What do they look like, these very points of support? They can look different: it could be an apartment, work, person, animal, food, alcohol and much more.

Job

For example, let's take work. For some people work is just a place where he makes money, and nothing more. A person does not attach any serious importance to work, he just goes to work and that’s it. If it happens that he has to leave this job, he will not be particularly upset. There are plenty of other places in our world where you can earn money; in this case, work should not be considered a point of psychological support. Work can be considered a fulcrum only if a person has merged it with his own life and destiny. In other words, for such a person work is life, or at least one of its most important components.

A very striking example is people who lived most of their lives in the USSR. In those days it was considered a great honor to work at one enterprise all your life., and to work with soul, devoting oneself to work, such an attitude was encouraged in every possible way and therefore it is not surprising that for many people work has become their life. Therefore, it is quite reasonable to equate work and the meaning of life. A person imbued with such an attitude, when fired, for some reason, loses the meaning of life and goes into deep depression or binge drinking. Some people find the strength to get back on their feet and continue on their way through life, while others fade away for the rest of their lives and live only with memories of that “happy” life.

Another option, more modern - A businessman who started his own business loving him passionately, devoting himself to this matter entirely and completely, without reserve. And if for some time things were going well for him, and in addition to money, he also received his own satisfaction, as well as the respect of others, then what would happen if this fulcrum, (take away or destroy his business) what will happen to the person? He can easily lose interest in life for several years, or even for life. But people have different wills and attitudes towards life; for some, a week may be enough to worry, and then he will get up and start something else. The fulcrum can also be called in other words, very the word importance is appropriate, something or someone.

Man as a fulcrum

A person can also be a fulcrum, For example, son for parents, husband for wife and vice versa, in general any road and close person can become a fulcrum for someone. How to find out whether a loved one is a fulcrum for you or not? It’s very simple, if you live more of this person’s life than your own, this person is a fulcrum, if the loss of this person or a long separation is a disaster for you, this is again a fulcrum. At first glance, what’s so terrible about parents worrying about their son or a wife worrying about her husband? This is good, you say. Yes, this is not bad, but there is a limit for everything. We must not lead to fanaticism. If a son cannot calmly sneeze and not immediately receive a handful of pills, or dress the way he likes, he is constantly being watched out of a feeling of excessive love, then such love and care sometimes makes you want to run into the forest and hide in a dugout so as not to see anyone and not hear. In this case, at least two people are not living their lives, the one who is cared for and the one who is cared for.

In such cases, I always want to ask those who overprotect someone - What, you have nothing else to do, how to take care, and, frankly speaking, keep an eye on your loved one? Why do you think that your head knows better what a person wants, because he has his own worldview, his own wants. Why do you think that a person whom you consider family and friends should live in a prison of your wishes and beliefs? Live your life and let others live theirs.

For people who are overprotective of someone close to them, own life and fate is an empty place, it is unimportant and not needed for them, since they waste it so much. If the person under his care is taken away from such a person, and forever, (this will not necessarily be death, the person can simply say “stop looking after me, leave me alone” and will no longer allow me to interfere in his life, in other words, it will take away a person’s point of support, So what? What will happen to someone who has been deprived of the most important thing in life - the object of his care, interests, meaning? Anyone who has lost their point of support becomes psychologically disabled for some time and becomes useless, I would even say a burden, both for themselves and for those around them. Support points are the most important thing in a person’s life, his consciousness rests on them, they give a person the illusion of the need and importance of his life itself. Without them, a person does not see the meaning of life; without points of support, a person does not live, but lives out his life.

At first glance, they are necessary, even necessary for a person, but at a certain moment they become his psychological hell, and so it always is, all points of support will sooner or later become hell. A fulcrum is artificially created by the mind for itself illusion of the importance of some object, person or event. More often than not, someone’s point of support is an empty place for others, a meaningless figment of the imagination.

The fulcrum can also be called an idol for worship; consciousness itself created the idol, deified it, and itself worships and prays to it. Usually a person has several points of support, but not many, and it happens that he has absolutely one, more often than not, the fewer points of support, the greater their importance for a person and the more disastrous the consequences of its loss.

In fact, the fulcrum is the limitation of consciousness, stubbornness in one corner and not seeing the rest of the world. A correct understanding of this issue reveals to a person the equivalence of his entire surrounding world and eliminates the limitations of perception. In other words, a person receives as a gift not one or two toys, but a whole world filled with joy and happiness, and if something disappears from this boundless space, it will not bring pain and suffering. A person living on the seashore does not notice the disappearance of one pebble from the coast, because he has a whole shore of them. But on the other hand, if he creates points of support for himself (chooses several pebbles from the coast and falls in love with them), then the loss of one of them will be a tragedy.

