Inner child: how to work with him

1. Comes from childhood
2. Happy or unhappy?
3. A little about internal parents
4. Two sides of the same coin
5. How to achieve harmony with yourself?
6. Don't be afraid to communicate with your inner child!

Comes from childhood

A person gains his first experience in the prenatal period. Scientists have proven: the well-being of the expectant mother, her mood are the first “bricks” from which the child’s psyche is built. Every day after birth brings images, needs, and behavioral attitudes into the life “piggy bank.” This part of the psyche, which psychologists call the inner child, does not disappear anywhere: until a certain time, it may not manifest itself in any way.

From time to time, every person faces his own life experience. Those who have established contact with the inner child, who know how to work with him, live easier, achieve more, and are less prone to depression. But, alas, not many succeed.

Happy or unhappy?

The inner child is a multifaceted concept that unites the potential of an individual, its vitality, and balance. It is this part of the soul that shapes creative people, helps to overcome life’s obstacles, and is responsible for a sincere, positive attitude towards the world. It is important for a child to be accepted, understood, not compared with someone else, and to have his needs met - this is where the Personality’s path to self-knowledge begins.

Criticism is a bad help in the educational process. It is justified only if it is supported by argumentation and is not limited to abstract “you are wrong” and “this cannot be done.” The child must understand why this is good and that is bad, see the roots of his actions and their possible consequences. Constant groundless criticism contributes to the formation of a negative image, which many try to renounce even in childhood. A person artificially creates a false “I” and stops hearing himself. How to talk to your inner child if you have completely lost touch with your real self?

A little about internal parents

And they live in us too! The child perceives many phrases as powerful statements that form a model of behavior in the future. Often internal parents serve only as critics. This manifests itself in invisible dialogues with oneself, when in response to attempts to justify, praise, and feel sorry for oneself, phrases familiar from childhood are tapped out like a hammer: “You’re doing everything wrong,” “You’re not succeeding.” Internal parents and children, realizing themselves in a new status, become enemies and, as a result, stop communicating. This often carries over into real life.

Two sides of the same coin

In each of us there lives a happy inner child who is surrounded by love, feels safe, experiences creative impulses, and sincerely admires the world around him. But there is also a traumatized inner child who lacks protection, consolation, and approval.

Negativity, framed by self-doubt, often becomes a decisive factor in choosing a profession or life partner. People in whom unhappy children “lead” rarely achieve success in school and work. Further - vicious circle: failures aggravate problems, and they confirm the status of a loser...

A simple example. The head of the company receives a calm, correct remark to his subordinates. One employee calmly agrees and takes note of what was said. In another person, this causes a wave of aggression. Everyone took out from their life “baggage” what was there...

How to achieve harmony with yourself?

Many are sure: a person is the architect of his own happiness; one must boldly move forward, leaving memories in the past. But life shows: “forcibly” closing the doors to childhood only aggravates the problems. This helps for a while, but sooner or later echoes from the past will remind themselves.

How to work with the inner unhappy child? Is it possible to stop the self-destruction mechanism and “program” yourself for success? First you need to try to talk to yourself in a calm state. Sit back in your favorite chair, take a break from everyday affairs and imagine inner child living in you. Now “chat” with him:

1. Listen to his feelings and describe them.
2. Try to remember the “age” of the experience.
3. Try to see what the child looks like, where he is, who surrounds him.
4. How does he react to questions? Is he lonely and scared? Find words of comfort.
5. Tell him about your feelings, offer help.
6. How does the child behave around the inner parent?

Don't be afraid to communicate with your inner child!

And best of all - in front of a mirror. Talk to your inner child regularly. Let him talk about his experiences, cry: over many years, the emotional “piggy bank” has become heavier and does not allow him to confidently move on.

Give your “baby” a holiday and complement it balloons, goodies. Do not skimp on the words that you yourself dreamed of hearing as a child. Every day tell your inner child that he is the most beautiful, kind, beloved. How to quickly expect changes in life? Not until you become best friends with your inner child...

Adults sometimes behave like children. This manifests itself through pranks, playfulness, delight, charm and uncontrollable creative impulses.

At such moments, the consciousness is controlled by the so-called “Inner Child”, which is in each of us.

Why do adult children hate their parents? Find out about this from ours.

