The psychology of communication with people is a branch of psychology that studies the features of the types of communication, the definition of basic rules that contribute to the success of the interlocutor. It is also aimed at eliminating difficulties in dialogue and the fear of communicating with people.

One of the basic rules of communication is not only speech. Also important is the emotional color of the conversation. Learning to be a good interlocutor is very simple, you just need to understand the principles and rules on which the psychology of communicating with people is based.

Communication is one of the main social functions of society.

Communication classification:

• Friendly.
• Intimate.
• Business.

Communication is contact between people for the purpose of exchanging information and experience, for conducting joint activities.

The art of communication is one of the main and weighty life experiences that people should have. This does not depend on social status, place of work or lifestyle, because the psychology of communicating with people is present in any conversation. Facial expression, gestures, facial expressions and intonation indirectly affect the interlocutor during a conversation.

A person who knows the basic principles of communication, it is much easier to present the necessary information in the right direction, achieve certain results and achieve success in communicating with people.

Communication skills as a key to successful authority

In order to learn how to communicate correctly, understand the interlocutor and convey information to their advantage in the process of conversation, scientists have identified a number of rules, the observance of which will help to find harmony in any conversation.

Communication according to the rules of psychology highlights a number of tips that will help you establish contact with your interlocutor and hone your personal skills in this difficult task.

First of all, when communicating, it is necessary to make it clear to your interlocutor that the opinion of him is good. This will set him up for positive communication, but you should also give your authority.

The presentation of information should be accessible and understandable to others. It is recommended to use an emotional color when talking, but in moderation. In one-on-one conversations, you should adapt to the interlocutor, this will help win him over.

A true manifestation of interest in the interlocutor. It will help create a trusting atmosphere when talking.

An invaluable quality of a person is the ability to ask leading questions that contribute to the further conclusion of the necessary information. And do not forget that when talking with people, you need to be able to listen to the interlocutors.

By following the basic rules and communication skills with self-confidence, you can easily achieve stunning results and become one of the best interlocutors.

Basic rules of psychology of communication with a girl

Every educated person knows about the rules of communication, decency, etiquette, and so on, the violation of which is unacceptable in society. For men, there are also certain rules, the observance of which will help to appear before the fair sex in the best light.

10 rules for communicating with a girl:

1. Positive attitude.
2. Stay a man.
3. Self confidence.
4. Don't impose.
5. Surprise.
6. Give compliments.
7. Ability to listen and hear.
8. Active communication.
9. Comprehensive development.
10. Purposefulness.

After reviewing the rules, you should determine the main ones and half the success is in your pocket.

The main secrets of successful communication with a girl:

• Establishing a connection.
• Finding a clue.
• An interesting topic of conversation.
• Do not cheat.
• Keep up the conversation.
• Interesting questions.
• Talk about a girl.
• Correct breaks.

Also, do not forget that sincerity and non-verbal influence are important in a conversation. The ability to keep up the conversation, both in word and deed and with a look, will not leave indifferent more than one girl.

Causes of fear of communicating with people and methods for their elimination

Today there is such a type of social phobia as anthropophobia. This is a disease that is accompanied by an obsessive state of fear of people. It consists both in the fear of appearing in a large crowd of people, and in communicating with people. In this case, for elimination and treatment, you should seek the help of specialists.

The main causes of fear of communication:

• Low self-esteem.
• Having a negative experience.
• Lack of communication experience.

Having identified the causes, we proceed to eliminate them. First you need to understand and realize the presence of fear, and look at the situation from the outside. Accepting information about the presence of fear will allow you to start working on this problem. Here you should convince yourself that this is not an abstract fear, but a false belief about its existence.

Do not forget that the formation of certain qualities, skills and abilities of various methods and techniques of communication occurs only with experience. Therefore, do not be afraid. Start communication with close people or for small audiences, gradually increasing your opportunities.

Oxytocin is released - the hormone of love, friendship and trust, it has a relaxing effect on the muscles and is effective in relieving stress. But what if the stress and distrust arises from the fact that communication does not add up? Can the vicious circle be broken? Let's figure it out.

Communication failure can be caused by a number of factors. The most common reasons include the following:

1. Stereotypes. Because of the simplified and generalized opinion, there is no adequate understanding of the situation and the participants.
2. Prejudice attitude. In this case, we are talking about the categorical denial of any opposing opinions and views.
3. Hostile attitude towards the opponent. A negative attitude towards the person himself does not adequately perceive the situation and information.
4. Lack of feedback (attention and interest). Interest is a manifestation of the subjective significance of information for a person. If something is not important to him or is not clear, then he is not interested.
5. Ignoring facts. Inferences based on guesses, intuition, superficial information.
6. Illogicality in speech, unconvincing, incorrect use of words or construction of speech.
7. An error in choosing tactics and communication strategies.

