There are countries where it is forbidden to leave a child alone until a certain age. We do not have such restrictions yet. Do we need them and is it realistic to follow them?

Parents often doubt at what age a child becomes independent enough to go to school alone and be able to heat up dinner without burning down the apartment. Olga Besedina, psychologist at the “Together” center for friendly relations with teenagers, believes that ideally you need to look after a child under 14 years of age:

– By this age, a person becomes more conscious, adequate, and mature. Parents are no longer even given sick leave. You can go to school alone from the first grade, if the educational institution is near your home. It is better for parents to take it to another area.

The main thing is to give the child clear instructions on what to do and what not to do in certain situations.

“But in any case, legal restrictions would not hurt, because it can be difficult for parents to really assess the danger. In the information flow, they take some things for granted, so they don’t even talk about them with their children.

Dangers await the boys at every step. Fires, falls from windows, burns from overturned pots, accidents on ponds, construction sites... Vitaly Novitsky, Assistant Minister for Emergency Situations, warns that preschoolers and elementary school students should not be left unattended at all:

- But this does not mean that in the fifth grade you can go free swimming. It all depends on the individual child. By the way, most children die in rural areas, where they are often left to their own devices. Remember the sensational incident in the village of Natskovo, Mostovsky district, when three children died in a fire. Dad left them in the locked house and went to meet mom.

If something happens to a child while he is home alone, the parents will have to answer for leaving a minor in danger. The very fact that mom and dad are not looking after their offspring can become grounds for registration with the juvenile affairs inspectorate.

– After the holidays, be sure to take a safe route with a child of any age and remind them of the rules of behavior.

Schemes of specially designed routes running through controlled pedestrian crossings with high visibility signs are available in every school. They can be found at special stands.

– The most important thing is not even that the child is not left alone. He needs to be informed and have the skills to behave safely. And parents must remember that if they themselves cross the road at a red light, then there is no point in expecting their son or daughter to follow the rules.

In the 90s, there was no preventive work in schools; an entire generation was missed. Because of this, many legal nihilists have appeared who do not know the rules and do not want to comply with them. Since 2006, we began serious work with children. We actively cooperate with teachers. And if previously 75–80% of accidents involving minors were due to their fault, now it’s the other way around: 70% are due to the fault of drivers. Children have become more literate. In addition, the infrastructure has improved.

Elena Grek-Petrovskaya, class teacher of grade 4 “B”, gymnasium No. 8 in Minsk, notes that modern schoolchildren have enough knowledge, but due to their age, sometimes they do not realize the consequences of their actions:

“In life safety lessons, they will raise their hands and tell everything perfectly well, but then they can still commit actions that will harm them.

Another question is that most of the guys have parents at work; not everyone has grandmothers or money for a nanny.

“I raised my son alone. The husband died when the child was 10 months old. Now he is 22. When he got chickenpox at the age of eight, I was unable to take sick leave from work. And a neighbor boy, who himself was three years older and had already been ill, looked after his son: he smeared it with brilliant green and drew tic-tac-toe.

Of all Elena Viktorovna’s students, only five are picked up after school. For everyone else, their parents wrote permission that they could go home themselves.

– I know that many people do not allow the use of gas. In my practice, there was a case when a girl fell on a gas stove. This was in Soviet times, plastic surgery was not so developed, and the scars remained. When I tell this example, parents are inspired and ask their children to only use a microwave or electric kettle.

Dear readers! Join the discussion. At what age can you leave a child alone? What would you do if such a need arose? Do we need legal restrictions?

WHEN CAN A CHILD BE LEFT ALONE? SHOULD I LEAVE IT? AND IF YES, HOW DO I TEACH IT TO THIS?

But sooner or later, parents are faced with the question: should they leave their child at home alone? Mom forgot to buy bread for dinner or urgently needs to pay for the phone. Well, just think, the child will sit at home alone for a while. Our grandmothers left their children at home for the whole day - and nothing. Many probably still have no doubt that even a one-year-old baby can be left at home alone. And his roar for an hour will disturb only compassionate neighbors.

