How to help the Wounded Inner Child?

We continue the conversation about the key essential part of the personality, the Inner Child.

We often come across the fact that the Inner Child is wounded and needs our help.

Often this problem stems from childhood; not everyone had it only joyful and carefree.

On the way to growing up, many of us had to experience a lot of insults, disappointments, and lack of understanding from others. At the subconscious level, we have learned to defend ourselves.

As a result, a parallel false entity formed around the Inner Child - the Wounded Child.

It forces us to control and evaluate any situation, gradually forgetting that the inexhaustible source of Love is still within us.

In the life of such a person, even under successful circumstances, there is disappointment and no happiness. At the same time, he does not realize what is happening to him; it comes from the depths of his soul. Few people realize that at that moment the image of a small child cowering in fear from a parent's belt or crying over the body of a pet who has tragically died is reflected in his eyes.

Psychology defines the concept of “Wounded Child” as a part of the psyche of an adult, which keeps a trace of childhood disappointments, tears and grievances.

Trying to adapt to their parents’ life scenario or adapting to society, children learn to pretend, and over time they simply lose their real selves.

The wounded child inside us can be aggressive, envious, critical, or vice versa, indifferent, passive, withdrawn, shy. This is primarily explained by the desire to please others, while refusing responsibility and decision-making. If a person with childhood trauma or a traumatic past does not purposefully engage in personal growth and self-development, then life often turns into a routine existence or continuous conflicts and disappointments...

But if you still decide to meet with your Wounded Child, then the question arises:

How to help your Inner Child if he is wounded?

In terms of behavior, the Inner Child is no different from a real child. When he feels bad, he expects support and consolation. You need to take care of him, explain that you will never hurt him or abandon him.

When starting to work on yourself, first of all, rethink your behavior.

We all come into this world as small and helpless babies. Until the age of six, the child has the ability to be in direct contact with his higher self. He has inexhaustible energy, but at the same time is very sensitive.

When we were at that age, we had a direct connection with the divine source from which we drew our strength. However, at the same time they were very vulnerable, helpless and vulnerable. Therefore, all children seek support from their parents. If they want affection and love, they will hum or smile, and if they lack attention, they will start crying.

Over time, the child learns to express himself through other means, gradually becoming aware of what behaviors lead to expected results. In parallel with this, he observes adults and gradually adopts their behavior pattern. All those forms of behavior that do not find recognition among others are rejected and turn into blocks. In the future, it is they who block the adult’s energy system.

And vice versa, the behavior that brought success becomes the dominant feature of our personality. This helps to protect the Inner Child to some extent. However, the blocks do not allow us to release the large flow of energy embedded in us for the purpose of further development.

Thus, healing the Inner Child is an important step towards awareness.

The problem many of us have is finding ourselves in various types addictions: drugs, alcohol, gambling, workaholism, etc. Only by establishing contact with yourself can you build harmonious relationships with outside world. The greatest effect can be achieved by establishing relationships with your Inner Child.

What needs to be done in order to heal a Wounded Child?

track painful reactions and feelings;

identify and formulate the problem;

bring yourself back to childhood memories that led to the wound;

forgive everyone who was involved in this problem;

form a new model of behavior and thinking;

walk the path to change with patience, compassion and love;

become more open and allow yourself to receive the love and attention that you lacked from other people as a child;

be grateful to the world for your changes.

Thanks to this, you will gradually begin to accept and love yourself for who you really are. You will be able to see your true desires and needs, learn to forgive, realize your fears, but at the same time love, feel and enjoy life.

Inner child therapy, which is carried out by a professional psychologist, can only be carried out when you have independently walked the path to healing. A specialist will help your Inner Child gradually tell its story. For this purpose, drawings, photographs, toys and other objects that surrounded us in childhood can be used.

Then comes the crying process. This is the longest and most controversial period. The therapist's job is to encourage feelings to be expressed sincerely. Then comes the stage of awareness and the need to forgive and let go of the situation. At the same time, the patient regains self-esteem and learns to experience genuine joy from his personal growth.

And of course, your healed Child again finds the joy of movement, as in childhood, he is again able to play, dance, love himself and the world around him.

Harmonious connection with our Inner Child- this is the key to physical and mental health, inspiration and open relationships with those people we love and value!

In psychology there is a term “inner child”. This is one of the most important parts of our psyche. Let's take a closer look.

