Amazingly up-to-date, unspoken rules and tips from a 100-year-old gentleman's book to help you become a more sophisticated person

More than 130 years have passed since the
the book "Hill's Manual of Social and Business Forms" was published.
Back in 1883, its author Thomas Edie Hill compiled a collection of various information that would be useful
business people and businessmen of the late XIX century.

The book contains chapters dealing with calligraphy, the art of business writing, and the rules of social and business etiquette.

One of the chapters of the book is titled "Unclassified Laws of Etiquette". Which contains a list of rules of etiquette. Although this list was written over 100 years ago, and some of the ingredients are a bit mothballed, most of these rules and tips are still remarkably relevant today.

Ignorant, the one who turns
living room to smoking room

The chapter of this book is designed to fill many gaps in etiquette and overcome lack of culture in society. Here are the unspoken rules and tips from the book that will help you become more sophisticated:

1. Never exaggerate.
2. Never substitute another.
3. Never lose confidence.
4. Never leave the house with unkind thoughts.
5. Never neglect the help of your friends.
6. Never laugh at the misfortune of others.
7. Never promise what you won't deliver.
8. Never give a gift hoping to get something in return.
9. Never talk too much about yourself.
10. Never be late.
11. Never make yourself a hero with words.
12. Never refuse to politely answer a question.
13. Never ask a child about family matters.
14. Never present a gift, explaining that you do not need this thing.
15. Never read letters that are not addressed to you.
16. Never refuse to be polite to ladies.
17. Never call to pay attention to the appearance of anyone present.
18. Never refer to a gift that was once given, or to a courtesy that was once shown.
19. Never associate with a bad company. Have good friends or have none.
20. Never look over the shoulder of a person who is reading or writing something.
21. Never pay undue attention to the scars, deformities, or defects of anyone present.
22. Never draw another person's attention to you by touching him. Just start talking to him.
23. Never punish your child for mistakes they themselves made.
24. Never answer questions that are not being asked of you.
25. Never praise your country when traveling abroad.
26. Never call a new acquaintance by their first name unless you have been asked to.
27. Never take someone else's things without permission.
28. Never try to draw all the company's attention to yourself.
29. Never show anger or irritation if an unpleasant incident occurs.
30. Never jump into a conversation between two people without an apology.
31. Never enter a room too noisily; never forget to carefully close the door when you leave.
32. Never allow yourself to be overly familiar with a new acquaintance.
33. Never hint to another gentleman about how he should behave with the ladies in their presence.
34. Never forget to offer the most comfortable seat in a room to a disabled person, an elderly person, or a lady.
35. Never neglect the execution of the assignment that you have been entrusted with.
36. Never send your guest to sleep on a spare bed in a cold, damp room.
37. Never forget to respond to invitations in person or by mail within a week of receiving the invitation.
38. Never forget to return courtesy or hospitality.
39. Never put your feet out on a tram or other places where it will interfere with people passing by.
40. Never forget to tell the truth.
41. Never forget to pay back the money you borrowed.
42. Never send letters to another person to ask for a favor of any kind without a postage stamp to answer.
43. Never forget to speak kind and encouraging words to those who are grieving.
44. Never refuse to accept an apology from another person.
45. Never read greeting cards addressed to you if you noticed them in your living room before they were handed to you.
46. Never, walking arm in arm with a lady, change sides with her too often.
47. Never insult a person with harsh words while waiting for the approval of others.
48. Never forget to be kind to your charges if you have any power.
49. Never try to show yourself as a genius by pointing out the mistakes or oddities of great people.
50. Never forget to smile and dedicate the most pleasant words to your family and friends.

Sometimes in childhood, little men are praised by adults with the mysterious word "gentleman." Did you help your mom handle a heavy bag or move an old lady across the street? Immediately: "You are a real gentleman!". And this word is pronounced in such a tone that you already consider it a compliment that pleasantly tickles pride.