Perhaps psychologists will disappoint us by answering that children under seven years of age should not be left alone at home. And in some countries there is a law that prohibits leaving children under 12 years of age alone at home. Otherwise, careless parents face serious trouble. Agree that we are still lucky.

Of course, the girl next door, who has been left alone at home since she was five, is simply smart. But all children are different. And age is just one of the conditions. First of all, you need to decide whether your child can be left unattended. It depends on his character. Some children are independent from an early age, and even ask their parents to leave them at home. This is how they feel like adults. Others are frivolous even at school age, holding on to their mother’s skirt.

If the baby is afraid, and even more so cries, under no circumstances should you forcibly leave him at home alone. Otherwise, it will take a very long time to rid him of his fears, and for a very long time he will not be able to remain alone, even in the next room.

The child must agree to stay home alone. For the first time, you can be absent for no more than 10-15 minutes. This is enough to run out to the store for bread. Also remember that the time your baby spends at home alone should be increased gradually. Psychologists do not recommend leaving seven-year-old children for more than one hour. Then the child may simply get bored and find entertainment that will not please the parents.

The child must know where, why you went and when you will return. At this age, children already know how to use a clock, so show where the hands will be when you arrive. And be sure to be punctual - don’t be late even for a few minutes. After all, the baby may start to get nervous or think that since the parents are undisciplined, that means he can do the same.

Of course, it is not enough to close the child and tell him to sit still and not come to the door. The child must know what to do in an “extreme” situation. Leave a phone number he can call “if anything happens” and explain what he should say. It’s best if these are cards with phone numbers written in large numbers.

Your instructions should not overload the child - do not go there, otherwise you will be shocked and..; don’t go out onto the balcony, otherwise one boy came out like that... The child has probably already heard all this. Take all necessary precautions (turn off the gas, close the balcony, secure the sockets), and formulate your orders very briefly.

It is best to give your child a task at this time that he will be interested in and complete with pleasure. “When I come, you will show me your drawing, and we will definitely hang it on the wall.”

When you return, ask what the baby has been doing all this time. And if he does do something naughty, don’t judge him harshly, but be sure to explain why he shouldn’t do that.

Some mothers really like to check how their child carries out their orders. And they resort to the “forbidden” method: they approach the door and start ringing the bell, but do not respond when the baby fearfully asks: “Who’s there?” Maybe once and nothing. But the child will get used to it and at the most inopportune moment he will decide that you are pranking him again.

Psychologists do not recommend leaving an older child with a younger one, if he is very small. Yes, and with a friend-neighbor is also not always useful. You don’t know how he will behave when he feels that he is alone and in someone else’s apartment, where his own mother does not “threaten” him in any way.

Psychologist advises

Do not leave your child alone at home until the age of seven.

Your first absence should not last more than 10-15 minutes.

You cannot leave your baby alone without his consent.

If a child is too timid, then there is no need to rush to teach him to be independent in this way. Let him grow up a little.

Be sure to come back on time! The baby must be confident in you, then he will also become more disciplined.

Recently, a woman who was about to break up with her husband came to see me. Their family life was not going well, divorce was the only way out of the situation, but nevertheless the woman was terrified of being left alone. Why? We talked with her for a long time about this topic. Was she financially dependent on her husband? No, the woman had a successful career and earned good money, while the husband did not have a permanent job and did odd jobs, while drinking away his meager earnings. He was not involved in raising children, did not know how to repair electrical appliances, and did not like to hammer nails; in fact, he could not be called “a support in life.” Nevertheless, there was a panicky fear that her husband would leave and leave her alone. After a long conversation, I finally managed to find out the reason. When this woman was six years old, her mother went to work on the night shift, and the girl was left alone at night. She was very afraid. She curled up in bed, clung to the corner of the blanket as if it were someone’s tail, and, looking at the wall, lay all night hugging this tail and waiting for her mother. She carried her childhood fear of being alone at night into adulthood.

