So, it's time to talk about a very important topic, which I have not yet touched on. The conversation will focus on ridicule in the team, as well as how to respond to them. For me, this is a very sore subject, and many of you, just like me, have experienced (or are experiencing) certain problems with the people you meet at work or school. In this case, by problems, I mean bullying, ridicule, neglect, etc.

How I faced ridicule

Throughout my life, I have had to deal with this more than once, especially in recent years, but, perhaps, I will not get ahead of myself, but will tell you everything in order. Kindergarten was the first team where I, like most of you, managed to visit. And already at that time they spoke of me as a quiet and shy child. However, this did not prevent me from communicating wonderfully with both boys and girls. There could be no talk of any conflicts. The only thing I can remember is that they sometimes made fun of me in the yard and sometimes it really hurt me. However, in general, everything was more than fine.

The next step is school. Again, everyone knew me as a calm and shy guy, but again, this did not prevent me from communicating well with both girls and guys. Moreover, he enjoyed good popularity among the girls, although he seemed to be modest and quiet. I don’t know what happened, but in class 9-10 everything changed very dramatically. I didn’t even notice that I became afraid of girls like fire, my social circle slightly decreased + one person appeared who liked to make sarcastic jokes about my problems. Basically, all his jokes and ridicule revolved around the fact that I do not have a girlfriend, and I simply could not answer him anything. It was very depressing.

But graduation was approaching, and I had very high hopes for the university. Another city, other people, no one will know about my past ...

Finally, I entered, from the very beginning everything went pretty well, I found a couple of friends and gradually a social circle began to form. I tried every way to hide the fact that I'm actually very shy, so I had to communicate and take the initiative, but it cost a lot of effort. I had to overcome wild fear in order to speak first, say hello, etc. At first, acting skills were at their best. I managed to join the company, 3 girls from our stream tried to start a relationship with me, our group seemed very friendly, in general, everything looked just fine from the outside. But only from the side...

In fact, I was in a very stressful state, as I constantly had to step over my fears. I talked with girls, but it did not bring me any pleasure, but only one inner tension. And, of course, this could not last long. In some situations, I was stupid and behaved, to put it mildly, strange. Of course, this did not go unnoticed by others. At first, small jokes began, which introduced me into a stupor. Well, then let's go. As a result, in a short period of time everything turned upside down. I became an outsider, and everyone took it for granted to kick me mentally. Every time I went to the university it was like going to a funeral. more and more ridicule.

At first I thought about transferring, but it did not work out. And where is the guarantee that the new place will not be the same? Therefore, I had to solve my problems, and not flee. And the first step towards this was taken when I managed to realize that the problem is in me, and not in those people who ruin my life. That is, this does not mean at all that I am trying to justify my offenders, not at all, it’s just that there is something in me that provokes such behavior of others.

Over time, I realized that this is pride and many other concepts that can be combined into one - a wrong perception of the world. And now I will try to tell in more detail about the mistakes that I made at that time. I hope this will help you not to step on the rake that I once came across.

How to respond to ridicule

Don't try to pretend to be someone

The very first mistake after appearing in a new team. I immediately began to try to act very confident, although in reality I had no confidence. You may be able to deceive others for a while, as I did, but over time, your true nature will manifest. Therefore, there is no point in putting on a mask of confidence. Take it easy, listen more to your emotions, and talk less. And yet, never start dividing people by importance into hierarchical levels, as this may backfire on you later.

Do not be silent

Before that, I often heard that in order for the offender to stop pestering you, you just need to ignore him. However, this focus did not work for me. And how can you be silent if you are openly insulted? Therefore, it is necessary to react, but you must answer calmly and in no case shout. Of course, it is very difficult to remain calm at such a moment, so try to breathe deeper. This will help you relax a little (at least it helps me) and give a more or less intelligible answer.

Dare to laugh at yourself

Here is a very important point. If you take all the jokes in your direction dryly and too seriously (as I did), then the chance that you will be chosen as a victim is very high.

Reciprocate

But this method is suitable at the very beginning, that is, as soon as you get into a new team. Later (that is, when ridicule has become systematic), this may not work, you will still be answered even more aggressively, since the idea of ​​\u200b\u200byou have already formed about a rag that everyone can now wipe their feet on. Well, if you are still poorly known, then repay with the same coin. With a high probability, this will stop the offenders and they will find a new victim.

