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| Sex with a psychologist. A case from my practice. Scheme for describing cases from practice in psychological and pedagogical diagnostics |
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We sometimes think that going to a psychologist is appropriate only when something really difficult, an out-of-the-ordinary event has happened. And there was the following. Marina got a cat, but at a certain point she needed to take her to another city and temporarily leave her with her parents. The parents were friendly towards the cat. From the point of view of consciousness, the issue was resolved successfully and correctly: the cat fell into caring hands, and Marina could resolve issues with housing. Marina returned to her city, but her calm did not return to her. It seemed that it remained there, in another city, with my parents. Acute emotional experiences and self-reproaches for treating the cat so badly tormented her. At first she chalked it up to simply missing her pet. But then the situation escalated to such an extent that Marina borrowed money for a plane in order to urgently fly for the cat as quickly as possible! This seemed like the most important thing to do immediately! It turned out that she could not live with a cat and live without a cat. She was getting ready to fly, but before that, realizing that such intensity of emotions did not correspond to the situation, she decided to come to see me. And so, holding a wad of money for a plane in her pocket, but not having the opportunity right now to return the cat to her again, she, as if apologizing for “distracting her over strange trifles,” told her story. Continuing the consultation, we entered this age and did everything that was needed there: children’s tears of resentment were cried out, condemnation went away, understanding and confidence in the love and devotion of parents to themselves appeared. After all, at that age whole year without parents is an unimaginably long period of time. “The ice in my soul has melted,” and again this mental space let me in with love for my parents. The tension subsided, there was no longer anything to run to the plane for, and we went to a cafe. There, Marina admitted that she was eating for the first time this week, that’s how powerful her experience was “over a trifle.” Here are some cases from our psychological practice. We have included here quite a lot of examples related to health, because they are the most objective from the point of view of assessing the effectiveness of the work done. It’s one thing when a client says that his problem has disappeared, and another thing when this is confirmed by the conclusion of third-party experts. Sometimes it's enough to shake yourself out of sleep... Young man A… complained of unsatisfactory health. Already more than a year I have a slight fever, decreased performance, disturbed sleep, apathy so strong that I had to take academic leave. Examinations by doctors did not reveal anything that could be the cause of this condition. Family of four: A..., his mother, father and older sister live in their own house. Everyone has their own space. The father is an entrepreneur, democratic in character, has a friendly attitude towards his son, and sees him as a successor to his business. The relationship between father and son is calm, but not trusting. Mother is a housewife. In her childhood she behaved authoritarianly towards her son; now the relationship is even, but lacks warmth. A... has constant minor conflicts with her older sister because of her obsessive moralizing. At the time of the consultation, it would be possible to describe the psychological portrait of A..., as a stable personality, there were completely realistic attitudes regarding life prospects in terms of work, starting a family, and social circle. Contacts with peers are constructive, interests are subordinated to development goals. The only thing that could be “reproached” A... was some conformity in relation to the plans proposed by his father. At the same time, A... had an introverted temperament and increased emotional sensitivity. In principle, A... was aware that the continuation of his father’s business would remove many questions, he was studying at an institute specialized in this business, but still A... did not have much enthusiasm for such a future. At some point during the consultation, A... thought deeply and said that he did not see his future under his “father’s wing” at all; he wanted to be free, not only in the future, but right now. Also, A... discovered that it was painful for him to be in the financial care of his father. In principle, A... knew about all this before, but he seemed to brush it off and was in a kind of hibernation. Now he suddenly woke up. A day later, A... called and reported that the temperature had disappeared and he felt much better. A week later, he was reinstated at the institute, but in the evening department, and went to work as an appraiser for an insurance company, which allowed him to “live on his own.” Conditions similar to those with which he came to us did not recur. ******* Indigo Children exist... A mother came to the reception with a four-year-old girl. My daughter has been diagnosed with childhood autism. For reference, this is practically a sentence to special training and life outside of a full-fledged society; there are no possibilities for a radical cure today. After being examined by many specialists: neurologists and psychiatrists, my mother finally decided to consult a psychologist again. Formally, the main signs of autism were obvious: lack of interest in social contacts, lack of speech. However, there were no other signs: rigidity of behavior and obsessive repetitions in this case. Another sign of true autism is a child’s “cold” gaze. Here it was a completely different case, as soon as they entered, we saw a charming, but very frightened girl - indigo. There was unearthly wisdom in the eyes of this child (it is very difficult for us earthlings to feel the warmth of this look - this is love of a higher order than we are used to seeing in our lives). Indigo children often have difficulty adapting to our reality, and in this case there were reasons from the mother. Mom admitted that one of the psychiatrists said -Mommy, you need to be treated yourself. Indeed, my mother was a creative person - an artist by profession and, alas, with a manic syndrome. So it turned out that the girl fell into the “pincers” - on the one hand, the complexity of the society in which she found herself, on the other hand, the unstable psyche of her mother. The girl found herself alone in a completely incomprehensible world, without a point of support, and felt total fear from everything that was happening. Naturally, the girl’s development slowed down. During the consultation, we communicated with the girl more non-verbally, that is, we told her something, asked her, and she reacted with facial expressions and postures or some sounds. At some point, my colleague (due to the complexity, we decided to conduct a consultation together) drew a flower and gave it to the girl with the words - This is for you . And then an event occurred that shook me to the very depths. The girl took Blank sheet paper, a yellow felt-tip pen and drew something like a sun and gave it to my colleague. Before us was a little man of the purest consciousness and boundless love. Subsequently, things took a somewhat unexpected turn. Two months later, my mother called us and said that she had decided to give the girl to be raised by her grandmother, who lived in another city, and that she herself would focus on creativity. In fact, she already took the girl there. Mom called to say that grandma's girl started talking. ******* Searching for love... Businesswoman WITH… from Moscow asked for advice on several problems. Now she is 30 years old, but she has not been able to meet a suitable man, plus periodic depression and drunkenness, plus Lately complete reluctance to visit your own company. Consultations took place on Skype . The first thing that caught my eye clearly did not fit into the image of a businessman and university teacher. S... blushed heavily, hid her face out of sight of the camera, and asked– Will you always see me?... well... I’ll get used to it soon, don’t pay attention. It became clear that I would have to work with a deeply structured complex and dangerous psychotic reactions. Intuitive conclusions were immediately confirmed in numerous biographical data. It turned out that depressive states last for several weeks and are expressed in stupid lying on the couch and continuously watching TV series, plus alcohol is poured to a state of complete unconsciousness, while tearsflow non-stop. It’s difficult to say about whom and what she’s crying about. Relationships with men are periodic, if there is no permanent man, thengoes all out - every day a new man. At the age of twenty, she had an abortion at 6 months.– I was afraid, what would my mother say?. During school, there was an incident when she rushed at her mother and father with a knife,one was not seriously injured. All this culminated in two suicide attempts in adulthood. It would be wrong to imagine S... as some kind of unbridled monster. She graduated from school with a gold medal. She was seriously involved in music and vocals, and now she takes part in concerts and shows as a hobby. Travels a lot, reads a lot. She has brilliant erudition and strong charisma, is highly creative, people say about such people that doors open for them. As for character, our consultation was very friendly, S... was extremely frank, was on the “side of the psychologist”, there was even an abundance of trust and warmth. This is where the deeply childish “love me syndrome” sounded. S... unconsciously offered herself to everyone as an object of love, she offered herself childishly naively, openly and passionately. For all her intellectual strength, truly extraordinary, S... was completely unaware of her motives. The personality, in its very integrity, in this case was not able to transcend for self-analysis precisely because of its integrity. Children's "bookmarks" classic -I need a man as good as my dad; Every few days I call my mom, we talk for 2-3 hours, I ask her, maybe I’m doing something wrong?; Dad tells me that I should be good, that I shouldn't let men do this to me.. This comes from a thirty-year-old woman with leadership inclinations. We understood that in this case the best solution would be implicit “provocative therapy,” since S... was in a borderline state with negative dynamics. The first half of the session was carried out in an existential manner and only then the activation model was used. We ended the session with the so-called “mirror”. In our opinion, “provocative therapy” in its pure form can only be used for people with a pronounced predominance of logical thinking or people of a despotic typology. Now S... is