This case is quite typical. Very often, adults have problems precisely because they were left alone as children. Is it really impossible to do this? It all depends on the age of your child.

Until the child is one year old, it is advisable not to leave him alone, even in the room. The infant does not understand that the mother has gone to the kitchen; his world is limited to the space of the room, and he thinks that the world ends behind the door. If mom left the room, it means she’s gone forever, so a heart-rending scream is immediately heard. Try not to leave your child at all during this period; if you are peeling potatoes or washing the floor, let the child always be nearby. Only when he is sleeping can you leave, but not for long: what if he wakes up and you are not around? Believe me, this is a real tragedy for the baby.

After a year, the child can be separated at night and let him sleep alone in the nursery, if, of course, your living conditions allow. But this should be a children's room, and not a grandparent's room or a living room. The children's room, with his toys, with his things, with his furniture. At this age, he needs a cozy soft toy - a bear, a dog or a squirrel, which will replace his mother in those moments when she is not around. This toy is a completely living creature for your baby. You can tell the toy: “Bunny, I’ll go cook dinner now, and you make sure that Sasha behaves well.” And you will tell Sashenka: “Don’t offend Bunny. I’ll come and ask him how you behaved.” With such a toy, children will easily let you go into the kitchen to cook dinner or chat on the phone with a friend. With it, they will easily fall asleep, without being afraid to stay in the room at night.

But if you need to leave the apartment, then leaving the child in the care of the toy is not enough - an adult is needed. And not a random adult, but a close, well-known one, whom the child trusts just as much as you. This could be a grandmother, an old neighbor, a well-known nanny, but not the one you invited yesterday through an advertisement in the newspaper.

When leaving a child alone, it is very important to understand how you return, how you meet the child. Often, when a mother comes home from work, she throws her bags, rushes to prepare dinner, and simply waves the child away, don’t disturb her. I’ll put you to bed in the evening, then I’ll read a fairy tale. And now I have no time. This is a very dangerous mistake that many adults make, and then wonder: why do their adult children reject their aging parents? Why don't they take care of the elderly? Yes, because the old people planted a time bomb when they were young. There is nothing more important than a child, no dinners, no phone calls. And no matter how busy a mother is, the first thing she does when she comes home from work is to kiss her child, pat his hair, and ask how he spent that day without her. This will take you no more than 10-15 minutes. Then do borscht, laundry, and cleaning. But only later.

At the age of 3, the psychological birth of a child occurs, and it is during this period that the foundation of your relationship with him is laid for the rest of your life. It is during this period that you should be extremely attentive to your child.

At the age of 5, the child enters a new stage in his development; imagination is formed and fears appear. At this time, it is also very dangerous to leave him alone: ​​he is afraid to fall asleep alone, he imagines beeches and byaks, and these fears must be respected. Here again your favorite toy will come to the rescue, but your presence is also necessary. It is advisable that it is the mother, and not the grandmother, who is there in moments of crisis in the baby’s life if she wants to maintain a good relationship with him for life. Grandma is already a different person. If the mother is busy all the time and leaves the child at important moments, he gets the impression that he is useless. And this impression remains for life. Believe me, paying attention to a child does not require a lot of physical time. The main thing is that it is constant and timely. The moment of falling asleep is very important - be with him at this moment.

When a mother leaves home, goes to work, leaves the child alone at the dacha, it is important to then monitor how he meets her. If he does not run towards you, but continues to play in the sandbox as if nothing had happened, this is a bad symptom. This means that the baby is offended, although he doesn’t show it. If he threw a tantrum, his resentment is obvious. But if he plays peacefully, let the mother not calm down: she urgently needs to change something, rebuild her relationship with the child.