Over time, additional characteristics and distinguishing marks are added to this foreign word, which creates confusion! Therefore, sometimes a real gentleman is associated with a "real man", "snob", "ladies' man" or even a "lousy intellectual". Today we will destroy these myths and show you a man who lives in the gentleman style.

Speak like a gentleman

Do you think that a gentleman is a spherical "real man" in a vacuum? This is not entirely true, because the "man" will not go into his pocket for a word, and the "gentleman" will do ... the same thing, but stylishly and beautifully.

"Magic Words"

Gentlemen say "please" and "thank you". Always, everyone, under any circumstances: you answer a call from a spammer advertising credits, or you turn to a waiter who is in no hurry to carry an order. Just taste these words right now: “thank you”, “please”, “please”, “thank you”! He said it, and he felt good himself, but what can we say about those around him, who, perhaps, hear this very rarely. The cashier, the waiter and the spammer will not forget you after such “magic words” (although we wish the guy with credits would stop calling you after all).

Don't turn your back on the phone!

Imagine an interesting conversation in which everyone is interested to participate. One relevant joke, the second, a witty remark! You are the real star of the conversation, everything is going well - exactly until the moment when one of the participants in the conversation receives an urgent message on Facebook. Hey! Think about how unpleasant it is to be the loser in an unequal battle with the phone. But gentlemen do not view SMS on a date, do not play snarky birds at a work meeting, and do not go online during a performance or movie, illuminating the dark hall with the bright screen of their smartphone.

How not to be a snob (or at least not show it)?

If a gentleman is not a "man", then he is probably a "snob". It is not true, because the snob claims to be highly intellectual and tasteful, but arrogantly treats the majority. It's a bit un-gentlemanly, so it's best to talk to everyone in a positive way and not be mean. After all, a gentleman remembers the American proverb: “Be polite to everyone. You never know who will be among the twelve jurors.

Behave like a gentleman

So, we have decided that a gentleman is not a "snob". This means that he is a “macho”, who is distinguished by his straightforwardness and pronounced sexual attractiveness. It’s not the same either, because a real gentleman always answers the following two questions correctly.

How to respect your own and others' boundaries?

You can clearly see what foreign borders are in the Italian and German cafes. Italians do not hesitate to sit back to back and feel comfortable in the crowd. The Germans, on the contrary, try to stay as far away from each other as possible so as not to disturb someone else's personal space. A gentleman never forgets that someone is Italian at heart, and someone is somewhat aloof. He is observant and can assess the situation in the company even before he is at the common table. It's simple: if everyone is sitting in a tight circle, then you can move closer to those gathered, and if the interlocutors keep their distance, then you better follow their example.

Who pays in a bar or restaurant?

If you are in a company, by default everyone pays for themselves. When going to dinner with a business partner or potential client, the gentleman will take an amount that will help pay for his own and someone else's order. For what? It is not uncommon for a wealthy person to refer to the absence of banknotes. In such cases, the gentleman pays for two, does not spoil his mood, but draws the appropriate conclusions. If you're on a date, always offer to pay for dinner. Is the lady persistently refusing? Then let her pay her half. You should not do her a favor and take away the account folder with the words “I am pleased to treat you.” You just need to pay and that's it. For more gentlemanly dating tips, see below.

Date like a gentleman

The lady agreed to meet you and knows that you are a gentleman. She wants to feel relaxed in your company, and not break out of the clutches of the "ladies' man". Before you is a pure lady (otherwise, you would not be talking to her now), so she deserves the perfect date.

How to react to being late?

Psychologists say that there are two reactions to being late: wait for the girl and not wait for her. Perhaps the gentleman should stay for a while when the girl is very nervous about being late. At the same time, she asks her to wait and keeps you informed of her movements via SMS: “So, I already got out of the traffic jam. In 5 minutes I will park, ”etc. In general, it demonstrates how important you are to her. But if she is completely apathetic and, in principle, she doesn’t care whether you wait for her or leave, the answer is obvious.

How to deal with a feminist?

