Good or bad?

Hello, visitor to my page, today we will conduct laboratory work on measuring human qualities, and we will take you as a laboratory sample. And put the ruler aside, we won’t need it)

How do you know if you are a good person or a bad person? Since this question is complex, and rather philosophical, let’s approach philosophy in an engineering way and break it down complex issue into a group of simpler ones, which are easier to find an answer to, and then put them back into a large one and see what happens :)

I have divided the essence of a person into 73 qualities, and to make it clearer, they are supplied with quotes from the teachings of living ethics of N. Roerich (thanks to Yu.B. Dvornikov and I.S. Dyadenko for the selection of quotes). All that remains is to note whether they are suitable for you or not, only honestly! I don’t promise prizes for correct answers, anonymity...

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Some wear kilograms of gold and loud labels on their clothes in the hope that certain people will accept them as “one of their own.” Others play the role of sociable and socially oriented individuals, just so as not to be left alone with their problems.

How do you find out who a person really is? How can you understand what he is like inside? What are his goals in life? What are his true values ​​and beliefs?

Can this be determined by the words he speaks? Well, I do not. As the proverb says, never trust anyone - and you will not be deceived. Today, taking people at their word is an unaffordable luxury. How many broken hearts, how many deceived investors, how many bankrupt businesses we see today for this common reason.

Is it possible to find out who a person is by what other people say about him? In principle, it is possible. But that’s not always the case either. Here a person’s fame and authority play an important role. And the more famous and “weighty” the figure is, the...

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Instructions

Decide what the concept of “good person” means to you. Some people like generous ones, others like thrifty ones. Some are delighted with charismatic slobs, others like reserved pedants. You need to understand who you want to see in your environment.

Find a way to differentiate your good people from your bad ones. Just write a list of the most common actions or character traits of those you like. Learn it by heart and always use it when meeting someone to analyze, even based on first impressions, whether this is your person.

Trust your intuition. It is especially worth trusting the inner voice when it is in conflict with reason. Try to understand what he is telling you. If you feel a subconscious mistrust of a person, check your fears. Just do it carefully, tactfully and unobtrusively.

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How often in order to understand whether it is worth communicating with specific person, just a few minutes are enough! And let them say that very often the first impression is deceptive, it is the initial communication that helps us determine our attitude towards the person we see in front of us.

Sincere feelings and actions

In most cases, a good person is one who helps those around him. But this raises the question of whether he really does everything from the bottom of his heart or whether he simply benefits from helping others. Also, as an option, such a person can help people so that everyone considers him good and kind.

We can say with absolute confidence that a good person is a person who is unfamiliar with such feelings as envy, anger and hatred. Even if someone does something bad to him, he will not harbor a grudge, much less take revenge.

It is also worth noting the fact that for a good person everything...

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After all, we don’t notice ourselves from the outside and often condemn people’s behavior and lives, which are better than ours. And we do this not intentionally or hypocritically, but simply do not notice ourselves from the outside.

Note:
---Great Architect of the Universe (Viktor Filippov)

Yes, I’m not talking about pride, but more about condemnation.
31 For if we judged ourselves, we would not be judged.
(1 Cor. 11:31)

Any self-interpretation, such as “how many good things I have done,” “how smart I am,” “how dispassionate I am,” “how different I am from others,” is a very strong psychological attachment based on self-interest in relation to one’s deeds, to actions, then there is a desire to get something for it. Pride. True piety is completely selfless, it is done to help others, it is done simply because it is done. In general, there is no piety “for oneself.” We need naturalness, like in children. Unfortunately, I don’t know the objective criteria for assessing “Good or Bad”. This is all subjective and...