It often happens that a mother feels guilty and begins to curry favor with the child:

Are you really not offended? Aren't you offended by mommy? It’s not my fault that I wasn’t there, I’m working.

The baby will never say that he was offended by his mother, this is how the human psyche works, but the offense will get stuck in his heart even more strongly. And let the mother not be surprised if someday, later, for no reason at all, the child calls his mother some offensive word.

And mom is actually to blame for working, but this does not mean at all that she should quit work or experience a guilt complex. She must apologize to the baby for her (even the most fair) absence and somehow compensate for it. That is, do not get rid of him with sweets and toys, but again give him time and attention: play together, read, go with him to the circus or visit friends. Then, over time, the child will gain confidence that you really are not abandoning him, and that it is really not your fault that you are leaving for work. Children like working mothers and are proud of them. But at the same time, we must always remember: it is necessary to give the child timely attention.

At 6-7 years old you can already leave your child alone. All alone, without my grandmother. This even needs to be done in order to instill in him a sense of responsibility and independence, but this must be done very carefully. Start gradually - at first you can leave the child for a short period of time. Its duration depends on the characteristics of the child. For some, five minutes is too much, but for others, they can sit quietly for half an hour. But before you leave him, you need to prepare your child for this. A few days in advance, you should say: “I’ll go to the store for half an hour on Friday. Do you mind? Can you be alone? Or is it better to call your grandmother?” And only if the child agrees, you can start the experiment. He will certainly agree if you have a normal, good relationship. At 6 years old, a child develops a need for independence, and your care satisfies this need. But only if you have a truly normal relationship. If your child doesn't trust you, he will never let you go. In such cases, you should seek advice from a psychologist.

So, you begin gradually, each time with preparation, leaving the child at home alone, gradually increasing the intervals. Americans do not leave their children at home until they are 12 years old; this is prohibited by law, but life there is completely different. However, we should not leave the child alone for a long time; your “vacations” cannot last longer than three hours. Always leave a phone number where you are and the phone numbers of other relatives whom the child can call. Because even if he is independent, he is still bored.

It is very important for parents to keep promises accurately. If you said: I’ll come at six, you must arrive exactly at six and not a minute later. Firstly, in this way you will ensure that subsequently your son or daughter will keep their promises to come home from their walk on time. They will get used to the fact that being late is unnatural. Secondly, at the age of 10-11, a child begins to fear for his loved ones. He already knows that the world is treacherous, that there are disasters, accidents, and dangers all around. He's worried that you might be in danger, so he's worried about you. Don't give him any reason to fear. If you cannot guarantee the accuracy of your arrival, give him a different, later time; it’s better that you return earlier than you make him nervous. Even telephone calls to your child will not help here - after all, you promised, he will certainly demand that you return home as soon as possible. He's really worried!

LEAVING THE CHILD ALONE, THE MOTHER NEEDS TO TRUST HIM COMPLETELY, AND NOT JERK EVERY MINUTE, CHECKING: HAVE YOU TURNED OFF THE GAS? YOU HAVE DONE YOUR HOMEWORK? DID YOU NOT LOCK THE CAT IN THE CLOSET? DIDN'T YOU MAKE A SHORT CIRCUIT OR A LITTLE FIRE FIRE? EITHER WE TRUST OUR CHILDREN, OR... WE HAVE SOME OF OUR OWN, PURELY ADULT PROBLEMS, WHICH WE SOLVE AT THE EXPENSE OF OUR CHILDREN, AND THIS IS A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT TOPIC.

All parents initially take care of the baby. They help him in everything, they are with him almost everywhere. But the child grows and sooner or later the time comes when you need to start nurturing independence in the baby. Those. Moms and dads have to relax the level of their care and let the little ones go a little further from themselves than “two steps.” And it is precisely at this moment that parents think about the question: at what age can you leave a child at home alone? It is clear that such a question arises more often out of concern, and not as a forced interest. Most parents would like to look after their child for life. But for proper human development, this approach is wrong. And you can’t leave an adult boy or girl with a nanny - a teenager.

