Just watch the news on TV and it will become clear: in this world little depends on us. However, even if you don’t remember global things like wars, terrorism, defaults, tsunamis, every person is constantly haunted by merciless everyday little things - from capricious children to bad weather. If you are a pedant and a neat person, that is, for one reason or another you like to keep everything under control, do it on time and in the right way, then you will not be envied! The feeling will become one of the main misfortunes of your life!

We can only repeat the eternal folk wisdom: Anything can happen in life. Most of what happens is out of our control. However, it depends on us how we react to all this, and, therefore, how any event affects us emotionally, physically, financially, etc. The tips below will help you at least to some extent get rid of, even when it seems It's like the whole world is going to hell. Learn 11 ways to overcome feelings of helplessness.

How to get rid of helplessness?

1. Locus control.

First of all, learn to distinguish between controllable and uncontrollable. Then try to really influence the first and come to terms with the second. This approach may seem a bit simplistic, but you'd be amazed how many people still think they can control traffic, the weather, stock prices, their bosses.

Make a list of what is beyond your control, despite all your efforts. Hang it in a visible place. And humble yourself. Of course, you can think about these events and try to somehow influence them. However, something else is important: break the emotional connection with them - stop worrying about them.

2. Simple inventory.

When things get out of hand, clean out your closet or desk. This works well for psychotherapist Rebecca Fuller Ward, author of How to Save Your Marriage Without Going Crazy. When Rebecca's mother was hospitalized with a heart attack, she began cleaning out her closet. “This definitely depends on me,” Rebecca whispered.

3. Education and fun.

Find a new hobby. Mastering an unfamiliar activity restores a sense of control over own life. When something bad happens, think and write down where you could. such self-analysis is not self-flagellation. This is another chance to tell yourself: I can’t control everything, but I control myself!

4. Far from ideal.

What needs to be done to prevent uncomfortable situations from happening again in the future? Let's say you are not appreciated at work. It makes no sense to blame the villainous fate or even the stupid boss for this. "It's best," says psychologist Patricia Farrell, Ph.D., author of How to Be Your Own Therapist, "to consider whether you can change yourself to achieve better results." Perhaps it's time for you to take a critical look at yourself and do things differently. You need to come to work on time, complete tasks on time and efficiently. Having correctly understood your role in the development of the situation, you will probably conclude: our world is much more manageable than it seemed before.

5. Management.

When everything around you seems uncontrollable, do something within your control. Master a set of new ones. Write a journal entry. Pay your rent. Take the car to a workshop.

6. Plan B

Avoid unexpected obstacles. For example, you invited many guests to your dacha, but on the appointed day it began to rain heavily. Let’s accept the fact that we can’t control the weather, but it’s up to us where (say, in a house or a gazebo) and how (it doesn’t have to be barbecuing in the yard) to hold this reception.

7. Make a list.

Most effective method regain control over what is happening - collect all the “needs, musts, musts...” and write them down in a column. Then make up: how to complete each item on the list. Let's say, if you want to congratulate a friend on his birthday, figure out and write down what you need to give, where this item is sold, when you will go for it. Have you decided to do some spring cleaning in your home? Break this item down into easily manageable sub-items. For example, on Monday you clean the kitchen, on Tuesday you clean the bathroom, etc.

8. Experiment.

Accustom yourself to uncontrollable situations.“For example, if you usually drive the family car, go somewhere with your “half” and give her the steering wheel,” suggests doctor of psychology Larina Case. In conversations, ask to be interrupted more often. Let your loved ones make plans for the weekend without your participation. Entrust one of them (preferably an older one) with paying family bills. This will help you learn, so to speak, humility before your own.

9. Do auto-training.

“It’s better, of course, if there is an experienced hypnotist or psychotherapist nearby, but usually you have to make do on our own" says Dr. Farrell. Learn to tell yourself: “Everything will be fine. I can handle. And this too will end,” or at least “Now I’ll take a rest for five minutes, and then I’ll figure out how to solve this problem.”

10. Convince yourself that you are in control of events.

According to Dr. Case, many studies say that the most important thing is your own belief that what is happening is under your control. The actual impact on him is not that important. A classic example is that it is much easier for a person to endure tropical heat if he is sure that he can always, say, jump into a cold pool. Think “purely theoretically”: in fact, do you really have nowhere to get money if you suddenly find yourself completely broke? So why then be afraid of a sudden default?!

11. Focus on the process, not the result.

Specific operations or at least movements are usually within our control, but their overall outcome is much less common. Psychotherapist Michael Crabtree suggests that we remember the example of baseball player Mark McGuire from the Oakland Athletes: “He had poor results because he was not just hitting the ball, but was constantly thinking about the circle run after the hit that was not very successful for him. When he began to focus primarily on hitting, his approach to the game changed radically and his results improved markedly.”

When there is a “sharp turn” ahead, relax in advance. Take a deep breath and drink a glass of tea. “Relaxation is an area you have control over,” reminds Dr. Farrell.

