From this article you will learn:

• What are the types of conflicts with employees?

Every leader is interested in work time employees devoted themselves to performing their direct duties, and did not sort things out among themselves. However, as in any team, problems sometimes arise, so the question of how to resolve conflicts with employees is relevant for many managers. This article is devoted to the topic of forming calm working relationships.

How to resolve conflicts with employees

If the company's activities involve work large quantity people are in constant contact with each other, it is impossible to completely avoid situations of misunderstanding. In essence, a work team is a community of individuals of very different character and temperament, forced to interact on official matters and resolve disagreements that arise. And not always a person, being a good specialist in his field, necessarily has the tact and upbringing that allow him to calmly react to the mistakes of his colleagues. There are often cases when employees blame each other for mistakes that have led to a decrease in the efficiency of the entire team.

A wise leader is obliged to understand the intricacies of relationships between his employees and resolve controversial situations in a timely manner. He can prevent problems caused by a mismatch of temperaments if he good psychologist, understanding that these people cannot work in tandem. Then he can calmly engage in optimization production process, rather than thinking about how to resolve conflicts with employees.

Problematic relationships between company employees take various forms. They can be hidden from prying eyes or obvious, in plain sight. The conflict may be slow and ongoing long time, or it can flare up at one moment. A lot depends on how a manager behaves when he discovers that work is in jeopardy due to poor relationships between employees.



Exists three main ways How to resolve conflicts with employees:

1. Do not take the side of any one of the opponents, first listen to the arguments of both.

The neutrality of the leader is the most important point, guaranteeing an impartial attitude when clarifying the circumstances of the conflict and helping to effectively resolve it. Even if you feel strongly about one of the parties, do not give in to feelings, be fair and calm, making a decision that will smooth out the problem.

It is especially dangerous to take the side of one of the employees if the team is small and it is extremely difficult to maintain an unbiased attitude. If you feel that you will not be able to remain neutral because you pre-approve of the actions of one of the employees, consider entrusting the resolution of the conflict to a third party who does not have special feelings towards the participants.

One of the options for resolving conflicts with employees may be to move the proceedings to an informal setting, outside the office walls. It is quite possible that hostile relationships that arise in the workplace will fade away if people get to know each other from a new perspective.

Find out what mutual claims are causing the conflict in order to understand how to resolve it. Give each employee the opportunity to speak fully without interrupting or stopping him. Sometimes even this is enough for a person to calm down and begin to look at the situation without unnecessary emotions.

1. Highlight the facts.

The essence of most conflicts that a manager has to resolve is often difficult to formulate even for its direct participants. Taking shape from little things, they develop into real wars involving other employees on their side. The manager’s task is to find, among the stormy emotional statements, the meaning of the complaints that interfere with the normal work of the team. At the same time, be prepared to hear not specific accusations, but, most likely, assumptions like “It seems to me that he considers me a bad employee” or “He is picking on me.”

To get closer to the truth, ask what the basis for such opinions is. This will make it possible to get to the roots of the problem, to understand what caused it to arise and whether the reason is as serious as the immediate participants see it. Based on the facts identified, you can think about how to resolve conflict with employees that distracts them from productive work. Keep in mind that this may require a lot of effort, since most of what you hear will be emotional statements and insults.

1. Ask how the participants in the conflict themselves see ways to resolve it.

Having received maximum information about the essence problematic situation, you may still be unsure about how to handle conflict with employees. Try to find out what his parties think about it. Often this helps to choose the only right solution.

We should not exclude the possibility that the reason for such a situation lies in domestic policy the company, its corporate culture, applied management techniques and mistakes when establishing interaction processes between employees and management. To identify such moments, it is important to have feedback from employees, to understand by what methods it is possible to minimize cases of conflicts so that they do not have to be resolved.

Your role should be to create optimal conditions for the establishment of normal working relationships between employees. Having analyzed several conflicts, you will better understand the nature of their occurrence and ways to resolve them.

How to resolve conflicts with employees and managers

However, workers who are on the same rung of the career ladder do not always become parties to the conflict. It is not uncommon for strained or downright hostile relationships to develop between a manager and a subordinate. How to resolve conflicts with employees, the other party of which is their immediate superior, is a question that requires maximum tact and caution.

It is good if the leader is smart and courageous enough to admit that he is wrong. But often subordinates have to repent of their mistakes, even imaginary ones, and resolve the conflict.

