Today I was visiting some very good people. And we started a conversation with them about whether it was worth dating a married man. Everyone expressed their opinion, and we came to the conclusion that those women who get involved with married men are very unhappy and they will not have happiness until they stop being in such illusions. Well, let's take a closer look...

• A married man will not leave his wife for his mistress... if he did not leave in the first six months of the relationship. Well, in extreme cases, one and a half to two. Psychologists say this. And this, in principle, is logical! When, as they say, passions run high, and a man seems not “like everyone else,” when he is “crazy” about his mistress. In general, when they are both surrounded by such romantic aura and they don’t see anyone around, and both are wearing rose-colored glasses.

Because this is his nature - he runs away from responsibility like fire, he needs romantic adventures, “butterflies in the stomach”, a constant celebration of life! In general, this infantile comrade is far from being a real man!

And don't think that from You then he definitely won’t leave, because “he loves you so much”! Well, about love - it’s said loudly (!), more on that below. He also swore his love to his wife when they walked down the aisle. Don't believe him when he says he didn't marry for love. What else? At U.S. not stone Age, and no one decided anything for him. And he didn’t handcuff him to the battery.

And he's not Small child. And an adult, conscious person. He says all this to get you into bed. He cannot tell you the whole truth, otherwise you will not agree to an intimate relationship with him. Tell me, would you go to bed with him if he said: I will continue to live with my wife, we just have temporary difficulties, quarrels, like everyone else married couples, and we married for love. I doubt you would be with him in that case. So, take note that he is also a manipulator.

He knows how to hook you, what phrases to say to you, in general, don’t be fooled, you’re a smart woman.

• His endless lies and false promises await you. Because he has such a nature, he lies and dodges, both in relation to his wife and in relation to his mistress. He lies to his mistress that he and his wife have had nothing for a long time, they live in different rooms, like neighbors, only for the sake of the children, etc. He lies that he will leave as soon as... so right away - from his wife, it’s just that now is “not the time”, the children are small, then the children need to finish school, then all the children need to get married, then the grandchildren should be born soon... now is again “not the time”.

Never mess with married people! Never settle for second place! Don’t let a man believe that you can be second even for a moment! He will lie that time will pass that you are his most precious thing, that you need to wait a little... all this is bullshit... What role do you agree to - such is your price! For life!
(film " Adult daughter or a test for...")

This is how he will lie and dodge until his mistress gets tired of it, or until she takes off her “rose-colored glasses.”

And he lies to his wife, pretending that everything is normal, that he has no one, and at the slightest suspicion, he lulls her vigilance with lies, keeping her in the illusion of a “normal” family. And how all this pleases his inflated vanity! Together with the “Don Juan” there are as many as two, or even three, or four women, and everyone is fighting for him, the “super man”. Oh, how this pleases his pride.

• It is immoral. It doesn't matter whether you believe in God or not, life will give you that boomerang. Either you will be with him, but it will be HELL - this living together with such an example. Or he will simply leave you for another, and even the child born by you from him will not stop him. Did you really hope that by giving him a child, he would stay with you?
• He doesn't love you. He doesn't love anyone. If he loved you, he wouldn't use you. Can you imagine a normal man, responsible, worthy? Introduced? Such a man would not allow his woman to suffer, he simply would not let you near him, knowing that he could not offer you anything serious. How about using it? Wow.

Well, I ask you, think, can a worthy man do this? And believe me, if he treats his wife and children so vilely, deceiving them, then with the same success he treats to you. Because, remember, a very important idea, It's impossible to be mean on only one side, deceiving only the other side. He is deceiving you too, rest assured. Since he is capable of deception and hypocrisy, then, excuse me, with everyone. It's just in his nature and it doesn't cost him anything. This is nature.

• You will be unhappy and humiliated. But not at once. At first you will be inspired, at first. And then you will get tired of spending all weekends and holidays alone, because at that time he will be with his family. With his legal family. And you will secretly meet him in the corners, because he will not even invite you to a cafe, restaurant, cinema and other establishments, because he is afraid that someone will inadvertently see you and tell his wife.