Bring the situation to the point of absurdity

When you once again hear a sharp statement - do not make excuses, agree with the offenders and bring the situation to the point of absurdity. For example, because of my slightly strange behavior, I was often jokingly pestered with the questions “are you a drug addict?”, “What are you throwing yourself at?” etc. In such situations, it is better to turn this trick and answer something like this: “Yes, I am a drug addict, I have been sitting on a needle for 5 years.” But remember that this method will not work when they try to offend you in plain text. By the way, against provocative questions like “how many girls did you have?” this method works great too.

In conclusion, I want to say to everything that now I’m even glad that all this happened to me, as I became stronger in character and looked at some things differently. Although earlier I was just in despair from the current situation.

Of course, I did not touch on a lot of nuances, but I hope that I will write about them a little later (subscribe to updates so as not to miss it). If you have any questions, as usual, comments are open.

It's good when being at the workplace is a pleasure. However, even your favorite work can be overshadowed by people who are not burdened with knowledge of etiquette. Clients, colleagues, partners, bosses are the main culprits when it comes to workplace abuse.

About what to do, how to confront and respond to a person at work, we will tell in this article.

Crime Features

Many people, when confronted with offenders, threaten the offenders with criminal penalties. Such a threat can only be considered inertia.

Since 2012, the Criminal Code punishes only insulting a person in power. All others must refer to the Code of Administrative Offenses.

Concept and legal characteristics

Article 5.61 of the Code of Administrative Offenses speaks of insult in general. The official situation of this offense is not considered by any separate section of the article.

What exactly can be considered an insult? Two things are important here:

• the offender seeks to humiliate the dignity and / or honor of his victim;
• the actions of the perpetrator are clothed in some indecent form, that is, they “do not suffer” from the ethics of words and / or actions.

Such an offense must necessarily have an executor and an addressee. This can be explained with a simple example.

Suppose a client came to the company's office with complaints and turned to a free manager. The issue was considered, but it was not immediately possible to resolve the problem.

If the client swears obscenely, without addressing anyone, this will not become an insult to anyone present. And if a specific employee present becomes the addressee, he may regard this as an insult. Of course, it is also important what exactly the offender will say/do.

Here it is rational to turn to sociological research. They identified the offending factors empirically. The following may be considered offensive:

• all obscene or obscene expressions (usually swearing, swearing);
• various comparisons - for example, with animals or objects;
• unwanted, cynical touch;
• obscene gestures;
• movements, as a result of which the clothes or part of it can be torn off the victim.

About signs and articles for insulting a person (employee) in the workplace, read on.

Composition of the crime and qualifying signs

In this case, it is more correct to talk about the composition of the offense. The circumstances of this act have already been discussed in the previous section. It remains to add something important. Imagine: a person is at work, and someone's statement offended him. Did the offense take place? Not really, as it is still a matter of personal perception.

• Let's say that employee Ekaterina was teased as a child by "Katyusha-Piggy", after which she began to hate a specific diminutive form of her name. An uninitiated person can call an employee that way and thereby offend. However, from the point of view of etiquette, here we are only talking about some familiarity, there is nothing obscene in the words of an involuntary offender.
• But if the interlocutor says something like “Katyusha, you (you) are such a kluch”, then here there is at least a comparison with a representative of the fauna. This behavior is consistent with one of the list items at the end of the previous section. Here we can talk about insult not only in terms of personal offense, but also in terms of generally accepted norms.

The second and third parts of Article 5.61 are dedicated to the qualified types of offenses, respectively. In one of them we are talking about a publicly committed insult, in the other - about the admission of such an act. Now a little more.

Read below about what types of insult to a person (employee, colleague) in the workplace are called by the Labor Code, the Code of Administrative Offenses and other legal acts.

Types of insult

In Article 5.61 itself, the division of insult into types is extremely simple, the act may or may not be public. Considering the topic of insult at work, you will have to turn to the practical experience of lawyers.

• Perhaps the most frequent cases can be recognized when the insult comes from colleagues. At some large enterprises, such situations (with a certain amount of connivance) can occur daily and repeatedly.
• Insults from the lips of superiors against subordinates are another large group of cases.
• Finally, a person at his workplace can be offended by an outsider - for example, a client of a company, a buyer of a store.

When insulting an oral character, how important is it if it was obscene? This is an essential detail when preparing an allegation of wrongdoing. However, it is possible to insult a person using only the words of a literary language, but the meaning will still be obscene.

Rules on this subject

In all cases of insult, you will have to be guided by article 5.61. Article 130 of the Criminal Code, which is still sometimes mentioned on various Internet resources, has not been in force for several years.