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Yes, you know how to analyze :))) At the beginning of the letter, you raised the question of what to choose: physical attractiveness or a person’s ability to communicate. If you choose the first, then with this person, it turns out, you are promised a good “fucking-tibidoh”, passion, rapid pulse, and if the second - intellectual conversations, jokes, common interests... That is. That's how they divided it harshly. Until now, I believe, you have come across examples of “peasants”: masculine, shameless, sexy - but you were drawn to them, there was a physical attraction with them. Then, having matured and analyzed your life, you, -Sun-, realized that you lack male “goodness”. And here He is - serious, well-mannered, prudent. But he is completely devoid of any attractive masculine features (“... you don’t want any physical contact with a person, not even just touch”). Well, thoughts materialize. You set yourself a task: I must have a good boyfriend, I don’t need “animals”. Life...

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How do you know if I'm a good person or bad person?

You won’t be good to everyone, this is probably true. Think about whether you have friends, whether they call you when you are sick or just on vacation. Are you supported in Hard time whether they turn to you for advice or help. Do your friends share their secrets with you, do they love you, do you love them. If all this is present in your life, and not even all of it, but partly, don’t think about the bad, you are a completely good person.

To understand whether I was a good person or not, I imagined how many people would mourn and grieve if I suddenly passed away, it didn’t work out much, draw your own conclusions. In general, this is very objective and just sit down and write down your actions for today: gave up your seat, lied to your wife, talked to your grandmother, generally divide them into pros and cons. The main thing is that it doesn’t turn out that you are not any kind of person, this is truly sad.

You know, Dolfanika, every person has both good and bad. And, probably, there is not a single person about whom it could be said with 100% confidence that there is absolutely nothing bad in him - except for saints, perhaps, but there are only a few of them. And the matter is further complicated by the fact that we all understand a little differently what is good and what is bad. Therefore, what is good in the eyes of one person may be bad in the eyes of another and vice versa. Probably the only criterion for determining whether we are doing well or not is the voice of conscience... although sometimes it is silent... Forgive me for answering so chaotically. In fact, this is a very complex and deep question, to which it is unlikely that a simple unambiguous answer can be given.

For ourselves, we are always the best, no matter what we do, no matter what we do.

And your family and friends will help you understand what kind of person you are; you just need to ask them at the right moment what they think about you, but don’t ask the question directly, but from afar. It is advisable if someone is present. humor, this will make it easier to understand what type they classify you as. As they say, the outsider always knows better...

All this is very subjective. I am sure that any of us is both loved and disliked. But it's not scary. You won't be good to everyone anyway. I think you need to ask your loved ones: they won’t lie. Especially the mother-in-law. 🙂

You probably need, first of all, to be honest with yourself. And objective, of course! Then you can definitely understand how good or bad a person you are.

But what is a good person? For whom should it be good? For yourself or for those around you?

Or bad? Who decided that he was bad...

In general, sorry for the water not to the point)))

Whether you are a good person or a bad person is a very, very relative concept, since each person has his own thoughts about what a person should be. You never know for whom you are good, and for whom you are nothing... There is probably only one truth here - whether you think you are a good or a bad person, so it will be.

It depends not only on the person, but also on the appraiser.

If a person’s worldview coincides with the views of the appraiser, he evaluates him as good.

Well, I would ask these questions:

• Are you an idealist or a materialist?
• Do you believe in the supernatural, or are you an atheist?
• Patriot or cosmopolitan?
• An opponent of scientific and technological progress, or a supporter?
• Do you deny revolutionary methods in politics, or do you recognize them?
• Is hierarchy closer to you or equality?
• Domostroy is closer, or equality in the family?
• Tradition or science?

Well, based on the results, I would decide whether you are good (progressive) or bad (reactionary).

Firstly, my clear conviction is that there are no ideal people!

Secondly, if you communicate with your friends and acquaintances (if you have them, then you are no longer a bad person) and they tell you that you know how to keep secrets, I talked to you like I went to a psychologist, it’s good that you listened to me.

Thirdly, if you are for Lately didn't hit the face.

This means that if you are not a very good person, you are certainly not a bad person!