"The child", as Eric Burn writes, is very valuable part personality. Only the “childish” part of our psyche allows us to experience Joy, Creativity, Delight, Charm. The inner child is the source of intuition and sincere feelings.
We are serious people who now know well what it costs. We are big men and women who try to behave according to the rules. Severe, reasonable adults, we do not tolerate any nonsense or absurdity... We do not believe in fairy tales.
But why then do we, being so grown-up and serious, love our expensive toys like children, are sometimes afraid of the dark and loneliness, can cry at the movies and triumph when overtaking other cars on the road? Why do we seek love so greedily and do not tolerate competition?
The answer is simple: because, having become adults, we still remain children at heart.
When we see a person overcome with strong feelings, we say: “He is acting like a child.” And indeed it is. Our first years of life were filled to the limit with emotions, and not at all with thoughts, words and explanations. And now, when joy or sadness sometimes makes us forget about common sense, we become like children.
Thanks to the inner Child, we have curiosity, a desire for the unknown. The remaining parts of our personality are conservative and wary of everything new, and only the inner Child is delighted with unexpected turns of fate. At such moments, he anticipates adventure, and adventure is exactly what he dreams of!
Only those people in whose soul the inner child does not sit locked up, but actively participates in mental life, dance well and beautifully. They usually have an easy gait, natural and harmonious movements and lively facial expressions. They are spontaneous and free, so it is pleasant to communicate with them. True, they are unpredictable and changeable in their moods, but this is more than compensated by their outstanding creative abilities.
However, unfortunately, childhood is not always happy and cloudless. For many people, early childhood memories are full of feelings of resentment, hopelessness and bitter feelings of guilt. Some people in childhood felt like completely helpless and powerless creatures in the hands of their parents. If the inner child is still offended by someone, feels bad or is worried, this can lead to the most destructive consequences in the life of an adult.
Such an adult almost never feels happy, no matter how successful the circumstances of his life are. He doesn’t know what hurts in the depths of his soul, why he is so sad... If you look closely, you can see how through the eyes of such a loser adult, a boy crying inconsolably over his dead dog or a girl cowering in fear of her father’s belt looks at the world. In psychology there is the concept of a “wounded child” - this is that part of the adult’s psyche in which childhood grievances, children’s tears and disappointments are still kept under seven locks...

What can we do for our inner child if he is wounded? Almost the same thing that a real child needs when he is inconsolable: take him in your arms, hug him, wipe away his tears and tell him that now you will never leave him. And never offend again. And from now on you will not allow anyone to mock him...
There are people in whose psyche the eccentric, capricious, impressionable and emotional Child becomes the main figure. He is completely inappropriate and ineptly tries to control all behavior whole personality. It is clear that this inevitably leads to many errors. Spontaneity is beautiful, the depth and power of feelings is amazing, but sometimes in life you still need to think. We also have to take into account the rules and norms of the society in which we live, otherwise this very society will quickly limit all our freedoms: it has plenty of means for this. That is why a person who has become a hostage to his inner child does not rejoice so much as suffer.
A child is not the only inhabitant of the house of our soul. The famous psychologist Eric Berne believes that we are also carriers of an inner parent who always knows how we are supposed to behave, what is right and wrong. The inner parent is formed in a person from birth to five years of age under the influence of the instructions of his own real mother and father. The stricter the parents were in childhood, the harsher, as a rule, their internal image. The inner parent also tends to strive for absolute power over all behavior. If he receives it, the person has to forget about all his “wants” and do only what he “should” do. On the one hand, this would seem to be good. On the other hand, this situation causes too much stress in the psyche, which cannot last long. One day the "child" may "come out of hiding" and overthrow the absolute power of the inner parent. Strict rules give way to complete revelry. But revelry also does not last forever, a feeling of guilt rises from the depths of the soul - the main weapon of the inner parent - and power changes again. A person repents of what he has done and strictly punishes himself - and the stricter the punishment, the closer the next “revolution” is.
The described oscillatory movements would have been inevitable if not for the intervention of a third force. Fortunately, the inner child and parent are complemented by the inner Adult. An adult is our own experience. Everything that we discovered in life ourselves, and did not assimilate in ready-made form, forms the position of an Adult in us. Thanks to the Adult, we behave not only “as we should” or “as we want,” but also “in the way that is most appropriate.”
We can conclude that a person’s personality is a choir in which three voices are leading. These are the voices of the Child, Parent and Adult. They can sound, merging with each other in harmony and consonance, but they can also try to drown out each other. The voice of the inner child is both the purest and the brightest of the three. It is he who leads the main topic when a person is happy...
So let the inner child smile with our lips and look at the world with our eyes - and happiness, perhaps, will turn from some kind of abstraction into a real state of mind...