doing well, her condition is confident, she has resumed active movement towards her goals. Whether her current condition will become the rule for the rest of her life now depends only on herself. All cards are revealed. It's time to play a new game called Life or return to the old one in your imagination. It depends on her. ******* Life turned into a struggle for... Young man D... appealed about difficulties in building relationships with the opposite sex, plus tense relationships with colleagues, plus memory impairment and lack of inner peace. The biography is quite good. Works as a lawyer in the civil service, is promoted career ladder, perhaps not as quickly as we would like, but it is moving forward. He set for himself the goal of active personal growth, and therefore his days are scheduled literally minute by minute, between work, attending concerts, reading books, practicing martial arts, parkour, learning a language, etc., etc. He spent his childhood in fairly good conditions, which is rare a case when everything was in moderation, rights and responsibilities, successes and failures. N... has a good ability to learn, is sociable, is well critical of himself, and confidently builds relationships on the principles of parity. With all this (he is 26 years old), he cannot find a girl who would suit him and has recently been inclined to give up further search. Psychological loneliness is growing in his life. Friends gradually become acquaintances. Colleagues at work are generally friendly, but the number of “jabs” and “pranks” has become excessive, reaching the point of mockery. In relations with the boss there is stiffness and timidity. At the initial stage of counseling, we were unable to identify any significant maladaptive attitudes and unrealistic expectations. Hidden needs, at least the common ones: love, attention, security and their derivatives, were also not visible. Everything is within normal limits. It was only at the end of our consultation that insight suddenly came. D... short, 165 for a man - you can’t call him a kid, but in reality he’s all around taller. You want to be equal, but when you spend your whole life looking up to people, a defect in your perception of yourself arises. An unconscious battle begins, first for equality, then for the right to life, and then completely tilting at windmills. Little by little, little by little, D... turned into an eternal seeker of some truth about which he himself knows nothing, but in reality he became a part of societypersona non gratabecause of its inflamed adherence to principles and unconscious expansionism. A psychological distance has formed in his life, which he established by his own belief in some kind of injustice, the essence of which he himself is not aware of. The psychotherapeutic process was built in three stages. We first conducted several psychodramatic sessions with D..., aimed at restoring dialogue with people around him, entering into a context of mutual assistance and conditionality. The second stage involved training in the transformation of behavior patterns from “playing to win” to “playing for pleasure.” We finished the work with a coaching session on building the desired reality. Subsequent contacts with D... showed that his life took on different shapes - friendly contacts arose, internal harmony appeared, prejudiced relations disappeared in the service. ******* When there is no other choice … This is one of the cases of long-term work, when work with a client begins on one issue, but ends at completely different levels. At the first moment, it seemed that the man calling from Moscow was well over 50. Judging by his intonation, he was seriously ill and was in an extremely depressed state, so depressed that doubts arose about the success of any psychotherapy. Sometimes you have to deal with cases when a person is so psychologically weakened that it is no longer possible to help him. It seemed that this was exactly the case. During the conversation, it turned out that the caller was actually 36 years old, in the recent past N... successful businessman. The state of health is truly critical. General exhaustion, intestinal atony, dyskinesia of the gastrointestinal tract and gall bladder, etc., etc., the worst thing with the heart is arrhythmia, blockage of the conduction pathways, myocardial dystrophy. Being a wealthy person, N... was examined by all doctors in the highest level clinics, but the etiology of what was happening was not identified. Despite following all the doctors’ recommendations and taking medications for a long time, N…’s condition continued to worsen. There is a question about implanting an artificial pacemaker. We agreed that N... would gather his strength and come to St. Petersburg for a consultation. During the consultation, very, very positive data were obtained about the state of the client’s psychological patterns. An accomplished person, highly successful, two higher educations. Excellent family climate, two problem-free children. The childhood period N... was characterized quite high level psychotraumaticity, the consequences of which, however, were completely reconstructed into an adaptive form in the very first years of independent life. N...’s high ability for reflection is evidenced by the fact that he independently coped with the stuttering that plagued him during childhood; after graduating from school, without any parental protection, he organized his own business; confidently solved some physiological and psychological problems intimate plan. Active, leadership thinking highest degree constructive and positive, recently began to engage in spiritual practices. From the point of view of classical psychology, all objective socio-psychological constants of N... were normal at the time of our meeting. From the standpoint of ontopsychological research, the intentions of negative psychology on the part of the mother and the corresponding complementary zone of “victim” in the psyche of the “inner child” were clearly observed. In such cases, when there are no objectively unfinished gestalts, the most difficult aspect of therapy is how to convey to the client’s consciousness the presence of an error. The only facts confirming the negative dyad were the dream N... told. However, the dream is irrefutable for the psychologist, but its significance for the client is doubtful. Another fact was that N…. insisted on his mother returning (she emigrated to Israel) to Russia (here he built an apartment for her next to his own). From a socio-cultural point of view, there is nothing reprehensible. Even cognitive therapy cannot be based on this. In this situation, the method of existential therapy was used. The conversation in which the basic elements of existence were analyzed: love, death, loneliness, freedom, responsibility, faith, etc., lasted 6 hours continuously. No matter how immoral it may sound, the client was asked to break off relations with his mother. When parting, N... promised to carefully weigh all the arguments, however, sufficient skepticism was felt. About a month later, a call came from Moscow. You know, everything in my life has changed dramatically. I resumed work, what was happening to my stomach and intestines is now day and night. My heart let go, I was examined by cardiologists, of course, there are still claims from medicine, but the question of implanting a pacemaker has definitely been removed. My strength has returned, I am full of plans, I work day and night, my mood is cheerful. I’ll tell you honestly, at first I didn’t believe you, I can’t wrap my head around how a relationship with my mother could affect my health, but then I decided that this was my last chance. I simply had no other choice, death was near, I decided to try to follow your recommendations, even if I don’t understand. Several years have passed since then. Life N... is developing successfully, both in terms of business and in terms of health and personal life. Moreover, now N... has begun a political career. A few months after that “famous” consultation, we continued to work with N... but for completely different reasons. As already mentioned, recently N... began to show interest in spiritual practices and everything related to personal growth, consciousness and deep cause-and-effect relationships operating in society. A large number of consultations have been held on these topics. Next, the task was set to reach a fundamentally higher level of success through the development of intuition. For two years we conducted consultations by telephone, plus after consultations a resume was sent by email. The next step on the part of N... was an order to develop a “Development Project” that would last a lifetime. Such a project has been created and is now under implementation. I would especially like to dwell on N...’s relationship with his mother, so as not to get the false impression that the ontopsychological approach is anomalous. In this particular sulcha, we are talking not so much about negativity, but about the penetration of someone else’s semantic code into the unprotected psyche. It is enough for a person to restore the “stuck” part of consciousness in order to again become indifferent to such influences. For two years N... did not maintain contact with his mother; during this period, through deep internal work, he was able to see his “weaknesses” and reconstruct them. Now N... has returned to normal relations with his mother, which are characterized by love and mutual understanding. ******* Move from ideas to action... A 45-year-old woman works as a psychologist-speech therapist. I came to see her about a recurring, exhausting dream filled with fear. The plot of the dreams is simple - Someone is trying to open the door and enter her room. The door shakes, literally bends in an arc and is about to fall off its hinges and then someone very scary will come in. After these dreams L..., that was the name of our client, woke up overwhelmed with terrible fear and could not come to her senses for a long time. In this case, we decided to carry out oneirodrama, that is, to act out the dream in reality. For this purpose, we invited L... to the group. The characters were chosen: door, key, lock, fear and the main character herself (she was played not by L..., but by a woman friend). L...’s task was to once again relive in all its details the repercussions of a recurring dream and muster the will to open the door herself in order to face fear face to face. After the oneirodrama took place sharing– sharing experiences of each participant. A kind of feedback. All participants did experience the presence of fear, but noted that the fear was not in L..., but in another male person. L herself... also felt that fear was not her own, but a third-party being. We asked L... to remember his childhood. It turned out that her father worked somewhere in the special services and L... remembered that he had said more than once, when leaving home, that he was not