Help!!! I can't get out of depression. The fact is that my 18-year-old son is an alcoholic. He's been drinking for two years now. If weekdays pass sober, then on the weekend he necessarily gets drunk to the point of “not standing.” Doesn't work anywhere, studies every other time. It so happened that our family lives on the pension of our disabled husband. My son, if sober, extracts money from us under various pretexts. And if he’s drunk, we give it ourselves, so as not to provoke his anger. He is very aggressive when drunk. Over the course of these two years, I did everything I could to get him to stop drinking, as long as I didn’t fight this habit of his... it was useless. A sober person understands everything (I won’t do that again), but a drunk person understands “the sea is knee-deep.” Tired. It's been over a year since I developed depression. Nothing makes me happy, I’m afraid of every call, I’m afraid of everything. Nothing makes me happy, I can’t do anything. I can't LIVE. But I also have two wonderful sons and a disabled husband. Help me and my loved ones not go crazy...
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Marina, age: 40 / 10/10/2011

Responses:

At the age of 17, I drank every day, and that’s how it lasted. more than a year. Then I simply got tired of it... And I stopped drinking.
But not everyone did it this way.

They say the icon of the Mother of God “The Inexhaustible Chalice” helps.

Rusik, age: 22 / 10/10/2011

Dear Marinochka! Hang in there. Pray for your son, for your entire family. Only God can help you. Each of us has our own cross, and each of us bears it ourselves. After all, you can see for yourself that not everything is so bad. You have a husband and two wonderful sons. It’s not easy for them either, support each other. If possible, consult a psychologist, take sedatives. Do not despair! Everything will work out!

Tanya, age: 31 / 10/10/2011

Yes, let these two sons carefully explain to him like a man... how to make money.

furygide, age: 51 / 10/10/2011

Probably, the advice that a twenty-five-year-old will give to a forty-year-old will look ridiculous, but nevertheless I will say it. If I lived with my parents and allowed myself to ferment and extort money, I would simply be kicked out of the house. Naturally, they would have kicked me out, throwing my belongings on the staircase. And they would probably be right.

Dandelion, age: 25 / 10/11/2011

Marina, the fact is that you are a mother, but it’s difficult to advise a mother. Because you hear in response: “It’s a pity,” “You’ll have a son of that age and you’ll understand then,” “But he’s a son,” etc.
But the problem is that this mother’s behavior plays into the hands of his addiction. He drinks, studies every once in a while, doesn’t work... and you give him money. Because "son". I know so many mothers like this, the only thing they managed to do was drag out such a nightmare for many years. And in the end, the sons ended up drinking themselves to death anyway, and everyone understood that it would end like this from the very beginning. Does it seem too cruel not to give him money (let him find a part-time job for travel and lunch), does it seem cruel to put him out on the street? Don’t you think that at one point, due to his drunken aggression, the matter will end in a knife fight against his relatives and in prison? By feeding, the mother does not allow the child to make his choice in this life. If you tell him: my dear, you are already an adult, it’s time to earn money and, in general, if anything, to live on your own, will he feel pain and bad? Yes, it will be very unpleasant for him with all the consequences, but this is the path to somewhere, and what is happening now is going nowhere. The only thing that really depends on you is to stop indulging him and pray, leaving the situation to the will of God. And if he then tries something else besides alcohol, will you also give away the money?

Alena, age: 29 / 10/11/2011

Encode forcibly
Stop providing, let him work

Algerra, age: 21/11/10/2011

Hello, Marina!
If nothing works out for you, you need to turn to specialists for help. The main thing is that your son
I wanted to be cured myself.
Here's another good article: http://www.miloserdie.ru/index.php?ss=1&s=9&id=12070

Mikhail, age: 42 / 10/11/2011

Yes! The Inexhaustible Chalice icon helps. when I had problems with alcohol and drugs (they started at the age of 15), my mother went to this icon and asked for help. Some time later I stopped drinking and using drugs. started playing sports. I’ve been living like this for 4 years now. During this time, life got better. I would have even started a family if my fiancée hadn’t left me... I left myself without any coding. it was a MIRACLE! which is probably even worth talking about separately. Maybe

Leon, age: 20 / 10/11/2011

Marina, this is probably the most difficult thing in life, letting go of your children. Especially those that didn’t turn out the way we want them to be. You made a mistake somewhere, but that’s not the main thing now, we all make mistakes. What age are the other children? Do they influence your son's opinion? Many questions. Maybe you can create a topic on the forum? What should you do now? It depends on so many factors. Get together as a family, talk to each other, try to accept the offer for your son. Son, you have grown up, become independent, you must learn to make decisions, we will not leave you, we will help you, but you must accept our right to life, if you accept our decision, then follow the rules and order established in our family, if you don’t want to - with God into an independent life. You see, if he doesn’t stop and change his behavior, you’re unlikely to be able to change anything. This is your cross. But don't give up.