Communication strategies

The choice of strategy depends on the situation. In total, 3 communication options are possible:

1. Monologic - Dialogic.
2. Role - personal, that is, communication in social roles and "heart to heart".
3. Open and closed. The first type involves the full expression of one's point of view and the acceptance of someone else's, the exchange of similar but identical information. In closed communication, a person cannot or does not want to fully express his position. Closed communication is used in and with a pronounced difference in the levels of competence of the parties.

Barriers in communication

You've probably decided that you don't know how to communicate with people after you encountered some kind of communication barrier. And they are, by the way, inevitable. But, what cannot but rejoice, is easily overcome. I suggest you take a look at them.

Barriers of Understanding

Phonetic

Monotonous, too fast or "polluted" speech.

Stylistic

Inconsistency of the speech style of the situation or the state of the partner.

Semantic

Different interpretation of the meanings of words by partners.

Logical

Misunderstanding the opponent's logic.

Barrier of socio-cultural differences

It is characterized by different interpretations of concepts and situations due to differences in religious, political, social or professional views.

Relationship barrier

Distrust or rejection of information due to a negative attitude towards the informant, that is, a biased attitude.

Difficulties in informal communication

In addition to general barriers to communication, there are certain features that make it difficult to contact people. Consider if you suffer from any of the following.

1. social insecurity. It suggests self-doubt caused by the perception of one's status. For example, when communicating with the boss.
2. Timidity. May be triggered by biological or social factors. Personal characteristics (biological) include aggression, slowness, and other features of temperament. Other causes of timidity may lie in low self-esteem after suffering stress or trauma, social isolation in childhood, unsuccessful personal communication experience, lack of vocabulary, literacy, or oratory.
3. Shyness. It also follows from psychological and social factors.
4. Inability to establish psychological contact. It is due to a lack of psychological literacy, ignorance of people, the inability to see the characteristics of a partner.

Causes of inadequate perception of people

Why does communication with some people not add up under any circumstances? Maybe you don't accept the person himself? So, what prevents you from correctly perceiving the interlocutor:

1. The idea of ​​the interlocutor formed even before the beginning of personal communication.
2. Thinking in stereotypes, that is, instantly assigning a person to a group and looking for characteristic features in him.
3. Early inferences in personality assessment.
4. Focusing only on one's own ideas about a person, ignoring opinions from the outside.
5. The habit of a person, the conviction that he "does not know how to do it differently."

For adequate perception, it is important to eliminate these factors, to develop the ability to:

• empathy (representing the emotions of others);
• identification (putting oneself in the place of other people);
• reflection (evaluate how others see you).

Individuals with communication difficulties

Problems in communication can be represented as follows. Try to determine your type.

Wants but can't communicate

Unwilling, unable and unable to communicate

Caused by autism, neurosis, depression.

He knows how, but he can no longer and does not want to

Caused by alienation, detachment from society.

He can, but he doesn't want to

Caused by self-sufficiency.

Maybe he wants to, but he's afraid

Caused by shyness.

Communicative competence and competence

I think it is necessary to distinguish between the concepts of competence and competence:

• Competence - possession of ways to solve communication problems.
• Competence is a personal characteristic, a set of several competencies, that is, internal resources, knowledge, skills and abilities necessary to create and maintain interaction (communication).

Diagnostics of your skills

In the course of communication, people have a strong influence on each other's personalities. It is possible that your communication does not develop due to intolerance to criticism, since as a result of communication, the claims and intentions of the parties, their thoughts, emotions and feelings always change. I suggest you evaluate yourself as an interlocutor.

I advise you to take a test for communicative competence (author V.E. Levkin) so that you know what you are dealing with. I would like to ask you to answer 5 questions as honestly as possible. Remember that too high results are just as bad as too low. In the first case, you run the risk of inadequately perceiving yourself and the world, and in the second case, you risk acquiring uncertainty and becoming passive. So answer each question honestly on a scale of 1 to 7 (how well do you feel on each scale).

1. The ability to listen and hear, listen and listen, the ability to make you listen.
2. The ability to convey one's thoughts clearly and accurately, in a language understandable to the interlocutor, the ability to convince.
3. The ability to understand and take into account the emotions, motives and intentions of people, the ability to motivate.
4. The ability to communicate to control their emotions, maintain clarity of mind and understanding the meaning of actions.
5. Ability to prevent and resolve conflicts, find a way out of pre-conflict situations.

If some ability is rated low, then it needs to be developed. To get an overall result, multiply all the scores and sum up.

• 15043-16807 points (90-100%) - excellent.
• 11682-15042 points (70-89%) - good.
• 4959-11681 points (30-69%) - satisfactory.
• 1598-4958 points (10-29%) - weak.
• 1-1597 points (1-9%) - very weak.

If you doubt your assessment or want to know how others see you, then ask someone to answer these statements about you.

Thus, you have received a result regarding general communicative competence and individual abilities. Now you know your strengths and weaknesses. It's time to act!