When you are in a relationship, you probably have a desire to feel love and care from your partner. And when this is not present or is present, but to an insufficient extent, a person develops a feeling of instability and uncertainty, because he expects his partner to “add value” to his life. Demands for attention can later develop into a problem of trust - and then all the contradictions turn into a growing snowball.

1. Insecurity in relationships is not always noticeable most of the time.

You or your partner may feel insecure without voicing it or even realizing it. This is something that slowly accumulates and poisons both relationships and life in general. This feeling should be monitored in reality. early stage to immediately initiate “therapy.”

2. The need for constant proof of love prevents relationships from reaching the next level.

If you raise your self-esteem and confidence only by listening to systematic assurances of love, be prepared that over time this will complicate the relationship. Look for other connecting points in your life together, for example, when actions speak louder than words. This is especially true for a long-term union. Behavior driven by feelings of insecurity and instability leads to chaos. If you always demand oaths and assurances, then you undermine trust. This behavior can be a powerful turn-off for your partner.

3. Most people deal with their relationship insecurities completely wrong.

Their actions and behavioral patterns lead to the opposite effect: namely, the deterioration of relationships.

● They desperately want confirmation of their safety and security

Security and confidence in a relationship is not something tangible, but some people still want to “feel” it. They constantly demand their partner to do or say something to prove their love and devotion. This tactic is similar to peer pressure among teenagers. If you constantly ask your partner to tell you that he loves you, the situation may get out of control. The problem of lack of security is not solved in this way, but it naturally causes irritation in your other half.

● They covertly demonstrate insecurity

These people tend to believe that admitting to feelings of insecurity is a typical sign of weakness, and secretly hope that their partner will understand and be more caring. However, when a partner does not do this, quarrels and disagreements arise. If you think that a couple should understand each other well even without words, then you are mistaken. When an insecure person sends subtle hints and tips to a partner, there is a high probability that he simply will not understand them. Don't expect anyone to guess your thoughts and desires.

● They act as if everything is fine.

Some people choose to suppress their true feelings out of fear or embarrassment. They have quite good intentions, because they don't want their insecurities to affect the other person and their relationship, but by doing so they only make the situation worse. At first, perhaps this tactic will work, but carefully hiding your feelings leads to internal dissatisfaction and negative emotions. This then leads to anxiety states and depression. This type of relationship will not be healthy in the long run. Although you try to pretend that everything is fine, your partner will eventually feel the negative vibrations.

4. The only way to overcome uncertainty and insecurity is to be mindful and receptive.

Whenever you feel insecure in a relationship, try to identify the source of this feeling. Maybe you lacked attention from your parents as a child? Or, on the contrary, was there too much attention? Maybe you were once in a toxic relationship? Or do you lack self-confidence? Share your thoughts with a partner. Talk about how you feel. We only need to work on this together, learn to hear each other and solve the problem together.

Excess weight, how often in life we ​​come across this phrase, usually with a negative connotation. The very etymology of the word “superfluous” encourages us to get rid of it. And who is the one who measures out what is superfluous in us and what is not?

Let's look at this process from the other side, what provokes us to accumulate this “extra” weight and is it so bad? A strange pattern: our body accumulates weight, but our mind condemns it; in essence, this is a struggle between metabolism and a socially imposed stereotype regarding ideal body proportions.

Our body is constantly in motion, energy circulates in it uninterruptedly, and we cannot live without food, this is ours. basic need. The body protects itself from danger (or stress) by storing energy reserves in the form of fatty tissue. In other words, when stressful situation we will require increased energy expenditure, and the body creates an additional supply of fuel to produce this energy.

But these are only consequences; often the reason lies in our belief that in life there will definitely be dangers against which we will be defenseless. Feeling insecure is a signal of the belief that you are defenseless against something. Typically, these beliefs relate to relationships with people, one’s own health, and material well-being.

As soon as our body leaves a state of rest, it begins to act! Along with the awareness of instability or danger, extra pounds come to us.

The body reacts to danger almost instantly, unlike the head, which sometimes does not immediately realize that some changes are taking place. In fact, we are simply late in taking action; the sooner awareness of the situation comes, the easier it is to influence it, but we are not always ready to accept the situation as it is and sometimes it is harder to take off the rose-colored glasses than it seems at first glance.

Beliefs, over time, turn into life attitudes and, becoming unconscious, influence a person’s decisions and choices. The source of the belief has already been forgotten, but the feeling of anxiety, insecurity, and helplessness remains.

Our lack of self-confidence is the reason for our reflexive search for protection in everything and in any way. And we begin to protect ourselves with baggy clothes, apartment walls, limiting communication with friends, and so on. Continuous restrictions drive us even further into a corner.

