No matter how much bad they say about me, I always have something to add. 101

Nothing limits your actions like the phrase “do what you want”... 80

Guys get jealous when they love you. Girls are jealous even when they don't love you. 71

Can't find an approach to me? Go around! 200 - funny statuses

Comrade, let’s go check out the cash... 21

Nothing strengthens faith in a person more than 100% prepayment. 31

If you know exactly who is to blame, don’t give yourself away. 48

I'm going with eyes closed and a smile from ear to ear, towards future happiness, through a field of rakes... 97

From the statement: “How do I feel…” Crossed out. “How I did you all...” Crossed out. “Yes, you all should go to...” Crossed out. “Please grant me another vacation.” 32

Dear Money! I miss you very much. I promise to buy you a new wallet. If you want, you can invite your relatives from Europe or America - I won’t object. I will accept everyone! 41

I want chronic health, progressive happiness, recurring success, a hypertensive salary, and an eternally pregnant wallet without the threat of miscarriage!))) 39

The best way to test a guy’s fidelity is to ask the sleeping person in the morning the question: “Will you go to yours or will you stay with me?” 67

According to statistics, the phrase “How huge he is!” Most often heard by a spider. 65

Briefly about yourself: Year of manufacture 1991, Mileage 20, Color light, Height 162, Lights blue, Documents on hand, Tuning present, Body not damaged, not rusty, Roof in place, but no brakes. All options, I start with half a turn. 54

You can't look in the mirror when you eat - you'll eat away your happiness. And when you drink, you drink. And it’s better not to hang a mirror in the toilet at all... 62

Sex is when he wants, erotica is when she wants, porn is when both want. 48

If you don't have the money to change your wardrobe, change your job! For the new team, all your old clothes are new. 41

Flowers should be for no reason... Happiness should be unique... The house should be warm... The weather - and it doesn’t matter what the weather is! But love should be mutual. 46

All people bring happiness - some by their presence, others by their absence) 69

What would I give to a person who has everything? I would punch him in the jaw. 19

If men knew what women were thinking, they would court twenty times more boldly. 46

Only nesting dolls can live soul to soul. 65

I need to call my mom and tell her where I am. - Hello, mom? Where I am? 44

The little boy was watching porn. I didn’t understand the movie, but I was sweating a lot. 31

The main thing is that they are waiting for you at home, and not waiting for you 61

Chocolate tastes twice as good if you can’t have it) 40

The Lord protects us all. But the shelf life is different for everyone. 46

I am protected by the great ancient Egyptian god of peace and tranquility - DANUNAH. 75

Every day those around me prove to me that life without a brain is real. 61

No one will die a virgin: life will fuck us all. 34

I have a huge life experience, and once there were wings.

Yes. I made a lot of mistakes. Life, unfortunately, is without instructions.

Life must be lived in such a way that the pigeons flying over your monument are tolerated out of respect.

Have you learned how to kiss on tomatoes and think you're ready for life? Buy bananas.

They say you got married? So how family life? - Yes, like... beer - not allowed, football - not allowed, friends - not allowed... - You probably regret it? - You can’t feel sorry either.

Life is too short to waste it on diets, greedy men and bad moods.

A cruel fact of life. If you don’t write to people first and don’t impose yourself, you may find that no one needs you.

I apologize to everyone I removed from my life... Nothing personal... as in fact, nothing in common.

The Internet is like life - there is nothing to do, but you don’t want to leave.

Law of life - no matter what area you move to, a neighbor with a drill will find you everywhere!

There is only one person I envy in my life. To my husband!!! This is necessary, I’m so lucky with my wife!

Life is given once, but it doesn’t happen all the time.

I didn’t care about the black and white stripes of life... I’m walking along my... - purple one.

A woman only needs to be undressed once to be able to dress her for the rest of her life.

Healthy sleep not only prolongs life, but also reduces working time.

If your dreams don’t last for a couple of life sentences, then they’re just so-so dreams.

Life in the house went calmly... Until my wife noticed that our neighbor was washing the stairwell with my panties.

A cactus is a cucumber deeply disillusioned with life.

Life breaks the strongest, bringing them to their knees to prove that they can rise. She doesn’t touch weaklings - they’ve been on their knees all their lives.”

At first you think that you will never love anyone, and then a cat appears in your life.

To all those who are so interested in my life, I officially inform you: I am still young, beautiful, happy and not even on a diet!