sure that he would see his daughter again. L... felt as an insight that the images of fear and father were combined. In her dreams, L... experienced the fear of her father, which he transmitted to her in childhood. The images merged, the situation became clear on a rational level and L... no longer suffered from such dreams. ******* From a bouquet of complexes to enlightenment... This work was carried out over more than three years, using only email correspondence. More than forty consultations were held, amounting to approximately three hundred pages. A young neurosurgeon from Nizhny Novgorod asked for advice on establishing a relationship with a girl. Along the way, the following were reported: neurodermatitis, bronchitis and high blood pressure, plus constant conflicts with my older sister and misunderstandings at work. The misunderstanding was that, being a promising and very diligent doctor, in good standing with the hospital management, he was unable to undergo advanced training. All possibilities according to various reasons They close as if on purpose. When we started consultations with P…, that was the name of the young man, it immediately became clear that he had unusually high emotional sensitivity, painfully experiencing both his mistakes and all the costs of modern budget medicine. The person is hyper-responsible, which leads to a huge amount overtime and manipulation by colleagues. The same is true in relations with her sister - seeing P...’s reliability and conscientiousness, she loads him with guardianship over her small child. P... cannot refuse all this, but he experiences all the injustices silently within himself. In such cases, there is always an old childish affect associated with injustice. And so it turned out - as a child, he was hit by a car, the driver fled the scene and P... lay for several hours on the side of the road in a helpless state, and in the hospital the doctor also laughed at him. At such moments, children take an oath to themselves: “When I grow up, I will never do this, I will save everyone who is in trouble.” Something similar happened in later life. The first sexual contact was unsuccessful, not so much in fact, but in the opinion of the girl, who laughed at him and, worst of all, told her classmates about his “failure.” Plus P’s father... was a judge, which additionally contributed to the development of unreasonably high moral standards. These childhood scenarios became decisive in the relationship with the last girl. Outwardly, the situation looked like he loved her, but she didn’t love him. But it turns out that this girl was recently hit by a car and had serious post-traumatic symptoms. It is obvious that in this case love was replaced by a script, which was fully confirmed by objective analysis. It should be noted that in the person of P... we found a diligent and conscientious student. It’s good that he was a doctor and had basic knowledge of psychology. Therefore, we did not have to start his psychological education from scratch. Education is exactly how we can characterize the style of our remote work with P..., since due to his financial difficulties we could not conduct telephone conversations, only correspondence, which means it was impossible to use many psychotherapeutic techniques. The work was built on a reflexive basis. We started each consultation with some conceptual core: freedom, morality, values, etc. with a detailed presentation of both theoretical premises and everyday examples and ended with questions for independent work. At this stage, the main thing was to “separate” P’s consciousness into echelons, as the pilots say. In essence, P... was a very highly educated and highly moral person, but he was simply confused about standards and priorities. In recent years, P... has been actively involved in bodybuilding. When we began to explore this aspect, we quickly came to the understanding that the motivation for exercise had nothing to do with the topic of health and pleasure. Only short-term improvements in performance and mood after training showed that energy was spent on compensating for feelings of inferiority (mainly sexual), plus the Oedipus complex forced the accumulation of superiority due to the hypertrophy of masculine images. To adequately address the psychological request, taking into account his real fears of men, we recommended P... to change the sport to martial arts. P... chose kickboxing. The results appeared very quickly. After about a month of practicing a new sport, P...’s blood pressure completely normalized and neurodermatitis practically disappeared. P... himself noted that he began to feel much more confident in society; he made friends, including among kick-boxers. The most difficult area was everything related to professional activity, where the criteria of morality and acceptable limits were actually very blurred. How to measure the amount of energy given by a doctor, how to accurately determine the boundaries of responsibility when it comes to the life and death of a patient, especially since he is “in the hands” of not one, but many specialists and service personnel? For P... with his increased emotionality, not only clear, but deeply substantiated criteria for choosing certain actions were necessary. Otherwise, he could literally burn out on a mental level. We had no other choice but to offer material of philosophical and theological content for reflection in order to create real, universal reference points for consciousness. We will omit here everything that concerns therapeutic work regarding relationships with mother, sister, girlfriend, and career issues. Within a year, all this improved and ceased to worry our client. Another thing is interesting. The materials that were used during the work stirred up a completely different level of perception. P... became seriously interested in everything connected with the infraphysical level of cause-and-effect relationships, and speaking in everyday language with theosophy and esotericism. Kick-boxing soon gave way to Wu-shu and Qigong, and the most widely read became: Vedic and Taoist texts, treatises by E. Roerich, D. Andreev, etc. Soon P... began to study at one of the schools of spiritual development, received initiations from him extrasensory abilities opened - vision of subtle matter, the semantic field of a person. Our psychological work has moved into the mainstream of actual consultations, and not psychotherapy, as it was before. Life P... has moved to other levels of motivation from consumer to truly ontic.- There is another request, help me identify and find all my complexes, blocks of consciousness, you don’t need to decide for me, just help me see them. Difficulties of an immeasurably higher level also appeared. - I used to think that spiritual path and everything will be fine on it. In a white sparkling light………The worldview and level of consciousness jumps incredibly sharply, then I live and feel that I am not in this world and look at the world as a theater, then I hate it. This is what I get - Our world is the lowest and laziest. In fact, people are robots with programs, and they just carry them out and that’s all... there is no more painful pain than seeing all this. At first I was angry that everyone was sleeping...The questions that had to be solved had no answer within the framework of classical psychology. - Here's another moment. For example, there is a cause of the problem in consciousness. I will transform it. But it seems to leave a trace or some kind of complimentary place. Can it return to this place or can something else connect? We continue to exchange messages with P..., but more like colleagues than teacher and student. What happened to P... is called enlightenment. Works like this perhaps develop ourselves no less than the client. “Sixteen-year-old ninth-grader Viktor Dementyev is standing in the head teacher’s office. He looks sullenly, angrily and with distrust at the class teacher and teachers: he is waiting for the next punishment. Victor threw a piece of ice at the first grader and hit him in the face. It was a lucky coincidence that I didn't hurt my eye. “The child’s parents, outraged by the hooligan act, file a complaint with the police and ask us to take action,” said the class teacher. From these words, Dementiev’s face distorted, as if from physical pain; it seemed like he was going to scream. “I can’t believe he could hurt a baby so cruelly. There is some kind of misunderstanding here,” said the head teacher. The offender, not believing his ears, looked at the head teacher with surprise and hope. “Tell me, Vitya, how it happened.” Instead of answering, the teachers heard sobbing. The class teacher looked at the head teacher in bewilderment, not understanding why Dementyev, who had always been indifferent to teachers’ comments, burst into tears. Having calmed down, Victor began the story. Going out into the yard, he saw a group of kids running on the roof of a dilapidated barn. Victor, fearing that the game could end in an accident, shouted to them: “Get off the roof, fall through!” But the first-graders, playing out, heard nothing. To attract the boys' attention, he threw a lump of snow at them and accidentally hit them in the face. This is what “hooliganism” consisted of. Dementiev’s act..." A necessary condition for successful pedagogical influence is psychological contact with the student, the absence of psychological barriers. We must remember that if the psychological barrier is not overcome, full impact is impossible. There are personal, emotional, cognitive and activity-based psychological contacts. Personal contact involves taking into account the personal characteristics of the pupil: orientation, motives of behavior, relationships, interests, age and individual personality characteristics. Emotional contact is expressed in the commonality of emotional positions and experiences of the teacher and student in relation to the situation and to each other. The establishment of emotional contacts is achieved on the basis of the rapprochement of emotional positions and experiences, which is possible on the basis of knowledge of the pupil, as well as an understanding of his situational emotional state. An experienced teacher, as a rule, does not take serious action until he finds out the emotional position of the students and ensures that the emotional barrier is removed. Case StudyThe students came to physics class after a physical education lesson, where they won a competition against a neighboring class. The physics teacher, entering the class, felt an unusual revival. Having figured out what was going on, he took two minutes to discuss their sports success with them, congratulated them on their victory (Note, as a result, he immediately gained the attention of the class!), and then moved on to the topic of his lesson. Let's imagine that everything was different: an excited class that is difficult to concentrate on the topic of the lesson, a teacher