The ability to punish is an integral quality that should be inherent in a person in authority. If employees know that their mistakes will not have any consequences, this threatens the complete collapse of work. In this case, the manager will have to not only resolve conflicts, but also save the company’s reputation. Of course, the punishment must be adequate to the offense and aim to prevent similar situations in the future.

No team can do without punishment, since even the most diligent and attentive employee is not immune from mistakes in the work process. An important point at the same time, the manager has full confidence in the fairness of the sanctions he applies. Main meaning any punishment - to serve as a lesson not only for the one to whom it is addressed, but also for all other workers.

There are managers who have innate knowledge of how to resolve conflicts with employees without creating unnecessary excitement around a problematic situation. Employees of such a company can rest assured that if punishment follows, it will be adequate. But there are also bosses who use conflicts between employees for their own purposes.

Supporting cold war and by provoking employees to constantly sort things out, such a manager, instead of resolving conflicts, ensures that the employees he dislikes find themselves in disgrace and are gradually driven out of the company. However, in this case we are more likely talking about small enterprises, where everyone working in the company is somehow drawn into such squabbles. A manager who truly cares about the business reputation of his company aims his employees at the results of their work, and not at sorting out relationships.

History is rich in examples of how famous personalities could resolve conflicts without causing serious consequences. Princess Olga can be called an example of a wise leader. It fell to her lot to rule Russia during the most difficult period of history - the heyday of internecine wars, when force and pressure decided everything. Nothing prevented the young princess from giving the command to her squad to seize neighboring lands, embodying the image of a ruler familiar to her contemporaries.

However, Olga acts completely differently; she begins to understand the essence of conflicts between neighbors and resolve them peacefully. With her wise rule, she showed that it was possible to live without constant invasions of nearby lands, but in conditions of mutually beneficial cooperation.

Let's try to apply the experience of Princess Olga to modern realities.

Let’s say that an absolutely new person, who has never worked in this team. Where should he start his activities, how to resolve conflicts with employees?

The first option is that he will not interfere in interpersonal relationships, but will direct all his efforts to ensuring the production process. For some time, such a policy will allow him to maintain neutrality, but sooner or later the results of internal strife will make themselves felt, and he will have to think about how to resolve conflicts with employees. When main goal employees are not concerned about the image and profit of the company, but to defend their own interests; rapid development cannot be expected. As in Ancient Rus', when neighboring principalities fought among themselves, instead of uniting against a common enemy.

Another model of behavior for a manager in such a difficult situation is the desire to understand the essence of all conflicts between employees, to delve into all the intricacies of relationships that interfere with normal work, and to resolve problems personally. It is not surprising that such an approach will cause a completely natural reaction among subordinates - dissatisfaction.

Which path should a wise leader choose? None of the above. Let's try to imagine what Princess Olga would have done in this situation. She would not ignore internecine wars, leaving princes to kill each other to prove their strength. But she would not go so far as to brutally suppress the attempts of the warring parties to achieve justice. Looking for the cause of the conflict between employees and management and resolving it is the path that seems most correct in such a situation.

Most often, problems arise when a company is worried about better times, is experiencing financial problems or is in the process of becoming. All this cannot but affect the social climate and forces management to puzzle over how to resolve conflicts with employees. Another possible reason may become a privileged position for individual workers, causing fair criticism from others.

The challenge of being a leader is to maintain clarity of mind, not to be overwhelmed by the emotions that reign in the team, and to resolve conflicts with employees by making wise decisions. In this regard, we recall the famous biblical episode about King Solomon.

The plot tells about a dispute between two women, each of whom considered herself the mother of a child. They came to King Solomon, known for his wisdom, to help solve their problem. In response to this, the king raised a sword over the baby, declaring that he would cut him in half and give half to each. One of the women immediately let the child go, not wanting him to die horribly. It was she who Solomon recognized as his real mother.

If we paraphrase the famous poems of Vadim Shefner, the following will come out: “You don’t choose work, you live and die in it.” In times of a society based on competition, you can move from one to another, but such swimming is still not endless.

Since the work team is selected spontaneously, people with personal taste preferences and values. The latter come into conflict with each other, which gives rise to conflicts at work. Regardless of whether an individual person likes the state of war or not, it has a negative impact on labor productivity. The microclimate among employees is generally extremely important. Therefore, managers organize trainings to unite the group. But psychological techniques are meaningless if there are conflicts at work that have not received an outlet and resolution.