Loving loved ones is necessary and very important, but don’t turn it into fanaticism

Love should be a gift!

The first and most important point of support should be for every person on himself, but also without fanaticism and idealization. That is, we all must understand that in life we ​​only have ourselves, from the beginning of life to the end, until the very last moment, everything else in life is given to us for a while, including close people, not to mention work , car, apartment and other generally accepted values, so you should not assign the importance of your whole life to them.

A person who has realized his value, importance and significance for himself will no longer impose himself on others with claims that he is not loved, paid little attention and in some other way does not stroke his ego. That’s it, he no longer needs it, he has become a spiritual adult and realized that if he himself does not fill his inner emptiness, not one person in the world will be able to do it for him. He becomes free and happy to the maximum given by his fate.

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Support points are what allow us to feel confident and calm.

External reference points are something that can cause dependence because they are in outside world: approval of other people, their opinion, their tips and advice, compliments, support, help, protection, love. These are always fragile and temporary things that we are afraid of losing.

Internal support points are what we can find inside ourselves and cannot lose in any way, because it is always with us. This is our inner resource, our inner peace, the support of our family, our connection with God, our own intuition and wisdom, our skills, our ability to build relationships with people and our ability to bring real benefit to other people.

The most important element spiritual development is the transition from external points of support to internal ones. We stop relying on the external, temporary and instead rely on the internal, eternal.

For example, we develop our own intuition and wisdom, we understand that it is much more adequate than the opinions and advice of other people, and we begin to trust it.

For example, we learn what the love of God is, what the support of our family is, and these sensations allow us to stop urgently needing the “love” of parents and other people in the form of their approval and good attitude towards us. We have found love within ourselves, and it becomes a fulcrum.

Internal support points do not provide absolute independence. We are always dependent on other people, there is nothing wrong with that. We are social beings, we live off each other, helping each other, interacting, exchanging values.

What kind of independence do internal support points provide?

For example: you do not know how to create value for other people, in this case you depend on that person who agrees to pay you money for at least something. You will be afraid of upsetting this person because you are afraid that he will kick you out. And then you may not find someone who will pay you at least the same amount. You don’t know what it is about you that makes you wealthy. Therefore, your fulcrum becomes another person who is in your favor. this moment pays money. And it's scary.

But if you know how to do something very useful, which few people can do, and you realize this value, then you have no fear and no anxiety. You feel confident, you are not afraid that you will be fired or kicked out, because, firstly, this is unlikely, because you know what value you provide, and secondly, you will instantly find other people who are ready to pay you no less. Notice that you still seem to be dependent on other people. But at the same time you are at peace and confident. Because your fulcrum is not other people, but your ability to benefit people, with which you will always be secure and free enough.

If a woman is not yet capable of this, she will be jealous of her husband, she will be afraid that he will not give her the necessary abundance and security, that he may leave her, she begins to nag him, etc. Because the husband in this case is the external support point.

Where there is an external point of support, there is always a fear of losing, a desire to hold on and control.

What is inside us does not need to be contained or controlled. It's impossible to lose.

First the lyrics. Epigraph from Galchinsky: “I love to be near your heart. Close. Nearby. And outside the windows there is snow. And crows under the snowfall...”

At the age of 19 I had great love. From time to time I called and asked him to come and save me urgently.

“I’ll come tomorrow,” said great love.

- Tomorrow? I feel bad today.

- Today myself. You can be saved every day.

And so it was - I easily plunged into despair and quickly, like a stone, reached the bottom. This is the device I had. I had to learn to save myself on my own. Get acquainted with the formulation “I am reliable for myself” and write it down, hammer it into the subconscious. (More about methods later.) It helped. I imagine it in the form of a durable, flexible rod made of a defensive alloy - letters in script along the spine: “I am reliable for myself.”

But sometimes, less and less often, it hits. The core weakens, the ligature unravels, the strength flows out and seems to gather under the bed, like mercury. And hello, “I’m lying in such a huge puddle”... And I can’t get up. Once, in this state, I bought a new synthetic padding pillow; it seemed to me that the old feather one was filled with my black thoughts. And it won’t dry out anymore.