Let's look at the issue from different angles.

At what age can you officially leave a child at home alone?

Many actions of parents in relation to children are regulated by the law of the country where the family lives. And this must be taken into account. After all, laws are not written in vain.

And this is what the law of our country says: you can leave a child at home alone without the supervision of parents and other adults no earlier than 14 years old.

This is primarily due to security issues. It must be said that in other countries this level is not much different from ours. In Europe, children can officially be left alone at home from the age of 16, in Japan from the age of 14, and in India from the age of 11-2.

But this concerns official laws. In fact, everything happens a little differently.

At what age can a son or daughter be considered ready for independence?

In fact, to answer the question at what age can a child be left alone at home, you need to understand when the moment a girl or boy is ready for independence comes. What does it mean? This means that the child must be ready to make some decisions, and he will not be afraid of the absence of elders nearby. At the same time, the son or daughter must clearly understand what can be done and what cannot be done. The child must be aware of safety rules at home. His parents should gradually prepare him for all this. All this is done not in one day, but over several years. And only when mom and dad understand that the baby has grown up and is ready to be left alone at home, you can try for a while (not before reaching a conscious age).

It is clear that it is impossible to answer this question unambiguously, since all children are different, and their upbringing is different. Therefore, the decision at what age a child can be left alone at home will be made individually.

Is it possible to leave a child at home alone?

Having understood for yourself at what age you can leave your child at home alone, you want to understand how long it should be done. And here’s a warning: minor children should not be left unattended by their elders for more than a few hours. Those. your child is already 12-14 years old, and it is theoretically possible to go to the store, hairdresser, or work, leaving your son or daughter at home. But, let’s say, parents cannot go on vacation for a week or to the country for the weekend, leaving such a child without the care of elders. They simply don't have the right. Even older children need adult supervision. Full independence is allowed only from the age of 18.

How to understand that a child is sufficiently prepared for independence?

To decide at what age you can leave a child at home alone, you need to answer one more question: how do you understand that a child is ready for independence? Everything is simple here! A child who is unlikely to experience difficulties in developing independence in the future is endowed with the following qualities:

• He doesn't often involve adults in play;
• He rarely distracts the attention of his elders over trifles;
• He is able to solve small everyday issues himself (go to the toilet, brush his teeth, drink water, etc.);
• Not afraid to sleep in his room with the lights off;
• Doesn’t panic if mom goes out to see a neighbor for a second;
• Able to make decisions in school and home affairs.

In order to assess your own child’s readiness for independent life, it is enough to simply observe him. And if you notice that the child needs help and advice from adults excessively, you need to pay attention to this point. The longer a child needs excessive care from elders, the more difficult it will be for him to get used to independence.

Our readers shared their experiences when it is possible to leave your child alone at home, and also gave recommendations on how to do this so that everything goes smoothly and without incident. You can look at the full selection of tips at.

Still from the movie “Home Alone”

Up to six years: test of mother's nerve cells

The first time I had to leave my daughter when she got sick. She was 10 months old, she had a fever, and the eldest needed to be taken to school (at that time he had already entered first grade). By the time she left, she had fallen asleep, since babies recover in their sleep, so at my own peril and risk I ran away with the older one. Thank God, nothing happened, and my heart sank, but my beauty was still snoring peacefully in her crib.

A couple of times I left the five-year-old for an hour. He had a phone. She called every 10 minutes. He had a great time, but my nerve cells will never recover.

She was forced to leave her son when he was four and a half years old for three hours every evening. Everything went well. At the age of six, when he started studying, he could already travel home from school on his own. She started leaving her daughter even earlier - at three and a half years old for 30 minutes in the morning. She did great. But one of the nasty neighbors snitched on social services, and the problems were through the roof, and this despite the fact that in Germany there is no law that says at what age children can be left alone at home - only recommendations from psychologists and teachers.