Conflict is a contradiction between the interests, beliefs, values ​​and needs of two parties.

Types of conflicts at work

1. Person-to-person is the most common type of conflict at work. It is difficult to find a monolithic team. Interpersonal clashes act as a filter for personnel selection. Two people may dislike each other because of conflicting worldviews or political preferences, but more often, people disagree in their ideas about how to work. If a dispute arises between a superior and a subordinate, then the positions are clear. The first one thinks: he doesn’t work hard enough, and the second one believes: If we're talking about about horizontal conflict (between colleagues), then the reason is competition or personal hostility. True, sometimes people argue because they have different ideas about the degree of cleanliness of the workplace if they share it.
2. Between the individual and the group. The role of the “person” is played by the newly arrived boss, and the role of the group is played by the enterprise staff. The reasons for each specific case are different, but more often the confrontation arises due to the fact that “a new broom sweeps in a new way.” It’s a different story when a newly arrived employee manages not to win over his colleagues. In this case, if it is not possible to establish contact, the newcomer quickly drops out of the game. No one can in hell. If a person strong-willed and he needs a job, then he is able to turn the situation around and change the attitude of the team towards himself, however, this is a painstaking and intense process.
3. Between groups in a team. When the microclimate in a company is healthy, the team is relatively monolithic. There are no cracks in it. It is clear that there is a struggle, but this does not affect work, and no conflicts arise. An indicator of the painful state of the collective is fragmentation into separate warring (on professional or ideological grounds) groups.

These are the types of conflicts at work, and now let’s pay attention to those that occur more often than others.

If there is a conflict with a colleague at work, what should you do?

At first brief classification“colleague pests” and methods of combating them. So:

• “A talker or a brawler” is a boring type who distracts other people from their professional duties. In every office, people “work” - “passengers”. They are serving the number. They are not interested in work. In their activities, such entities primarily love salary. Such colleagues feel tolerable at work only two days a month - during the payment of advance payments and salaries. The rest of the time they suffer from and talk a lot to ease their pain from. Only one flaw worries others about this type of worker: him.
• - harmful type. At work, as in the world, there are people who are very annoying. And they try to knock the rider out of the saddle and plot. A person comes to a team, does not yet know the balance of power and asks such a person to help, and that person takes it and substitutes him.
• “An oppositionist or a sycophant of the leadership” is a dangerous type (“spy” or “informer”). Two facets of one phenomenon. Such an employee either likes or does not like his superiors and informs every colleague about this.

Ways to deal with human distractions:

• Those who like to talk and throw out their world culture opinions on a person should be fenced off and protected by an impenetrable screen. In everyday terms, this is expressed by the phrase: “Sorry, the topics are interesting, but I have urgent tasks, we’ll talk another time.” The colleague will go looking for another interlocutor.
• With the second type, you need to keep your eyes open and avoid dependence on him in your work. Be polite and not quarrel, so as not to get into trouble in the future.
• Not discussing your bosses at work is the main principle in the fight against spies and informers in the team.

So, the answer to the question, if there is a conflict with a colleague at work, what to do, stands on a simple but effective basis: “less words - more action.”

Hazing, personal relationships reduce labor productivity. At work you need to work, not make friends. If a person firmly believes in these simple rules, then he is not afraid of any conflict with a colleague.

If the soul still requires understanding even in the place where you need to work, then you can get on a first-name basis with a colleague only after lengthy reflection and weighing all the pros and cons.

Conflict at work with your boss, what should you do?

You should not argue with your leader, remembering one covenant:

1. The boss is always right.
2. If the boss is wrong, see point one.

But leaders are not so hopeless. Sensible people, even if they are superior, make contact in complex and significant disputes. First of all, you should find out what is the reason for the misunderstanding? Is the fault due to professional unsuitability, or did the conflict at work with your boss happen because of the employee’s personal qualities?

Personal hostility is a phenomenon that cannot be eradicated. The mass boils down to the fact that ineffective personnel become successful and beloved by management. In life, the boss is consistent in his decisions and fires anyone he doesn’t like.

The employee's behavior strategy boils down to the fight for the right to work where he likes. This means:

• It is dignified and polite to respond to your boss’s reproaches.
• Keep your distance (do not lose your temper, do not show irritation).
• If there is another official above the boss, and work has not erased everything human from him, turn to him, he will help. True, the employee must have ironclad evidence of the guilt of his immediate supervisor in his hands.