During another crisis, when “everything was bad,” the psychologist gave me a task. She didn’t ask, she didn’t advise, but she told me to do this: write down on A4 sheet what I like in life. Which is good. Not something big, like world peace and universal harmony, but what is nearby, always at hand, little things, all kinds of nonsense.

You had to take your favorite pen, which is pleasant to touch in your hand and so that it leaves a soft, continuous, velvety mark on the paper, draw back the margins at the top, right and left, and remember at least something. It was difficult for me to breathe, I didn’t want to eat or drink, or anything at all. But since I turned to a psychologist for help and was in his office, I had to think and write: I love...

Your breakfast

My Armenian brass Turk (“she’s 20 years old,” I added for some reason),

The smell of ground coffee

When a sparrow flies to the window to peck crumbs (or a tit),

Look at a crow sitting on a tree under the snow: the flakes are falling, but she doesn’t even turn her head (and doesn’t fly away).

The reception ended, I took the piece of paper home, and in the evening I took it, crumpled, out of my bag and wrote that I still loved it...

Kiss children on the forehead, under the bangs (mom says it “smells like feathers” there),

Lie on your right side with a book,

Write to friends: “So how is it?”

Your Chanel Chance perfume (and Chanel Allure, in the evening),

Your silver rings, especially one with coral,

When Gus calls at work, he decisively says, “Mom...” and pauses.

When Asya asks: “You know what?” - and on the go he comes up with what to tell.

Before going to bed, when the lights are already turned off and I usually think about all sorts of household bullshit (what I don’t pay for: electricity, water, meters, and that I need to buy buckwheat) or about the eternal (what if they bury me alive and I wake up), I lay and figured it out with a stream of thoughts about various cute things that fell upon me. I remember getting up, walking barefoot to the table, turning on the table lamp and writing down: I love...

Sitting in the Greek hall Pushkin Museum– everything there is proportional, white, harmonious and the ceiling is glass,

Profiteroles with lemon cream on Gogolevsky,

...when they kiss between the shoulder blades (“and, leaving, with sweet lips, kiss two moles between the shoulder blades”),

Sit on the floor, shake out black and white paper photographs from the Unibrom envelopes, where my parents are younger than me now, and they had their own lives there before me, and sort through the photographs for a long time and look at them,

When nothing needs to be said and everything is clear,

The color of marble at the Sretensky Boulevard station (it is not brown or pink, it is delicate and can be seen directly from the carriage).

In the morning I could breathe easier. I was working, writing, and under my keyboard were two new sheets of paper with a list. I love...

Dive and listen to what's under the water,

When fog or a cloud creeps onto the rocks (I used to see this from the window),

Peonies (they smell like holidays) and chrysanthemums (they remind you that there can be happiness in autumn).

Four days later, I wanted to go somewhere, which had not happened for a long time, I wanted to go out in public, hang out, listen to the noise of the crowd. On the way to the metro, I looked around and even into the sky, and sniffed the smell of shawarma and tandoor in an Uzbek bakery.

The list took up several sheets, and was no longer being replenished so actively, but the fact that I had it, lying under a napkin, was strangely calming. Like a secret with colorful pieces of glass: you can always run, catch your breath, dig it up and admire it.

Of course, it later turned out that this was all a technique, a technique, right-hemisphere psychology. That by pushing the brain to seek pleasure in our lives, we turn it into an antenna that catches the good. The brain begins to scan reality and find reasons for joy in it. And when their number grows, exceeds a certain limit, everyone has a different limit, something like fireworks happens in the head, the mood improves and a reason for happiness is no longer needed. You just sit, and you feel better. Sometimes very much so.

Once upon a time, I wrote about a group of women who were preparing a personal “Book of Memory” for publication. This is a list of all those who went to the front during the Great Patriotic War. Last name, first name, patronymic, year of birth, where he was called from... And then, who has what.

It turned out that no one can stand such work for a long time, there are many heart attacks and even deaths. “What did you think, sit and write all day long: dead, dead, dead, missing... What heart can stand this?” – the group leader said bitterly.

In the case of a list where each item opens with the word “love,” the situation is the opposite. All these points, sub-points, little things and nonsense, tits and watches, smells and sounds - tie you to life, remind you that it deserves to be lived...

I'm not a psychologist, I'm just describing my experience. There is nothing unique about it. As in the thought that it’s good when you love a lot of things in life. You just need to remind yourself of this. And you can write a list like this all your life, at least mentally.

We all have to deal with toxic people at some time or another. It's about about people with manipulative tendencies, making subjective judgments and inconsiderate to the feelings of other people. Communicating with such members of society can be very uncomfortable, especially if you are forced to see each other every day.