But such actions to provide oneself with protection at the expense of outside world- this is the treatment of symptoms. They dull the pain, distract, but do not get rid of the cause of anxiety - the belief in one’s defenselessness. The cause is not eliminated, the stress that consumes strength does not go away, the accumulation of reserves in the form of fat mass to provide the body with energy continues. Constant tension due to an unconscious sense of vulnerability to potential dangers causes the body to react.

The cause of stress is the subconscious belief in the inevitability of dangers, troubles and one’s own defenselessness against them. These beliefs are recorded in the subconscious even before we begin to speak (through patterns of behavior, emotional reactions that the child silently reads from those around him). It turns out vicious circle, beyond which it is almost impossible to go beyond conscious actions: our unconscious beliefs create a corresponding reality that confirms these beliefs.

Understanding your beliefs and the consequences, which manifest themselves, in particular, in excess weight, can help change the situation.

To understand this issue, you need to trace the chronology of weight gain and loss, comparing them with the events that happened in life during these periods. Having grasped the key connection between the state of self-sufficiency, independence, independence and an acceptable, comfortable body shape, 50% of the problem can be considered solved.

Understanding the cause will allow you to finally solve the problem - understanding what situations cause a feeling of insecurity, the subconscious expectation of what danger introduces stress.

Excess weight is just one of the manifestations of the belief in one’s insecurity in front of the world. But this manifestation is visible to the naked eye, and it is one of the first signs of more serious health problems. Due to the fact that we clearly see the problem associated with excess weight, we can work with it quite effectively.

And so, to summarize, we can identify several ways to take control of the situation with “excess” weight.

• We start with awareness and acceptance of ourselves as we are. this moment. Or maybe you don’t need to change anything, sometimes it’s enough to change the environment.
• If the problem is still identified, we are looking for an ally or even a group of like-minded people. It is easier to deal with any trouble when you are not alone. Two heads, no matter how you look at it, it’s better, and if you give up, there are still a couple of hands that won’t let you lose heart. Together - we are force!
• We introduce new traditions into an established way of life. The process of losing weight should be enjoyable, not exhausting. We look for the positive in the little things.
• We praise ourselves for our successes and don’t count our failures.

And every day, looking in the mirror, don’t forget to smile at yourself. After all, only a self-confident person who sets positive goals is able to change for the better!

Altai Mountain Pharmacy wishes you health and active longevity!

In this case, a person seeks to ensure a state of security with special “ defense mechanisms”: subconscious, conscious and supraconscious psychological defenses (more about defense mechanisms. These mechanisms are designed to “numb” negative emotions, primarily fear, but at the same time they are capable of veiling or distorting reality. In this case, the feeling of fear is replaced by a feeling of inexplicable anxiety.

Feelings that enslave us and make us passive are unacceptable: constraining sadness, despair, fear, anger, superstition. The joy of the thirst for freedom, which forces us to become stronger and more perfect through the satisfaction of our desires, gives us the confidence that even being chained, we will be free and powerful if we do not stop thinking. Benedict Spinoza.

Conscious and responsible influence on the circumstances of one’s life in order to provide conditions for one’s peace of mind and development presupposes that a person is ready for any external changes, including the fact that changes may turn out to be unforeseen, and a combination of circumstances may be unfavorable. He sees cause and effect and is aware of his participation in the current situation (high level of subjective control), understands his thoughts and feelings, and is aware of his attitude to certain events. Social security assumes that a person has no fears about the people around him, no impressions that there are any threats from them, and no assumptions that such threats may appear in the future. A person is open to contacts, he trusts people and expects the same from them.

The state of security and peace of mind for the future is largely ensured by the disclosure and realization of one’s capabilities. Creative activity begins with what has meaning for the creator himself, and only later does the product of creativity acquire meaning for other people. Such success practically provides a person with self-esteem and self-confidence. According to some experts, highest level human development begins when creative activity turns to the person himself - the personality creates itself. A self-made man is a person who has made himself in the deepest sense of the word; he is an autonomous, well-organized, self-regulating personality. Psychological safety of a person who owns his inner world, in this case it is considered absolute.

The feeling and state of security is achieved in two ways - the above is the “path in spite of”, i.e. becoming a Self-made man despite weaknesses, obstacles, difficulties, victory over oneself.

The second path - no less, and maybe more effective - is the “path in the name.” It gives not just a feeling of security, but also a state of inner harmony, the right to be yourself, to follow your own path in life.

You are already familiar with its components. Firstly, it is trust in yourself, in your thoughts, feelings and actions, complete acceptance of yourself. And as a result, trust in the world.

Unconditional acceptance and self-love give you a sense of security, freedom for self-expression, feeling, and activity that you consider appropriate for yourself and appropriate in a given situation.

Self-trust, self-acceptance, self-love brings the understanding that you are always responsible for your actions, while no one should be responsible for you, and you do not have to be responsible for the behavior, thoughts and feelings of other people.

The presence of independent choice, a conscious attitude towards one’s actions, behavior in the name of success and happiness, and not because of avoiding a threat (psychological or physical) - all this gives a feeling of safety and security.

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