The “f” word has already acquired a negative connotation, so men are wary of girls who say on their first date: “I am a feminist!” Here, the main thing is not to make hasty conclusions, this is not very gentlemanly, but to remember that everyone believes in feminism or little green men in their own way. The girl you're on a date with might have her own unique interpretation of feminism. Take a keen interest in her ideology and try to gently figure out what she means by this word and why she considers herself a feminist. Perhaps your views on life will even coincide.

What topics of conversation should be left for a closer acquaintance?

Of course, a true gentleman is sincerely interested in his interlocutor and talks about what she likes. These words are carved in stone a long time ago and are the axiom of relationships. But not everyone is aware of the taboo topics that are recommended to be tactfully avoided for the sake of general peace of mind.

So, on the first date, in addition to the well-known no-nos like politics and religion, you should not start talking about parents (it’s better to ask about brothers and sisters), former lovers (it’s just not worth it), career plans (suddenly she doesn’t have enough stars from the sky now). The best method is to carefully probe the ground with leading questions. The fact that the topic is successful, you will notice by the sparkle in the eyes of the girl: it means that this question really interests her - and develop it. And vice versa: even the most harmless topic in your opinion can stir up unpleasant memories and ruin the evening. Try to turn off the curve in time if you notice sad notes in the voice of the interlocutor and do not press if she does not want to continue the topic. As a real gentleman, you should express concern for the lady's experiences, but do not get carried away with drama - it's better to change the subject to something more pleasant. And yes, don't forget about yourself! If a lady is really interested in you, she will also be interested in your views.

Eat like a gentleman

Thousands of books have been written on the topic of table etiquette and a million infographics have been drawn. Boredom to death! After all, a real gentleman is not a “lousy intellectual” who drinks tea with his little finger sticking out. This is a person who comes out of any table situation with dignity.

What to talk about at the table?

The ability to connect quickly and casually is what makes a gentleman a gentleman. It is convenient to perform such tricks at the table using a few simple rules:

1. If you are in a large company, try to get everyone involved in the conversation, not just a select few. Maintain eye contact even with those who are silent.
2. Express your point of view directly and unambiguously. So you motivate the interlocutors to express their opinion and actively express themselves. Yes, not everyone will agree with you, but the conversation will start.
3. Keep a few funny stories in your stash. Everyone loves interesting life situations, told picturesquely and in the first person. By the way, the story may not be yours, but 100% interesting!

How to refuse an exotic dish?

A gentleman should not, out of politeness, choke on all the dishes that are offered to him. You can make such a sacrifice only when visiting your beloved grandmother. But lamb offal haggis, which Scotland is famous for, or an overseas delicacy that hastily crawls out of your plate, are not the most tempting treats. To avoid offense, you can gently ask if there is something completely obvious in the dish. After the answer, it’s immediately disappointed (not happy) to say: “Thanks, but I can’t try. I'm sorry, but I'm allergic to this product."

What is the right way to quit drinking?

You know the joke about the real gentleman who masterfully knows how to refuse and agree to drink at the same time? He says: "Oh, leave!". But seriously, it's better to refer to the friends whom you promised to take home. It is desirable to talk about this in a friendly way, and not irritably. But if the interlocutor continues to insist, the gentleman may well refuse with equivalent pressure. After all, a gentleman is expected to respect not only the interests of others, but also his own.

Do you do this every day? We applaud you! Yes, right now, standing. You are accustomed to behaving like a gentleman, and this is worthy of praise. But if you have something to work with - go for it! It is very pleasant to be a gentleman. We are sure you will love it!

Women often wonder why male behavior not always decent. How can he behave like this? And there is nothing to be surprised - the current mass culture only encourages ill-mannered and arrogant men, the norms of behavior adopted now would have horrified people only some thirty years ago.

Many will say that this time is gone forever, and gentleman now in the afternoon with fire you will not find. Let's change this together! It's time for men to think about the fact that noble and well-mannered behavior is always in fashion. If you behave as described below, women will line up in droves to get some of your precious attention.

And women need to understand that letting their man behave haphazardly- a disservice to itself. Know how to direct your man so that he is always on top!