The basics of working on yourself

It should be understood that the lack of communication is easier to change than the lack of sociability. The first is the inability to establish contact, that is, ignorance of the basics of the communication process, strategies, rules. Sociability - the impossibility of establishing contacts, due to personal characteristics. Therefore, I offer you two areas of work:

1. To improve communication, it is enough to memorize the material in this article and practice regularly.
2. For personal changes, you need to establish the causes of failures (write down what preceded unsuccessful contacts). After that, delve into the study of a specific problem, for example, shyness, aggressiveness, and so on, and also study self-regulation methods for what cannot be changed, for example, features. In some cases, a visit to a psychotherapist may be necessary.

How to overcome shyness

Shyness is the most common cause of communication failure. I want to take a closer look at it.

1. Don't walk away from conversations. No matter how uncomfortable you feel, communicate with different people. Find something interesting and enjoyable for yourself.
2. A popular misconception among shy people is that you should only speak smart. Give yourself permission to say stupid things.
3. Allow yourself to be a child, but not irresponsible, but spontaneous, cheerful. Remember how easy it is for children to start talking to each other.
4. Learn to be spontaneous. Tell jokes and life stories.
5. Help people. Sometimes, due to shyness, a person cannot even say “thank you”, which is perceived as arrogance and anger.
6. Control your face, watch your smile.

Unfortunately (or fortunately), shyness and similar traits can only be overcome using the “wedge by wedge” method.

What to do if people annoy you

Try to find the true causes of people's behavior. For example:

• A talkative woman is probably lonely.
• An arrogant person is shy.

Learn to pay attention to the positive traits of people, and not petty manifestations.

How to communicate with the opposite sex

Difficulties in communicating with the opposite sex, as a rule, are due to parental script and stereotypes. Forget all the “shoulds”, allow yourself to be yourself and form an independent idea of ​​\u200b\u200ba partner. The basis of the work is the compilation of realistic expectations and requirements for yourself and your partner. What are you missing?

How to be attractive to the interlocutor

Communicative attractiveness, or attraction, consists of the following provisions:

1. Do not skimp on personal appeals (by name or first name and patronymic). This subconsciously arouses interest, is regarded as attention and respect.
2. Do not forget to smile and maintain an "open" face, be friendly.
3. Avoid compliments and praise. Encouragement is good for everyone.
4. Always let the interlocutor speak. If you are not interested or you have already heard about it, then listen patiently with a friendly face.
5. Operate with knowledge about your interlocutor (zodiac sign, hobby, temperament).

General rules for effective interaction

1. Speak in plain language. If the partner does not understand slang or professional terminology, then you should not go into it.
2. Show signs of respect and attention (verbal and non-verbal).
3. Focus on common areas (religion, profession, gender, hobbies).
4. Be interested in problems, listen to experiences.

Psychotechnics of communication

1. Think in advance of the scenario and the possible development of communication.
2. Create a favorable psychological environment. The best option is personal communication at close range. Do not start a conversation "right off the bat." Ask, for example, how your interlocutor got there. Think over your appearance (clothes, make-up, image). Your appearance and politeness are the first things that attract or repel your partner.
3. Stimulate the activity of the interlocutor, give preference to dialogue, observe speech etiquette.
4. Choose behavior according to the situation, but always be attentive to the interlocutor. Signs of attention: a slight tilt of the body forward, eyebrow movements, paraphrasing of words (I understand that ... Right?).
5. Establish psychological contact through gradual rapprochement (its basis is confidence, interest, honesty, emotional stability); creating "We"; fulfillment of feasible and slightest requests in the course of the conversation; compliments, encouragement, approval.
6. Prove your position from the point of view of the partner’s interests, and not your own (preliminarily identify the characteristics of the person opposite).
7. Do not forget about self-regulation (managing your emotions and feelings, thoughts, sensations) and other communication recommendations.

If you need to speak in front of an audience

An audience is a group of people united by activity and place. Group psychology, and in particular group perception, differs from the individual. For example, a large group is characterized by suggestibility, imitation, infection, intense experience of emotions. Except that the motives may differ. Someone came himself for the sake of interest and knowledge, and someone "voluntarily-compulsorily" at someone's order or request.

Communication with an audience, that is, with many people, is a special situation that requires its own psychological adjustments, so to speak. It is important to know the methods of maintaining interest, attracting attention, self-control, conveying information, no matter what. So, what you need to know and how to behave when communicating with the audience:

1. The optimal distance is 3-4 meters. Further it is regarded as arrogance or uncertainty, closer - a violation of space, pressure. Avoid physical touch. But it is worth understanding that these nuances depend on the audience and the topic of conversation.
2. Pause at the beginning of your speech. This is to prepare the audience. At the moment of a pause, the listeners will consider you, the environment, that is, they will tune in to attentive listening. Along with this, the audience will become intrigued, and the speaker himself will have time to calm down.
3. Avoid monotonous boring speeches and direct appeals (“Attention!”, “Please be more careful!”).
4. Keep track of the variety and volume of information, the correspondence of the content to the interests of the audience.
5. If you see that some material "does not enter", then improvise. Always keep an eye on the listener's reaction.
6. How to attract attention? Try to maintain intriguing pauses. Build the text on the principle of "question-answer". Give contradictory and controversial arguments.
7. Use different styles of speech, including provocative ones.
8. Use interesting expressions, quotes, aphorisms.
9. Change the pace of speech and tone of voice.
10. Use epithets and other figures of speech.
11. Focus on the theses, summarize the preliminary results.
12. Always highlight a problem and present alternative opinions on it.
13. Maintain eye contact. You can choose 1-2 people from the front rows.
14. Give the speech the character of a discussion, polemic (with yourself or with the audience).
15. Do not skimp on visibility and gestures (but do not overdo it).
16. Address the audience (“So, dear listeners, we have come to ...”).
17. Try to talk yourself, and not read from a piece of paper.
18. Pay attention to the beginning of speech. Phrases like “I didn’t prepare on purpose, but let’s try”, “I don’t even know how to start”, “Perhaps you won’t like what I say” are not suitable. It is better to give preference to phrases such as "Have you heard", "You probably don't know yet." Along with this, do not forget about greetings and appeals.
19. Give preference to the pronouns "we", "you", try not to abuse the "I".
20. Remember that it is best to remember the beginning and end of information. Try not to include the most important points in the middle of the text.
21. It is important to work on literacy. Stylistically misused words or incorrect pronunciation can cause irritation, ridicule and irony from the audience. And what is even more dangerous is the loss of attention. Listeners will follow the speaker and his speech, and not the content of the thought.
22. No method of attracting attention will save if the personality of the speaker does not arouse the audience's disposition. First of all, you need to respect the audience, be sensitive and attentive, friendly. Other moral and ethical qualities that inspire trust and interest include adherence to principles, erudition, conviction, and self-criticism.

Qualities of a good speaker

I want to introduce you, dear readers, to the qualities of a good speaker. With these qualities, you will be able to communicate immediately with the whole public (a group of friends) without any problems.

1. Competence in the topic under discussion, erudition, a high level of the general culture of the individual.
2. Confidence in one's own activity, uttered thoughts.
3. Flexibility, criticality and self-criticism (qualities of the mind).
4. Decisiveness, self-control, perseverance (qualities of will).
5. Stability (to external stimuli), impulsiveness (reaction in the right places to a problem situation), cheerfulness (quality of emotions).
6. Goodwill, sociability, modesty, tact (qualities of the communicative sphere).
7. Organization, purposefulness, efficiency, vigor, efficiency (business qualities).

It is important to understand that the same qualities provide different results. Adding to the temperament and character, they form an individual style of communication with the audience.

How to communicate without conflict

From the inability to communicate with people, conflicts often occur. By the way, they can happen for other reasons, but without communication skills they definitely cannot be resolved. How to communicate so as not to get into conflict? How to respond to rudeness and disputes?

1. Always remember about, do not give free rein to emotions.
2. If you can’t hold back at all, then challenge yourself: “Can I withstand the pressure and inadequacy of these people?”
3. Don't be categorical, don't make rash decisions, and don't throw counteroffers aside.
4. Focus on similar points of view, not different ones. If there are none, then move away from the conversation or continue to calmly insist on your own.
5. Respect the other person and yourself. Remember that when you insult, then the negative also reaches you.
6. If necessary or convenient, move the conversation in a different direction, change the subject, stop first in a “hot” situation.
7. If you think that some of your thoughts will cause a nervous breakdown in a communication partner, then choose the softest wording or refrain from it at all (if possible).
8. Do not repeat the same arguments, especially if the same negation goes to them.
9. Know how to recognize the right of each person to their opinion, which may not correspond to yours. Leave the opponent the right to remain with his opinion.
10. Remember that everyone, including you, can make mistakes. Listen to other points of view on controversial issues, double-check information, expand existing data.

Always remember that all negative emotions have a negative impact primarily on your body, and then on your opponent. It takes a lot of energy to argue, experience, enmity. And emotional tension turns into muscle tension of the whole body (psychosomatics).

Principles of a secular society

Secular communication has a number of mandatory requirements:

1. Be polite and tactful, so you support and respect the interest of the other side.
2. Try to avoid objections and accusations. Express approval and agreement.
3. Be kind and welcoming.
4. Remember that in a secular society, people rarely express true emotions and feelings.

Principles of business communication

Communication at work has completely different features that are important to consider in order to successfully communicate with colleagues and the boss.

1. Focus on the common thread of the conversation and the main goal, invest accordingly (cooperative).
2. Do not underestimate, but do not exaggerate the content and volume of information. Speak strictly to the point (sufficiency of information).
3. Do not lie or hide facts (quality of information).
4. Do not deviate from the topic (expediency).
5. Be precise and specific in statements and arguments (clarity).
6. Know how to listen and isolate the main thoughts from the context (understanding).
7. Consider the individual characteristics of the interlocutor, but remember the main goal and idea of ​​​​the conversation.