What it is?

The concept of “Inner Child” is actively used in psychotherapy and means part of consciousness, which contains experiences from childhood and the prenatal period of development.

In total, a person has three states: . Each of them is a set of behaviors, attitudes, feelings and thoughts.

How does a person behave and feel when he is a child?

A person in a state of Child lives his childhood experiences. If he previously received enough love and care from his parents, BP will be happy and healthy.

When BP is healthy, a person enjoys little things, is ready to communicate with others, gravitates towards creativity, does not experience moral fatigue and is in harmony.

If a person was ignored, offended, intimidated, humiliated and mocked as a child, then The Inner Child will be sick. In this case, VR is scared, aggressive and incapable of building normal relationships with others.

A person in the Child state behaves infantilely, commits rash acts and is guided by his inner “I want!”

At the same time, he is creatively active and sociable, playful and sincere in his actions, words and feelings.

If VR is at the helm, a person reacts to any situation in the present in such a way as to how he would have reacted to her as a child.

Why don't I want children and is this normal? find out right now.

How to get to know your BP?

If suppress your inner child or try to ignore it, this will lead to insomnia, breakdowns, and loss of part of your potential and abilities. After all, it is VR that the child is responsible for creative thinking.

To hear your inner child and get to know him, you need to try to get him to talk. To do this, imagine VR in your head as a kind of image that lives in a room called “consciousness”.

What does he look like? What is he wearing? How does he behave and how does he greet? What emotions does he convey through his behavior? Is there someone next to him, or is he always alone? What does he want to say to his Adult??

If it's difficult to conjure up an image of VR in your head, start with childhood memories. Remember yourself, your experiences and desires.

Most often, poorly established contact with the inner child manifests itself as delayed emotions.

After the incident that caused emotional response, a person cries, gets scared, worries or is offended.

At the same time, feelings and their manifestations have a truly childish nature and the absence of “adult” prerequisites for their manifestation. Respectable uncles and aunts suppress these emotions.

But to get acquainted with VR, you will have to give free rein to your consciousness, cry, scream and laugh, obeying the Child. You need to live the emotions that your VR broadcasts.

How to communicate with him?

If the Inner Child forgotten and abandoned, Human:

• withdraws into himself and ceases to feel confident in society;
• hides his real feelings (whether it be the desire to find benefit or the fear of being uncomfortable);
• from time to time a person feels tired;
• sometimes there are attacks of uncontrollable irritation;
• you have to force yourself to do certain things.

To purposefully start communicating with VR, you need to enter state of relaxation.

To do this, you can meditate or simply stay alone and disconnect from the outside world, forget about your problems.

1. Use images to communicate, after all creative Child responds readily to them. You can imagine a clearing, a corridor or a castle into which you invite VR for a conversation. Colorfully imagine your path to this place, the awe of the upcoming meeting.
2. The child may already be waiting for you at the appointed place, or appear a little later. Please be patient.

   You may not be able to connect with the ego state the first time if you have always ignored it before.

3. When the Child comes to the meeting, repent to him. Ask for forgiveness for always leaving him unattended and often trying to suppress him. BP must accept your apology and respond affirmatively to the friendship request.
4. Now that VR has become your friend, you can communicate with him directly, listening to your emotions online.

Operating rules

As children we have to meet traumatic experience.

Parents refused to buy the desired toy, gave him an offensive nickname at school, or took away his briefcase.

Mom called him stupid, and dad “gave me a belt.” All this imprinted on us and forms the ego state.

The relationship between a person and his Inner Child is always a copy of the relationship between the person himself as a child and his parents. In the case of experience of destructive relationships, it is important:

1. Make it so that a person can have compassion for his BP, and not show aggression towards him.
2. Create conditions under which a person can provide support to his Inner Child and help him overcome negative emotions.

We cannot undo a traumatic event, because it has already happened and affected the ego state. But we can rethink that experience, replacing it with a more successful one. This is why they work with the Inner Child.

An adult returns to a situation from childhood that gave rise to negative feelings. But now he interferes with the process, giving the Child a tool for coping. Now the experience that was already experienced once will take on a positive color.

Example: A woman was very offended and burst into tears when her husband canceled a trip to the cafe because of work.