Probably there is no need to divide into only white and black. Ideal people can not be. If a person has great good deeds in his life, he is probably still good, and if there are bad deeds, then vice versa. Here's an example. Today my daughter went to school, but her classmate didn’t come. The teacher asked my daughter to find out from her classmate the reason for his absence from school. On the way home, she met his mother and asked why Dima didn’t go to school. In short, my daughter came all in tears, the kind mother scolded my child, saying that it’s none of your business, you snot, I haven’t reported to you yet, and so on. Although I can’t say anything bad about this woman. He always says hello if you ask for help and doesn’t refuse. Well, what kind of person should we consider her after this? Therefore, I think each person decides for himself whether he is good or bad.

You probably need to see how people treat you. Yes, they say that you won’t be good to everyone. But it is not so. Depending on a person’s reputation, they treat him, if people are confident in your honesty and decency, caring and kindness, intelligence and tact, then even in complex life situation you will be treated accordingly. People are instinctively drawn to good people. So you just need to look at your surroundings.

" It talks about a world in which no one could lie. One day, something broke in the brain of one inhabitant of this world, and he uttered his first lie. In order not to spoil the impression of the film, I will not say further and I advise you to watch it to learn about how our world could look without lies.

And since in the real world there are more than enough lies and deceit, here are a few ways to deal with them and bring a person you don’t trust to light.

Observe a person in a critical situation

When a person has to act critical situation, he cannot dissemble or play. He does not have the ability to use masks, and he will most likely act as his instincts dictate.

People who have been offended by life most often take it out on the service staff. Waiters, cleaners, salespeople - they all get it. If a person whistles or snaps his fingers at the waiter, this is the first sign that your interlocutor is an idiot.

Watch your body language and intonation

It's not difficult to find. Liars can be recognized by several signs:

1. Pauses in conversation.
2. Averting your eyes when answering a question.
3. Changing the topic of conversation.
4. They make excuses even when you don’t reproach them.
5. Faces are often touched.

Of course, you shouldn’t overdo it and follow every gesture of your interlocutor. But sometimes this little cheat sheet helps clear things up.

Gossip about mutual friends

We love gossip to a greater or lesser extent. And, unfortunately, we often do not know the extent of them. By gossiping about mutual friends, you will see with your own eyes how much crap can come out of a seemingly good person.

Lend or borrow money

And although we have already said that this is the last thing you should think about, but by borrowing or lending money to a person, you can learn a lot of new things about him.

Go on a trip together

Extreme way. If you are already thinking about how to bring a person to clean water, then going on a trip with him is not the best idea. best idea. But after spending some time alone, you will see all his cockroaches.

Tell me a secret

Telling a secret will test a person's ability to keep secrets. If you don't trust him, you can tell him a trivial secret or a made-up secret, just to see if he will rush to retell it further.

Have there been situations in your life when you needed to understand what a person really is like? What did you do?

Hello! A good friend of mine committed suicide. Lately he had been in complete crisis: and in personal life, both in work and in general mood. It’s our and my personal fault here too – we didn’t notice – but that’s not what I’d like to ask. We came to the church cemetery, because it is customary to have a funeral service for the dead. And the priest said: not only are there no funeral services for suicides, but they are also buried outside the cemetery. But before that, when we went to talk with him, I saw several rich graves with large crosses. From the inscriptions I realized that the “brothers” were buried here.

What happens? This means that bandits who rob, kill, and torture people can have a decorous funeral service and burial. But a good person who hasn’t done anything bad to anyone, just got confused in life and ended it all at once? And his grave is even thrown outside the cemetery fence! This outraged me. Why such an unfair double standard? And how does all this fit with the words “judge not, lest ye be judged”? Maybe the whole point is how much to pay the clergyman? That is, for some, everything is forgiven for money, while others are condemned and are not considered human beings. Where do the clergy get such cruelty?..

I also leave out what I heard from my relatives. My great-uncles died in the war. And when the grandmother wanted to perform the funeral service for them in absentia in the church, the priest began to deny that it was necessary to know for sure whether a person was baptized, whether he was an atheist, whether he really died, documents were needed... And in general, he advised her to contact almost the Patriarchate. Grandma, of course, was confused. She doesn’t know such details, it was an atheistic time, and not all necessary documents preserved. And what should she do now, knock on the doorsteps of the Patriarchate? Or did that churchman simply see that a poor old woman had come, and if a rich businessman had approached him, they would have performed the funeral service in absentia for everyone who was needed and not needed?