The boundaries and principles of business communication, as a rule, are discussed by the interlocutors in advance.

Afterword

So, communicating with people is not difficult and not scary. You only need:

• be confident in yourself and what you do, say;
• respect yourself and others (do not get personal,);
• listen to the opponent and get to know him, that is, have developed empathy;
• be critical, but not categorical;
• always maintain a friendly attitude (thanks, greetings, compliments);
• have communication skills;
• get rid of personal "cockroaches".

Remember that the cause of communication problems is always within yourself and it is up to you to overcome these obstacles. I wish you strength to solve your difficulties and eradicate unwanted traits. Grow personally, and the ability to communicate will come to you!

Literature on the topic

1. If you are fond of astrology and believe in the power of the zodiac signs, then I advise you to purchase the book by I. O. Rodin and T. M. Pimenova “How to communicate with this or that zodiac sign in order to always win?”. In the book, each sign is divided into thematic blocks: a description of the sign itself (general characteristics, behavior at home and at work, habits and leisure, characteristics of children, men and women); interaction tactics in a positive way (how to make a subordinate work, establish contact with a boss, build personal relationships, behave at home and in bed) and negatively (how to provoke and win a scandal, divorce, bypass a colleague); compatibility with other characters. I’ll make a reservation right away that I don’t welcome a block of negative recommendations, but anything can happen in life. Maybe you will need it.
2. For the rest of the readers, in order to broaden their horizons and improve their communicative skills, I advise you to read the work of O. G. Ridetskaya “Psychology of Communication: Reader”. It provides a very extensive material for the theory and practice of communication. The features of communications by character accentuations are analyzed.
3. I also recommend reading the book by T. A. Tarasova "The Art of Communication: for those who want to learn how to communicate skillfully: a workbook." This is material for practice: self-knowledge and self-correction. The phenomenon of communication is disassembled into blocks, for example, "acquaintance", "oratory". Given tests to determine personal qualities, practical exercises, recommendations.
4. Another practical guide to improving communication skills and developing the ability to constructively influence people is B. Burg’s book “From Adversaries to Allies”. This is non-fiction literature, detailing each principle of successful interaction.

Why do we need communication
— 6 main rules of communication with people
— The art of effective communication
— 10 invariable rules of contact in society

Every person, if he lives in society, must be able to communicate. Even if he thinks he could do just fine without that skill. However, over time it becomes clear that communication is not just friendly chatter over tea on any interesting topic. Communication can include activities such as:

1) employment;
2) communication with the work team;

3) relationships in the family;
4) contacts with service personnel;
5) contacts with superiors;
6) raising children.

Even if it seems to you that you are not talkative at all, and you don’t need to learn how to talk beautifully, you are mistaken. Any encounter with other people implies communication. And it's best to know how to communicate properly.

There is another side of the issue - the need for communication. Psychology considers the need for communication as one of the most important and basic. If you know how to keep up a conversation, sooner or later you will want to implement this skill in your own life.

— 6 main rules of communication with people

The psychology of communication with people is based on several rules, which were most clearly and clearly formed by the famous psychologist and writer Dale Carnegie. He published his most famous books in the 1930s and 40s, but since then nothing has changed in human behavior and these rules are still relevant.

Rule #1: Be genuinely interested in others.
We all consider ourselves unique and want to be interesting to others. Remember your communication experience - we are always more willing to talk not with those who say smart things, but with those who let us know that we ourselves are interesting.

Rule #2: Smile.
Psychological research has shown that people who smile are generally more attractive to us. We tend to ascribe to them the best human qualities. A smile shows the interlocutor that communication with him is joy and pleasure.

Rule number 3. Remember that your own name is the most pleasant word for any person.
Calling a person by name, we give him the simplest and most natural compliment. The name for us expresses individuality. Using the name of a person in a conversation, you seem to be saying to him: "You are an amazing person and a bright personality."

Rule number 4. Know how to listen.
Sadly, few people know how to really listen to the interlocutor - most often, especially in the heat of a dispute, we simply wait for our turn to speak out, not delving into what they are trying to convey to us. But the demonstration of attention is a powerful tool of influence.

Rule number 5. Talk about what interests your interlocutor.
Everyone has their own "horse". If you find the topic that excites your interlocutor, you will win him over. This applies to both business communication and ordinary friendly conversations. Even if the topic does not seem particularly important to you, do not close yourself - try to listen and find out something valuable for yourself. No wonder the Chinese sages said that you can learn from the first person you meet.

Rule number 6. Sincerely demonstrate to the interlocutor his importance.
The key word here is "sincerely". Perhaps this is the most difficult part of the psychology of communication. People feel false, and even those who love flattery in all forms will smell something wrong if your enthusiasm is feigned. Look for something in everyone that really seems to you worthy of admiration, and honestly praise these character traits.