Oleg, age: 49 / 10/12/2011

My son began to drink alcohol from the age of 14, sometimes a little at a time. They scolded and beat him, but he did everything his own way. My parents raised him from the age of 11, it so happened that after the divorce I had to pay the cooperative and I went abroad. From there she sent money and things, and when she arrived, she splashed out all the unspent love on her son. And the son grew and grew and grew. The kicking became more frequent, the mother, father and brother by that time were all beaten by him, terribly aggressive and unpredictable when he drinks. When sober, he behaves like an angel, but only when you indulge his whims. Mom died, brother left, dad grew old and moved in with me, because he couldn’t live with my son, he was afraid of him being drunk. My son is nowhere didn’t work, sometimes I tried during the time of coding and filing, but I still broke down and flew out of work. And every time I brought him food, bought things, paid his fines, because I regretted it and hoped that he would code again and get better. At 20 years he almost went to jail for robbery, hired lawyers, pulled it out, etc. I myself got married and my husband and my father and I lived separately from our son, my husband got a job with long business trips and then it began... Until that day, I was beaten by my son 1 time. After my husband left, both I and my old father received and he beat him pretty badly. They called the police, took him away, released him, and my father and I took him in again, fed him, because it’s a pity. I hate myself for this “pity”, I understand that this freak needs to be thrown out of my heart, and it’s scary that if you don’t please me, then then when I get old it will be even worse. What should I do, is it possible to fix it and put it in its place. He is 26 years old, without a specialty, because he didn’t want to study, not adapted to life, because he received everything ready-made, irresponsible. Almost like his father, only he was less aggressive and hardworking. What should I do, Lord? Now he’ll go to the medical laboratory. And then?

Claudia, age: 50 / 07/20/2012

There is always a way out, it’s just that the relatives, following the example of my alcoholic friend’s mother, spoil him a lot and allow what is prohibited without noticing it! You can find help and a path to recovery.

Sergey, age: 29/06/27/2014

Alcoholism is a terrible scourge of modern times, and this problem can affect almost any family. And addiction creeps up unnoticed. If at first alcohol is drunk only occasionally, in order to relax and relieve tension, then over time this hobby acquires alarming proportions and becomes the main goal of the drinker. Friends and family members fade into the background.

At the same time, the drinking person does not even understand that he is turning the life of his household into a real hell. Relatives are faced with a pressing question: how to behave with an alcoholic in order to restructure his thinking and give him a desire to be treated for drunkenness? Psychologists say that the ability to conduct dialogues with an alcohol addict is a real science that needs to be learned.

There are some things you should know when dealing with alcohol-dependent family members.

The main thing that women who have the fate of becoming wives of alcohol addicts should understand is that they do not need to live for the well-being of their drinking husband. You cannot become a nanny for an adult. And this is precisely the tactic that women sometimes choose. What are their main mistakes?

• excessive care of the drinker;
• lack of conversations regarding the problem of drunkenness;
• removing all responsibility and responsibilities around the house from their shoulders.

A woman sometimes becomes a “man” herself, starting to earn money and carrying all the problems on her shoulders. Hiding your misfortune from the neighbors, and never reproaching your always drunk spouse, while trying to quietly and independently pull the reveler out of the next drinking bout.

The illiterate behavior of a woman with a drinking husband will sooner or later provoke her into severe depression, chronic fatigue and thoughts of suicide.

If you turn into a nanny for a drinking husband, then very soon the behavior of an alcoholic in the family will become dominant. Everything will revolve around his desire and he will even buy another bottle of alcohol on time. In this case, of course, the desire for the husband to give up drunkenness will forever remain only at the level of a dream. Women make the same mistakes when there is an alcoholic son in the family.

Features of the behavior of an alcoholic

The blame for the fact that the men they love cannot overcome their addiction, in this case, falls on the shoulders of the woman. Their boundless patience aggravates the problem, especially when they begin to consider this abnormal state of affairs habitual, chalking up their husband or son’s drunkenness to their heavy karma.