who is confused and angry with disobedience, several minutes of fruitless bickering, endless calls for silence during the lesson, and as a result - a failed lesson, an upset teacher, who received a charge of negative emotions students. Psychological contact is established using verbal and non-verbal means. Verbal means - lexical options for addressing a child: requests, reminder questions instead of imperative phrases. Be sure to address the child by name. Words of approval and compliments will not be out of place for each student, especially if the child is not confident. A technique such as partial repetition of the phrases spoken to the child will help to emphasize attention to the child: “If I understood you correctly... (repetition)....” The intonation of the address to the child is also important. Children are reactive; treating them rudely will inevitably provoke rudeness. Nonverbal means of establishing psychological contact: the location of the interlocutors, postures, gestures, facial expressions (for example, a smile), eye contact, tactile ways of expressing goodwill (for example, wanting to calm the student, the teacher puts his hand on his shoulder). Firstly, this is the broadcast by the subject (teacher) of his state and attitude towards the action, action of another subject (student) through “I-messages” (“I always think...”, “I like...”). In addition to verbal versions of “I-messages”, there are non-verbal ones: the teacher demonstrates his attitude by posture, facial expressions, and intonation. There are many options for “I-messages”. For example, a boy dropped a flower pot from the windowsill. Teacher: “I’m always upset when beauty dies.” Secondly, demonstrating affection for the child, public recognition of his merits, and showing interest in him. Various verbal and non-verbal options are also possible here. For example, a student was late for class: “I’m surprised you have such fast legs...” Thirdly, revealing to the student socially and personally significant arguments in favor of the requirement. Convincing the need to fulfill a requirement, revealing what fulfilling a requirement brings to people, a school, a class or an individual student. All three key operations are merged into one. For example, during a lesson a boy listens to the player. Teacher: “I always admire passionate people, especially if their passion is music. And you have great taste. But the material of today’s lesson determines the basic positions for considering the entire topic, and you need this just like everyone else.” The proposed method of presenting requirements has a deep psychological meaning, since at the beginning of the message two premises are made with which the student cannot but agree, and then, against the background of establishing agreement, a demand is made. Knowledge of the age and individual characteristics of the child allows us to design the most effective situations of pedagogical influence. Let us give an example of a situation based on knowledge of the child’s individuality. The teacher considers 3rd grade student Misha (9 years old) to be an anxious child. The boy studies well and is brought up in a prosperous family. One day Misha got into a fight with a classmate in the school yard. The teacher separated the fighters, but was in no hurry to analyze and punish them. Her thoughts, which we convey here using psychological terminology, looked something like this: “Misha belongs to the anxious-dysthymic type. This means that he is characterized by low self-esteem, dissatisfaction with his capabilities, lack of self-acceptance, and self-blame. This set of qualities can only be strengthened if the child is punished.” The teacher talked with the parents, explained to them Misha’s characteristics, and advised them to pay attention to his neuropsychic state, which manifests itself in aggressiveness and capriciousness. The boy needs a clear schedule of activities and rest. It turned out that he spends a lot of time watching TV and is overly interested in computer games. These simple recommendations (move more, walk more often, play sports) were enough to change the student’s behavior. The effectiveness of such simple measures is explained by the fact that the teacher correctly understood the individual characteristics of the student and tried to eliminate the reasons that led to undesirable behavior. |
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Hypothesis 1 |
Survey results |
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Violation of semantic and value orientations regarding the benefits of educational activities |
1. Morphological test of life values (V.F. Sopov and L.V. Karmushina) . |
Nikita's results in stans:
List of life values:
The list of life spheres in which the above life values are realized:
Norms for the assessed personality trait in stans:
Nikita's explanations: I don’t need to (learn) this. Dad promised and will help me open my own car dealership. I will be the manager there. Now I’ll go to a technical school and get the necessary knowledge there, but I don’t need this school education. Conclusion: Studying is of no value to Nikita; he is sure that there is no need to study at school.
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Thus, the hypothesis about the violation of life-meaning value orientations regarding the benefits of educational activities
confirmed .Hypothesis 2. Low level of desire for success in educational activities.
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Hypothesis 2 |
Technique, method, anamnesis data |
Survey results |
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Low level of desire for success in educational activities |
1. Motivation for success and fear of failure (questionnaire by A.A. Rean). |
To assess this aspiration, Nikita was asked to fill out a questionnaire, referring to playing sports (Nikitino’s hobby). And then we asked Nikita to fill out the same questionnaire, but in the situations presented in the questions, it had to represent educational activities. Nikita's results in points:
Norms in points :
Conclusions (diagnosed):
The hypothesis is confirmed by this technique. |
Thus, the hypothesis about the low level of desire for success in educational activities confirmed .
Hypothesis 3. Unfavorable influence of parents (in terms of showing the meaning and value of educational activities).
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Hypothesis 3 |
Technique, method, anamnesis data |
Survey results |
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Unfavorable parental influence (in terms of showing the meaning and value of educational activities) |
1. Test of life-meaning orientations, with Nikita’s explanations. |
Nikita's results in points:
Standards in points: N=200 people 18-29 years old.
Nikita's explanations: I'm doing well with my goals in life. Dad said that he would help me get a job at a car dealership, which I would later manage, and my mother told me that I would have to study in college, but here it’s okay. Conclusion: The level of life management is below average; Nikita believes that his parents allowed him not to study. The hypothesis is confirmed by this technique. |
Thus, the hypothesis about undisciplined, semantically disturbed upbringing confirmed .
Hypothesis 4. Low level of moral character towards learning.
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Hypothesis 4 |
Technique, method, anamnesis data |
Survey results |
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Low level of moral qualities in relation to studies |
1. A conversation between a psychologist and Nikita on the topic of moral duty in relation to studies. |
According to Nikita, he is fed up with almost all the teachers, and he has no desire to fulfill any promises made to the school. “I am ready to keep my promises among friends, but in relation to school I have no such desire.” Conclusion: There is no sense of moral duty towards the school, teachers and learning itself. The hypothesis is confirmed by the results of the conversation. |
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2. Data from a psychologist’s observation of Nikita’s behavior during psychological sessions. |
After four or five sessions and received data regarding the parents’ attitude to Nikita’s problem, I, as a psychologist, began to notice Nikita’s tendency to deceive about the fact that he was constantly starting to have some kind of non-existent affairs, just so as not to come for a psychological examination. In addition, as he himself admitted at the fifth session, he could quite easily fail to keep his promise to the teacher. After 6-7 sessions, Nikita never came to us again. Every time we caught him, he had a new reason for not coming, most likely made up. Each time, with a completely “sincere face” (each time more and more insincerity was visible from excessively abundant gestures and a feignedly understanding face), he promised to come, even “crying” if only they would let him go. There were about four such situations, and he never came after that. The last time he took the techniques home, and we asked him to give his word of honor, he gave it without hesitation and, naturally, did not come. Conclusions: there is no sense of moral duty towards school, teachers and learning itself, there is deceit; making a promise and not keeping it costs nothing for Nikita. The hypothesis is confirmed by the observation results. |
Thus, the hypothesis about the low level of moral qualities in relation to learning confirmed .
Summary of diagnostic examination data:
Based on confirmed hypotheses, it was revealed :
Value-semantic misunderstanding of the importance of educational activities;
- Low motivation to succeed in a study situation;
- Unfavorable influence of parents (in terms of showing the meaning and value of educational activities);
- Low level of moral qualities in relation to learning.
Psychological diagnosis:
Reluctance to learn is a consequence of:
1. Violated semantic attitudes regarding the value of educational activities, formed in conditions of undisciplined, semantically impaired demonstration of the value of educational activities of upbringing. This led to: 2. Lack of motivation for success in a situation of educational activity, on the one hand; 3. Low level of moral qualities in relation to educational activities, on the other.
To the school psychologist:
- Working with Nikita's family to convince them of the need to instill in Nikita a meaningful approach that reveals the value of studying
and strengthen control over Nikita;
- Working with Nikita regarding the development of willpower and tolerance to the novelty of the problem using the tactics of small successes, every decision made in the proposed new situation must be carried out - it is necessary to make decisions for him that he can carry out (even if they are relatively simple tasks at first);
- Identify which specific teachers and why Nikita exhibits negative emotions.