Availability good reason to adjust plans and the lack of grounds for resentment pushed the woman to visit group psychotherapy.

In the process of analyzing the situation and playing the scene, the woman begins to cry again.

When asked by a psychology specialist: “How old are you now?”, he answers: “Six.”

It is at this age that the client had a traumatic experience, when a mother promised to take her daughter to the cinema, but refused after the girl accidentally spilled water on herself before leaving the house.

The mother pointed out to her daughter how unkempt she was. After this, the client was punished and remained alone in the room, experiencing resentment, pain and guilt.

To correct the experience, the client mentally turns to her VR at this moment with words of support, using the image of a good sorceress.

Rules for working with the Inner Child:

If the Inner Child is traumatized, and the causes of this trauma are lost deep in childhood and cause a flurry of negative emotions, it’s not worth working with the ego state without the help of a specialist.

Exercises for Healing

Simple Steps to Healing Your Inner Child:

• take responsibility for satisfying BP's desires;
• replace negative BP beliefs with new and positive attitudes;
• work through developmental stages not passed through in childhood;
• use positive messages addressed to BP;
• perform exercises for healing VR.

1. Exercise "I give you a wish". Try to go back to your childhood and remember what you loved to do. Take a piece of paper and write down the ideas that arise. This can be any of your children's entertainment (jumping on a chair, drawing with paints, collecting figures from twigs, dressing up in beautiful clothes, climbing trees, etc.). When you have 20 points, proceed to complete the assigned tasks.
2. Exercise "Support". Find childhood photographs in which you are no more than 6 years old. Take a close look at your facial expression in these photos. What does it emit? Joy or anxiety? Is your child happy with his life? Now talk to the photograph. Ask your child why he looks sad or scared. Talk to the baby. Report that . Tell him that you will always protect the child and are proud of him.
3. Exercise "Letter". Take two markers. Ask your Inner Child to get in touch. Then take a marker in each hand. Use your dominant hand to write questions for VR on a piece of paper. And through the non-dominant hand, BP will answer you.
4. Exercise "Holiday". Give your Inner Child a holiday. You can do this mentally if the contact with VR is already well established. If not, use external attributes (cake, caps, balloons and crackers). Dedicate this holiday to your vulnerable ego state to instill in it a sense of self-worth.

The Inner Child (especially if he is sick) is often mistakenly perceived as an enemy who is trying to undermine the stable emotional background of an adult and restrained person.

But the inner Child is not your enemy. It is just a part of consciousness that signals the presence of serious worries and tries to draw attention to the problem.

The inner child lives in each of us. How important is it to us? Find out from the video:

Meditation is the key to shaping reality, a way of influencing the subconscious, shaping oneself, how new personality. Having revealed your weak sides and fears, they can be eradicated by meditation. One such problem that needs to be worked on is our inner child. There are many practices whose task is precisely to help your child. They all have a common name: “Inner Child Meditation.” These are truly deep, rich meditations, the benefits of which will be described below.

One day I found a meditative diagnostic technique that I will share below. Her results amazed me. Such a simple, literally ten-minute exercise opened my eyes to something I didn’t know. About what drives my actions, what I am trying to get from the world and from other people, and what I miss most. Later I realized that I subconsciously knew about this, but did not want to admit it to myself.

The essence, possibilities and limitations of this meditation

Meditation practices related to the inner child are extremely powerful. Just imagine. Once upon a time you were a child. Sometimes your family offended you, denied you something, punished you for something, and categorically forbade you for something. All these memories sit within us, albeit unconsciously. They will continue to control us. Did we have enough attention and love from our parents as children? Did they cherish and pamper us or, on the contrary, constantly scold us and were dissatisfied with everything? What kind of self-assessment have you been instilled with: how beautiful and wonderful you are, or how stupid and disobedient you are?

It often happens that people whose low self-esteem was formed in childhood by parents, in adulthood they believe that they are not worthy of love and acceptance. And they begin to please others, adapt, patiently endure everything that does not suit them. Even within your own family. After all, love doesn’t happen just like that, it has to be earned.

It is these attitudes that meditation on the inner child combats. It helps to find the source of uncertainty and pain, and restructure the attitude towards childhood problems and traumas. Find out what self-worth is. Give yourself the much-needed love. And start living in a new way. Such practices leave nothing unchanged. Having identified the problem that drives us, we can begin to fight it.