If there are specific professional complaints against an employee, the algorithm is as follows:

• The man talks with the boss in detail about the problems.
• A person identifies his weaknesses.
• A person rushes into the abyss of labor.

Resolving conflicts at work. Ways to behave in a conflict situation

1. Rivalry. When one or both participants in a dispute perceive the dispute as a battle. Very tough demeanor. People prove that they are right, even with another person - “winners are not judged.” If a person easily and quickly goes into confrontation, then he will not stay in the team. The state of war does not last long; it takes too much effort.
2. Device. The behavior of an altruist who forgets about his interests and defended positions for the sake of the team. The strategy is suitable for resolving minor controversial issues. If a person gives in during important negotiations, then people lose respect for him. Moreover, the behavior of the one who gives in does not always come from the heart. In this case, the strategy is destructive for a person who deliberately smooths out corners.
3. Avoidance. A person goes into the shadows, allowing contradictions to exist, in the hope that the dispute will subside on its own. And again: minor disagreements can be resolved in this way, but serious problems need to be discussed.
4. Compromise. A person who professes this behavior sacrifices a pawn in order to get the king. He creates the illusion for the enemy that he has won, and bargains for himself bonuses and advantages.
5. Cooperation. The behavioral strategy involves winning for both parties. A wise and complex move, but not suitable for every person and situation.

As behavior strategies show, conflict resolution at work exists, but it is different for each specific situation.

Most constructive way conflict resolution at work is a conversation with an opponent (dissatisfied party)

Renegade anthropologists believe: in ancient, prehistoric times, before humans developed articulate speech, people communicated with each other telepathically. Then our ancestors switched to verbal communication. Since telepaths are rare these days, it is more productive to voice complaints out loud.

Methods of relieving emotions in a conflict are based on a substantive conversation, discussion of problems, when the disputing parties analyze what does not suit them in the interaction and eliminate the shortcomings together. If all disagreements are resolved, life is more fun and free, and labor productivity increases and the atmosphere in the team improves.

The main problem with people is that they do not know how to negotiate and discuss disagreements openly. Colleagues, subordinates and bosses, husbands and wives - in social and private life - people hush up pain points that worry them and in vain, this leads to increased pressure and emotional outbursts. To relieve the tension that arises, you need to enter into a dialogue with another person. Conversation is the most constructive thing at work and at home. A word spoken at the right time saves people's lives and careers. The opposite is also true: if a person is silent when he needs to speak, a disaster is inevitable.

Conflicts in labor and personal life exhausted and old.

If the situation is tense, but before open conflict If things don't work out, then ignoring and remaining silent (if possible) helps. When the confrontation turns from silent to screaming, then you need to talk and discuss everything down to the smallest detail. Analyze objective and subjective barriers to a peaceful agreement between the parties. Understand another person

How to avoid conflicts at work? Carefully select the area of ​​activity and analyze the team

Conflicts are a part of life, and they accompany a person all the time. And thinking about work and professional interests will not hurt even at a tender age. When a person is faced with a choice whether to go or not to join a team, he needs to ask himself about three things:

• Do you like the job?
• Do your colleagues leave a good impression?
• Is your boss harsh but fair?

The main thing is that the answer to the first question is positive. In reality modern society It's rare that you can truly choose your job.

The cardinal answer to the question of how to avoid conflicts at work is this: don’t work, don’t merge with the team! But this is a utopia. A person needs to work to live. Otherwise, he will starve to death on the street.

Conflictology, or the science of the emergence and resolution of conflicts, identifies common situations that contribute to the emergence of disagreements between people:

When opponents' goals turn out to be incompatible this moment;
when two or more people need a solution to a problem but cannot agree;
when the parties to the conflict understand that their personal rights are being violated.

The ability to resolve conflict is vital. It is one of the basic communication skills of every person. After all, human relationships largely consist of all kinds of disagreements and their resolution.

It must be recognized that people, no matter how well they treat each other, will always have differences of opinion. Conflict situations must be resolved in a way acceptable to both conflicting parties. If this succeeds, the relationship becomes stronger and better.

Some people are very afraid of conflicts

If conflict situations usually end negatively for a person, he develops the belief that he is not able to solve any of the problems that arise. As a result, he tries with all his might to avoid conflicts.