Psychologists advise radically changing your attitude towards your loved ones who drink and, above all, changing your behavioral tactics. Only in this case can you correct the situation and gain hope for the recovery of your beloved men. To have a competent relationship with drunkards, you should understand that you absolutely cannot indulge them. On the contrary, one should act using strict and unconditional methods.

How to behave correctly

Women who have to live with alcohol-dependent family members need to remember the main thing - the addict must realize that his addiction is becoming a big problem. And first of all, for himself and also for the rest of the family.

And for your spouse to understand this, you need to understand how to communicate with an alcoholic. Psychologists advise the following:

1. Stop solving their problems for drinkers. Let a person realize the consequences of drinking. That is, you should not shield him in front of management by helping him invent versions of his absence from work due to drunkenness.
2. Don't let yourself get hungover. Let the drunkard experience all the unpleasant withdrawal symptoms. Otherwise, a hangover risks provoking another long-term binge.
3. Do not make empty threats and do not promise to do something that is a priori impossible, thus trying to influence the behavior of the drinker. An alcohol-dependent man often resembles a small, unreasonable child in his behavior. If at least once you do not fulfill your own threats, the drunkard will realize that these are just empty words, and he will calmly continue his drinking lifestyle.
4. Stop drinking alcohol yourself. If a husband or son drinks constantly, the woman (mother, wife) will have to forget about alcohol. Otherwise, men who drink will stop perceiving her as an authority.
5. You can't react with aggression. During the next binges, arrange breaking of dishes, screams, scenes, hysterics. Remember that a person who is in a drunken state can turn into an inadequate person who does not control his own actions. And blatant aggression from a woman can become a catalyst for insanity. This could end quite sadly.

For women, you should take one simple piece of advice. Conversations with alcohol-dependent family members must be based on argumentation and logic, but not on emotions. You should be able to recognize provocations and not follow the lead of addicts, trusting empty promises.

Features of alcoholism

When communicating with a drinking son or husband, it is necessary to conduct the conversation as objectively as possible, based on logical, understandable reasoning.

Drunkards should be made clear that the next time a woman has a breakdown, the most radical measures will be taken, including calling narcologists and compulsory treatment. A psychologist, discussing how to behave with an alcoholic during a binge, gives the following: useful tips. They should be known and used.

Don't hide the fact of drunkenness

Let everyone know about this problem: colleagues, subordinates, neighbors, relatives, bosses. This can affect a person’s consciousness (if there is any left) and significantly reduce the number of binge drinking situations. When a man returns home after another drinking session, there is no need to be shy and smooth out this situation.

It is necessary to awaken the conscience of the drunkard. When a person becomes ashamed of his behavior in front of others, this becomes a strong argument in favor of thinking about treatment.

Know and always remember that to fight binge drinking close man It is possible only in tough ways, sometimes even merciless. If a person does not want to embarrass himself, if he still values ​​his position and name, next time he will think about whether it is worth plunging into a drunken pool or taking up treatment and coping with alcohol addiction once and for all.

Deprive the drinker of free time

Life in the same family with a drinking man should become eventful and not lazy. You should try and deprive the drunkard of free time. After all, it is the presence of idleness that sometimes becomes the start of a new drunken state. A woman needs to learn not only to have interesting and entertaining conversations, but also to contribute to family life something new and exciting.

Reasons for the development of alcoholism

Picking up exciting activity For a drinking son or spouse, you should not pursue your interests and impose an activity that obviously will not attract a man.

In this case, memory will help. After all, life with a person did not begin from the moment he became interested in alcohol. It should be remembered that he was once interested. Moreover, the woman herself will have to get carried away with this activity. Not only to revive a long-forgotten interest, but also to completely share it. In this matter, you can involve non-drinking friends or colleagues.

After all, when a person is constantly among a sober social circle, the number of drunken sessions is significantly reduced. Especially if the circle of interesting and necessary acquaintances not only does not welcome alcoholism, but also despises such a lifestyle. Being among sober people will make it easier for the drinker to get rid of his own addiction.

Make you think

About the fact that a drinking husband can lose his wife, and a drunkard son can lose his mother’s favor. This is a rather radical method, but sometimes it becomes the most successful. The spouse should be made to understand that other men who lead a sober lifestyle earn much more (after all, they do not have to spend money on vodka, but work time for binge drinking and abstinence).