Just today I left my eldest daughter, five years old, alone, she had a severe sore throat, she urgently needed medicine, she grabbed her little one and ran to the pharmacy. I turned on my daughter’s favorite cartoons on the tablet and told her not to come to the door, but during her absence - 40 minutes - she was all twitchy. If it weren’t for such a need, I would never have done this!

Still from the movie “Home Alone”

From the age of six: preparation for school

From the age of six, my son stayed at home for a short time while my husband and I went, for example, to the store, gradually increasing the time, but the child was on the phone. At seven, in the summer before school, we had to leave him for the whole day. I only came to serve lunch. But there were no problems: the son walked, played at home, read, or they went to visit each other with friends.

The eldest began to be left alone at the age of six. We were getting ready for school. Then I walked to and from school by myself. They were allowed to do everything. Usually the son watched TV or played on the computer. I could warm up something in the microwave. She called and asked what he was doing. I was worried only the first two times, then I stopped.

My child is six years old, I leave him alone for half an hour or an hour if I need to go somewhere without him. We started with 15 minutes, explained what he couldn’t do (in our country it’s especially forbidden to climb on a chair, then on a cabinet), I left him the remote control so he could turn on cartoons, there was water and some goodies on his table so he wouldn’t climb I didn’t take it anywhere. He has known about sockets for a long time, I always close the windows and he still doesn’t know how to open them. But when I leave, of course, I’m still worried.

From the age of seven: developing independence

They started leaving me at the age of seven. We have wonderful neighbors, they keep an eye on them (we don’t contact them that often), the doors are open for both them and us (a shared vestibule for two apartments). Well, the phone is nearby.

From the age of seven, when I went to first grade. At first there was darkness, of course, but now he is completely independent and eats himself, and vacuums, and takes out the trash, and washes the dishes after himself, and also walks the dog during the day.

Still from the movie “Home Alone”

It doesn't always depend on age

I’ve been leaving my son alone since he was four years old, but not for long, of course. He is a very independent guy, responsible and so calm. From the age of six he could already go to the store to buy bread. From 10 he goes to the hairdresser himself. But my daughter can’t stay home alone at all, and she’s eight! Not for a minute, not for a second. You have to take it with you everywhere...

I think, first of all, you need to focus on the child himself. We have two sons: 11 and 7 years old. We left the eldest at home from six (at first for a short time and kept in touch by phone), but we still don’t leave the youngest (only if with his brother). Perhaps it’s just “junior syndrome”, we are all afraid to let him go “into adulthood”.

Statistics

According to a study we conducted among our readers, 42% of parents believe that it is possible to leave a child alone at home from the age of seven. 21% are of the opinion that it is better a little later - from the age of nine. But 18% of mothers and fathers are ready to leave one child at home from the age of five. When asked where it would be safer for a child to carry house keys, voters mostly chose “in a satchel/backpack, where there is a special pocket for keys.” Parents are most likely to turn to relatives or friends to look after their children – 73%. The optimal time for adults to be absent from the apartment, according to the voting results, is from half an hour to an hour and a half.

At what age can children legally be left alone at home?

Strictly speaking, in Russia there is no specific law that would specifically regulate the presence of children at home alone. However, there are other laws that relate to this. Firstly, responsibility begins at the age of 14. That is, from the moment you receive your passport. Therefore, having such a child at home alone does not threaten his parents in any way from the point of view of the law. Secondly, we have the “leaving in danger” clause. If an accident happens to a child under 14 years of age at home, then the parents will be brought to justice. In my practice, there was a case when a seven-year-old girl fell out of a window while alone at home. The parents were brought to justice under this article.