Ways to resolve conflict

When choosing a particular conflict resolution method, you should consider the following factors:

The essence of the conflict and the degree of your involvement in it;
the time you have;
the level of your knowledge and skills;
the balance of power between the parties;
the importance of maintaining a relationship with your opponent.

In order to resolve the conflict, you need to ensure that your opponent understands that the essence of the conflict is yours. a common problem. If the interlocutor believes that the essence conflict situation- this is only your problem, it will be more difficult to come to an agreement.

Invite your partner to agree that such a situation is not beneficial to anyone and emphasize your commonality in the disagreements that arise: “It seems that you and I have a problem and we will have to figure it out.”

During the discussion, focus on specific disagreements, rather than trying to make generalizations like “We won’t get anywhere with you” or “It’s generally impossible to agree on anything with you.”

To resolve conflict, keep your emotions under control.

If you lose your temper under the influence of anger or fear, you are unlikely to be able to resolve the conflict. Focus on the words of your interlocutor, and do not rush to conclusions. After all, an opposing opinion may also have a constructive component; try to identify it. And don’t give free rein to your emotions, they will only prevent you from resolving the conflict intelligently.

Some conflicts may take quite a long time to resolve. Delaying conflict resolution sometimes turns out to be useful, since you can better prepare for the conversation, find the necessary information, and choose a more convenient time for yourself.

The interlocutor will perceive it as an insult and an insult if you state your point of view, throw out your emotions, and then leave without giving him the opportunity to express his thoughts about the conflict situation. That's why it's so important to learn to control your emotions.

When trying to resolve a conflict, focus on the essence of the conflict, not on the personality of the opponent

When trying to resolve a conflict, discuss only what your differences are about. Don't talk about the other person's personality, motives, or past actions. Do not use offensive or derogatory words.

Don't lose your sense of humor to resolve a conflict situation. After all, the appropriate use of humor allows you to smooth out the situation and resolve the conflict.

Resolution of conflict is facilitated by a sense of respect for each other

People in a conflict situation often forget that they will have to maintain relationships with each other in the future, and only care about winning in the moment.

Give the other person the opportunity to feel that, despite the conflict, you treat him with respect. Be sure to emphasize that your relationship is important to you and that you want to resolve the conflict peacefully.

The following phrase will help resolve a conflict with a colleague: “Listen, now we are both in bad mood and we begin to say things about each other that we ourselves will later be ashamed of. Let's slow down a little."

And to resolve a conflict with my wife, this is the usual formulation: “Darling, I wouldn’t like to quarrel, because it could ruin our relationship.”

If you cannot agree with the opinion of your opponent, and the conflict situation does not force you to make a decision, you can simply say: “Let's agree that we have differences in views.” This does not mean admitting that you are wrong. There is nothing wrong with having different opinions.

Well, in the end, a simple human sincere apology can resolve the conflict

If you are convinced that you are wrong, ask for forgiveness. If possible, try to take some measures to make amends. The apology must be sincere, and not through gritted teeth.

Recognize the fact that in a conflict, both sides are wrong to some extent. However, do not apologize too often, otherwise you may be branded as a simpleton and a frivolous person.

Understanding the causes of the conflict, the ability to realize what happened earlier and led to the existing conflict is very important. But during a fire, they don’t think about why it started, but simply try to put out the flames. And only then we find out “why this happened and what is better not to do”, and draw conclusions for the future.

And it is very important to behave correctly in a situation that is getting out of control, because it is no secret that in seconds we can harm ourselves and our loved ones in such a way that the consequences will have to be sorted out for years.

Managing yourself during a conflict is quite difficult, but let’s try to consider what can deepen the conflict and what can lead to its resolution. So, when the conflict has already begun and the partner shows aggression:

• try to breathe deeply and think about everything you say
• be attentive to your partner - look in words for the answer to the question of what he really wants
• if your partner speaks very loudly, join his voice a little quieter
• Remember, identifying negative feelings does not mean that close person doesn't love you anymore

How not to intensify the conflict and not provoke aggression on the part of your partner