But first, let's define who these toxic people are. Here are 9 signs of a toxic person.

1. They talk more than they listen.

Toxic people have narcissistic tendencies and are unable to focus on anything other than themselves. This is contrary to the Buddhist worldview, in which compassion and kindness towards others (and oneself) are of paramount importance.

2. They think they are never wrong.

Everything they say is right, and everything you say is wrong. Toxic people do not want to learn and react very harshly to criticism.

3. Drama follows them everywhere.

They always experience some kind of tragedy. But if you offer advice, they will simply say that it won't work.

4. They build all relationships for show.

All their love affairs are ostentatious, since they do everything only so that other people can see it. They don't know how to simply enjoy relationships.

5. Them personal experience- this is the standard with which they compare everything.

They evaluate all things based on their personal life experience. For example, if they hate yoga, then it is 100% a waste of time and there is no point in arguing with them.

6. They often lie.

To some extent, they benefit from their lies, so they lie without a twinge of conscience.

7. They lack tact when communicating with other people.

Some of the signs of toxic people are a lack of empathy and a feeling of superiority over others. They are proud of their honesty, so they never bother choosing words when they want to achieve something from others.

8. They try to control other people.

They want you to act in a certain way for their benefit.

9. They love to talk about others.

They love to mock others behind their backs in order to increase their own self-esteem.

“The deeper your awareness of the present moment, the calmer you will be towards manifestations of hostility. And the more you think about it, the more deeply you will understand how much this person must suffer inside to behave this way. This knowledge will allow you to treat these people with the necessary degree of empathy and compassion, which will enable you to remain as calm as possible when dealing with them.

After all, with enough compassion and insight, you can easily put out the fire of hostility... When people see that they are being treated well despite hostility, they themselves will change their behavior in better side. By helping them get rid of the poison that sits inside them, you are thereby helping yourself, since in the end you will see another person who is disposed towards you in a positive way.”

Entrepreneur and marketer Dan Waldschmidt shares provocative and sometimes sobering ideas on how to improve your business on his blog. Here are 26 more such ideas. (In the original, the tips are selected according to the letters of the English alphabet.)

Achieve more. Get things done. Stop starting - start finishing.

Believe in more. Remember that you have the strength to conquer the world.

Communicate more. Stop thinking that everyone already understands you. Share with people what motivates you.

Admire more. Bring the world a sense of wonder and excitement. Be unexpected.

Impact more. Help others recognize the changes they want to make.

Give more. Live for the love of others. Give to others as much as you would like to receive.

Help more. Lend a helping hand even when you need both hands to do your own thing.

More innovation. Be a creator, a puppeteer and an artist. Design something beautiful.

Unite more. Help people, ideas and opportunities find each other. Connect them.

Get on your knees. Humility will take you further than arrogance and the tendency to blame others.

Learn more. Never be satisfied with what you (think) you know. Open your mind.

Achieve more in more. Take the resources you have and tailor them to your needs.

Cherish and grow. Attract good people in a great relationship. Let people be your priority.

Be a pioneer. Leave your mark. Take risks and move into the unknown.

Make more boundaries. Learn to say “NO” to good opportunities that don’t offer you great prospects.

Repair more. Fix all the “people problems” in your life. Fix your financial problems and sort out your health.

Specialize more. Do one thing well - instead of doing a dozen things poorly.

Experiment more. Press all the buttons. Turn all the handles. Formulate your own conclusions.

Discover more. Stop paying attention to superficial problems - look into the soul.

Win more. Stop losing. Start doing things that bring quick wins.

Analyze more. Be honest about your intentions and motives.

Shout more. Speak out loud and loud about what matters most to you.

Turn around more. See what everyone else thinks is necessary for you and do the opposite.

When we feel unhappy, there is no need to despair. We need to gradually change our thinking and behavior so that these changes bring us closer to happiness.

At such moments, moving forward, continuing your path in life becomes difficult if there is no serious motive to do so. But such a motive is not difficult to find, it is you yourself.

When we don’t take care of satisfying our emotional needs, when it seems to us that nothing depends on us, the world seems to turn upside down.

You can try to cheer yourself up, you can tell yourself “time heals everything, the dark streak will pass...”, but this doesn’t really help. We need to “take fate into our own hands.”

Yes, there are times when nothing makes us happy. But you can’t let bad moments turn into a bad life...

We'll explain how to do this.