Montaigne advises us to live in a room with a view of the cemetery from the windows. He claims it clears the mind and keeps life's priorities in perspective.

To live a long, cheerful life, you just need to forget about death.

One day you will ask me what do you love most: me or life? I will answer life, you will be offended and leave without knowing that my life IS YOU!

Life will arrange and leave the right ones nearby.

If a person betrayed someone because of you, you should not associate your life with him, sooner or later he will betray you because of someone.

Think about it... in Google translator from Russian to Tagalog the word LIFE is translated as Buhay. - What a native he is, this Tagalog.

A person who is only GOING to live well all his life lives poorly.

If a sidorov mechanic tells his grandchildren about his life, they will become drunk before they even go to school.

The stingy one pays twice, the stupid one pays three times. The sucker pays for life.

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It just so happens that life fascinates us with its diversity and splendor every day. I would like to note that such a long period has its own characteristics, which sometimes seem strange to us, and sometimes they are so drawn out that we are not able to get out. If you approach life with humor, then everything becomes much simpler and any situation that could make us angry is played out in such a way that peace and joy remain in our souls. That's why we decided to collect cool statuses about life in one collection. We wish you positive moments and a beautiful life.

The best statuses about life are here!

Statuses about life here!

The best statuses about life!

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We began to live better!!! (said Putin). We are happy for you!!! (people answered)

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Damn... I worked on a laptop for half a year! Yesterday I sat down at the computer... I turned it off and, out of habit, slammed the monitor onto the keyboard.

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We keep the past in our hearts. The present is reflected in our eyes. And only the future is in our hands.

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I have a lot of life experience behind me. And once upon a time wings grew there.

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I would like to know who else has washing machine There's a dude who steals one sock all the time?

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I called the investigator in the morning. I ask, hello, is this the police? At the other end there is laughter and the answer - yes, fuck, the sheriff is listening! :)))

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If you can’t drive the stupidity out of your sweetheart, drive him away with it...)))

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The guy’s status in contact shocked me...)))):
"The most best women, our fathers dismantled!

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Well, I told you that I’m not an angel... First they don’t believe me, then they complain!!!

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This is why I love my husband, because he never asks: “Where were you? Who did you drink with?” He sits in silence... tied up.

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God measures the length of a person's life. A person determines the breadth of life himself.

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I'm the only one who cares about this question: Where do all the women in the city go at 7 am!

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If you quit, what will you live on? If you work, then when will you live?

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Everyone stops drinking. Some succeed during their lifetime.

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Life is not about waiting for the rain to stop. It's for learning to dance in the rain.

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Work has three advantages: Friday, salary and vacation.

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Never complain: if you regret it, they won’t regret it, they will stop respecting you!

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Work hard and pay your taxes honestly. Thousands of workers in the state apparatus are counting on you.

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In heaven, of course, the climate is better, but in hell the company is more interesting.

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Life is too short to ruin it with diets, greedy men and bad moods!

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We meet without knowing who, where... And we don’t know what the meeting brings us... It happens that acquaintance is just a whim. And sometimes a meeting... will change your life...

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They say there is no ideal. And I look at myself and think... The bastards are lying!

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Never say never... life has a good sense of humor.

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You say... What do you live, what happens to you??? Nooo, dear!!! You will live like me... spread out!!!

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I am a woman who managed to evoke love, hatred and envy! So, I don’t live in vain!

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I’m wrong, I’m offended... And go ahead and smile! And look, look after me... There are no more people like me!!!

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After reading the quotes, statuses and notes, I’m starting to get the impression that we girls all have the same asshole...

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What we didn’t get from our parents, we will definitely get from life... For example, I clearly didn’t get enough p... dyuley... But life fixed everything!!!

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You need to live your life in such a way that the pigeons flying over your monument are tolerated out of respect...

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The downside of loneliness is that after a while you start to get a buzz from it. And you just don’t let anyone into your life.

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Why pretend to be a red deer if you are an ORDINARY GOAT!!!

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True optimism is when you bequeath to carve the inscription on your tombstone: “Smooches to everyone! See you:-)"

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Life! You have already tested me with poverty. NOW EXPERIENCE LUXURY!

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The biggest drug in life is attachment to people... When they disappear, withdrawal begins...

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THERE IS such a stage of intoxication when everyone thinks that he dances VERY GREAT!!! ...)))