It is necessary to get the drinking spouse to understand that the wife will sooner or later get tired of such an existence. And she will simply leave for another, more successful and non-drinker. In relation to the son, one should awaken in him the awareness that if his mother turns away from him, he will be useless to anyone, without a livelihood, without his mother’s delicious dinners. Find yourself on the sidelines of a life that risks ending too quickly.

The main causes of alcohol addiction

How to behave during periods of sobriety

Sooner or later, but any binge ends. And there comes a period of short-term calm. This is the time that becomes the most favorable for a heart-to-heart conversation with a drunkard.. But conversations should be conducted wisely, namely:

• do not interrupt;
• be able to listen to a person;
• do not praise him for not drinking now;
• make significant, important arguments;
• speak in a calm tone that inspires confidence;
• try not to touch upon past “drunk” behavior at all.

This is the time for a woman who fights for safety family relations and the health of loved ones becomes the most important and responsible. You should put all your efforts into making the drunkard realize that he has a deadly problem and consent to treatment.

How not to lose trust

A woman needs to carefully think through her own behavior when communicating with loved ones and constantly control herself. This is necessary so as not to lose trusting relationship(if they still remain).

It is the trust of drinking family members that can play a role decisive role in their future and force them to open their eyes to their problem.

All a woman’s behavior, her communication should be structured in such a way that a person after a binge does not feel humiliated and does not turn away. You can lose trust in literally a minute, but it’s not always possible to regain it. To do this, you should arm yourself with the following advice from a psychologist:

• You shouldn’t ask questions about whether you drank or didn’t drink, where you were, who you talked to;
• do not take a drop of alcohol into your mouth, preferring non-alcoholic drinks;
• you cannot sniff (sniff) a person who has come home to look for traces of alcohol consumption;
• It is strictly not recommended to remember past events, a person’s behavior during drinking bouts, quarrels with him and the nuances of “drunk” events;
• giving up holidays or visiting parties is a bad idea (communication and a change of environment during this period of remission will only benefit the drinker).

The main thing a woman needs to know is that all her efforts are aimed only at the future. Memories of past binges should be irrevocably left in the past and forgotten about them.

Features of the psychology of an alcoholic

Remember that it is extremely difficult and difficult to cope with such a disaster alone. Therefore, you should purchase support as soon as possible more of people. And you shouldn’t drop everything and run to your mother at the first breakdown of your spouse or completely ignore your son. To communicate competently with a binge alcoholic, you need to remember to be constantly vigilant, otherwise there is a high probability of a quick breakdown and withdrawal into another drunken state.

Therefore, under no circumstances should a man be allowed to visit or go to gatherings alone. You should put aside all your own affairs and become his accompaniment in this case. It is necessary to direct all efforts to ensure that the drinker understands that sobriety is not some kind of achievement, but an ordinary reality, a norm of life. Otherwise, in sober moments of life, an alcohol addict will expect special treatment, and drunkenness will remain the norm for him.

To summarize what has been said

With a competent approach and skillful behavior clever woman can transform a constantly drunk man into an “occasionally drinking” man. And make it so that if he starts drinking in the future, it will be without going on long bouts of drinking. It is possible and necessary to fight alcoholism. Especially if your closest and dearest people become drunkards.

Every effort should be made, directing them to pull relatives out of the drunken pool, in which many people have already perished. And soon the drinker himself will understand that maintaining a healthy (sober) lifestyle is much better than constantly drinking. After all, in addition to family comfort, your career and health itself will go uphill.

Article reading time: 2 minutes

How to deal with your alcoholic son

The husband drinks a little - this is a topic for conversation

When a husband in a family drinks heavily and regularly, this is, of course, a huge misfortune, but how to behave with an alcoholic so as not to inadvertently aggravate an already difficult situation? The wife and children live like in hell, they themselves already need help. Every alcoholic can get rid of addiction, the main thing is to really want it.

If you choose the right behavior with a drunken husband or son, you can hope that one or the other will return to his healthy old life and strong family, and then everything will fall into place. What behavior should a wife or mother have in order for her husband or son to stop drinking?

• With alcoholics you should be persistent and patient, then you can hope for a favorable outcome.
• It should be remembered that talking to a drunken husband or son will require a strong character.
• There is no need to be a nanny for a drunk, as their loved ones often do. Don't be too protective of him. But relatives want the person not to drink, and in the name of this they take various actions. They even agree to entrust general responsibilities to their shoulders, such as raising children, household chores and worries, and obtaining a means of subsistence.