Strategies for situations when nothing makes you happy

If nothing makes us happy, if we feel that for three months we will have to live in a terrible mood, with insomnia, with apathy, with loss of interest in everything, we should consult a doctor.

It is quite possible that we have depression, and we need to consult with a specialist who will make a diagnosis and tell us how to deal with the disease.

The diagnosis of depression may not be confirmed. In any case, the strategies we will discuss will be useful.

Be aware of your rhythm: everything happens slower now

We feel bad, we cannot and should not hide it. Why smile and pretend that everything is fine when we are sad and feeling apathetic?

Don't try to fake feelings you don't feel.

• You have the right to be sad and sad. Negative emotions They also bring certain benefits, they show us that “something in our life needs to be changed.”

Recognize that your mind and body now operate more slowly. They seem to tell us that there is no need to rush, but that we need to delve deeper into our thoughts in order to understand what is happening and find a way out of the current situation.

Focus not on how you feel, but on what needs to be done.

In this state, you often feel angry, sad, you want to sleep, and then talk to someone.

You need to focus your attention not on what you feel, but on what needs to be done.

• I need to look good.
• I need to be alone.
• I need new dreams.
• We need to start all over again.
• You need to stop being sad.
• I want to be needed by people.
• I want me to have high self-esteem.

Do something every day to make you feel better.

You cannot improve your condition instantly. You need to work on this constantly, gradually changing your thinking and behavior.

These small daily actions improve our emotional state and we gradually begin to feel better.

To be happy, you need to be able to give up some things and even people. This is not always easy to do and requires some courage.

• We must learn to listen to our needs, to our conscience. Then we will be able to understand that certain things contradict our essence, they do not allow us to be happy.
• Refusing also means completing certain stages, life “cycles.” It is important to be able to identify what no longer brings us anything good, does not enrich us, what makes us feel bad.
• It is often no one's fault that we are unhappy. Or rather, our fears and self-doubt are to blame, which close the door to happiness for us.

Learn to identify these internal “pests” and get rid of them. There shouldn't be any effort involved.

,

Some people think you are dominant. Some people just think you're rude. But none of them are right. These words don't really reflect your personality.

Strong people don't need to win, they just don't want to let other people get in their way. Of course, some people may be afraid of you. But that's only because they don't understand how you can be so comfortable with yourself that you don't need anyone else.

Here are eight signs that you are strong personality, which may scare some people.

1. You don't like excuses.

Strong personalities do not tolerate excuses. When you are a strong personality, you don't want to listen to people who are bored about everything. You're better off focusing on what you can do and how you can overcome obstacles to do more.

2. You care about what you put into your life.

How strong man, you do not rely on other people, you clearly understand “who” you are, “why you are needed” or “what you can do.” You recognize that some people need to do the same in order to feel better.

3. You hate talking about nothing.

Useless conversation is terrible. If you are a strong person, you have a lot of ideas. You don't want to waste your time gossiping about people when you could be changing the world.

4. You cannot tolerate insensitivity, idiocy, or ignorance.

Strong personalities are the result of being caring and informed. There is a huge difference between them and dominants.

Because you've spent time and effort using your brain, you hate it when people make snap judgments about things they know nothing about. This is probably yours best quality, but not because you can use your knowledge to influence people. This is because you can use it to encourage people to actually think about what they are saying before they do it.

5. You know how to listen

Strong personalities know how to listen. You'd think people would appreciate it. But in reality, being heard and encouraged is a fear for people who are not used to it.

6. You don't need attention

Strong personalities don't need attention. Most people you meet think you excel at charisma, but that's not true. The amount of communication you have is off the charts, not because you want it, but because people need people like you.

7. You are fearless

Okay, that's not true. There are probably a couple of things that you are afraid of. But the difference between you and other people is that you don't let that fear dictate how you live your life.

8. You strive for growth and development.

Insecurity is an opportunity for you to do better. You know you're not perfect, but if you try to learn and grow, despite the risk of looking stupid.

,

I recently received three emails with the same message: “I’m ready to start over.” This synchronicity caught my attention and made me think. All three people described in detail situations from their lives, and all three simultaneously asked the same question:

“I don’t know what to do, where to go, I only know that I want to be successful... But what should I do?”

It is obvious that such a radical and open question finding the answer is not so easy. But I'll try to do it - for all of us. I offer you 5 principles and strategies that I live by myself. These are 5 ways to change your life at any age.