In addition, the dignity of the individual is protected by the Russian Constitution. This is stated in the 21st article.

What to do?

The issue for Russia is rather complicated. A huge number of people endure abuse in their workplaces on a daily basis. Specialists (psychologists, sociologists) note that this is the sad specificity of our country at present.

This is especially true in situations where the offender is the boss and the victim is the subordinate. Even if the politeness of communication is prescribed in the employment contract, this is not a guarantee of the security of employees.

Sometimes people simply do not have any opportunity to deal with offenders. However, if such an opportunity arises, it must be used by all means.

We will tell you further about how to write a complaint about insulting obscene language at work.

The following video will tell you what to do if you have been insulted at work:

How to make a complaint?

Here everything is subject to the standards of statements of this kind. In a workplace harassment complaint, you must provide the following information:

• date and time of the offense;
• who allowed it;
• what exactly was done and how;
• request for action.

It is also desirable to specify the description of the offender's actions. To do this, you need to indicate why exactly his words / actions were perceived as offensive.

Read below for information on where to go with a report for insult in the workplace.

Where to submit it?

At many enterprises, polite treatment is provided for by various internal rules, an employment contract, and other documents.

• In this case, if the offender is a colleague, you can complain to any of the leaders.
• If you cannot resolve the conflict within the enterprise, you need to contact the representatives of the law. Interestingly, the Code of Administrative Offenses contains Article 28.4, which directly states that cases under Article 5.61 are the responsibility of the prosecutor. So lawyers sometimes recommend filing an application with the prosecutor's office.
• Or you can go straight to court. In this case, it will no longer be a complaint, but a statement of claim, but this in no way changes the essence of the matter. Indeed, in both cases, the offended person defends his rights.

In any case, the most important part of the case is the evidence. It is best if there are witnesses who are willing to testify. True, if the offender is the boss, it is not always possible to count on the testimony of eyewitnesses of the situation.

Other ways to prove an insult can be called recordings of service cameras, especially if not only video, but also audio recording is being conducted.

You can prove verbal abuse if at the time of the conversation the victim had a voice recorder turned on. When submitting such evidence for consideration, lawyers recommend attaching a transcript at the same time (however, with good sound quality, there is no need for it).

Only high-quality and correctly collected evidence will help win in such a case. Read below for more information on the dangers of harassment in the workplace.

Punishment for harassment in the workplace

Since we are talking about an article of the Code of Administrative Offenses, the responsibility will be administrative. One punishment.

What amount can be discussed? In this matter, it all depends on who committed the offense. Article 5.61 refers to three categories of people - citizens, officials and legal entities.

It is hard to imagine that an employee of an enterprise was offended by a certain LLC.

• As for citizens, for them the size of the fine is kept within one to five thousand rubles.
• For people in positions, the amounts are higher - from ten to fifty thousand rubles.

Arbitrage practice

Lawsuits that relate specifically to “official” insults are still rare. Especially if the boss is at fault. Quite often you can hear about insulting a doctor in the workplace, articles and notes in the media are proof of this.

Practice shows that offended subordinates either endure inappropriate treatment or leave for another job. And conflicts between colleagues of approximately equal positions are resolved either independently or by filing complaints with managers.

The problem of abusive communication in labor collectives is huge. To resolve it, it is necessary (first of all) to raise the level of culture of all people without exception. In this case, most of the conflicts simply would not have arisen.

Ask the offender to stop. Of course, this is more difficult than it sounds, but you can keep a few simple gestures or phrases in reserve to apply if you feel that you are being harmed.

• Raise your hands up, creating a barrier between you and the offender, like a policeman who forces you to stop.
• Say something short that conveys your dissatisfaction, such as "Please stop and let me work" or "Stop talking, please." This will help you face the behavior with confidence and give you confidence if it continues.
• Never escalate bullying. Yelling back hurtful words or yelling back can end up getting you in trouble and making things worse. Speak in a calm, collected voice and ask the person to stop, as if you were talking to a dog chewing on a slipper.

This article explains what bullying is, how to know if you're being bullied, what help you can get if you're being bullied, and where to find support. Also, the purpose of this article is to help you in the workplace and offer recommendations for communication and adaptation at work.

What is bullying

Bullying is the same as insults and bullying. This means that one person or a group of people intentionally harm another person or knowingly behave offensively and unkindly to him. For example, bullying can include jokes about a person's disability or rude remarks about someone else's sexual orientation. A person can be bullied through a particular style of speech, words, or mannerisms (eg verbal abuse) or through their actions (eg action abuse). Bullying can take place in a more subtle way, such as coercion or manipulation to get you to do something, exclusion from activities, or unkind words behind your back.