Our inner child often lacks love, attention and care. You shouldn't expect these gifts from other people. You can make yourself happy.

Meditation techniques for working with the inner child

The very first thing to start with is a meeting. It is thanks to her that you can open your inner world, fill it up positive emotions and the understanding that all grievances need to be let go and sent far from oneself. The technique presented below will help you improve your condition, open your subconscious, believe in yourself and let go of grievances.

Meeting the inner child meditation

Meeting your inner child is your first meeting with yourself. For those who are just starting the practice, it may seem that such meditation is some kind of visions that a person should not have, but in fact this is not the case. Meeting your inner child will help you look at yourself from the outside:

1. Take ten minutes to yourself. Make the sanctification dim. Lie down on the bed. If you feel like you might fall asleep, it’s better to sit with your legs stretched forward. Breathe a little. Turn off your thoughts. If that doesn't work, focus on the sounds around you.
2. When you are completely relaxed, imagine that a golden ray of light is falling from the sky into your head. Gradually this light fills your body. It penetrates all your organs and cells. And now it goes beyond your body, enveloping the space around you.
3. Now imagine that you are at the edge of the forest. There is a bench here, and sitting on it... are your parents. They are very young. What are they doing? Do they hug or fight? Are they happy or sad? They don't see you, but you see them. What do you feel? Suddenly, a child appeared next to them. Beautiful, Small child. He showed something to his parents, and then ran towards the forest. Follow him.
4. So you went into the forest and saw that a child was sitting under a tree. Look at him carefully. Is he happy or sad? Perhaps he is offended by someone? Or is he afraid of something? Or maybe he’s completely fine now?
5. Now look into the child’s eyes again and understand that this is you. You, once upon a time. Approach him. He smiles and extends his tiny hand to you. Take his hand, hug this lovely sweet child. Feel how strong the love is reborn in your heart. Now tell him how much you love him, that you accept him completely. Promise that from now on you will take care of him and support him in everything. Kiss the child on the top of the head and open his eyes. How did you feel?

Now I propose to carry out the following practice. This will help you figure out what you were missing in childhood and what you still want to get.

Meditation on the inner child

Complete the first two points from the previous meditation and, when you relax, move on to the next steps:

1. Imagine that you are walking down a dark gloomy street. It's abandoned. There are no people, no animals, no birds here. There are only abandoned houses and shops here.
2. Choose one of the buildings and enter it. Walk down the hallway near doors or counters.
3. Look around. Is there anything that catches your attention? But there was a certain object on your way. It could be anything. Take it with you and put it in your pocket. Now leave this building and this street.
4. You have returned home. Take this thing out and look carefully. It could be a toy, a drawing, a pillow, an animal, anything.
5. What is this item? How do you feel looking at him? Place this item in the light in a cozy place. How do you think he feels? What is he missing? Maybe care and love, or maybe loneliness or peace? Would you like to receive this item now? Give it to him. And see if he feels better. Perhaps it has changed, become brighter, cleaner? Feel if he needs anything else to be happy? What exactly? Give it all to him. And then, when the object is satisfied, open your eyes.

The subject from practice is the state of your inner child. Is it clean, well-groomed, beautiful or broken and old? What the item asked from you is what you need yourself. Write these things down and start giving them to yourself.

Healing the inner child meditation

Now that we have met our child and learned about his needs, the next technique will be waiting for us. This is a particularly important part of all our work. Its focus is clearly expressed in Evgenia Pogudina’s book: “to go back in time and give the inner child what he needs to grow up.” Follow the two steps you already know.

1. After relaxing, return to the forest clearing to your inner child. You've already met there.
2. Take him in your arms. Tell him again how much you love and admire him.
3. Surround him with your love and care. Hold him tighter to you and ask for forgiveness for not paying attention to him, forgetting about him, limiting him.
4. Feel the light in your heart. This is the light of love. Pass it on to your child. Tell him what you are afraid and worried about. Ask him about his dreams.
5. Start playing with him. Have fun, spin, run. Let your child express himself to the fullest. Now watch how happy this child has become. You are overwhelmed by a surge of love and tenderness, a desire to take care of him.
6. Feel that you are happy now. Then kiss the baby, promise that you will take care of him and will definitely return to him. And open your eyes.