You will be in such an unenviable position, knowing that his wife spends most of her time with him, freely and legally, and you get pitiful crumbs from someone else's table. You will be on the outskirts stranger life.

Don't you deserve better? Is that all you need?

The behavior of married men and their common phrases have long been studied. All these stories are written as if they were carbon copies, and the woman, blinded by passion, still doesn’t believe it. Yes, she doesn’t even consider herself a mistress; this word seems ugly and vulgar to her.

She sincerely considers herself loved, and that they have everything at all not like others, they have everything differently, That's for sure!

And if you don’t come to your senses and leave him, then you will be bitterly disappointed. It's better to leave with minimal losses. But after a little time, having endured and worked on yourself, you will understand that you have not lost, but found... YOURSELF. And you will become completely different, with different views, worldview, in general, you will become happy. Respect yourself and take real care of yourself.

And further. If he really really loves you and cannot imagine his life without you. Let it be not in words, but in action. No, there is no need to demand that he leave the family. What I mean is this:

If it’s true that his marriage is falling apart at the seams, and his wife is like a neighbor to him, then let him separate from her. And a free one will come to you. Then we can talk about something. And then it will definitely be clear that he really needs you, and he and his wife are like neighbors. In all other cases, don't waste your time. Better yet, take care of yourself and let your life sparkle with new colors.

And then it won’t matter whether you have a relationship with a man or not. And if it is important, then a full-fledged relationship will be acceptable for you, and you will no longer be satisfied with furtive meetings. And this will give you self-confidence, as well. Respect yourself, work on yourself, become the best for yourself, and then the best will come to you. 100% yours.

Watch a short video on this topic:

And if you have already gotten yourself into such an unhealthy relationship, then it is better to leave. It won’t be easy, you’re used to it, and you can’t even imagine how to do it yet. But it's possible. In this article I tell you with minimal losses.

This is where I will end the article. Did you like it? Then click on the social network button and share with your friends. Happiness to you, my dears! If you disagree with something, or want to add something else, then I’m waiting for you in the comments. And also don’t forget to subscribe to blog updates. See you later, friends!

Quite a funny position for the author, who without any hesitation attributed his own, exclusively individual views and beliefs to literally everyone without exception! “No woman wants...”, “Every person strives...”, and the funniest thing is the naive belief: “Almost every man nowadays has a mistress.” Well, at least here it’s not “everyone without exception”)))

I was also amused by the position: I am an “exemplary family man” - but at the same time, like “almost every man,” I go outside to look for entertainment.

Dear author, if you go outside because you are unable to find rest in your relationship with your own wife, if your own family is nothing more than a routine and dull life - then I have bad news for you: you, unfortunately , no way, he’s not an “exemplary family man.” You're not even close to being exemplary. In your family, unfortunately - and common to all family members - everything is by no means prosperous and rosy, as you would like to believe.

Apparently, that’s why you came up with such a fabulous excuse for yourself, which seems to justify you: they say, they still do this, almost without exception, this is the norm: to have a mistress, to have affairs, which means that I am the most ordinary and normal person. I have everything like everyone else.

No, dear author, not like everyone else. You will be surprised how many families there are in the world where the husband and wife sincerely love each other, are interesting to each other - not only as lovers and participants in a shared life, but also as individuals who have absolutely no need to look for adventures on the side - they are quite happy with each other and are able to organize themselves a vacation, an adventure, and generally anything they want. They have no problems discussing their plans and coming to an agreement - simply because they initially chose each other precisely according to this criterion. We liked each other not for a pleasant façade, but for personal qualities. They got married not because “it’s necessary”, “it’s time” and “everyone does it”, but because they needed each other. And they also solve the problems that arise together, without slamming them on each other, but on the contrary, trying to clear them up through joint efforts. Because if you love a person, if he is dear to you, you will never want him to have problems.

Unfortunately, you are right about one thing: in our time, although not everyone, nevertheless quite a lot of people look at relationships with other people very superficially. When choosing a life partner, they usually do not think about how I will live together with this person? Not the first time, when passions and emotions had not yet lost their novelty, but the subsequent years, in the future - for the rest of my life. They reason: So what? If you don’t like it, you can always run away and look again. But again, with the same superficial approach, the result will be just as sad.