No one has to put up with bullying at work. Everyone has the right to be treated with dignity and respect. Bullying and insults are unacceptable. Your employer is responsible for protecting you from bullying and abusive behavior. Employers should take bullying prevention measures and establish complaint procedures to facilitate assistance and support to victims of bullying.

Generally, people distinguish between two types of bullying: direct bullying and indirect bullying. Sometimes it's easier to understand if a person is bullying you directly, but even direct bullying can be difficult to interpret. Examples of direct bullying include:

Rude remarks

Jokes and remarks about your disability

Insults directed at you through words or behavior

Intrusive and captious observation of your work or other abuse of power and position

Unwanted sexual attention – touching, being too close, exposing you to sexually offensive material

Attempts to humiliate you in front of other colleagues

Physical violence.

It may be harder for you to tell if you are being bullied if the bullying is covert or indirect. Examples of indirect bullying include:

Depriving you of opportunities for training or advancement

Constant nitpicking about the results of your work

Setting tasks and deadlines for the completion of work that you, in principle, cannot complete

Excluding you from a group of colleagues, refusing to invite you to social events

Spreading bad rumors about you

Unsubstantiated comments about the safety of your employment when you are doing a fully satisfactory job; for example, when you are told that your predecessor in this position was fired for doing the job wrong.

Bullying doesn't have to happen face-to-face, it can happen over the phone or when you're constantly being checked on for no reason while your co-workers aren't being treated the same. This includes cases where the manager treats you in a way that he does not treat any other employee.

What should I do if I feel like I'm being bullied?

If you think you are being bullied, try to talk to someone about what exactly is going on in your workplace. This could be another employee you trust, or someone you know from outside of work. Sometimes it's hard to tell if another person is being kind or being cruel. Behavior that appears to be bullying may turn out to be something else, and it's a good idea to discuss it with another person and give specific examples to get an unbiased opinion. A good place to discuss this situation is a social group for people with autism spectrum disorders.

Mark Segar wrote a survival guide for people with Asperger's Syndrome, a guide to social rules and situations that talks about acceptable behavior, how to tell if a person is a true friend, and body language. You can read Mark Segar's book online at the following link:

There are safety organizations you can contact if you think you are being bullied. If you're not sure you can do this, talk to your coworkers at work. Some of them may also have been bullied or may have watched you being bullied. It is very likely that the person who is bullying has targeted other people as well. It is very important that you do not try to deal with this on your own - other people will be able to help you and offer support.

You should keep a diary with a clear description of what happened in relation to the bullying. Sometimes events look trivial individually, but together they demonstrate their real consequences. Written evidence will come in handy if you decide to raise the issue of bullying. A good entry in such a diary should follow the pattern:

What happened

When did it happen

Who else was there

What other people have said or done

What did you feel as a result.

If you are a member of a union and your union has a safety representative where you work, then you can arrange a meeting with him and discuss what is going on. A union representative can be interviewed confidentially and can offer advice and support. This support means they can talk to the bully themselves or help file a formal complaint. This support must continue throughout the procedure.

It is very helpful if you have a mentor in the workplace, or a specific person with whom you can discuss problems. You will be able to discuss the unwritten rules of the office with such a person, and he will be able to correct you if you are confused by the instructions given to you. Sometimes it's helpful to have someone to talk to about problems at work. A manager or human resources officer can assign you a mentor in the workplace. This should be someone you trust, so think about the people at work that you feel comfortable with before discussing this with a manager or HR person. This person does not have to work directly with you. It's helpful to meet with your mentor at the scheduled time to discuss things as they happen and deal with them early so problems don't build up over time.

Every workplace has a set of unspoken rules and it would be helpful to discuss them with a mentor. These rules are different for each organization, and sometimes they even apply to different departments of the same organization, so it's important to discuss them with someone. Examples of such rules include:

Offer everyone a coffee if you're making coffee for yourself (depending on team size)

Use your own mug and wash everything you use

Tea/coffee/milk bag arrangements - do you have to add these to the general supply if you use one? What should you do if you finished drinking milk?

Lunch Break Arrangements - Should someone stay in the office during the lunch break? If so, is there a rotation in when people go on break?

You can talk to a mentor about the different levels of relationships that exist at work. In general, relationships at work are more formal than among friends or family members. Some things we say to close friends or relatives should not be said at work, some topics are not suitable for discussion at work.