So it turns out, gentlemen, clergy, that everything comes down to money for you. If you are paid well, you will do everything to “spiritually serve the population.” Personally, I strongly doubt that with such a calculating approach you sincerely pray for the dead and generally believe that there is any afterlife. At least, your behavior does not indicate this at all.

Dmitry, Moscow

Priest Igor FOMIN, cleric of the Church of the Kazan Icon, answers the letter Mother of God on Red Square and the Church of St. Innocent of Moscow in Rakitki at the cemetery

Dear Dmitry! I would like to clarify those points that outraged you, since I myself serve in a cemetery church. What is the funeral ceremony? It is not a Sacrament of the Church. This is more of a farewell message to the deceased eternal life, the prayerful standing for him of his relatives, friends and even strangers to him, who just walked into the temple at those moments, is very important to him important event. Before the ordeal, after which he will give his answer to God about how he lived his life.

You ask why suicides are not given a funeral service and buried outside the cemetery, why are they worse than others? The person himself may be no worse or better than others. But his act... When a person kills himself, he gives God His most precious gift - the life that was given to him, his talent, which he was supposed to preserve and increase. When a person decides to do this, he does not rely on anyone, he is in complete despair. Such a person deliberately (if he is of sound mind) refuses life, from possible happiness, from the hope that there is a way out of the dead end in which he has found himself.

The death of any person affects others, someone will definitely cry for him, will grieve. But for a suicide there is no one: neither family, nor loved ones, nor friends, nor God himself. He does not think about the pain he will cause them with his terrible departure. Otherwise, he would never have done this - after all, there is no way back from the other world. Even a murderer can sincerely repent of his sins, he is still alive. But the suicide is not. He had already decided everything for God, he chose death.

Separated for suicides special places next to the cemetery, because they themselves refused to communicate with God and memorial prayer the priest in the cemetery may not be pleasant to them. Why captivate their souls? God gave every person freedom. Relatives of those who have committed suicide can pray for them at home and give alms in their memory. When I give a speech to the loved ones of the deceased, I always tell them that the best memory of him is not an expensive monument or a big feast where everyone gets drunk, but changing your soul for the better, doing good deeds, helping your neighbors. It’s better not even to bring flowers to the grave, but to buy a can of canned food and give it to a poor old woman. You'll spend less money and get more benefits. But still, the degree of solemnity of the funeral service depends on the financial capabilities of the relatives of the deceased - and it is not for us to judge them. It is their own business how much money they spend on funerals.

The Church also has a special attitude towards the unbaptized. If we treat the funeral service as simply seeing off the deceased in last way, then it does not matter whether he is baptized or not. But this is a church rite and it is performed only on members of the Church, this is natural. If a person lived his whole life without thinking about God, about the meaning of his life so seriously as to go and be baptized (or maybe he was even an ardent atheist), then there is no point in captivity even after death. Here, as with suicides, we priests leave them the freedom of choice that they made during their lifetime. Well, you didn’t believe in God - why do you need a funeral service? There is even a saying about hell: it exists out of God’s love for people - He freed this place from His presence so as not to force the free will of those who do not want to be with Him. Believing relatives often ask for their dead, and we pray, but not in church.

As for the bandits: since ancient times it has been forbidden to perform funeral services for those who died at the scene of the robbery, saying modern language, “the brothers went to a showdown” and there they killed one of them. It’s another matter if a person leads a double life and its dark side has not been proven. It is customary for us to speak about the deceased either well or nothing. In my memory, there are many cases when priests refused to perform funeral services for bandits who died during the “showdown”. One even lost everything; his “brothers” kicked him out of the church, beat him severely, and he spent a long time in the hospital. Although before that the same people helped him restore the temple and constantly donated money, everyone’s conscience can awaken. But as soon as this priest refused them...