1. Focus less on the future and more on today.

I agree, it’s absolutely normal to plan for your future. But - not to the detriment of today. The truth is that no matter how smart you are, and no matter how hard you try, you will never be able to accurately simulate your Tomorrow. Even people who always have a carefully thought-out plan (for example, all the steps to become a doctor, run a business, etc.) actually cannot predict what awaits them along the way. It would be naive to hope that everything will turn out exactly as you planned.

Life rarely goes according to plan. For every person who set a goal for himself and walked towards it unhindered until he achieved it, there are hundreds of those who started strong and confident, but never reached the finish line. And if this happened to you, it's okay. Unseen circumstances and new opportunities can grow in front of you like mushrooms after rain.

Perhaps in order to correct your perspective, strengthen your determination, and perhaps to help you understand that you are going the wrong way and should turn around. It is possible that the place you find yourself in tomorrow does not even exist today. For example, just 10 years ago it was impossible to imagine that you could make a career at Google, Facebook or Twitter.

So, if you can't plan for your future, what should you do? Focus less on the future. Focus on what you can do today, no matter what Tomorrow brings.

Read. Write. Learn new things and practice them. Test your new skills and ideas. Create something new. Work on your relationships. All this will help you when you encounter unforeseen circumstances in the future.

One of the best ways to start implementing all this, I think, is to do or create something even very small in your own free time. Most people spend their free time on things that are completely useless for their lives - watching TV, playing video games, social media And so on. One year of such pastime - and you will have absolutely no ideas or desires left.

But if you draw every day, or study graphic design, or write a blog, or open and run your own YouTube channel, or write a business project, or spend more time with people with relevant skills... in a year you will be able to create or do something. In addition, you will receive a colossal life experience, because you can proudly say: “I created this and that that many people cannot do.”

It should be noted that this is possible not only for young, easy-going people, but also for each of us - regardless of age. It’s very simple: every day take at least a small step in the right direction, day after day, and so on for the rest of your life.

2. Focus on the journey itself, not the achievements.

We gain the most valuable experience in life not in achieving something, but in searching for ways and solutions. The most important thing is your journey to the endless horizon, when goals move with you, and you are calm and confident.

Why do we have to constantly move forward, move from one point to another? To understand the difference, to realize how the previous one differed from the next one, to see what is between the two points of your path. In the process, a lot of wonderful things will happen to you: you will meet your love, you will become stronger, you will gain invaluable experience. It is impossible to achieve all this without moving forward, without your journey through life.

In other words, the right journey is our destination.

3. Do difficult things.

If you want to stop growing and stop, make up an excuse for yourself. Lots of excuses. And, conversely, if you want to get out of this “trap,” do things that literally push you out of your comfort zone. Do something you've never done before.

There is no reasonable justification for not doing this. Not a single one - to repeat the same mistakes with enviable persistence. Life is too short. You must finally throw off your shackles and feel free.

One of the most important skills you can acquire in life is to learn to be comfortable outside of your comfort zone from time to time. Because truly worthwhile and magnificent things come into our lives only this way - hard, painfully, with effort.

Acquiring each new skill is not easy. Building a business is hard. Writing books is difficult. Getting married is also not easy. And raise children too. And keep in good physical shape. Everything is not easy and requires our efforts and efforts.

If you don't learn to do difficult things, you won't do or achieve anything.

How to achieve all this? Purposefully do things that are difficult for you every day. Start with the smallest things and gradually increase the complexity of the tasks. Start with 10 minutes if you find it very difficult at first.

Practice every day for a month until you reach a slightly more difficult level. Try, for example, meditating or practicing writing every evening for at least 10 minutes - for starters. When you feel that the level of discomfort has decreased, you can increase the time of exercise.

4. Make peace with uncertainty.

Developing the skill of “implementing difficult things” is directly related to the feeling of uncertainty. For example, if you decide to start your own business, which is commendable and wonderful. But if you are afraid of uncertainty, you may miss a lot.

You cannot know for sure how things will go, and in order to quickly respond to all challenges, you need to use new opportunities: come up with new projects, make new acquaintances. All this, of course, only adds uncertainty.

But if you accept uncertainty, you will open up a sea of ​​new possibilities. Of course, no one promises that it will be easy...

Sometimes you won't even fully understand which direction you're going. Each step will be difficult and will seem impossible. But you must remember that as long as you follow your intuition and take at least a small step towards your goal every day, your internal GPS will lead you to your destination.

You will realize that you good man and you do everything right. That you are in the right place and in right time. Trust your instincts (intuition). Relax. You know what you're doing. Living is learning along the way.