What people talk about at work and how they talk about it is sometimes referred to as office chatter and is also a topic that can be discussed with a mentor. Office chat is a type of conversation between work colleagues, especially those who work in an open office. The National Autistic Society has published a book, Body Language and Communication, which has advice on how to engage in this type of chatter. Typically, this is not an ongoing conversation, but simply a series of short conversations that take place throughout the day. Usually, people do not stop what they are doing. To join in the chatter, people stay at their desks and continue to work while chatting.

It is usually a good idea to pay attention to such a conversation. If you don't react to it in any way, people may consider you rude. Although office chatter rarely has any purpose, it is a method of developing good working relationships with colleagues and a way to feel like one of them (Perks, 2007). You may decide that you need to initiate office chatter. If so, suitable topics for conversation include:

A recent TV program or movie

Recent sporting event.

Examples of inappropriate topics for such a conversation are:

Money (including how much your colleagues earn)

Critical discussion of other people's appearance (for example, what they are wearing)

Personal comments about your colleagues.

If you choose to communicate your disability at work, you may find it helpful to spread the word about Asperger's Syndrome to your co-workers. If this makes you uncomfortable, you can ask your manager or mentor to spread the word. This information should contain general information about what Asperger's Syndrome is and information about reasonable accommodations that can help you in your work. Examples of such reasonable accommodations include:

Providing instructions and tasks in writing

Brief and clear instructions

Breaking large tasks into small components

A consistent work schedule to better structure your workday

Asking people to let you know if you talk too long about the same subject that relates to your special interests.

You can also talk to your manager or Human Resources about arranging an Autism/Asperger Syndrome workshop for all employees. There are organizations that offer these workshops, and they will help your team better understand your needs, which can lead to a more welcoming workplace.

My story is about a negative work experience.
I will not distort the facts, so that readers objectively perceive the whole picture of what is happening.
And it all started like this...
Being a student - a correspondence student of the last courses of the institute, I got a job in one large organization. In the face of my superiors was a young man about 30 years old.
My job consisted of fussing with various documents in the office. A mentor was assigned to me - also a young man aged 28-29.
The first day of work presented me with an unpleasant “surprise”.
When applying for a job in the personnel department, I was personally asked to fill out my pass from the finished sample.
I copied everything one into one from the sample in my pass. Well, of course, everything except personal data.
Without a second thought, I gave the pass to the employee of the personnel department. And he asked me to go into one office so that the necessary signatures were put on my pass.
I went there.
I go into the office. I see two young guys about 30 years old.
I explained that I was a new employee.
In response to this, one of them showed me a briefing - a small book. He asked me to read its contents.
I took the book and started flipping through it. The book turned out to be quite heavy.
I flipped through it, read a few things. And put it back in a few minutes.
He asked who can sign.
One of these guys called me over.
And he asked me that I already had time to read everything?
I said I've read the basics.
He said that he would like to ask now.
The other type immediately neighed like a donkey.
The one with whom I spoke silently put all the signatures and said: “Free!” He also asked to leave a pass to paste the photos.
After that, I went to my mentor.
Ten minutes passed. I spoke with a mentor about the job.
And suddenly one of these types from that same office bursts into our office.
He walked up to me and poked me in the face with my pass.
I'm confused, I can't figure it out.
He tells me with an attack on me: “Are you from such and such a service?”
I replied that I did not understand what he was talking about.
He asks me the same question again.
And so three times.
Then he asks who filled out my pass.
I told him about the sample pass in the personnel department.
And he mockingly began to dig at me: “Do you know where you work?”
And again pokes me in the face with my pass.
Then he stepped away from me and waved his hand at me.
After that, he told me: “Cut out the photo. Then come back to me"
He looked like a sick psycho.
Decided to come off on me because I was younger than him. Coward.
After that, he left.
My mentor told me: “Don't pay attention. He knows who you are"
After that, I realized that I had incorrectly filled in the name of the organization where I worked. I was just not warned in the personnel department about it.
When I again came to this type in the office, he was already sitting smiling looking at me and calmly filled everything in the pass as it should.
Idiocy.
I started adjusting to my new job. There was a lot of information and therefore I had to write down everything important in my notebook.
The boss at the beginning of the working day gave me various assignments for work. After that, I went to my mentor and tried to figure out what was what.
Two weeks passed at this rate.
But then ... And then the most interesting thing began, which, unfortunately, I could not predict in any way.
Here is how it was.