• Every person has the right to be different and not meet your ideas about him
• It's better to say directly what you want
• Don't second-guess others' negative opinions (“I know what you're thinking...”)
• talk about yourself, and not about others and without generalizations (“All women...”, “You always...” - wrong, better, “I feel...”)
• you shouldn’t look for an answer to the question “Who is to blame?” (it’s better to enthusiastically look for a way out of the situation)
• choose the right time for important conversations (not on an empty stomach or after a hard day at work)
• talk about a specific problem, not about your dissatisfaction with your relationship
• don't use shortcuts
• do not humiliate your partner, do not be sarcastic (this is the same insult) and do not get personal
• listen to your partner
• do not prophesy (“You will never change”), it is better to make efforts to resolve the situation
• choose good rational arguments, because money (“If you earn like me ...”), children (“If only you were with children more ...”) and family relationships(“You’re just like your mom”) is not an argument!
• don’t give advice - look for a way out of the situation together
• Avoid threats and playing the victim
• don’t make “double” standards (don’t say “I want you to listen to me!” if you yourself don’t listen to your partner)

Following these simple rules will help you make communication more effective and conflicts less serious.

11.03.2007 14086 +13

09:50 14.12.2015

Any conflict at work can be neutralized with the help of certain speech techniques that will not only extinguish negativity, but also lead to fruitful cooperation. Psychologist Marina Prepotenskaya offers techniques for resolving conflict situations.

Life without conflicts, alas, is impossible: in business, in everyday life, in personal relationships. Conflict (translated from Latin as “clash”) is almost inevitable between people and its cause is often mutually opposed, incompatible needs, goals, attitudes, values...

Someone eagerly gets involved in a communication war and tries with all his might to prove he is right and win the conflict. Some people try to avoid rough edges and are sincerely perplexed as to why the conflict does not go away. And someone calmly neutralizes the problem without aggravating it and without wasting energy, strength, and health.

We should take it for granted: there were, are and will be conflicts, but either they control us or we control them.

Otherwise, even a minor situational conflict can develop into a protracted war that poisons life every day... Most often, the conflict manifests itself in verbal aggression, since experiences and emotions are always strong muscle clamp, and especially in the area of ​​the larynx.

As a result - a cry, inadequate reaction, severe stress, emotional involvement in the conflict of an increasing number of people.

Learn to resolve conflicts using simple situational speech techniques. In relation to the boss and a colleague of the same rank, different strategies are chosen, but you need to act solely according to the situation. Remember the suggested methods.

Neutralize!

• Awareness of conflict:the first and most important stage of neutralization. Learn to rationally assess the situation. At the moment when you realize that a conflict is brewing, do not involve emotions under any circumstances, leave the line of attack. If the situation allows, leave the room for a while, even if you are in the boss’s office. If etiquette allows, you can calmly add: “Sorry, I don’t speak in that tone” or “We’ll talk when you calm down, sorry.” Walk down the corridor, wash your face if possible cold water- to neutralize aggression within yourself, switch to a series of abstract physical actions, at least for a couple of minutes.

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• Pattern break: eIf a colleague or boss shows aggression towards you, use a simple sensory switching manipulation. “Accidentally” drop your pen, cough, you can say something completely abstract, for example: “It’s so stuffy in our room...” So aggression does not achieve its goal.
• Agree and... attack with questions! This is one of the ways to break the conflict pattern when accusations are thrown at you from the lips of your superiors, and, alas, not groundlessly. Agree on all points (here it is important not to overact and control your emotions). And then... ask for help. Say: “It’s hard for me because...”, “I’m very worried, tell me what I need to fix,” “give me advice,” etc. Ask for clarification open questions that require a detailed answer - they save the situation.
• Complementarity works wonders. Is the person, for one reason or another, against you? Consult with him on work issues, appealing to his competence, professionalism (look for all his strengths). It is quite possible that the incident will be resolved very soon.
• Sniper Technique:Pretend you didn’t hear and ask again indifferently. Use inin the event that one of your colleagues deliberately provokes you and openly offends you with some phrases. As a rule, a person begins to get lost. Say: “You see, you can’t even clearly formulate your complaints or explain them. When you find the words, then we’ll talk face-to-face.”
• Time to drink tea! Really,many conflicts can indeed be reduced to nothing through a conversation over a cup of tea. With a colleague who you think dislikes you, the best thing to do is to have an honest conversation and ask a series of questions. For example: “What about me irritates you? Voice? Manner of speaking? Clothes? Weight? Come on.Let's figure it out." This is how the conflict is translated into a constructive direction. and, in the opinion psychologists, this is the most civilized way of behavior. In that situation, if we feel that they dislike us, it is useful to find a convenient moment and have a heart-to-heart talk. Most often, this is how conflicts completely exhaust themselves, and in some cases we also learn to analyze our mistakes.