To the class teacher:
- Explain to Nikita’s parents the need to demonstrate the value of educational activities for Nikita;
- Identify which specific teachers and why Nikita displays negative emotions, and, if possible, influence this situation.
To parents:
- Carrying out educational activities, the purpose of which is to establish control and moral education;
- Explain that he will not be able to study well in college if he does not study at school - he will neglect his academic subjects;
- Explaining to Nikita the benefits of educational activities.
Nikita:
- Train willpower in new conditions (not only in sports);
- Try to show kindness to all teachers;
- Unlearn being a hypocrite and lying, try to answer honestly, even if the answer reveals his undesirable sides (for example, laziness, etc.).
Anya T., 10 years old, 5th gymnasium grade
PHENOMENOLOGY
Russian teacher request: “How can I help my child not worry so much about grades?”
Data provided by teachers :
Anya is the favorite of many teachers teaching in this class: an excellent student, kind, smart, charming, lively, pretty girl. In this class, recruited by competition, there is strong competition between children for the position of leading students and for leadership in the team; conflicts between gymnasium students are not uncommon, sometimes leading to fights. However, these incidents do not concern Anya; moreover, her authority is generally recognized. Teachers explain this by her amazing friendliness and tact. The girl was chosen as class commander. In principle, she copes with this assignment, but her character is clearly “not a commanding one,” and her soul does not lie with her. organizational activities. She fulfills her duties without desire, only thanks to her diligence and excessive responsibility. For the next school year, the class teacher is looking for another commander. Anya practically has a good relationship with everyone in the class; Anya R., her next door neighbor, is closest to her; their parents are also friends.
Anya grows up in a wonderful family: her parents, engineers, pay a lot of attention to their daughter’s activities, and on weekends they go out of town or visit museums and exhibitions. Classmates love to visit Anya, and her birthday is a long-awaited event for many; everyone is having fun, adults help their daughter receive guests, actively participate in children’s games and entertainment, Anya’s parents have something for everyone kind word, and if necessary, advice. The girl’s mother is a regular at Ogonki classrooms and willingly and a lot helps teachers with extracurricular work.
Everything would be fine if she weren't so worried about her grades. Occasionally, Anya gets a “B”: there are tears in her eyes and it seems that she is the most unhappy child. Teachers try to soften the “blow” by prefacing the announcement of the results of a dictation (test) with a monologue about how a grade is a lottery, that even the best students can feel bad, get distracted in class or forget some little thing and sometimes get “B”s, but no persuasion has any effect on the girl.
Data reported by mother:
Mom was surprised by the invitation to a psychologist: it seemed to her that everything was fine with the child. From her point of view, disappointments about “B” grades are natural for an excellent student. Anya is probably worried too much, but her mother doesn’t see anything wrong with it. Parents do not create a cult of grades, do not scold their daughter for “B” grades, although they are pleased that Anya is an excellent student, and they do not hide this from her.
The only thing that worries the mother a little is her daughter’s privacy. They themselves are active and sociable people, in school years Mom attended several clubs. Anya spends almost all her free time reading, sometimes playing with her favorite dolls. She rarely goes out with her friends. Her parents did not impose extracurricular activities on her, realizing that this did not correspond to the girl’s character, but they made a lot of efforts to ensure that she was among her peers more often, this explains her mother’s constant participation in class events and her daughter’s active assistance in receiving guests. However, my mother admits, we ourselves like to be in noisy, cheerful companies, even children’s ones.
Observation and conversation with the child :
Anya is a pretty, fragile girl with big blue eyes, looks younger than her age.
She reacted to the examination with restraint.
He speaks quickly, looks attentively at the interlocutor, and smiles often.
She likes studying in a gymnasium class: good teachers, an interesting program. A favorite math class, Anya is attracted by the process of solving problems, and she is pleased that she is always the first to find the correct answer. She is quite happy with the new team: most of the girls studied with her in elementary school, relations with them are still good, the abundance of excellent students at the end of the first quarter rather pleases Anya,
This deviation of behavior can be caused by: 1) an inadequate level of aspirations; 2) personal anxiety; 3) hypertrophied development of the motive to be an excellent student.
PSYCHOLOGICAL EXAMINATION DATA is upsetting: “There is someone to argue with in class.” One gets the impression that the competition typical of her classmates is not typical for her. There are also unpleasant moments in school life, for example, the obligatory drinking of milk during the second break: “Sometimes you have to repeat the material for the next lesson, sometimes you really want to jump with the girls, or you just don’t feel like going to the cafeteria, but there’s food.” it’s voluntary!”
More than anything, she loves being with her parents: eating her mother’s pie on weekends or going for walks together.
The girl finds it difficult to explain her special attitude towards A's, she is simply pleased to receive them and is very upset if the grade is different. In the third grade, she got several “B” grades over the course of the year (before that there were only “A” grades); she could not explain the reason for the deterioration in her performance. In the fourth grade I was again an excellent student.
Diagnosis by non-psychologists :
Cl. leader and teacher of the Russian language: excessive responsibility.
Mom: sees no reason to worry.
Anya: finds it difficult to answer.
Summary of phenomenological data: inappropriately strong negative emotional reaction to “fours”.
THEORETICAL DESIGN AND HYPOTHESES
1. Level of claims according to the Hoppe method:
The level of aspirations turned out to be average, adequate, and quite stable.
2. Personal anxiety:
2.1. Modified Spielberger technique. A low level of personal anxiety was obtained.
2.2. Drawing test “House-tree-person”.
Anxiety, concentration on the past, a sense of self-worth, problems with the “self-image”, infantilism, frustration, retreat into dreams and fantasies, a tendency to avoid new experiences, and difficulties in interpersonal contacts are noted.
3. Hypertrophied motive to be an excellent student:
3.1. Conversations with teachers, Anya and mother:
The motive to be an excellent student is strongly expressed, but there is also another expressed motive: communication with parents. There is no motivational conflict in this case, since both motives are consistent with each other. An inappropriately strong emotional reaction to “B” grades speaks in favor of the hypertrophied development of the motive for excellent studies, but this assumption indirectly refutes the lack of competitiveness.
3.2. Self-esteem according to Dembo-Rubinstein:
In addition to self-esteem itself, we used classmates’ ratings on the same scales. After putting a self-assessment mark on the scale, Anya was asked to rate someone in the class on the same quality. On two scales - a good daughter and appearance - she found it difficult to evaluate her classmates.
Diligence - 95%. Polina V. - also 95%, Anya R. - 90%.
Good character - 95%. Anya R. - 95%, Ira K. - 80%.
A good friend - 90%. Anya R. - 90%, Polina V. - 95%, Ira K. - 95%.
Good daughter - 95%.
Intelligence, abilities - 95%. Varya M. - 95%.
Appearance - 90%.
Very high self-esteem was found on all scales used. With all the undoubted merits of Anya, her self-esteem should be considered overestimated.
The subject rates highly both the excellent students Varya and Polina, as well as Ira K. and Anya R., who have many “B’s” and sometimes even get “C’s”, i.e., academic performance is not an essential criterion for her to evaluate her peers. This can be considered as indirect evidence that the motive for excellent academic performance is not excessive.
Summary of the psychological examination data: the hypothesis about the inadequacy of the level of aspirations was not confirmed, a clear answer to the question of whether the motive to be an excellent student is overdeveloped was not obtained, general personal ill-being was found (see above the results of the drawing test), the genesis of which is unclear, and heightened self-esteem.
Note. Analysis of psychological examination data showed that the original theoretical construct was incomplete: it did not include both possible reason the described behavioral disorder inflated self-esteem. Obviously, even occasionally receiving “B”s does not correspond to such high self-esteem and therefore causes a strong emotional reaction. The genesis of inadequate self-esteem remains unclear.
PSYCHOLOGICAL DIAGNOSIS
An inappropriately strong emotional reaction to “B”s is a consequence of inflated general self-esteem. Perhaps abnormal self-esteem is one of the components of general personal ill-being, which is also expressed in anxiety and frustration.