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The wife returns home late. My husband is on the doorstep... - well, I was wandering around again, drinking, smoking... - Dear, envy is a bad feeling...

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“Is your dress unsightly?” - my mother-in-law asked me on my wedding day. “Next time it will be better! - I answered.

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- Is your conscience aware?
- Conscience is not only aware, but also has a share! :-)

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If you live with your wife, you are not allowed to drink. You live alone and have nothing to eat.

Cool statuses about life

A joke is a pile, a stake, fixed in the ground (for a pier, a tether). The boat is laid up. The vessel is moored (also translated: does not go sailing, is moored). * When laid up, someone or something (colloquial) is inactive, not in use, not working. || adj. cool, -aya, -oe. (Explanatory dictionary of the Russian language (Ozhegov S., Shvedova N.) So, our cool statuses are about something completely different...

Life is rich in surprises...Did your boyfriend leave you? Here's a burdock! You have 200 such applicants on VKontakte!

Why doesn’t my contact have a status in “passive search”? I kind of want to, but I’m too lazy to look

At times I want to give up on everything. Then I remember that I don’t do shit anyway.

Jews are the most optimistic people in the world; they don’t yet know how big they will grow, but they are already cutting them off.

We can suppress pain, tears, anger, love... But we cannot contain the wild laugh...

Who said that a person makes himself, with his own hands? First of all, not by myself. Secondly, not your own. And thirdly, not with your hands.

A person experiences the most unpleasant moments in his life due to his own inattention. For example, he notices the lack of paper in the toilet not when he enters, but when he is about to leave.

Sociological studies show that everyone who sits on a hedgehog immediately starts thinking about their ass, and no one thinks about the hedgehog.

A glass of champagne turns Elena the Beautiful into Elena the Wise, two glasses into cool Elena, and three glasses into a frog traveler.

Look at your mouse now. If it is clean, then you are a woman. And if it’s dirty, then to hell with it.

Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and think - oh, the middle of the night.

Only 1% of the population believes that a label on clothes is used to know how to care for this item: wash, iron, etc. The remaining 99% determine by it where the back is and where the front is.

Even the most independent person loves having her back rubbed in the bathroom.

My head works like a clock, but sometimes the cuckoo pops up.

Homeless Vitya demands to be called Viktor because he recently ate a frog.

A complete fool - these are two reasons why guys don't pay attention to her.

Remember a simple rule of the Russian language: The word “sorry” is said when they want to do something nasty. And the word “sorry” is when this nasty thing has already been done.

It doesn’t matter if you take a kitten or a man into your home! For six months, a cute little pug, and then a cunning, arrogant fellow!

Not everything beautiful can be rationally conveyed in words. It happens that you like it madly, but it comes out of your mouth: “fuck!”

All instructions in Russian must begin with the words: “Well, you idiot, have you already broken it?”

I haven’t said, “Go to hell!” for a long time now. I say: “Everyone stay in their places!”

If a girl asks you to leave her alone, leave her alone. Just don't leave her alone under any circumstances! In short, good luck to you, brother.

Worms always whine that they live in the ass. This is a biography. Only outside the ass they are not viable. This is biology.

Today I went to bed at 22-00. It's already 3-10, and I still can't get enough of the fact that I went to bed so early!

You can't tell a boring person that he is boring, otherwise he will start to find out why, and this is so boring.

My cat is like a Hachiko. And also zhratiko, sratiko and ssatiko, spatiko, oratiko, and it’s impossible to sleep at night.

There is an opinion that cats and training are incompatible concepts. Nothing like that, my cat trained me in a couple of days.

Hello, my name is Slavik. - Very nice! - It's not for long.

It seems to me that in the status: “I want to understand a woman,” the word “understand” is superfluous.

I immediately realized that nothing would work out with him when in a cafe I ordered cognac for myself, and he ordered ice cream...

We only live once! And even that is not enough. And not like that... And not there... And not then...

Statuses about yourself beloved (beloved)

Love for others comes and goes. Self-love - sits down and sits.

I was born to turn money into dust...

It's hard to understand, hard to calm me down and impossible to explain anything.

I want to learn to admit my mistakes. Although, who am I kidding, what mistakes could I make?

It’s unlikely that I’ll improve with age... I live easily, I don’t give a damn! I appreciate people who like me! I appreciate them for their good taste!

It's good where I'm not. But I'm on my way.

I am often confused with God - they say: “Lord, you again?!”