Of course, this is a big mistake. The husband simply begins to take it for granted and continues to drink, because everything is normal, the wife is great. And the wives themselves think that this is how it should be, they think that this is their fate.

Family life with a drunkard should be such that he is never bored.

Rules of conduct with a drinking husband or son

Following these rules really helps. Here are some of them:

It is important for wives and mothers to remember that a person too often drinking alcohol First of all, he must himself realize that his illness has long become a big disaster, that alcoholism does not allow not only him, but also his entire family to live in peace.

This is how you need to behave with a drunken husband or son.

1. If a family likes to drink a lot and often not only the husband, but also the son, then there is no need to hide this from relatives, friends and colleagues. They should be ashamed in front of them. This will be an important argument to stop drinking.
2. If he returned home from another drinking session, then he needs to tell his friends about it. You can take a video on your phone and show them how handsome he is when he’s drunk, and show it to everyone you know.
3. You need to use tough methods, if he doesn’t want to disgrace himself, then let him think about whether to drink or not drink.
4. Acquaintances, friends and wife need to show their contempt. More often than not, this is what is too scary for any man.
5. Life in a family with an alcoholic needs to be varied so that he does not have time for boredom. Keep him busy with something. Persuade him to go to the pool, to the gym. Invite non-drinking friends home and watch the whole group, for example, football, an action movie that he loves...
6. If all the recommendations do not work, then you will have to use the harshest method - start praising other, non-drinking men, in short, make him jealous.
7. If this does not work, then tell your loved one that he does not bring pleasure in his intimate life. Most often, alcoholics experience erectile dysfunction, and this is very scary for a man. Therefore, it will soon dawn on him that his wife will begin to seek satisfaction among other men. Maybe then he will understand something.

If a person does not stop drinking, you should not promise him something that cannot be done, and you should not give empty threats.

During sobriety

One day the binge will pass. Under severe pressure from relatives, or maybe after a course of therapy, the person will stop drinking his “ magic potion. What should not be allowed at this time:

One day the binge will pass.

If your husband or son managed to stop drinking, then you don’t need to praise him for it too often. It's better not to touch on this topic at all. Otherwise, he will begin to perceive every sober day as a feat, and then he will demand special treatment for himself. He needs to get used to the fact that healthy life is the norm for everyone.

Soon everything will get better, your health will improve, the respect of your family, friends and colleagues will return.

How to deal with an alcoholic

We must admit honestly: a drunk person is disgusting in every sense. He has cloudy eyes, terrible breath, an unsteady gait, shaking hands. He may be aggressive and unable to control his behavior, posing a threat to himself and, especially, to his loved ones. He can be whiny and clingy, complaining about his miserable life to the first person he meets. In any case, communicating with a drinking person is at least unpleasant; after a few minutes of conversation, he no longer evokes pity, but disgust. However, not everyone has the opportunity to stay away from people drunkenness further away - the wife or mother, the children of a drunkard cannot escape such a burden; they have to decide for themselves how to behave with an alcoholic.

What reasons

To figure out how to live with an alcoholic, it is important to first understand why he drinks. Most often, alcoholism appears as:

• a form of protest (the husband drinks to spite his wife, life circumstances, problems at work);
• a form of self-pity (a person begins to drink in order to forget problems, to escape from a reality that did not coincide with his expectations);
• a form of weak character (an alcoholic turns into one, initially just maintaining company and gradually becoming drawn into drunkenness).

Depending on the reason for which a person drinks, his family has to regulate their behavior. A husband who pumps himself up with alcohol as a sign of protest will do this even more actively during scandals and repeated moralizing. A person who drowns his melancholy with wine will continue to drink if he feels pity and support from his family. A drunkard, for whom the alcoholic form of life has become the norm, will not “fall for” any persuasion; it will be possible to cope with him only with serious threats and professional help.