Don't forget: life is a pretty risky business. Every decision you make, every initiative, every step is a risk. Even in the morning, when you get out of bed, you are already taking quite a bit of risk. In truth, life is about being aware of this risk and accepting it, and never fooling yourself. The choice is small: either do not get out of bed, consoling yourself with illusory safety, or take risks and live.

If you simply ignore your feelings and allow uncertainty to defeat you, this is bad. After all, you will never know anything for sure. And this uncertainty is even worse than finding confirmation of your worst guesses. After all, if you are wrong, you can always correct everything and continue the path forward, without looking back and without fear of what awaits us ahead.

Afterword: When you learn to accept discomfort and uncertainty, you will be able to handle absolutely anything. You will be able to do what you were afraid to even think about yesterday. For example, travel the world and blog about it, write a book, start your own business, move to another city, learn to play some musical instrument, change your profession, sail to the island of your dreams with your family and much, much more. You don't have to wait years to do this. You can do this now, but with one condition - you will have to accept discomfort and uncertainty. Well, remember: better late than never.

5. Work on your relationships with other people.

There are people whom you consider good, and there are those whom you absolutely dislike. There are fake and hypocritical ones, and there are real and sincere friends. There are people who hurt you to the core, and there are people who will help heal these wounds. It's up to you to decide who you spend your time with.

True friends are always honest, they will always come to your aid - exactly at the moment when you need it most. Maintain relationships with people who support you and keep their word.

In truth, if you waste your time on bad and unnecessary relationships (personal or professional), and vice versa, you will devote little time to strengthening good relations, you will fall into the trap of fleeting romances and superficial friendships. Understanding this will still overtake you one day, so carefully analyze your relationship.

How to build healthy, lasting personal and professional relationships? How to find friends with whom you will grow and become better? How to meet the right people?

Have a conversation! Talk to every day big amount people, even if it makes you uncomfortable. Bosses. Colleagues. Subordinates. Professors. Workers. Mentors. Neighbours. Friends. Friends of friends. Everything! This is how a “network” of your people is built.

I had three jobs after graduating from college (then I started my own business), but I was only interviewed by my first employer. The other two offered me a job without wasting time on conversation. At the same time, they were guided only by the recommendations of the previous employer. And this is normal practice: ask those you trust about a person.

If you start building a “network” of your people today, it will work for you for many years to come. You will meet acquaintances of acquaintances, new colleagues of former colleagues, etc. This is like a snowball effect and should continue throughout your life.

Again, don't think that this only applies to young people who easily make new acquaintances. This can be done easily at any age. There would only be a desire.

The main thing is to be sincere and honest in any relationship. When someone gives you the opportunity to work for them, their greatest fear is that you will not live up to their expectations. Therefore, people who are always honest and care about their reputation have better chances in life. Try to always be open and sincere in your relationships with everyone. If mistakes are pointed out to you, have the courage to admit them and work on them. Try to look beyond your personal or professional relationships when evaluating people—whether they're your boss or your subordinate.

If you adhere to these principles, you will easily gain a good reputation and build healthy and strong relationships with other people. And this is The best way get Good work, investing in your business or making a good friend.

Afterword

If you adhere to the principles described in this article, your life will change dramatically. You will be able to do and achieve much more than other people. There is no need to even compare here. You will have a lot of new opportunities: build a career, create something incredible with someone, come up with a business idea, acquire skills for your further growth, etc.

Of course, you don't have to do all this and choose the most easy way in life. Thus, we continue to move along the usual circle of old problems and despair.

Or you can start making changes from today, and make sure that the world around you is also changing.

This is a basic exercise that is included in almost any of my sessions and is built into almost any set of exercises. In order to start doing something, you must first determine where you are, find point A, decide on a place on the map. Only after this can you look for point B, where you want to go, and plot a route. If you don't know where you are, other actions are absurd.

Moreover, you need to find yourself using all the main measurement systems: in the situation, i.e. in the logic of what is happening, in space, to determine feelings, needs, directions of movement. All these parameters are necessary to determine your exact coordinates and understand your position.

To solve this problem, the easiest way is to use the Five Points of Balance exercise. This exercise was developed by my teacher Oleg Matveev based on the books he translated by David Schnarch, who spoke about the four points of balance. Matveev reworked this theory and he came up with five balance points, which I use in my work.

What are these five points of balance?

I have already written about this exercise in articles about my work. In this article I will try to give a more complete description.