Rules of conduct for a real gentleman

1. A gentleman opens the door for a lady
   Opening the door is not a gesture of condescension, but of courtesy and respect. Passing the lady forward, you can always admire how she looks from behind! It is also important to open the door in the car - this is also a great opportunity to control a woman who can slam the door of your favorite car too hard.
2. The gentleman chooses the path by the curb
   When a man walks along the sidewalk and takes a position at the side of the road, he protects the woman from fast-moving cars nearby, from debris and splashing water from puddles.



3. The gentleman keeps track of the amount of alcohol
   This is one of the first points to remember in order to avoid embarrassing situations. A man controls what and how much the woman next to him drinks - he keeps the balance between an empty glass and the desire of the fair half to drink more than is necessary just for a good mood.
4. Gentleman sharing outerwear
   In the cold, wind, rain and snow, a man is always ready with a thing that can be removed from himself and offered to a woman as a salvation from bad weather. Very romantic…



5. The gentleman is punctual
   There are no excuses for being late, that's all. Both women and men should be on time. Perhaps there is somewhere an ideal parallel world where this is exactly what happens.



6. A gentleman is not lazy to get up
   When a woman enters the room, the man gets up, maybe not to his full height. With such a sign of respect, it is easy to draw the attention of any girl to herself.



7. Gentleman giving compliments
   It is not necessary for a man to speak high-flown language - the main thing is that it be sincere!



8. Gentleman helping lady to sit down
   The man pulls out a chair for the woman, gently holding her as she sits down.



9. The gentleman gives way
   A man rises from his familiar place everywhere and always - in the subway, on the bus, anywhere. It is not difficult, but how much does such an action mean! Giving way, a man shows love for his neighbor and his noble nature at the same time.
10. Gentleman helping woman cope with coat
    A man helps a woman take off and put on her outerwear. This is how he shows his care and strength.



11. A gentleman remembers to say "thank you" and "please"
    Words of courtesy are magical, every man remembers this and uses them appropriately.
12. A gentleman behaves properly at the table
    Talking with a full mouth, slurping and putting aside a knife where you can’t do without it - no self-respecting man will do this. Is it true?



13. A gentleman is never rude
    Neither the bartender, nor the attendants, nor the seller, nor the conductor - never to anyone. And not in the presence of a lady. Well, or he can do it, but then he will turn from a man into a donkey and a snob.
14. The gentleman pays
    It's natural for a man to pay for dinner. Once again, no one will refuse to demonstrate to his lady and everyone around his financial well-being!



15. Gentleman sees off
    Life hack: escorting a woman to the door of her house, a man can be 100 percent sure that she went there.



16. The gentleman is listening
    Participating in a conversation, a man speaks and listens at the same time, never interrupts the interlocutor, attentive to other people's words. The ability to listen has other people to you, this is the secret thanks to which you will very easily make new acquaintances, including with women.



17. A gentleman is responsible for his words
    A man knows how to keep secrets and not talk too much. A well-bred man thinks before saying something, and even more so before promising, and always fulfills the promise.
18. A gentleman will never be rude to a woman
    A man will not assert himself at the expense of a woman - he will never be rude, and, moreover, raise his hand to a woman. This is not discussed.
19. The gentleman takes the initiative
    A man has a certain ingenuity and his task is to teach non-standard solutions to a woman. A man can save any situation and be proud of it.



20. Gentleman pays attention to details
    A man always knows what size a woman's feet are, which ring suits her, her favorite color... He is attentive to detail, because he knows how necessary it is for women's happiness - to feel his sincere care.



21. A gentleman respects his family
    Before making serious decisions about a woman, he will show her to his family. A man who loves and respects his relatives will treat his wife in the same way.
22. Gentleman - the owner of golden hands
    To fix a broken thing, to organize the house in order, to come up with a new small invention to improve life - all this can be done by a man.



23. A gentleman knows how to love
    A man knows how to truly love and is not ashamed of his feelings. He knows how to express in simple words what is happening in his soul, and is not afraid to seem sentimental.

