysiological mechanisms that ensure attention processes and control over the performance of activities.
You probably won’t find a single primary school student in whose notebooks you don’t occasionally encounter so-called “careless” errors. Throughout primary school, the development of attention occurs significant changes, there is an intensive development of all its properties: the volume of attention increases sharply (more than 2 times), its stability increases, switching and distribution skills develop.
By the age of 9–10, children become able to maintain and carry out an arbitrary program of actions for a sufficiently long time. It is believed that the youngest school age is most favorable for the targeted development of a child’s attention.

Insufficient motivation to perform activities. It is well known that even Small child can show enviable attentiveness and concentration if he is engaged in something that is very interesting to him. And if children could only do what they liked, adults would not have to worry about developing children's attention. As a rule, we talk about children’s inattention when they are required to do something unattractive, not very interesting and not significant enough.
Often, academic work plays the role of an unattractive activity: a child who is inattentive during lessons at school or when doing homework assignments can pay attention to things that are not related to studies (play for a long time and with concentration, watch TV, work on the computer, etc.) . In these cases, we may be talking about insufficient development of the student’s cognitive educational motivation ensuring its full inclusion in educational activities. However, educational activities, often truly routine and monotonous, are not always capable of awakening and supporting a child’s cognitive activity on their own.
And then other, non-cognitive, motives come to help in organizing the child’s educational activity and maintaining his attention to it: a sense of duty and responsibility, the desire to get a good grade, to receive the praise of an adult or to avoid punishment, etc. In all these cases we're talking about about a request from a child voluntary attention, i.e. orientation, concentration on the process of activity, carried out consciously, with the help of volitional effort.
Thus, increasing the student’s attentiveness is directly related to the development of his full-fledged cognitive activity and interest in intellectual activity, the development of the motivational sphere in general, as well as strong-willed qualities. Solving these difficult educational problems requires sufficient time and considerable effort from parents.

STAKEHOLDER PARTICIPATION

Consciously caring about the development of the child’s attention, the parent himself must be attentive to the child and show sincere interest in his activities and his life. After all, the development of attention is facilitated by the child’s involvement in any purposeful activity. As rightly noted by the authors of a useful book for parents about the attention of schoolchildren, O.Yu. Ermolaev, T.M. Maryutina and T.A. Meshkova: “Few adults think about the fact that by asking a child to look for mushrooms, collect pebbles on the river bank, or choose the right pieces of a mosaic or construction set, they thereby help train attention.”
Development of the child’s attention, his ability to focus, organized activities- the process is quite long, but necessary for full mental development. In this difficult work, parents may find some useful special exercises and tasks aimed at training various properties of attention.
Let's list just a few of them.

Development of concentration. The main type of exercises are proofreading tasks, in which the child is asked to find and cross out certain letters in printed text. Such exercises allow the child to feel what it means to “be attentive” and develop a state of internal concentration. This work should be done daily (5 minutes a day) for 2–4 months. It is also recommended to use tasks that require identifying the characteristics of objects and phenomena; exercises based on the principle of exact reproduction of any pattern (sequence of letters, numbers, geometric patterns, movements, etc.); tracing confused lines, searching for hidden figures, etc.

Increased attention span and short-term memory. The exercises are based on memorizing the number and order of a number of objects presented for looking at for a few seconds. As you master the exercise, the number of objects gradually increases.

Attention distribution training. The basic principle of the exercises: the child is asked to simultaneously perform two multidirectional tasks (for example, reading a story and counting the strokes of a pencil on the table, completing a proofreading task and listening to a record of a fairy tale, etc.). At the end of the exercise (after 5–10 minutes), the effectiveness of each task is determined.

Development of the skill of switching attention. To develop this property of attention, it is proposed, for example, to perform proofreading tasks with alternating rules for crossing out letters.

A variety of games and exercises for developing attention are widely represented in the psychological and pedagogical literature. The main condition that parents must observe during such work is that classes with the child must be systematic.

Tasks for the development of attention can be offered to children in the form of games, competitions and carried out not only at the time allotted for this, but also casually, for example, on the way to the store, on a walk, while preparing dinner, etc. The most important thing in such activities is the interest of adults, their attention to the child himself, his successes and achievements.