Five points of balance.

1. Being present in the situation. When you are aware of what is happening, you are in the situation and can describe it. Without interpreting, without switching to judgments and condemnations, to emotions, indignation, complaints and anger. This is the very first point of balance. It requires the inclusion of our head mind, our logic.

This point is in place if you can more or less calmly describe what the situation is. When you realize that what is happening is not a dream, not a faint, not “it can’t be!”, but everything is really happening and can be confirmed by your sight, hearing, taste, touch or smell.

2. Space, me, my body.This is the second point of balance. It allows you to find yourself in the situation. Awareness of oneself in a situation covers feelings like: “This is not happening to me,” “This cannot happen to me,” “It’s as if I see everything from the outside,” and allows one to realize oneself in the situation.

I propose to consider yourself in three forms: from the point of view of the space occupied, from the point of view of the source of attention and emitted energy, and from the point of view of the physical body.

Space.Everyone has a certain sense of space, for example, while driving, we feel the dimensions of our car almost like the boundaries of our own body, and we expand our attention to these boundaries.

When we feel good, we feel confident, safe - our space is large, our shoulders are turned, we make broad gestures. When we feel bad, we experience fear and uncertainty - our space shrinks, and our body, along with our awareness, curls up, trying to squeeze into the narrowest possible boundaries, to take up less space.

Your space is a space that you can feel and control. Important businessmen or top government officials carry with them large space When they enter the room, they immediately create a feeling of significance of the figure who has entered, as if they immediately make the space their own. And a person with panic attacks space is compressed inside the boundaries of the body, and this is an extremely unpleasant sensation, to put it mildly.

The feeling of your space can be developed by directing and maintaining your attention on the surrounding space. Just the ability to keep your attention in space can significantly increase your confidence and decide the outcome of negotiations, for example.

There are certain nuances in working with space: it is important to choose the right volume of your space, not too large and not too small, to realize that there may be other people in the space that you consider yours, and this does not stop you from feeling and controlling it, feeling a partner in your space is a separate issue. Very interesting in terms of working with space is Cronin’s manual “Tolerant actions for successful communication”, it’s about how to use the resource of space to help yourself. And this is a powerful resource.

I.This is the source of our subjectivity, attention, energy, the one who feels. Our core, energy egg, set of chakras, who is aware of themselves. Usually a person perceives himself as a little more than the contours of his own body, but he can also feel himself inside the body, in the chest or in the head. For some people, “I” and the body are one and the same, which is also normal. The main thing is to feel yourself as a perceiving source, to feel yourself.

My body.And finally, the body. Feel your corporeality, physical manifestation, feel your body from the tips of your toes to the top of your head, feel the contours, the real outlines of your body. This is easy to do by imagining that you are slowly entering warm water.

All this is the second point of balance, the sense of self. Before starting any work, I ask a person to feel the space, himself, his body, this is the basic feeling from which you can start working, self-awareness.

3. My feelings and emotions.At this step, you need to become aware of your feelings, emotions, sensations, everything that this situation evokes in you, namely: the picture in your head that appears when immersed in this situation, bodily sensations, emotions, thoughts. I ask you to put your hand on your chest and unload (realize and speak) all the pictures, bodily sensations, emotions and thoughts that arise in you. Awareness of our emotions and sensations makes them more manageable; what we have realized and spoken about ceases to be an uncontrollable unconscious, allowing us to bring the sensation into the light and examine it. Increase your awareness and ability to “master yourself.”

Contact with our emotions and sensations is very important; it gives us the opportunity to pick up the keys to our needs, including unconscious ones.

4. My needs.Next, I ask you to put your hand on your stomach and say what your needs are not being met in this situation. Sometimes it is quite difficult for a person to formulate what he wants: “I fight because I fight.” In this case, there is a list of needs, which, like the list of emotions, I always keep at hand, it usually helps a lot.

5. My decision. Once you have realized the situation, yourself in it, your emotions and needs, you can make an adequate decision on how to act in this situation. Making a decision is an action that has not yet been taken, but I think you have noticed that after consciously choosing the direction of movement, the way out, the burden of the problem evaporates somewhere, you feel free, light and ready for the challenge. Preparation for making a decision is the previous four points of balance, the decision is the direction of movement. All together is at least fifty percent of the solution to the problem, and sometimes even one hundred percent.

The five-point balance exercise allows you to navigate a difficult situation, get out of distress caused by external reasons, and find ground under your feet. And its regular use allows you to increase awareness and improve your life.