If you are lucky to be born a man, take full advantage of your position - be a gentleman. Your noble behavior will not go unnoticed, and you will achieve success in all areas of life. One has only to try to behave according to this etiquette and everything will change! Dare.

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Often, men hold back the manifestations of a "gallant gentleman" in themselves, to be afraid of being branded as misogynists. Experts in the field of human behavior note the lack of suitable role models that can show us how to behave in a given situation. As a result, gentlemen in our time - an extremely rare phenomenon.

Here are the 10 things a real gentleman does that, according to AskMencom, will best demonstrate your feelings for her and say more than a hundred words about you.

10. Cover her with your body
In fact, we are talking about the fact that a man should walk along the outer part of the sidewalk, the one that is closer to the carriageway of the street. The history of this tradition has its roots in those times when a romantic walk along the city street could be spoiled by acquaintance with the contents of a chamber pot thrown out the window right on passers-by, and only the balconies of the upper floors overhanging the street could protect against this. Now this is not so relevant, but to cover your companion from splashes from a roadside puddle is your gentleman's duty.

9. Ladies sit down first
In ancient times, it was considered acceptable if a gentleman pulls out a chair for a lady. Now such an act can be regarded as too formal. Instead, the modern gentleman must make sure that his lady takes the chair before him. A short pause before lowering your ass will demonstrate your upbringing and knowledge of good manners.

8. Watch your tongue
This is a very important point, which is now given insufficient attention. Inappropriate words are absolutely unacceptable on a date. A gentleman will not stoop to the point of spouting any kind of incoherent nonsense and will certainly be able to express his thought without resorting to impolite words.

7. Carry an umbrella
Another great act of a gentleman: to protect your companion from the rain with the help of an umbrella prudently taken with you. This will not only save the lady from a cold and spilled makeup, but also demonstrate your ability to plan and predict the development of events.

6. Home delivery
Seeing a girl home is an integral part of gentlemanly behavior. Let you need to go the other way, and the subway is no longer running, but to deliver the girl safe and sound to the door of her house is your gentleman's duty. You don't want her all evening, instead of having a good time, she puzzled over how to get home?

5. Throw a jacket on a girl
When going on a date, girls are not often guided by considerations of practicality. Therefore, there are cases when her clothes, which cause a storm of emotions in you, are not able to provide her with the necessary protection from the cold.

4. Make way for the lady
Any more or less educated person will give up his place in public transport to a grandmother or a pregnant woman. But real gentlemen do not stop there and are ready to give way even to the girl with whom he has a date.

3. Sat at the table - turn off the phone
It's truly amazing how many men are willing to skip a date just to answer the phone. It's hard to think of anything more impolite towards a companion. The girl must be sure that at the moment she is the most important person in the whole world for you.

2. Introduce her to the first person you meet
Worse than ignoring your companion through telephone chatter, there can only be a situation where you do not introduce her to a random acquaintance with whom you decided to exchange a couple of phrases. The poor girl will feel unwanted at this celebration of life. The gentleman, of course, would not allow such a thing.

1. Hold the door
A survey specially conducted among the fair sex showed that this simple action is the first sign of gentlemanly behavior. A minimum of effort, but a woman will appreciate the act.

Today we'll talk about how a true gentleman should behave in various situations, because the topic of education and behavior is actively lobbied by modern society. Girls are increasingly striving to communicate with intelligent, cultured men who know when to give a hand, let a lady go ahead or help out of the car.

Good manners can be appreciated not only by girls, but also by older people, parents, teachers and leaders, because it is with the help of gallantry and politeness that it is easiest to win over a person and evoke positive emotions in him. We bring to your attention several postulates regarding how a gentleman should behave, which will help you navigate in a given situation and choose the right demeanor.

How should a true gentleman behave?

Extend your hand towards the opponent's hand;
Confidently and firmly squeeze the hand, but not so hard that the person feels pain or discomfort;
Slowly raise and lower your hand twice;
Let go of the man's hand.