— The art of effective communication

Communication with people is an art. To master it, you need to know a lot of subtleties and have special skills, many of which, it would seem, are not related to communication. However, it is their presence that makes people brilliant speakers and interesting interlocutors. What will help us to “pump” our communication skills?

1) Observation.
Noting the features of behavior, appearance, facial expressions of the interlocutor, we can draw conclusions about what kind of person he is and in what style it is best to communicate with him. In addition, observation is closely related to memory - another important quality of a good interlocutor.

2) Memory.
The more information we remember about a person, the more successful our communication with him will be. If you remember everything that the interlocutor has told you, you will be able to demonstrate your interest in him. He will be genuinely flattered.

3) Broad outlook.
"Oh, I don't understand any of this!" After such words, few people want to continue their exciting story about football, healthy eating or the latest international news. You don't have to be a generalist to have an understanding of all aspects of life. Interesting interlocutors are not isolated in their world - they are interested in what is happening around and can keep up the conversation on any topic.

4) Sensitivity.
The ability to read the emotions of the interlocutor can be called sensitivity, although in fact it is one of the consequences of observation. Everyone can master this art - for everyday life it is enough to learn to see the basic emotions and know the basics of body language.

5) Constant training of communication skills.
The greater the number of people with whom we speak, the easier it is for us to find a common language with them. Look for opportunities to chat with strangers, with people from a wide variety of social groups, with those whose interests are markedly different from yours. Talking to strangers will make you a more flexible interlocutor.

— 10 invariable rules of contact in society

1) Call the person by name more often if you want to learn how to communicate. A proper name for a person is more pleasant than angelic chants.

2) Ask leading questions. Try to ask in such a way that it is difficult to limit yourself to a monosyllabic “yes” or “no”.

3) Don't be afraid to be a little provocative in conversation and feel free to ask about what you're really interested in if you want to communicate properly. However, we must remember that if you want to learn how to communicate, you must know that there are "forbidden" topics that are right to raise only with a glass of good wine with your best friend.

4) It is necessary to communicate with people correctly with their intonation and at their pace. You should not tire an elderly woman with a speech in which words fly out faster than bullets, and annoy a busy boss to horror with the manners of a "Turgenev" young lady.

5) Try to speak competently, clearly and firmly with people when you communicate. And for this you should at least understand a little about the subject of the conversation.

6) Work on your writing. Psychologists say that there is a direct relationship between writing and the ability to verbally express one's thoughts.

7) Moderately use facial expressions and gestures. You should not talk about a trip to the sea with a stone face, like a central television announcer, but waving your arms like a windmill is also not the best option.

8) You can communicate correctly only by delving into what the interlocutor says.

9) Trust people, be open. A neighbor may be harassing you with his endless repairs (and does he want to hammer a wall on Sunday morning?), but he may turn out to be a brilliant fitness trainer or an equally brilliant lawyer.

10) Be confident all to yourself.

The material was prepared by Dilyara specifically for the site

Secrets of communication skills - what affects the ability to communicate, how to overcome the fear of communication and become an interesting conversationalist?

Many people indicate such qualities as sociability, or the ability to communicate with other people, as their merits. However, in reality, it often turns out that their capabilities are limited to communication only in a certain company of persons close to them (relatives or friends), in front of whom certain rules of correctness may not be observed. For example, you can often see young people who, standing in a circle, express their thoughts and attitudes exclusively with the help of obscene language. At the same time, they can slap each other on the back, conduct a comic fight, laugh out loud and comment on the words of the interlocutors only with the help of short “obscene” words. When such people get into the company of people unfamiliar to them, their more than liberated behavior changes dramatically: they become stiff, they cannot say almost anything intelligible. When communicating with people of the opposite sex, the same situation may arise, especially if the person you like does not speak in their usual manner, but has the ability to clearly and clearly express their thoughts without resorting to "strong" expressions.

What factors affect the ability to communicate with other people

Often there are situations when a person whom we know as positive in all respects, an excellent interlocutor, suddenly begins to behave in a slightly different way. He can be absent-minded, at times react aggressively even to the most trifling remarks and remarks, generally refuse the intention to even maintain the appearance of a conversation and completely withdraw into himself. Insecure people usually perceive this completely at their own expense and begin to respond with the same aggression or leave the interlocutor.

The question arises, what's the matter? Before you start communicating with others, you need to distract yourself from any negative thoughts and states. If you yourself or your interlocutor got up on the wrong foot, all his charm can evaporate somewhere. Only an irritated grumbler will remain, who no longer inspires any warm feelings and with whom one simply does not want to be in the same room.

It happens that the interlocutors do not trust each other and the conversation in the company does not go well. Just sitting and looking at each other is not interesting, so someone takes the liberty of starting the conversation first. What is he doing? First of all, you need to get to know other people sitting around, give your name. A feeling of distrust arises if the person who started this process recognizes the names of other people present, but does not name himself at the same time.

Often the initiative in communication comes from one person.