Ermolaev O.Yu., Maryutina T.M., Meshkova T.A. Student attention. M., 1987.
Zavadenko N.N. How to understand a child: children with hyperactivity and attention deficit disorder. M., 2000.
Kikoin E.I. Junior schoolchild: opportunities for studying and developing attention. M., 1993.
Development of creative activity of schoolchildren / Ed. A.M. Matyushkina. M., 1991.

Good afternoon. I have two children. The eldest son is 12 years old and the girl is 3 years old. Dad is there, he loves, he helps, there is no swearing, drunkenness or other aggravating issues in the family. Problems with the elder. He does his homework for several hours. As soon as he sits down at the table, he switches off instantly. He can write one line in an hour and sit and stare at one point. Unable to concentrate. Looks at the wall.

In general, the boy is kind and well-read, but he has trouble with his lessons. I try to help, but I physically can’t sit next to you all the time and say “Next line.” Since the first grade, such nonsense, I thought it would go away, but it’s already the 5th grade and no changes. The school is very good, the class is friendly. They ask a lot, but if you sit down and do it, you can really get it done in two, maximum three hours. He sits down to his lessons and that’s it, he swam. I'll come back in an hour - one example has been solved. I'll come back in two, same thing. Constantly need kicks. He sits next to me all the time - he shoos me away, says that he will do everything himself, but when I come back an hour later, he sits again and looks at one point or out the window. As a result - one line. As a result, he sits almost until the night, and he himself gets tired, and everyone suffers.

He doesn’t have time to complete half of his lessons due to wasted time. As a result, we finish it over the weekend. There is no rest at all. Deuces for unfulfilled homework They don't motivate either. A lot of bad marks and no responsibility. Over the 5 years of study, we tried all the methods described on the Internet. Nothing works. No threats, no motivation, no time limits. But if you allow him to go to the computer, he will sit intently and intently. We tried not to interfere with his lessons. The result is unfinished homework, a lot of bad marks and debts.

Neurologists prescribed medications (Tenoten, Pantogam, etc.) - zero results. This is a daily problem. He doesn’t say directly that he doesn’t want to study, he seems to like it, there is some kind of interest. Until the 4th grade I went to after school and did something. But I stretched out the rest of the lessons. In 5th grade, after-school activities are no longer provided. Playing sports. We do homework late. But if sports are removed, we still do homework late into the night. That is, if you skip sports, then time is not gained, but simply stupidly stretched out.

This stretching of time is so ingrained that he does not have time to solve problems on tests. We say it 100 times a day - everything was done quickly and free. Useless. He says he understands, but in reality there is no change. Introduced the card method. Red is a negative assessment, green is a positive assessment. To play on a computer, you need to be in the black. So what? The entire refrigerator is covered in red cards. We don't blame him for bad marks. We scold for Lost time. Are there any effective techniques, which can be used daily, and not just “be patient, create a daily routine, come up with motivation, allow yourself to be independent” and, as a result, wait until you are expelled from school?

“He forgets what he has just read, does not complete tasks, is easily distracted... The child has difficulty concentrating, and this worries parents. It’s as if they themselves are focused for eight hours a day! Mathematics, reading or solfeggio - it is difficult to fix attention on an activity that is boring. And in this, children differ little from us adults. In addition, the tasks that primary school sets for a child (perseverance, accuracy) mobilize all the energy and prevent - temporarily - from concentrating on other tasks. The constant inattention of a 7-10 year old schoolchild may be caused by a crisis situation in the family (fear of a stepfather, jealousy of a younger brother or sister) or stress related to school. Mental restlessness is incompatible with attention. Instead of making him nervous and increasing his anxiety, try to remain dispassionate and find out what worries or confuses your child. Our calmness is as contagious as our excitement.

Check: Does he have time to play and discharge his energy after school? Observe at what hours it is easier for him to concentrate on his studies, and offer to sit down for lessons at this time. If your child has difficulty switching from one task to another, create a lesson plan together and warn him in advance about what will be done next. Remove all unnecessary things from your desk (toys, gadgets) and suggest starting homework with the easiest items - they “warm up” the brain and increase concentration. Encourage attempts to find answers yourself - curiosity develops the ability to focus on one subject.

But if a child is constantly excited, it is difficult for him to concentrate on any, even attractive, activity, if these symptoms are observed for longer than six months, it makes sense to contact a neurologist, who will identify (or not) a possible hyperactive disorder and offer appropriate help.”