I also had a case when I refused to perform the funeral service for a murdered criminal. He was not baptized, and I explained in detail to his serious friends (in their group it was customary to wear all black, a distinctive sign), what, how and why. After all, they themselves also live according to very strict laws and “concepts” of their group. So they understood me, thanked me for my honesty and left, thank God they didn’t do anything bad to me. By the way, I know bandits who sincerely repented of their sins, left their former life, and began to serve in churches. So “brothers” are also different. And it is not for us to judge who is more sinful and who is less. Some people seem good, but under the guise of righteousness there is so much hidden that even a thief is less sinful. What is a good person and what is a bad person? On whose side are we judging? And what right do we have to this? Do you know the saying “My wife is a real cobra, said the boa constrictor”? So let’s not try to decide for ourselves: “You, Lord, move over, I’ll quickly sort everyone out and sort them out, who goes to heaven and who goes to hell...” It’s better to leave God's judgment God.

You also talk about the funeral service in absentia for those killed in the war. It appeared in Soviet years, when it was strictly forbidden to perform a funeral service for a deceased believer. And the priest, together with the relatives and friends of the deceased, performed the ritual after the funeral, secretly from the authorities. I think in the 30s and 40s, when hundreds of thousands of believers died, funeral services in absentia were often performed. And as for those killed in the war... Here again, it matters whether the person was baptized and believed in God or was an ardent atheist - that is, whether he needed this ritual. I talked to many people before they died. Some of them respected the Church, but wanted to die without Baptism, without confession and communion - this is their right.

If we do not know for sure about someone who died in the war, then doubts are usually resolved in favor of the funeral service. There is also such a tradition: if a person goes missing and the funeral does not come, then it is better to perform the funeral service 80 years after his birth, so that, God forbid, the funeral service does not take place for a living person. What if he survived somewhere, for example, lost his memory or settled in another country after the war? In defense of that priest who advised your grandmother to collect documents and so on, I can say that lately in our country there have been a lot of different fortune-telling healers, and among their arsenal there is a method of inducing damage - the funeral service in absentia for the living as the dead. That is, blasphemous use church rite. Therefore, we priests have to be careful.

But in general, with an absentee funeral service everything is not so difficult. You need to come to the temple, talk to the priest, explain the situation to him. If he agrees, then choose a day for the whole family to gather (for example, on the name day of one of the victims). The priest performs the ceremony and prays together with the relatives of the deceased.

And finally, about money. A funeral service is one of the requirements, as is the consecration of a house, a prayer service, and so on. The name “demand” appeared not because the priest demands money for his services, but because a person requires some kind of prayer from the priest, for example, to bless a car or perform a prayer service for a traveler. In theory, requests are made free of charge. It’s just that wealthy parishioners can thank the priest in this way. In one of the churches I saw the following announcement: “Due to the difficult financial situation of the parishioners, all services are performed free of charge, using your donations.” That is, whoever wants, whoever can, donates as much as they can. The situation is especially dire today in villages, where grandmothers can “pay” for candles in a church with a jar of pickles. And the same grandmother behind the candle box, of course, will understand everything and “sell” the candles.

I know priests who came to old women to give communion at home, instead of taking money from them (the old women stubbornly, as a sign of gratitude, handed over their last pennies), on the contrary, they helped them financially: they bought food, medicine (by the way, just from the donations of those parishioners who are more affluent). So we don’t put all our thanks for requests in our pockets. We distribute it among the poor who are always in the parish: those with many children, the elderly, the disabled.

Therefore, do not ask to publish a price list for services, including funeral services: it simply does not exist. Regarding your phrase that everything is forgiven for money for the rich, I can say that you have confused the Orthodox Church with the Catholic Church. We do not have indulgences, when sins are redeemed for money, because it is impossible to bargain with God “give for give.” Orthodox Church- this is not a store, not a company, and certainly not the last resort of “spiritual service to the population,” where insidious ritualists and money lovers serve. Just as hell is not burning frying pans filled with sinners, and God is not a gray-haired grandfather sitting on a cloud. These are absolutely wrong ideas about spirituality. Probably, this is also our fault, the priests - we did not find time to talk, to explain something to newcomers and doubters. Not found common language with the one who came to the temple for the first time. For this, I, as a priest, would like to ask for forgiveness from both you and others whom we have embarrassed or in any way turned away from the Church.