Another nuance is to start or intervene in a conversation without relying on topics that are interesting and familiar to other people. Not knowing what others are talking about, you can get into trouble and then spend the rest of the evening angry at yourself and others for what happened.

The complete absence of any manifestations of emotions or, on the contrary, excessive emotionality, especially exaltation, also does not cause a desire to communicate with a person who demonstrates all this. One gets the impression that he is either too "frozen" in regards to expressing his feelings, or simply does not know when to stop if he shows his feelings. Both dramatically reduce the level of trust and the desire to communicate. Simulation of emotions, smiles and laughter out of place - these are clearly not the means that allow you to win over other people and create an atmosphere conducive to communication.

Have you ever seen how people who don't even know each other very well sometimes create interesting situations when they want to chat? They sit closer, but not so much that their communication looks too intimate from the outside. It is also difficult to imagine how you can interest another person in yourself, being at a distance of about 3-5 meters from him, and carry on a conversation on personal topics. On the other hand, if a completely unfamiliar person sits close to you, starts grabbing your hands, patting your shoulder or whispering annoyingly in your ear ... This behavior usually makes you want to quickly stop communicating and run away from your counterpart as quickly and as far as possible.

Or such a case when someone excitedly talks about something, not even paying attention to the reaction of others. At the same time, he accompanies his every word with immoderate gestures, annoying gazes, or does not look at anyone at all. One can only guess what desires ripen in the souls of those who were not lucky enough to be around ...

Failed Communication Experiences Can Make You Introverted

Summing up what has been said, we note that a person’s ability to communicate with others is influenced by factors such as:

• emotional state of interlocutors;
• common interests of those present;
• visual contact and distance between interlocutors;
• feeling of self-confidence;
• emotional involvement in the process of communication;
• the ability to listen to others.

How to learn to communicate with other people

Some people sometimes cause slight envy because they can easily communicate with those around them. It seems that the very possibility of approaching someone and starting a conversation with him is not difficult for them. And for others, the very thought of this seems simply frightening: what if this person says something that, after his words, you just want to fall through the ground? Or die on the spot?

It is often difficult to start a conversation

Let go of prejudice. Starting communication with another person, you need to abandon any ready-made attitudes and thoughts about him. It is various “cockroaches” like “what if”, “what if”, “God forbid” and so on that can already in the bud suppress your ability to see a person in front of you. A person, and not the label that you have put on him because of his appearance or behavior. Remember, no one is responsible for your load of failures or what you call your failure. You are also far from an angel, and other people have to put up with your shortcomings. It is better to pay attention to the positive qualities of the person with whom you communicate. As psychotherapists say, there are no flaws in a person, but there are peculiar virtues that you need to take a closer look at and learn to accept them.

Be confident. An important key to developing the ability to communicate with others is to be a confident person. Moreover, we calculate a person with such qualities intuitively. Such a person behaves without too much fuss, chooses words, is not afraid to look the interlocutor in the eye and express his emotions. At the same time, he does not stick out his knowledge and competence, speaks in the correct language, does not try to crush him with his status and authority. Before giving an answer, he takes a short pause, speaks measuredly and quietly, but not in a whisper.

Maintain eye contact and use feedback. Usually people who are known to be good conversationalists know how to listen to others. This is expressed in the fact that they not only listen, but also ask various clarifying questions and encourage the interlocutor. At the same time, they look into the eyes of the interlocutor from time to time, but do not use x-ray staring. Usually, a police gaze usually makes one want to escape from such a deep dive into someone's inner world.

Learn to listen to your interlocutor

Do not decide for your interlocutor how to behave. Often in films on the topic of relations between men and women, a moment is played out when the cause of conflicts is shown - the inability to listen to another person. He talks about his, you talk about yours. Then each begins to accuse the other of inattention, but for some reason no one even thinks that their own egoism and wrong expectations regarding other people can be to blame for everything. In the sense that a person is more interested in his thoughts, feelings and relationships than other people from the immediate environment. It's like in a joke that a man, having gone into the bathroom to wash and shave, came out of there a divorced man in just five minutes. And all because the wife asked some question, answered herself, got angry, offended and ... finita la comedy.

Express your thoughts clearly and clearly. Learn to express your thoughts in an accessible and clear manner. Some people think that the omissions and the ability to read between the lines give a special flavor to the conversation. Usually, everything happens exactly the opposite: if someone does not fully understand what it is about, he begins to experience a feeling of irritation, boredom appears and a desire to simply retire somewhere else. Where everyone talks about understandable things and understandable language.

Avoid value judgments and be able to ask questions. It is also important to be able to avoid evaluative reactions like “Nonsense”, “Nonsense” or “You can think of it too!”. When the interlocutor receives such an assessment from a communication partner, he gets the impression that no one is interested in the questions that concern him. It awakens a sense of its own insignificance and inferiority. Whatever he says, you need to listen to him to the end. But do not bombard a person with an endless stream of questions, otherwise he will decide that he is under interrogation with prejudice, and will try to interrupt communication that is difficult for him.