Our regular reader shared an effective method that saved her husband from ALCOHOLISM. It seemed that nothing would help, there were several codings, treatment at a dispensary, nothing helped. Helped effective method, which was recommended by Elena Malysheva. EFFECTIVE METHOD

The simplest rules of behavior

A person who drinks not from time to time, but on a regular basis, becomes not only a heavy burden in the family, but also a serious danger. Wives of men who drink often suffer from codependency, literally lose themselves, dissolving in the abyss of their husband’s problems, and develop a host of mental and psychosomatic diseases. And this doesn’t even take into account the fact that a drunk person often rows and becomes aggressive. If a wife and children want to avoid trouble and keep their nerves with their husband and father while intoxicated during a binge or in a hangover after it, they should remember a few rules, as the advice of a psychologist recommends:

• do not create scandals: drinking people in a state of binge drinking, there is no need for reasons to get angry, to feel like the most miserable people in the world, or to want to continue the “fun”, and this is exactly how scandals affect them;
• do not conduct educational conversations with a drunk husband, start communicating with him only after leaving the binge: talking about the benefits of sobriety if the husband is not able to adequately perceive reality is not very effective and even dangerous, as it can provoke a scandal (see above);

• do not create opportunities for continued binge drinking: a drunken husband will gladly continue to remain intoxicated if his wife takes care of him, takes on the responsibility of being the source of funding in the family, and even pours a glass after sobering up;
• do not try to fight an aggressive husband with violence: during a binge, a person acquires “bad” strength, so fighting him will not be in favor of the sober;
• do not feel sorry or sympathize: for some men this is a reason to continue doing what they are used to (and sometimes pity becomes a reason for people to show aggression);
• do not threaten if there is no possibility or desire to fulfill the threat: if you make empty promises too often, your husband will very soon stop believing them;
• do not forget that a drinker easily perceives a bad example as a guide to action: it is easy to give up on the problem and get drunk together with your husband, it is easy to provoke a drunkard into aggression, after which he will feel entitled to drink more, it is only difficult to overcome the consequences of everything this.

One possibility is publicity.

If one of the men in the family - husband or son - drinks, this is a real grief for family and friends. Whether aggressive or passive, all alcoholics, without exception, create difficulties for those around them. What to do if a similar misfortune happens to your husband or son? The psychologist's advice recommends trying one universal recipe: publicity.

• it is necessary to talk with friends, family, colleagues, inform them about binge drinking drinking man– if, after finishing drinking, he is ashamed to look into the eyes of everyone he knows, this can become an incentive to sobriety;
• you can take photos and videos with your drunk husband or son, threaten to publish the materials and be ready to do so;
• relatives and friends, for their part, should demonstrate their disapproval of the fact that their friend or relative drinks, since for many men, if not the condemnation of their wife, then at least the contempt of others matters.

If all of the above doesn't work, why not hit where it hurts? You can give your husband other men who don’t drink as examples, admire them, and flirt with them. Additionally, you can “finish off” an alcoholic with a message about his male incompetence (and this is a very real prospect that every drinker can count on sooner or later).

A healthy – and also public – lifestyle, which includes morning jogging, visiting the pool, exercising in gym, is also important for the formation of competent and harmonious communication with an alcoholic. In addition, this is the most optimal way to restore the form lost during alcoholic libations. If a drinking husband finds something to do with himself, he will have to not only change his lifestyle, but also change his communication with loved ones.

Communicating with a recovering alcoholic

With a husband or son who drinks or after a binge, everything is more or less clear: don’t make a scandal, don’t get caught hot hand, read the notations only after partial sobering up. But what to do and how to behave with an alcoholic if he no longer drinks? How not to provoke his breakdown? There are some tips:

• do not praise an alcoholic beyond measure - a sober lifestyle is not a feat, but a normal form of life;
• do not talk patronizingly to your husband or son who has given up alcohol, remind them of past mistakes and troubles - if life began with clean slate, all sins must be written off;
• not checking to see if a loved one smells of alcohol, not questioning him about suspicious behavior or being late at work is best reason so that the husband starts doing everything as before;
• do not cancel events where drinking is planned - birthdays and other family holidays without a feast, especially if the reason is repeatedly and meaningfully voiced, can be humiliating for the person who quit drinking;
• do not set a bad example - relatives and friends should limit themselves in drinking, and not only in the presence of a drunkard, but at any other time.

Alcohol deviation

Alcoholism has been officially recognized as a disease for decades, and a disease that covers not only the physical component, but also the mental sphere of health. A drinking person suffers equally from a host of illnesses and mental problems. Relatives of an alcoholic learn the hard way the truth of the concept that alcoholism as a type of deviant behavior cripples lives and destroys families.

This disease is a violation of social norms, expressed in established laws, traditions and customs in society. And the worst thing is that alcohol, as a deviant form of behavior, is gradually becoming a certain norm of social and personal relations. This is why many families do not resolve the issue of how to overcome alcoholism. loved one, but they try to learn what to do if a husband, father or son drinks.