Having made a big mistake and made a qualitative mistake in people, you involuntarily begin to regret that they don’t have “Piece of shit” written on their foreheads. It would be much easier that way. Like in cartoons: good people are easy to recognize by their light clothes and clear eyes, and bad people by their horns and black hats. Unfortunately, nature did not take care of this. Or maybe it’s fortunate: if I’m objectively bad, I still don’t want to hang out with horns. So you can find the positive side in everything.

Still, sometimes good people can be identified without even knowing them. By what signs?

They are patient with salespeople and cashiers

As in geometry, here we will go by contradiction. Imagine a guy who easily loses his temper and lashes out at the cashier at the supermarket with venomous comments because he was slow or couldn't find his change. Nice view? Not good. Imagine a guy who, with a dissatisfied face, sends the sales assistant to hell, because he himself seems to be in a bad mood. All this is more like the behavior of spoiled ladies, daughters of rich parents, to whom everything was always presented on a silver platter - even an iPhone, even a dress for thirty thousand, even the head of a unicorn. Only bad people, to put it mildly, behave this way.

They leave good tips

In the vast majority of cases, waiters' salaries are so small that they seem to have none at all, so tips for them are the main source of income. If they brought you to a table, brought you food in a reasonable amount of time and didn’t spit in your coffee, show that you appreciate it.

They voice their good thoughts

If they see something good in a person, they do not hesitate to report it: kind word and the cat is pleased. But it’s better to keep negative and hypocritical comments to yourself.

They are honest if they don't reciprocate

There is no need to keep her at a comfortable distance for your own convenience. Yes, there are times when you are very lonely and really want someone to come to you after your sad SMS. But... is that good? Even if you have the opportunity to sleep under the same blanket with a warm friend, it’s cruel to play with other people’s feelings.

They treat others the way they want to be treated.

In bed - doubly so.

They call their parents

It's easy to forget about everything when you live in a fast and exhausting rhythm. Work devours b O most of our lives, and we barely have time to just sit on our ass and think about our own things. As soon as you leave the office and head home, everything ceases to exist for you except your bed, the last bottle of beer in the refrigerator and the TV series. It's okay, you'll have time for yourself. You can remember the people who sacrificed this very time for 18 years for you, so precious. Get your ass together and spend half an hour talking.

They don't comment on other people's choices

Even your own choice, if you look at it. Did you choose broccoli? Congratulations. Sit down and eat your broccoli and shut up about other people's burgers. Next to people who behave in the opposite way, everyone will inevitably think: what if one day he does not please this guy and he is chopped to pieces in the same way for deciding to try the pie.

They know how to behave

There are times when our social skills are about equal to those of a six-year-old child, and that is nothing to be proud of. For example, when you are tired and in the mood to whine. Or when you're excited. “Thank you” and “please” have not been canceled; even people in wheelchairs when they have a reason.

They don't let alcohol speak for them

Well, you drank a couple of beers, that's normal. This does not give you any right to treat others worse than they deserve or say obscene things to them. What is on the sober mind is on the tongue of the drunk, and good people are not ashamed even after a great drinking session: they are never ashamed to voice their thoughts.

They text back right away

I absolutely do not insist that you glue a phone to your hand and live like that from now on. People often make comments to me that I pay too much attention to him, I repent, I’m a sinner. But still answering SMS or calling back a missed call in two or three days is clean water idiocy. I should have called in a month, when no one will remember. When the answer is immediate, the interlocutor understands that he is important, and he is pleased.

They are generous

Don't lend a dude his only outfit when last time he puked on the white shirt you gave him for his brother's wedding, I have completely realistic expectations here. However stingy people most often unhappy. Never miss an opportunity to do a good deed for someone. It usually costs you nothing and will save the other person's day. Where have you seen a good man who takes ass?