What emotions are you experiencing? Now repeat this meditation as many times as you need. These practices will help you understand yourself, your behavior and needs, and establish a connection with your inner child - the most important part of you. These meditations bring powerful healing and cleansing. Start paying attention to your inner child and watch the world change around you!

PHOTO Getty Images

I have a habit of looking at people. I recently rode the subway and looked at my grandmother and grandson. And my grandson looked at me. Grandma noticed this and demonstratively said loudly: “Muscovites have a bad habit of looking at people like this (and widened her eyes). This is not appropriate!" The message was intended for me, but my grandmother did not dare say it to my face, but looked at the boy. I didn’t mind him looking at me at all; I was pleased with his interest. But the boy immediately cringed and looked away from me. This is how adults cut off children's creative intentions to explore the world and interact with it. You can't look at people, but why? Why should ordinary research interest be considered unacceptable and indecent?

If your inner child is weakly manifested in you personally, it is worth showing him not once, not twice, but many times that he is very important to you, and allowing much of what was previously prohibited. I offer you several exercises to establish contact and strengthen the position of your inner child. The exercises are taken from Julia Cameron's book 1 and creatively reworked by my inner child.

• Reviving buried dreams

Remember what you loved as a child and what your dreams were. To do this, close your eyes, focus on breathing, feel your center, breathe into it, and then enter it and find yourself in childhood. Stay there as long as you need, remember your favorite activities, hobbies, friends and fantasies. Then come back to the present moment and write down:

• Five hobbies that interest you.
• Five subjects or courses that you enjoy.
• Five skills you would like to master.
• Five activities that once brought you pleasure.
• Five things that seem attractive to you, but you can't do them.

• What would I do if it weren't a "no"?

Review the list of the last five items from the previous assignment. These are those taboo actions that your inner child would really like to do, but cannot because he is forbidden by your inner critic, who comes from a critical parent. The inner critic (just like before dad, mom, grandma or grandpa) says that normal, well-mannered, decent, adequate people they shouldn't do that.

Very often, simply creating a list of forbidden pleasures is enough to break down the barriers that prevent the fulfillment of desires. Post this list in a visible place. Ask yourself: “Why can’t this be done?” You have grown up and may already be able to provide security for these activities or support them financially. Check, maybe it’s already possible?

1. Parachute jump, scuba diving. Why not? “It’s dangerous,” the critic replies. But you are an adult and can take precautions.
2. Belly dancing, Latin dancing. Why not? “This is indecent,” the critic replies. But you are an adult and want to demonstrate your femininity and sexuality. This is normal for an adult woman.
3. Publishing your own poems. Why not? “This is showing off,” the critic replies. But you are an adult, and it is your responsibility to express yourself and present the products of your creativity to the world.
4. Purchase drum kit. Why not? “It’s loud and violates the neighbors’ boundaries,” the critic responds. But you are an adult and can take care of soundproofing and take responsibility for conflicts that may arise.
5. Cycling in France. Why not? “It’s expensive, you don’t have a passport, you’ll get lost,” the critic replies. But you are an adult and can solve all these problems: earn money, get a passport and take a good map or navigator with you on the road.

• Creative walk

Choose something that your inner child loves and go with him on a creative walk where he can realize this desire. Pamper him. On the way, buy him everything he asks for - ice cream, balloons. Pick up from the ground everything that he likes, everything that arouses his interest - pebbles, coins, nails. Take him wherever he asks - to sculpt or paint, to the zoo, to a museum, to a bowling alley, to a deserted beach. Let him do whatever he wants - draw in the sand, sculpt on a pottery wheel, stare at people, drive boats through puddles. Write down all the creative ideas that come to your inner child. Go on creative walks at least once a week.

Make a creative walk a priority and don't let your inner critic deprive your inner child of this pleasure.

Support any manifestations of your inner child. So that he is not afraid to develop. Development, not perfection, is what is important. In a word, do what he wants, ensuring the safety of these activities through the inner adult. And then your inner child will begin to burst with creative ideas and provide you with irrepressible energy to implement them.

1 D. Cameron “The Artist’s Way” (Gayatri, 2015).