PROPOSED EVENTS
Since the cause of general personal ill-being had not been identified, we had to limit ourselves to asking the teachers to treat Anya as kindly as possible and try to reduce the subjective significance of the assessment, which is what they did before.
CATAMNESIS AFTER 4 MONTHS
Anya’s school life went on as before, the only change was the appearance of a fan.
The class teacher began to notice that one boy, also an excellent student, was not indifferent to Anya, and she put them at the same desk.
The teacher does not know whether the girl shares his feelings, but she accepts signs of attention favorably, including seeing her home.
In March, Anya met with a student doing an internship at the gymnasium as a future school psychologist. She became interested in the girl after seeing her drawing using the “House-Tree-Man” method. The intern explained to her that she was a temporary person at the gymnasium and would not tell anyone here about the content of conversations with children, and invited Anya to openly talk about her worries. The girl immediately burst into tears and said that since last summer she had been haunted by the fear of her mother’s death. She doesn't know why he appeared. Mom looks as usual, she doesn’t seem to go to the doctors, but Anya is periodically overcome by panic. This can happen at home, in class or on an excursion, in front of mom or in her absence. The girl doesn’t tell anyone about her fear, not even her mother. She admitted that her greatest desire was to sit at home, surrounded by soft pillows, and read. Anya agreed that her classmates treat her well, but she herself often experiences difficulties communicating with them; sometimes it is difficult for her to express her impressions or express an idea. According to some of her words, it seemed to the intern that there was already long time there is discord, carefully hidden from the daughter.
The school psychologist decided not to do anything in this case, since the help of a child psychotherapist and, possibly, a specialist in marital relations is needed. Considering the mother’s denial of any significant personal problems for Anya, the psychologist decided not to rush with advice to contact a psychotherapist, but to wait for the right moment.
REFINED PSYCHOLOGICAL DIAGNOSIS
An inappropriately strong negative emotional reaction to “B”s is a consequence of rigid, inflated self-esteem, which was formed, presumably, as a defensive unconscious reaction to the discord between the parents, hidden from the daughter. Inappropriate reaction on “fours” increases neurosis - the fear of the death of the mother, the symptoms of which were discovered during psychological examination and are designated as “general personal distress.” Neurosis probably has the same cause as abnormal self-esteem.
PROTOCOLS OF PSYCHOLOGICAL RESULTS
SURVEYS
1. Hoppe technique:
Difficulty levels of tasks:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 Serial numbers of tasks.
The completion of the task was assessed by the experimenter as:
Correct;
Wrong.
2. Dialogue with a psychologist when performing the Dembo-Rubinstein technique:
P. - But it turns out that you’re not the best friend, right?
A. - Ira with Polina better than a friend than Anya and I: they never quarrel, or rather, I have never noticed them quarreling. We have very rarely, but there are quarrels, I don’t even remember why, but I know how unpleasant it is: you sit the whole lesson and sulk.
P. - Are you an ideal daughter?..
A. - My parents always tell me that I am the best child in the world... I don’t put a cross here, at the very top...
P. - And which of your friends is at the very top?
A. - I don’t know, maybe someone is there, but not one of my friends!
P. - Anya, why didn’t you evaluate any of the girls by their appearance?
A. - It is very difficult to evaluate the appearance of others. Everyone has different tastes.
P. - Yes, on all scales you rate yourself very highly...
A. (after a pause, smiling). - But that’s who I am, why should I deceive you?
3. Modified Spielberger technique:
The anxiety index is 33 (values up to 35 inclusive correspond to a low level of personal anxiety).
The description of the diagnostic activity of a psychologist according to the presented scheme provides the opportunity to:
- register the psychologist’s own experience of diagnostic activity, making it available for better understanding, analysis, ordering and systematization,
- create a catalog of cases from diagnostic practice in various areas of application of psychological and pedagogical diagnostics (learning difficulties, behavioral deviations, violations of interpersonal relationships, etc.),
- share your experience with other psychologists,
- master the experience of solving diagnostic problems accumulated by other psychologists through familiarization with the diagnostic cases they provide, characterized according to this scheme,
- organize training in diagnostic thinking and increase the diagnostic competence of student psychologists and professional psychologists by solving diagnostic problems of various types, built on the basis of this scheme.
The absence of such a scheme for describing cases from practice that meets the requirements of completeness does not allow the implementation of the listed possibilities.
Bibliography
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Anufriev A.F. Psychodiagnostics: fundamentals for solving diagnostic problems. - M., 2012. - 190 p. |
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Anufriev A.F., Busarova O.R. Cases from school advisory practice.-M., 2005.-80 p. |
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Anufriev A.F., Malakhov O.V. Cases from the diagnostic practice of a psychologist: deviations in the behavior of younger schoolchildren.-M., 2010.-98 p. |
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Burmenskaya G.V. Age-related psychological approach to counseling children and adolescents.-M., 2002.-416 p. 5. Gutkina N.I. Several cases from the practice of a school psychologist. – Moscow, 1991. – 78 p. 6. Shvantsara J. Diagnosis of mental development. - Prague, 1978. - 376 p. 7. Sopov V.F. Morphological test of life values: a guide to application / Ed. B.M. Petrov, I.N. Sidorov. – Samara, 2002. – 56 p. 8. Malkina-Pykh I.G. Psychosomatics: A Handbook for a Practical Psychologist. - M.: Eksmo, 2005. - P. 124-126. 9. Leontyev D.A. Test of life-meaning orientations: Psychodiagnostic series. M.: Sense 2006.-18 p. 10. Encyclopedia of psychodiagnostics. Psychodiagnostics of children.-Samara, 2008.-624 p. 11. Rogov E.I. Handbook for a practical psychologist in education.-1995.-529 p. |
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Burmenskaya G.V. Vozratsno-psikhologicheskii podkhod v konsul "tirvanii detei i podroskov.-M., 2002.-416 s. 5. Gutkina H. I. Neskol"ko sluchaev iz praktiki shkol"nogo psikhologa. - Moscow, 1991. - 78 s. 6.Shvantsara I Diagnostika psikhicheskogo razvitiya.-Praga, 1978.--376 pp. 7. SopovV.F.Morfologicheskii test zhiznennykh tsennostei: rukovodstvo po pri menniyu /Red. B.M. Petrov, I.N. Sidorov. - Samara, 2002. - 56 pp. 8. Malkina-Pykh I.G. Psikhosomatika: Reference book prakticheskogo psikhologa. - M.: Eksmo, 2005. - S. 124-126. 9. Leont"ev D.A. Test smyslozhiznennykh orientatsii: Psikhodiagnosticheskaya seriya. M.: Smysl 2006.-18 s. 10. Entsiklopediya psikhodiagnostiki.PsikhodDiagnostika detei.-Samara, 2008.-624 s 11. Rogov E.I.Nastol"naya kniga prakticheskogo psikhologa v obrazovanii.-1995.-529 s. |
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Simonenko I.A. Diagnostika narusheniya privyazannosti v diade mat"-rebenok v protsesse psikhologicheskogo konsul"tirovaniya i psikhoterapii // Psikhologiya i Psikhotekhnika. - 2013. - 10. - pp. 998 - 1004. DOI: 10.7256/2070-8955.2013.10.9933. |
Anufriev A.F. Scheme for describing cases from practice in psychological and pedagogical diagnostics // Psychologist. - 2014. - No. 3. - P.141-174. DOI: 10.7256/2306-0425.2014.3.12700..html
Hello dear readers!
She did not leave many indifferent. It's nice. This indicates that the topic is quite relevant. Judging by the comments, many people liked the article. There were also unusual comments, judging by which, readers saw in the text what they wanted to see, and not what was written in it. There are those who argued that she is not good enough. It is strange that these people, who are interested in the problem of whims, did not find anything interesting in the article explaining the essence of this phenomenon. At the same time, they simultaneously demonstrated their awareness of this issue and pointed out the need to write practical advice on the topic raised, wishing to receive general recommendations.