It is impossible to cure alcoholism.

• Have you tried many methods, but nothing helps?
• Another coding turned out to be ineffective?
• Is alcoholism destroying your family?

The son is an alcoholic: what should parents do and how to behave?

If the son drinks, the mother suffers incredibly. This is a real grief for the family. It is impossible to calmly watch how your beloved child gradually degenerates and becomes an alcoholic, and there is nothing worse for a mother than admitting that her son drinks, that he has become an alcoholic. After all, you can’t leave him, you won’t be able to divorce him, as you can easily do with a drunken husband. And where there was previously harmony, love and care reigned, hell begins.

When a son drinks, any mother will want to help him get rid of alcoholism, as will the father. Family support plays a paramount role in the treatment of a teenager or adult son. Help must be correct and timely.

Causes of drunkenness

The modern world slips alcohol at every turn. Every second person drinks, drinks a lot on holidays and events. Sooner or later, a teenager will be faced with a temptation where he will have a choice: try alcohol for the first time or, knowing where it can lead, refuse and not even try to get high from intoxication.

When a young man drinks for the first time, he treats alcohol with caution and watches his body. He may like the fact that with each sip an unprecedented lightness appears, his mood rises, problems and fears fade into the background. This is a very dangerous moment, which can lead a teenager to the idea that increasing the dose is nothing terrible, and the pleasant sensations will only intensify. After this, problems begin that roll in like a snowball, and this avalanche cannot be stopped. A disease occurs in which a sober state alternates with binge drinking: a person drinks without stopping.

The main reasons for drunkenness:

1. Heredity. Often it is the child of alcohol-dependent parents who falls asleep faster.
2. The desire for rebellion. It manifests itself in relation to parents who are overly concerned about the child.
3. The desire to look older. A teenager who drinks wants to prove that he is already an adult and begins to drink alcohol like an adult.
4. Lack of intellectual development. If a teenager does not have hobbies, hobbies, interesting and useful activities, then it will be extremely difficult for him to resist pressure from the outside.
5. Lack of purpose in life. The pleasure of drinking can replace a person's need to do something worthwhile in life.
6. Frequent stress. Failures in relationships and experiences can so affect a weak and indecisive teenager that he simply becomes an alcoholic from loneliness.

Symptoms of addiction

It is very important to recognize alcohol addiction at an early stage, notice its development and stop the addiction to alcohol before it is too late. Teenage alcoholism is dangerous: abuse of strong drinks leads to the destruction of organs that are not yet fully formed. It is important to recognize the problem in time and act quickly. The main signs that your son is drinking:

• Unjustified changes in mood. The teenager becomes emotionally unstable.
• Apathy towards life. Indifference appears towards one's relatives, as well as towards appearance, which should be alarming.
• Behavior that often displays aggression, anger, irritability, and lack of control.
• Frequent use alcoholic drinks, regardless of whether it is a holiday or an ordinary day. The dependent son drinks for no reason, outside of company, alone.

An adult should monitor how a teenager who drinks alcohol behaves. At the height of alcoholism, the son drinks, suffers from a hangover in the morning, then starts everything in a circle: he gets drunk and goes on a binge for several days, or even weeks. Alcohol consumption increases. The problem becomes so obvious that it is noticed not only by parents, but also by people living in the neighborhood.

What not to do

Parents sometimes behave incorrectly towards their son who drinks. Mothers are especially guilty of this. A teenager or an adult man can borrow a large amount of money, pawn family jewelry, or start skipping school, college, or work. And a caring mother often takes responsibility for her son’s actions: she justifies him to the director or boss, buys back pawned items, and pays off debts from her own pocket. As a result, codependency arises, and the young alcoholic, seeing that he can get away with everything, does not strive to change anything in his life. Psychologists advise giving up such “care”, which in the end will bring nothing to all family members except disappointment and grief.

At the same time, you cannot completely abandon your son, who drinks and needs help. But help should be provided in terms of moral support, friendly attitude, and wise advice. If you make a scandal and escalate the situation, your son will continue to drink and will never stop: he will begin to hide his soul even more in alcohol from unkind relatives.