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• Hit the enemy with his own weapon.You can explode in response and achieve a visible victory. But the result will be the same: instead of neutralization, there will be a chronic, protracted war: it is unlikely that you should spend time and effort on this. They can be directed to resolve the conflict.

Do not provoke and warn!

It's no secret that often we ourselves are to blame for conflicts. For example, you didn’t manage to submit an important report on time. In this case, it is best to approach your boss at the beginning of the day and say: “I understand that a conflict may occur, but such and such a situation happened to me.” And explain the reasons.

Such rhetoric can prevent the start of a “war.” Since the cause of every conflict is some incident or irritating factor, try to figure out what is happening, and in any situation (be it relationships with management, “ordinary” employees or subordinates) adhere to the golden rule of conflict management “I-statement.”

• Instead of blaming, convey your feelings. For example, say: “I feel uncomfortable” instead of: “You are nagging me, you are disturbing me, you are gossiping, etc.”
• If this is a showdown, say: “I’m worried, it’s difficult for me,” “I feel discomfort,” “I want to understand the situation,” “I want to find out.”
• It is very important to adapt to the experience of the person who initiates the conflict. If this is your boss, say the following phrases: “Yes, I understand you,” “This is a common problem,” “Yes, this upsets me too,” “Yes, unfortunately, this is a mistake, I think so too.”

It is extremely important to be able to listen and put yourself in a person’s place, to hear not so much what a person says, but to think why he says it that way.

In a boss-subordinate situation, a person can be brought to a rational level of communication by asking clarifying questions. This should be done if you are being picked on too much.

Are you being unfairly accused of being a bad worker? Confidently launch an attack with questions: “If I’m a bad worker, why are you telling me this right now?”, “Why am I a bad worker, explain to me.”

They tell you that you did a bad job - ask what exactly you didn’t do, clarify: “What exactly did I not do, I want to figure it out, I ask you: answer my question.” Remember that the one who asks the questions controls the conflict.

Complementing the image

Remember the main thing: in any conflict situation you must radiate calm. This will help you:

• confident intonation; Avoid notes of arrogance and irritation in your voice - such intonation in itself is conflict-generating. With those colleagues with whom you, for one reason or another, do not maintain friendly relations, choose a neutral-distance method of communication and a cold tone without deceitful sincerity (and without calling);
• a moderate rate of speech and a low timbre of voice are most pleasant to the ear. If you are talking to a person who does not have sympathy for you, adjust to his intonation and manner of speaking - this is favorable and neutralizes the desire to conflict;
• A glance at the area between the eyebrows in a conflict situation discourages the “attacker.” This optical focusing suppresses aggression;
• a straight (but not tense) back always puts you in a positive mood and gives you confidence. Psychologists say that straight posture increases self-esteem!

...It's no secret that conflict can be provoked by behavior, manner of speaking, dressing, lifestyle - the list goes on and on. All this depends on the worldview, upbringing of a person, his tastes, life attitudes and... internal problems.

In addition, there are words and topics that can ignite chronic conflict: politics, social status, religion, nationality, even age... Try not to touch on “sensitive” topics on fertile ground of conflict. For example, in a society of women with problems in their personal lives, it is advisable to brag less about their ideal husband...

You can create a list of warnings yourself by carefully assessing the atmosphere in the team. By the way, if you hear harsh phrases towards yourself, put your emotions aside, do not connect to the energy of the aggressor - simply ignore him.

Do you hear outright rudeness? Leave or neutralize, breaking the pattern.

Criticism to the point? Join in, speak words of support, if the situation allows, switch to complimentary language.

Unnecessary nitpicking? Go on the attack with clarifying, open-ended questions.

But the most important thing is to achieve inner peace. And, of course, never allow yourself to be drawn into “friendship against someone.” Show confidence, increase self-esteem, work on yourself - and you will be able to neutralize any negativity directed at yourself. And, what’s more, you can enjoy your work every day!

Read at your leisure

• Anatoly Nekrasov "Egregors"
• Eric Berne "Games People Play"
• Victor Sheinov "Conflicts in our lives and their resolution"
• Valentina Sergeecheva "Verbal karate. Strategy and tactics of communication"
• Lillian Glass "Verbal Self-Defense Step by Step"

Photo in text: Depositphotos.com