Know how to manage the attention of the interlocutor. An important point that allows you to win over other people is the ability to control space and your body. This means that you need to be able to reduce or increase the distance between yourself and the interlocutor. For example, if you think the atmosphere is getting too high, it makes sense to use the excuse to leave the person alone with their thoughts for a while. You can disappear from his field of vision, but do not interrupt communication. You can ask questions or tell something, preferably with humorous overtones. It is better to switch the attention of the interlocutor to something else, to distract him in this way. For example, offer a cup of tea or coffee, offer sweets or fruits. The psychological meaning of this is that a person switches from a verbal, mental or emotional channel to the level of sensations and tension decreases.

Expand your horizons and vocabulary. A person who knows how to express even the simplest things in a beautiful literary language immediately attracts attention. People begin to reach out to him simply out of a desire to communicate and listen. Remember how Dumas described the oldest of the musketeers - Athos? Despite his modest clothes, he immediately became the center of attention of any company. He was distinguished not only by his excellent manners, but also by his ability to keep up a conversation on any topic. He even surprised the king, who considered himself an expert in the field of falconry.

The most important - don't be afraid to communicate! Even if the answer is not the way you wanted, nothing terrible will happen to you personally. A negative result is also a result that life experience gives. But next time you will know that there are some nuances with which you need to be very careful. Without practice, any skill will atrophy by itself. Including the ability to say something ...

There is almost always someone around us - spouses, parents, children, friends, colleagues and even complete strangers. This implies constant communication, both desired and unforeseen. For greater mutual understanding and in order not to violate the freedoms and views of others, some rules for communicating with people were invented. It has been noticed that when using at least the basic rules of communication, people often achieve the location of others and have a reputation as a pleasant conversationalist. This ability to communicate properly also has a positive effect on career growth.

We have to communicate with different people, therefore, in each environment we try to use the appropriate rules, because everyone needs an individual approach. Communication at work is very different from communication with family or with friends on a fishing trip.

Rules for communicating with friends

It would seem that when communicating with friends, no rules are needed, because these are people close to us who perceive us as we are. This is a misconception that can lead to loss of contact. For example, when communicating with a friend in front of strangers, we, as a rule, do not switch to “You”, and often address the interlocutor not by name, but by “nickname”. It doesn’t occur to us that this can be unpleasant for a person.

At first, we allow ourselves to “punny jokes” and ridicule at friends, a slightly dismissive tone, and then we genuinely wonder why there are so few good friends in our lives or why they no longer want to spend time with us.

I would like to note that no matter how the world and our views change, the basic rule of communication between people will always be relevant - this is respect. A relative, a boss, a fellow traveler on a train - it doesn’t matter, every person deserves a respectful attitude. Having comprehended this truth, everyone will get a chance to become the most interesting person for others.

A lot of books have been written on the topic of the rules of communication and communication, in which you can find recommendations and advice for all occasions. Authors such as Dale Carnegie and Allan Pease are very popular. From all the literature, there are a few of the most important rules that have remained important and relevant for many years, so to speak, the golden rules of communication. The following can be safely attributed to them:

1. Always smile. A smile evokes positive emotions and a positive infusion, endearing the interlocutor (or even a group of people).
2. Be clear. Especially when it comes to a business meeting or just a serious conversation. By the way, if your interlocutor is a man, emphasize this rule doubly.
3. Be polite. And it doesn't matter whether you're talking to a boss or a subordinate, service personnel or a child - rudeness and familiarity have not served anyone well yet.

A child is just a small adult and communication with him also requires certain skills. Remember, children do not do what you say, but repeat what you do. You should address other people's children at school, in the store, on the street, as this raises their self-esteem and elevates you in their eyes.

You should not make it clear to the child that you are even stronger physically, otherwise over time you yourself will “run into” the same argument. Listen to the children to the end, do not interrupt him with the words: “I said so, I know better”, otherwise a very closed child will grow up in your family. Children have the right to have their point of view defended.

And the most important rule in dealing with children is to always try to find a common language with them. There is a way out of any situation that will suit both parties, you just need to work hard and find it.

10 rules for communicating with people

Close people often forgive us for our mistakes (whether it's hurtful words or stupid actions), but everyone else chooses "just not to do business with him anymore." Therefore, at the first meeting or rare meetings with unfamiliar people in communication, you should follow 10 simple rules:

1. Listen more than talk.
2. Do not lie to yourself and do not force the interlocutor to lie.
3. Think before you speak.
4. Do not make fun of the interlocutor.
5. Do not interrupt to give the opportunity to speak.
6. Avoid arrogant, dismissive behavior towards the interlocutor.
7. Maintain a confident but friendly tone.
8. Respect the other person's point of view.
9. Call the interlocutor by name.
10. When meeting with any person to have a good, positive mood.

Start applying these effective rules to your life and see how quickly your environment begins to change and grow. And, perhaps, you will gain not only the respect of your colleagues, but also many new and interesting friends.