There is no need to indulge all your son’s desires, especially if he demands alcohol: give him money, do whatever he wants. It is also important to treat him as a person, without humiliating his dignity, without despising him, and to demonstrate a desire to help. Only if the alcoholic begins to completely trust his parents will they be able to direct him to Right way, help to recover. the main objective: persuade your son to undergo treatment, saving him from addiction; After all, he drinks and suffers himself, not always realizing it.

An alcoholic needs to be helped to climb out of the deep hole of drunkenness, and not pushed away in trouble. The dependent son wants to know how to live further, what to do, because he himself is unable to cope with himself. Parents of a drinking son should behave patiently, kindly, but firmly, showing persistence where necessary. Recommendations and advice from a psychologist are very important in this case, as they can help parents choose the right method of communicating with their son so as not to aggravate the situation.

First you need to create a peaceful environment at home, stop all kinds of war and scandals. They will never help their son who drinks to quit his addiction. Mother and father need to understand: except for them, no one needs their son who drinks. Therefore, it is necessary to become his ally, to show that parental love, despite drunkenness, remains and has not disappeared anywhere. Dependent person needs love like no other. Sympathy should be shown in moderation so that the drinking son does not “climb on his head” and begin to use this in his own interests.

Laziness is a vice that entails all others, including alcoholism. It is necessary to involve a son who drinks in household chores so that he gradually begins to fulfill his duties and is busy. If possible, you can get him a job or, if he is old enough, hint from time to time that for a full life he needs to work and provide for himself and his family.

Frequent conversations are very important. They will show their son that, although he drinks, he is not alone, that there are those nearby who will not give up, who sincerely want him to be healed. You can tell him the story of a man who drinks, how he fought against vice and emerged victorious. Let this story be fiction - it doesn’t matter. She can give her son hope. Parents should do their best to help their son gain confidence in his abilities and prepare him mentally to undergo serious treatment in a rehabilitation center.

What to do: treatment methods

Getting rid of alcohol addiction is not easy. But when great desire parents will be able to save their son, restore him to health and a full life. The main thing is to start acting on time. At home, you can fight your son’s alcoholism with prayers. This is the method when you can cure your son without his knowledge.

Believing parents can direct a drinking person to God by inviting him to go with them to church or a monastery. In fact, faith is a very powerful tool, thanks to which you can recover from alcoholism without taking medications, filing or coding. Psychologists say that the correct impact on the soul is always stronger than any traditional means of treatment. If the parents behave wisely, the son can go to church, repent of the sin of drunkenness, stop drinking, and everything in his life will change for the better.

Available different approaches to therapy. A long stay in a rehabilitation center, where church ministers and simply unselfish people who do good from the heart, will often help you wean yourself off drunkenness. Parents can bring their son to such a center and persuade him to stay there, visiting and supporting him from time to time.

Question to a psychologist

My son is 28 years old. Lives with parents. Works. From Friday to Monday he gets drunk, often with beer, drunk. Lately he drinks on weekdays as well. There are no girls, only friends and drinking buddies. IN free time play in computer games. My father and I suffer from his drinking, it’s hard to see him die, and we can’t do anything. And we persuade, and we argue, and we drive them out of the house. He came out of this state over several years, once, recently, for 8-10 days, and started drinking again. 4 days sober, got sick with a skin disease. Stays at home. Last night, in the middle of my sleep, I screamed loudly and jumped out of bed. Scared everyone. It took me a long time to recover from the fright myself. He said that he had a dream or thought (hallucination) that something terrible had happened to him, and this had already happened once.
He doesn’t want to be treated, sometimes he moans: take me somewhere, and then he refuses his words. Infantile, dependent. We want him to start living independently and take care of himself, but he is offended that we feel sorry for the space in the house for him. How to live? How can I help him?

There is such an anecdote: “The motto of a codependent is “Catch up and provide help.”
This is what happens in your case, since you are a codependent member of the family of your alcohol-dependent son.
An important condition for treating such addiction is awareness of the problem and a desire to be treated on his part, which, as you can observe, does not happen.
Alcohol addiction is a disease. And appropriate treatment - medication - from a narcologist. And long...
And codependent family members participate in the life of the addict in order not to live their own lives.
Now all your attention is directed to him - you spend your life and energy on this - worrying, reacting and trying to control him - i.e. you are trying to force him to live according to your own, and not his, understanding.
Your energy is spent on this and there is little left for you to live your own life.
However, each person is responsible for himself. And your son himself chose such a life.
Instead of taking responsibility for him, take responsibility for your life and leave his responsibility to him.
You have the opportunity to start with yourself.
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