The handshake time comes right after the gentlemen are introduced to each other. To support a further conversation, you can ask about the affairs of a person, start a topic about the weather or a current problem at the moment. Among the lower classes, it is customary to say the phrase "Nice to meet you," but if you are claiming the title of a gentleman from high society, then you should not say that. If you are meeting a woman, then you should shake hands slightly, given that the female hand is weaker than the male. A real gentleman will take only the woman's fingers in his hand, gently squeeze them and smoothly lower and raise his hand once. You should not be surprised if some of the people introduced to you do not extend their hand in order to shake yours, in which case you should limit yourself to a nod of the head.

4. Avoid swearing in speech. In order to become a gentleman, you must forever forget about rude words and obscene language. Watch for the grammatical correctness of your communication, during a conversation speak clearly, understandably, with intonation, raise your head high, do not use raised tones. If you decide to use any difficult words or are having a conversation on professional topics, you need to be competent in this area. In the case when the topic of conversation is not particularly familiar, it is better to avoid specific statements in which you are not sure, you can use neutral turns, because a true gentleman cannot screw up and voice false, incorrect information.
5. During the conversation, avoid obscene, rude and outrageous topics. If such a conversation was started by one of the participants in the conversation, the gentleman's behavior should be neutral, just keep silent or ignore the remark - the best option. But of course it all depends on the situation, if the interlocutor is your acquaintance, and you know that you can offend him with your silence, you will have to find another alternative way to point out the unacceptability of the topic he has chosen.

What should be the behavior of a gentleman?

When giving up seats on a bus or metro, you should not first offer a seat, then wait for consent, and only then get up. According to the rules, you should first get up and at the same time call out to the person to whom you want to give up the seat. It should be done so that a person sees an already empty seat when he pays attention to a shout. Otherwise, it will look like a formality, they say, according to the rules, you must give in, so I propose, but in fact I expect a refusal.

A true gentleman should understand that you should not go too far in your desire to be courteous: flattering, fawning on people, trying to support and yield in everything - these are more character traits of a weak-willed and insecure person than a gentleman. A man must himself understand in which case it is worth showing his manners and providing a service, and when it is better to let go of the situation.

You should not give way to a girl if she is traveling with a friend, because two girls will not be able to sit down, and turning to a particular lady, you can offend her companion.

If a woman is standing far from where you are sitting, then giving her a seat will force her to move through the crowd, which most ladies do not like, so in this case it is also better not to give up her seat.

If you eat with a friend and take two seats side by side, then both should give up their seats, otherwise it will not look very ethical.

If the one to whom you gave up your seat does not want to sit down, referring to the fact that he will soon leave, or the person simply does not want to, it is enough to offer again. And after repeated refusal to sit back. But do not be lenient in such a situation.

A real gentleman can take care of himself: wash and iron his wardrobe. And it needs to be made into a habit. Don't expect your mom or wife to wash your socks and iron your pants, you have to do it yourself.

A true gentleman appreciates model shoes that are not only beautiful, stylish and well-groomed, but also comfortable. Shoes should be polished so that they shine, and the color of the socks should match the shoes.

When wearing trousers or jeans, do not forget about the belt - this is an important accessory that all strong modern men wear. Without it, the image looks incomplete and it feels like something is missing. Choose belts without massive buckles and lots of studs.

Communicates with girls with nobility. But without condescension;

He does not allow himself to go over with alcohol, no matter what situation he is in. A drunken man looks unworthy, causes disgust and hostility among the people around him;

Does not make tattoos and piercings in a conspicuous place. Given that gentlemen get into a variety of companies, social parties and business meetings, you should carefully consider the need for a body tattoo or piercing. It is unlikely that you will look good at a meeting of directors with an earring in your nose. But if you still want to pay tribute to fashion, then choose the part of the body that you can hide if necessary;

You should not make acquaintances for the sake of sex, this is a manifestation of disrespect, both to yourself and to the girl;

Before bringing up a particular topic in a conversation, carefully analyze whether there are people in the company whom it can upset, embarrass or offend. Also, you should not constantly reduce the conversation to your own successes, achievements and your person in principle.

Karolina Emelyanova