A book for the beginning egoist. System “Genetics of Happiness” Kalinsky Dmitry

Task twelfth. Working with the inner child

Task twelfth. Working with the inner child

Imagine a place where you will feel most comfortable - the seashore, a lawn, your own sofa - it doesn’t matter. Mentally transport yourself there: try to feel how a light breeze is blowing, or the sun is shining, or the pleasant creaking of a rocking chair in an old country house. After all, it's the same your perfect world. When you are completely in it, from the top of your head to your toes, imagine that some figure is approaching you from afar. And gradually you realize: this is a child. A little girl or boy of three to five years old is exactly like you at the same age. If it is difficult to remember yourself in those years, first look through the family album, find your photo, take a good look at your own forgotten features - after all, you need that child to come to life in your imagination.

Why is this particular age important? What happens if you remember yourself when you were seven? The result, alas, will be far from ideal. Because

a child of three to five years old symbolizes our subconscious.

With whom we will work.

So, it worked. You clearly saw that boy or girl and met the baby. Now, first of all, try to give him as much as possible. more love, warmth, care and tenderness. Hug, kiss, caress, talk good words. Sit him on your lap, play with him - in general, try to fill him up maximum number positive emotions.

The more positive you give your child, the more positive feelings activate within yourself.

Now it's time to communicate with the baby. Ask if everything is okay with him, maybe he is offended by someone, angry, sorry for someone or afraid? In any case, try to calm the child down, instill in him confidence, strength, and calm. Try to explain some things to him from the position of an adult. For example, if a child is offended by mom or dad, tell him that it makes no sense. That this situation had to happen for the baby to learn a life lesson.

If a child feels guilty, free him from this feeling, tell him about areas of personal responsibility, explain that feelings of guilt, in principle, do not exist (you already know why). If he feels sorry for himself or someone close to him, try to convey to him that this feeling is destructive, that pity will not help anyone, that every person - both himself and others - must be treated as normal, full-fledged people. And so on.

Keep in mind: since we are now communicating with the image of our subconscious, and the subconscious has a global memory, absolutely any problems can emerge - like the troubles of a three-year-old, as well as complexes and grievances from your recent past.

If a child says that he has some grievances against you personally, ask him for forgiveness.

What to do if the baby is silent? Well, not exactly – but he doesn’t want to talk about serious things? Under no circumstances should you “shake” him like a pear so that he will quickly tell you all his problems and secrets. Be patient. If we didn’t have an intimate conversation today, don’t worry. Just communicate! Discuss toys, cartoons, weather, nature and other little things - now the main thing is to establish contact, but then it won’t be a matter of frankness.

When the conversation is over, say goodbye to your baby and imagine him moving further and further away. And you are left alone, still in the same wonderful place, feeling calm and comfort.

As you already guessed, the problems that you discussed with your child, you closed for yourself, today. This means they will leave your life.

It is advisable to work with the inner child every day, for a month, two, three - you yourself will feel when you can let go of the baby (or part with him for some time).

What is this technique for? Firstly, we activate memory, pull out information from the subconscious that, perhaps, does not seem particularly important to us, but in fact is of great importance - otherwise the child would not talk about this topic. Secondly, we establish a connection with our own subconscious. This is an extremely useful skill, as you will see more than once. And thirdly, such virtual meetings are great for developing intuition. When you need to make an important decision, understand in which direction to move, arrange a date with your inner child, communicate and listen to his advice. Just don't ask for any explanation! Logical justifications in the competence of consciousness. You are dealing with a subconscious image - so just trust it.

I had a client who achieved tremendous success solely thanks to this technique. She managed to achieve complete understanding with her inner child, she absolutely trusted him - and easily avoided any sharp corners, won in the most seemingly stalemate situations! Mystic? Nothing like this!

The subconscious mind is able to scan the future seven months in advance - and give the correct answers.

Of course, provided that you trust and hear yourself - which, again, brings us back to working with the inner child.

In addition, this technique allows a person to calm down.

When we experience inexplicable excitement, anxiety, or “out of nowhere” experiences, it usually means that our inner child is worried.