But in the process of these relational experiments, children appear. New people who are not to blame for anything. It is not their fault that their frivolous parents were just “having fun” and “experimenting” - and their lives were the result of these experiments. This is where there are so many divorces, unhappy broken families, lonely children that no one wants, whose parents have too much of their own psychological problems and debts - the consequences of their "entertainment" - in order to also pay attention to children's problems. Will they grow up to be good, worthy people? It will be difficult, especially if, looking at their parents, they adopt their model of behavior as normal and the only correct one. After this, will anyone else complain about the collapsing institution of the family? This is the root of the problem with this institution.

Many people say that relationships with married people ruin our lives. I agree one hundred percent if we're talking about about a young and inexperienced owner.

Otherwise, why not?

If you only need sex from a married man or you are so self-sufficient that you can love without making your partner your property, a relationship with a married man will not ruin your life (as, indeed, everything else that can happen to you)

Who are the owner people? These are victims of the fear of “losing.” These are those who make their mental comfort dependent on the behavior of their loved one. But a self-sufficient person, or one who wants to be one, chooses a different principle: “I will still be happy, even if without you.”

Anyone who is not afraid of losing behaves appropriately and does not lose! Why does first love often bring more pain than joy? Because an immature person makes his happiness dependent on another person. How could it be otherwise, because I really want this to last my whole life! This is how it is with adults. Whoever is morally weaker, whoever clings tighter, receives mental wounds faster.

Therefore, why cling to married people?(as, indeed, for any others) After all, the only thing I can really possess is myself. I revolve around myself and thereby attract people to me, and if I begin to attract others to me by force, they will shy away from me in fear. Well, or, in extreme cases, they will stay with me not out of love, but out of pity. While the wife is trying to tie him to her by force, the mistress only wins (if, of course, she is smart enough to give him what his wife is depriving him of) But if you are a possessive person and do not want to change in any way, let married men become taboo for you !

If you are a property owner, being in love with a married man is the same as stealing. After all, according to your “possessive” logic, it turns out that by loving a married man, you are stealing him from another woman.

Mom, who is this mistress?
- This is a thief, son!
- Is she stealing or lying badly?
- No, it’s worth it!

If you are the owner, willy-nilly, you put yourself in the place of his wife. Whether you hate her or feel very sorry for her, it doesn’t matter. The important thing is that if you are an owner, either the married man will leave you, or you will find yourself in the place of his unhappy wife. And just like her, you will cry about what kind of cable he is.

But if you are not the owner - for you there is no “yours” and no “strangers” - there is simply “your” person and “not yours.” Your person, provided that you continue personal growth and change yourself for the better, will be attracted to you like a magnet and will stay with you forever. “Not yours” - he will pass by and you will not detain him

- “But everything will pass, both friendship and enmity.
- Everything will dissolve and leave without a trace.
“One thing I know for sure, without fail, everything present is with me forever.”

Life is destroyed not by relationships with a married person, but by the fear of losing “not your own” person. Get rid of this stupidity and the sooner the better for you and for him. When a person is not afraid of losing, he can afford the luxury of remaining himself, which means being inimitably charming.

A person who enjoys the process, without a second thought, “to lasso forever,” lassoes much more often. Therefore, do not be afraid to lose someone and with this, you will “keep” them.

What's happened appropriate behavior with a man (married or unmarried - it doesn’t matter)? This is the behavior of a woman who loves and respects herself:

- She does not behave intrusively, but allows the other to also take the initiative.
- She will openly express her feelings, but at the same moment, let her lover understand that these feelings must be warmed up all the time: show attention, care to her, share her interests, and, most importantly, allow her to remain herself.
- She binds you to herself by the fact that she is always ready to let go and, under any circumstances, continue her personal growth. And the one who is constantly growing, constantly updating himself, always remains interesting both for his husband and for other men, because men love variety!!!