About it

“The best methods for developing attention in children” Olga Mashtal “Attention disorders in children” Gerhard Lauth, Peter Schlottke Games, tasks, exercises and valuable practical advice, collected in these books by child psychologists, will help improve a child’s concentration at any age (Science and Technology; Academy, 2008).

“Focus on what you are doing!”, “How many times do I have to repeat this?” - parents say these phrases to their children millions of times. Eventually, they begin to think that maybe there is something wrong with their child. Doubts gain strength when adults see that their child’s peers are better at completing assigned tasks because they are able to concentrate on them. Let's talk about attention and its disorders. When should a child focus on a task and for how long? What should cause concern and what should you do about it?

About concentration.

Concentration is the ability to focus on a task without being distracted by other stimuli. Until the 5th year of life, the child’s attention is involuntary, as all parents are well aware of. The baby concentrates on what is new, loud, and attractive to him. He leaves many tasks unfinished, he needs to be constantly reminded of many things: “Are you getting dressed?”, “I asked you to brush your teeth.” Typical behavior that shows how to go to the room to get diapers for your younger brother (at the request of your mother) and “get lost” along the way, distracted by completely different activities.

At proper development A child's changes in concentration skills occur between 5 and 7 years of age. The baby is already able to focus on the time that allows him to complete the assigned tasks, he does not need to be repeatedly reminded that he must do something, more and more often he can focus on two actions at the same time, without leaving either of them (for example, looking fairy tale and puts on slippers).

Unfortunately, for many children these changes do not occur or occur at a very slow pace. Then we can talk about attention disorders. This problem is serious because it promises failure during school.

Disorders of concentration in children: active-impulsive and passive types.

Concentration problems in children can be divided into two types. The first of them is the active-impulsive type. The child is distracted very easily due to external stimuli. These children are very impatient, they work quickly, roughly, and are constantly exposed to disappointment. They often interfere in the group and tease other children. They seem to have too much energy, which makes it difficult to concentrate. And although they experience their failures very strongly (they cry, swear, insult), this does not change their behavior.

The second type are children who seem to be “dreamy.” They have a passive look. These are kids who often think while completing a task, which prevents them from finishing it. Difficult and independent tasks make them despondent. They often think, forget something, and lack mobilization and activity in decision-making.

For example, shoe lacing. A child from the first group will do it quickly, poorly and will not be happy with the result. A child from the other group will take a very long time to tie his shoelaces and ultimately fail to complete the task. Both may have problems in school due to poor concentration.

How to recognize problems with concentration?

Answer yourself a few questions:

1) Do you need to constantly repeat your requests because the baby forgets them?

2) Do you have the impression that your child often does not remember what he should? For example, when asked about a book he has read, he cannot remember its topic?

3) Your child gets tired quickly when various actions, complaining?

4) Do you often abandon your unfinished tasks (drawings, crafts, exercises)?

5) If a child works quickly and untidy, do you get the impression that he is doing this only to “get behind”?

6) Do you see that his attention is too small? For example, do you need to say several times: “Put on these pants, they are lying nearby, I’ve already told you three times”?

If you answer yes to most questions, then the child has problems concentrating and to avoid school problems, we need to start taking action.

How to train children's concentration?

Demand attention.

Do not allow the child to be distracted. Example - if a child begins to talk about what happened to him in kindergarten, interrupt him by saying, “Let’s finish one thing first. Let’s put on the shoes, and then you can tell me.” Create a rule, such as “First you need to finish what you start,” that you repeat often. Always react in situations in which the baby is distracted, for example, when he starts playing while eating.

Listen carefully.

Listen carefully to what your child says and ask him various questions. If you ask what was for lunch in kindergarten, and he says: “I don’t know” and changes the topic to “And today at the dance...”, then gently return the child to the topic of lunch.

Be precise and do not make concessions.

A common mistake parents make is to praise their child for any work. Your child is no longer quite small and knows perfectly well that his book should lie differently. In addition, if you praise, and your aunt in kindergarten says: “You’re doing it wrong. When you color, don’t go beyond this line,” then the child gets lost. Learn to be precise, say, for example: “I know you tried, but look - there are missing places here. Let’s try to finish it together so that everything is right.”

Practice a lot.

There are many different kinds of books on the market for training concentration. Books on the topic “find the five differences” should take up residence in your home forever. Engage with your child and don’t let “We’ll leave this for later because it’s boring and difficult.” If after a few months these actions do not bring results, you should consult a psychologist with your child. It's best before you start school.