I would like to remind you that it is impossible to set up a car yourself, even if you have the equipment, until you spend time studying its structure. It is impossible to repair it based on the situation: “Something has been humming in it for a long time, it seems to me that it is a generator...” - it is impossible. What if it's a bearing? To solve the problem of whims, you must understand the essence of this phenomenon and that is why I spent my time writing the previous article. Understanding the essence of a phenomenon without the ability to solve problems associated with it suggests that in fact there is no understanding of the essence, but there is an illusion of understanding. I think that in this situation it is worth remembering the old parable:
One day four blind men wanted to know what an elephant was, at least what it looked like. They asked to take them to the elephant. One touched the elephant’s trunk and remarked: “An elephant looks like a thick rope.” The second one touched the tail and objected to him: “No, not on a rope, but rather on a rope...”. The third one, who was touching the elephant’s leg, objected: “No, actually it looks like a pillar.” And the fourth, who touched his stomach, said: “You are all wrong! An elephant looks like a huge barrel!” And the blind men began to animatedly argue about what an elephant really looked like. And they were all wrong, and each of them was right in their own way.
That's why Thanks a lot for your absolutely fair comments. And I, seeing from the comments that there is insufficient awareness and coverage of knowledge among the masses on the topic raised, will continue.
I'm a practitioner. I write about what I have seen hundreds of times, about what I have had to cope with many times. I come from my own practical experience, and not from dozens of theories, sometimes close to practice, sometimes immeasurably distant, sometimes created to explain completely different forms of education and its results. Quoting other people's truths, and sometimes other people's nonsense set out in these theories, is not my goal. In addition, I am a doctor, not a psychologist, I treat, and do not advise.
In this article I will try to concretize some aspects of the problem of children's capricious behavior and the hysterical reactions that accompany it.
I will repeat once again - I am a practitioner. I have seen these reactions many hundreds of times, probably in all possible options and manifestations. Therefore, I will start with specific practical examples that will illustrate the dynamics of the formation and elimination of such a form of behavior as whim and the dynamics of accompanying hysterical symptoms.
Case study No. 1(most common option)
Initial data: Girl 2 years old 4 months Raised by a young full family. First and only child. Father is a car mechanic. Works honestly and conscientiously from dark to dark. Ambitious. On weekends, he walks with his wife and daughter, plays with the child, practically never letting go of her and never leaving her side. Loving, paying attention, with a desire to educate. She teaches her daughter to stand up for herself, to insist on her own, and not to give in. The family also makes efforts to ensure that their daughter grows up both smart and beautiful. In the conversation, it turns out that the father sometimes even conflicts with other people, defending the interests of the child. At the same time, it is categorical and unambiguous. Not inclined to dialogue and compromise in everything that concerns his daughter. By type - the girl is always right. If the girl is wrong, contact me. And I’m certainly always right. If strangers really infringe on the interests of the child, a war begins. Moreover, it doesn’t matter who is in front of him - grandmother, grandfather, father, mother - he is categorical, uncompromising and cruel with everyone. He cannot stand it when some mother or nanny reprimands his child. To this he replies, “raise your children.” He is a strong, brave man and naturally he has the most beautiful wife and, of course, the most beautiful and intelligent daughter. The wife is a young bright housewife with higher education, with far-reaching plans for life.
The family shows some demonstration of living beyond their means. An expensive, beautiful car was purchased on credit, they dressed in flashy clothes, and did not restrict the child in anything. At the same time, they still have a fairly modest income, most of which is spent on rent. In communication it is easy to judge things in which one is incompetent. Always confident in your opinion and knowledge. By the way, this is one of the signs of parents whose children are prone to capricious behavior. Loudness, brightness, demonstrativeness.
Child behavior: In response to almost any circumstance he doesn’t like, he screams loudly, stomps his feet, refuses to respond to any instructions from adults, often falls, hits his head on the floor, rolls on the floor, sometimes scratches his face, etc. The reaction can occur at any time during a walk, conversation, any action, when, it would seem, there is no reason. When a family comes to visit, it is forced to leave within 20-25 minutes. Reactions always come. And always stormy. They showed me videos of these things. In fact, it looked scary. When trying to stop this behavior, the child became even more “creepy.” He screamed louder, more furiously, he froze, his breathing was held for some time longer than normal. Neither threats, nor persuasion, nor distraction worked. The hysteria stopped suddenly, just as it started on its own.
The essence of the correction: I practically did not work with this child. Why? At the reception, I made sure that the girl did not have any mental disorders that could be feared (that is why a higher medical education is important for those working with children). But many man-hours were spent correcting the behavior of mom and dad, as well as grandfather, who took an active and close part in the process. The correction was carried out using a standard set of NLP psychotherapeutic techniques (with elements of hypnosis, in the case of dad), but basically it was good old rational psychotherapy with an explanation of the situation. This approach allows you to disavow all false ideas about raising a child, allows you to show how a child is actually raised, and not how it seems to parents. The role of incorrect social dominants is shown. And, most importantly, the connection between the child’s behavior and the behavior of his parents is revealed without alternative. If the therapist is competent and competent, a reasonable mom and dad have no options to resist the correction of their parental behavior.
It is worth noting that after the parents’ behavior changed, the child’s behavior changed dramatically. In the context of the new behavior of the parents, the old behavior of the child - with whims and hysterics, simply became meaningless. And since the girl was mentally healthy, her psyche, freed from parental stupidity, developed new forms of behavior quickly and reliably, as befits the psyche of a healthy child.
Conclusion: In this case, which is not difficult to correct, the main thing is to work with parents. The child actually had nothing to do with it. It will seem to most that the family’s initial data is normal. This is probably true. They are a wonderful unit of society, they love each other, they dote on their daughter, but the parents’ behavior in society and the forms of their interaction with the child forced the little girl to behave this way.
Case from practice No. 2. Scary and clinical
Initial data: At the reception there is a girl 6 years 7 months old. Categorical refusal to eat hard foods. Instant vomiting in response to any attempt to swallow. And so 3 months without progress before treatment. The physiological decline of the child has already been observed. Options for parenteral (via IV) nutrition began. The girl could not even swallow porridge or mashed potatoes, only completely liquid food. Before my eyes, when trying to drink a spoonful of clear chicken broth, she, having felt a millimeter brown lump on her tongue, the kind that floats in broths, gave out several powerful spasms of the stomach and esophagus. And so on for several days in a row. In response to any irritation of the oral cavity by any food, instant vomiting followed.
Analysis of the situation: In this child, compared to case No. 1 (described above), a persistent pathological reflex has already formed. I found out that the capriciousness inherent in her in early childhood made her very similar to the 2-year-old girl from the previous example. Mom and dad raised her diligently and honestly. The girl was a late child. And at 6 years and 7 months. This capriciousness intersected with the following random situations:
At home at breakfast, the girl choked and was very scared. Somehow they calmed me down, but the next day, in front of the girl’s eyes, by coincidence, her older sister choked and coughed until she vomited.
Neurologists and psychiatrists provided drug treatment. To no avail. The gastroenterologist spoke about spasms of the gastrointestinal tract muscles. It's actually scary when I see such children. Hysterical spasm is very difficult to relieve and resists correction like an animal.
The essence of the correction: Using psychotherapeutic methods, I removed this reflex for 5 days in a row. Technically it was very difficult. On the eighth day, the girl swallowed hard food for the first time in three months. But the main work, after eliminating the symptoms, was again carried out with the mother. And, believe me, working with the mother turned out to be more difficult than eliminating the child’s hysterical reflex. That is, I had to do what should have been done with my mother several years ago. This mother, although she was older than the mother from the previous example, was also bright, ambitious, well-read and all-knowing, and also a teacher by training - a psychologist. Before clinical case With her daughter, she did not allow the thought that she was doing something wrong in her relationship with the child. The girl was very developed, lively, active, and trainable. Forgive my cynicism, but the fear I experienced at the sight of my daughter’s suffering helped me explain to my mother the extent of her mistakes in upbringing. This fear made her less critical, more susceptible to accepting behavior that was unusual for her, but correct, in relation to her daughter. She realized that the source of all this nightmare was largely herself. The woman is smart and educated, but misguided. Of course, she coped with it and, as I can judge, the girl entered her teenage years and passed it without any special incidents.