Regarding the moral side: if his family is strong, you will not destroy it, but if there has been a crack there for a long time, then you simply take “what is yours” - that’s all. And if you perceive a relationship with a married man not from the position of an owner, but from the position of a self-sufficient woman, then this poem will not touch you to the quick:

Unfastening buttons with teeth,
I left a trace of lipstick with my lips
And on the shirt and on the trousers too,
And again you won’t be able to restrain yourself.
I'll undress myself - I don't need help,
So that the wife doesn’t see the evidence,
There is no need to unfasten buttons with your teeth -
After all, there is lipstick on your lips,
I'll throw it all away -
Do not rush me
There will be no ashes after our fire...

The post on the topic “seduction of married men” is addressed to wives no less than to mistresses. Who needs to understand what I meant.

You can’t command your heart - everyone knows that. And there is no way to force him either. However, the heart can be persuaded, and you should practice doing this, especially if you are in a relationship with a married man. And you will have to persuade that it is better to forget about this love as soon as possible.

Of course, love does not always choose those who are free, and those who are “ringed” are also not immune from meeting their soulmate when they are already living with their first. But while a man is in love, it won’t hurt you to think about where this love can lead you personally.

Why don't you want a relationship with a married man?

It's simple: because he has someone else. And not just another, but a wife who (probably) also loves him, has children from him and is not going to share her legal husband with you. However, the point is not even in the presence of a wife, but in the fact that with her you will always be on the sidelines: alas, this is the lot of mistresses! Therefore, if you ask your friends for advice - you have fallen in love with a married man, what should you do? - remember the first rule: don’t expect him to leave the family. Even if he doesn't love his wife, it will be extremely difficult for him to leave his children, his house, his beloved dog and his favorite couch, and you will have to accept the fact that you are lower on his list of priorities, even if he does not realize it yet.

Argument two: a relationship with a married man deprives you of your own time and your own plans. He will come to you at seven in the morning and leave early in the evening. He will leave you on holidays and demand to meet you at lunchtime. He will spend weekends with you at the dacha, but then disappear for weeks. This is easily explained: he has a family, and he can afford to carve out only rare minutes for you, without asking if you can accept him now. So is it worth dating a married man if they don’t even ask you anything? By the way, don’t try to throw a tantrum at him for this: he has enough problems at home, but he comes to you to relax!

Finally, the third argument: you will have to learn to lie. Lie to everyone - friends, colleagues, parents, beloved girlfriend... You need to somehow plausibly explain why he comes so rarely, why you never get married, and why you are alone all the time on holidays. Moreover, a relationship with a married man will most often need to be hidden altogether, because you don’t want his wife to find out about it and cause a scandal?

What should we do anyway?

All the above arguments will actually be empty words for you if you love him, and he, which is quite likely, loves you. In this case, you certainly won’t be able to think logically and calculate your every step, so your main task is not to become dependent on this love and not turn into a woman who waits for years for her chosen one to decide on an important step. Here are just a few rules that will help mitigate negative impact this difficult situation:

• Learn to manage your desires, try not to feel unsatisfied and disappointed. Even when you really lack attention, try to compensate for it with other joys;
• Live life to the fullest- build a career, raise a child (if you have one), meet friends;
• Be self sufficient- do not forget about your hobbies and hobbies, indulge yourself with shopping trips and beauty salons. This is especially true for women who are dating an equally self-sufficient man. Is he married and older (and more successful)? Don't give him a head start!

And, of course, remember that a relationship with a married man is not a reason to play unfair games. If he asks you to introduce yourself as his “second cousin” or “colleague” so that your wife will not guess anything, do not give in. These are not spy games, but life, and you do not need to meet his wife in this way. Also, you shouldn’t unconditionally take on faith everything he tells you (traditional “fairy tales” are familiar to all of us - “we can’t separate because my wife is seriously ill” or “I can’t get a divorce because it will kill her”).

Be realistic: a relationship with a married man rarely ends with his divorce and your wedding, and if you dream of starting a family and living normal life, do not deprive yourself of opportunities to meet other people and make new acquaintances. An affair with a married man is, of course, an excellent reason to stroke your vanity (he chose me, which means I’m better!). However, do not forget that even if you manage to “divorce” him and marry him, it is possible that in the future he will do the same to you as he did to his previous wife. And seeing how the family you created at the cost of the death of another marriage is being destroyed will be especially bitter and unpleasant for you.

Anna Khripunkova