Case from practice No. 3.“Super clinical” (especially impressionable people – don’t read it :-))
Initial data: Girl 15 years old. The anamnesis is approximately the same as that of the little girls from the previous examples. Excellent family. Both dad and mom are very caring.
The children's interests come first. I knew this family well and was surprised when they showed up with the problem of a sharp painful spasm of the eye muscles in their daughter. On the eve of the spasm, the girl came home too late. The father expressed strong paternal disagreement with this. The girl answered boldly. Her father responded by verbally humiliating her, emphasizing her physical immaturity and her age-appropriate body structure. The father’s words, as he intended, touched a pain point in his daughter’s psyche, but the resulting reaction turned out to be much stronger than the father expected. As a result of this reaction, the muscles around the eye spasmed and the eye closed.
A hysterical spasm of the orbicularis oculi muscle occurred. A rather rare motor hysterical reaction. Over all the years of practice I have seen this no more than 12-15 times. This hysterical spasm of the eye muscles does not respond to any medications. It looked like this: - the eye simply closed, as if it had been squeezed very, very, very hard. It’s just impossible to open it - a day, two, three, a week, night and day. The spasm is so strong that you can’t even open your eyes with your fingers, and this happens for many days in a row. Naturally, all this trouble is accompanied by severe pain.
The essence of the correction: It took 3 days to break this reaction. The eye opened. Although it was not easy, it came down to competent psychotherapeutic technique. This is like using a certain set of tools. And,... again, correcting relationships in the family took longer than relieving a severe spasm.
Now this girl is 26 years old. Two children. Normal family. But a month ago I brought my 3-year-old daughter. They arrived in the same composition. She, who became a mother, with her parents and daughter. With what? Guess it once! That's right: - With children's whims!
Thank God, the child’s behavior was corrected quickly. Who? Not me. I adjusted the behavior of my mother and grandparents. Remembering the adventure with the eye spasm 11 years ago, they listened to my every recommendation and did what was required to correct the situation. They changed their behavior. They succeeded.
conclusions
There are hundreds of cases from practice, and only based on their analysis, one can understand the following:
- Working with a child at the stage of behavior disorder, called childish whims, is often pointless. In the vast majority of cases, it is not the child who is the subject of psychotherapy, but his parents.
- The main method of correcting a child’s hysterical behavior is to work with parents and change their behavior, and, often, life attitudes. In most cases, the adults around are the main thing in the pathogenesis of the formation of these reactions. This is the main determining factor in a child's behavior. That is why, in many cases, numerous advice from psychologists on correcting children’s behavior may not work, because the essence of children’s behavior is in many ways taking a cast from the behavior of adults. Without correcting the behavior of mothers, fathers, nannies and other entourage from the retinue of a magnificent baby, it is impossible to achieve results. Adults need to change their behavior in general, and not at the moment of a child’s whim, not specifically for its correction, but generally on a daily, hourly basis. You need to understand that it is your behavior that is the starting point for all types of behavior of your child.
- In most cases, the characteristics of the children themselves are also typical. Usually these are smart, developed children, often slightly taller than their peers, with a rich emotional component.
- The capricious behavior of children in childhood is the basis for the formation of hysterical, phobic and other neurotic reactions in adulthood and adolescence. You can also aggravate or modify the problem into hidden hysterical symptoms. Suppress the child. And in response to suppressed behavior, the child experiences a reactive muscle spasm (in the intestines, throat, diaphragm, etc.). That is, a variety of psychosomatic symptoms will form. Which in adolescence results in gastritis, dyskinesia, bronchial asthma, allergic reactions, decreased immunity, and skin disorders. In adolescence, all this trouble will bloom magnificently because:
- The social load on the child increases sharply, and his forms of interaction using the hysterical circle reactions formed in childhood do not work and turn into psychosomatic symptoms.
- at the same time, a huge physiological load falls on the teenager’s body. Intensive growth of the body. The hormonal boost of all these changes.
And again I will say as a practitioner: In each case it is strictly necessary individual approach. Even the treatment for a runny nose varies from person to person. One has a high fever and needs to be brought down, the other has no fever. One has complications due to the anatomical features of the sinuses; the other does not. As for the psyche, there are an order of magnitude more nuances. The work sometimes resembles the work of a jeweler. Amateurism is not acceptable here. I'm not talking about parents. Parents are inside the situation. They love the child, want everything for him, do everything they can. The fact that they, like any people, are limited within the framework of their own life and professional experience, just like me and you, like all of us - this is understandable. But what if amateurism is multiplied by frantic effort? Plus categoricalness, often due to the high level of education and ambition of mothers of children suffering from whims and hysterical reactions? All life experience such mothers tells them that they are actually smart and competent. This is actually true, but everyone can make mistakes. Seeing a bunch of advice that doesn’t work, they, of course, look for a way out, read a lot, know a lot. They cope with adversity in their own way and, if they succeed, they are deservedly proud of it. But the scheme developed by this particular mother will not necessarily work in the case of another child.
In addition to the above points, it is very important to understand that if the case clinical, how in example 2 or in example 3, urgent, even emergency professional help from a psychotherapist is needed.
Completion
You can debate as much as you like about the right and wrong norms of parental behavior. Raising adults is a thankless and incorrect task. There are simply very specific psychophysiological constructs that accompany one or another behavioral form.
Let me give you an example: There is a glass of a certain shape on the table. You can pour anything into it, water, juice, wine, kerosene, paint... The contents of the glass will change. But its form will remain the same.
So, the child learns precisely the form of behavior of adults, and not the content, not the meaning, which are inaccessible to him. The child appropriates the facial and gestural structures of his parents. Intonation modulations and correspondence to the tonal range of speech of a parenting adult. Masters the positioning of emotional accents. The content of the behavior of an adult, its meaning cannot be understood by a child of 2-3 and so on years old. What is happening is a meaningless copying of the psychophysiology of an adult. Therefore, working with a child, especially with the content of his reactions, does not make sense until early school age. Remove fears and anxiety related to a specific reason (for example, you were scared of an elevator, a dog, an uncle, etc.) - please. Systematic behavior - no. This is a separate, very serious topic. It cannot be contained entirely within the framework of individual articles.
In this article, as well as in the previous one, I do not pretend to absolute truth in the last resort. I am simply drawing on many years of practice and describing it. A small part of my practice is several hundred cases of working with children (although I mostly work with adults) similar to those described above.
It’s great that parents nowadays devote a lot of time to their children. They study literature, recommendations on the Internet, and use all available resources. 
Family is again becoming a core value. There are a huge number of competent psychologists and educators who skillfully and professionally work with children and families.
And I make my humble contribution to this process. As I understand, as I can, as I can. My articles are not purely scientific, much less categorical. In the traditions of the journalistic genre, I will end where I started. Remember the parable of the four blind men? I, as one of them, simply touched this “elephant” many, many times and in different places, but I am sure that I do not fully know all its features and habits. This is probably where I’ll finish talking about vagaries. You can continue Caprice part 3, part 4, etc., but is it worth it? The topic is deep and endless, as is everything that concerns a person...
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Whims 2 | Cases from the practice of a psychotherapist and their analysis: 30 comments
- Julia
I don’t understand where there are so many questions about what and how they did it?! This is professionalism! Thank you for the article! My daughter is only 8 months old, it’s my first child, so I don’t know how to raise her properly (((I see the first whims have just begun! And it’s not clear whether to run right away to do it or wait... what to do
- Nastya's mom
Thank you for your time and effort! With love for the resource, Nastya’s mother.
- hope
There are a lot of questions about how exactly parents should have behaved. I would like to remind everyone who asks about the wonderful book by Lena Alekseevna Nikitina “I am learning to be a mother.” The relationship in their family, in my opinion, is the best option that one can only emulate. I even remember specific words from this book: 1. “We are all sincerely disposed towards each other” (not “we love each other” - after all, love is often slightly hysterical and selfish), 2. “When I argue, I wish with all my might irresistible use arguments to win him over to your side” (rather than push your own). 3. She said to her son in response to some outrageous act: “Yes, I don’t understand you. But I want to understand! Etc. A wonderful ADEQUATE family, from whose experience you can draw a lot of specifics, which everyone here lacks.
- Elena
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