Kirill Rogov

lawyer, family law specialist

How to make sure everything goes smoothly

If we talk about advice, the most important thing is that your child always has a connection with you. So that he can always call you if something happens or questions arise. The second is to leave him free access to food and drink: something simple that does not need to be heated in a frying pan or turned on the fire (preferably). Third, organize his leisure time so that he has a way to spend his free time while you are not at home. For example, get an album, pencils, teach him to turn on cartoons, put in a prominent place any other toys according to his hobbies.

And also, as a matter of course, teach all the safety rules, talk through all the situations that may arise. Tell the child where he can get help, other than his parents - turn to neighbors, call the special services (numbers, of course, should also be learned). And lastly, my personal opinion, you should never lock a child and not give him the opportunity to even get out. He must have keys and he must know how to use them. Maybe I'm a reinsurer, but what if there's a fire? And the child should be able to run out immediately. Of course, if he has keys, then he should be taught that the door cannot be opened for strangers, etc., but this is already part of the general safety rules.

3. If they knock or ring the intercom, do not approach and do not answer. If something is suspicious, call your parents.
4. Always have your cell phone with you. If the call is not answered twice, it will be bad: mom, dad, riot police, NATO will arrive, ground and air transport will arrive with police and firefighters, and after all he will be deprived of cartoons for three days.
5. In case of loss of cellular communication, the numbers of parents and all emergency services of the Ministry of Emergency Situations are displayed in large numbers on the landline phone.

Recently, when my child got sick, I was forced to stay home. At first I tried to persuade my husband to skip work, then I called my eternally busy grandparents, and in conclusion I spent a long time explaining to my boss that I had no one to leave my sick child with, and today I would not be able to make my colleagues happy with my presence. Listening attentively to my telephone debate, the three-year-old toddler stunned me with the question: “Mom, when can I stay home alone so you can work?”

A simple, at first glance, childish question puzzled me: really, at what age can you leave a child at home alone? How to prepare your baby for this important event? How do you know that a child is mentally ready to spend several hours alone without getting hurt? Questions arose one after another, but there was no answer...

What is it like - the taste of independence

There is no definite answer to these questions: some children, even at 4-5 years old, can study alone and do not need constant attention from their parents, while others, even at 12 years old, are afraid to be left unattended even for a few minutes. But, no matter what, you still need to teach your child to be independent, the only thing is when and how to do it.

According to psychologists, much depends on the character and temperament of the child. If you are not going to take care of your child before the wedding, you need to give him a taste of independence in a timely manner. Agree, sooner or later the moment will come when you have to let the grown-up child out from under your wing. And it’s better to start at 5-6 years old. The longer you control your child’s every step, the more temptations he will have to do something forbidden when left alone for the first time.

It is necessary to give a taste of independence gradually - in homeopathic doses, because even life-threatening poison is useful in small doses. It is very difficult to poison a person accustomed to small doses of poison with this very poison. So it is here - with skillful dosing of independence, the child will be able to feel all the delights of “adult” life and learn to avoid pitfalls.

In any business, the main thing is good preparation. Therefore, before leaving your child alone in the apartment, practice a little. As a warm-up before the main start, give your child maximum freedom in your presence and do not control his every step. Create the so-called appearance of complete freedom and independence, determine a few hours for yourself (“mother’s hour”) when you will go about your business without being distracted by the child: “Let’s now everyone mind their own business. And in an hour we will discuss, What have we managed to do?" As a training exercise, you can leave the child alone, but not leave the apartment: for example, take a bath or go to bed. By giving your child the appearance of your absence, you teach him to rely only on himself. At the same time, both you and the child feel calm. Thanks to such training, the child will quickly get used to your temporary absence and will not turn to his mother for help every minute. Now you can move on to complete independence.

Separately, it is worth mentioning about food intake. More often, allow your child to manage the kitchen himself and do not call him to do everything that is ready. Let the baby pour his own juice, make a sandwich and open the yogurt. On a day off, let your child prepare breakfast himself: mom is tired and wants to sleep. After some time, you will see that the child is quite familiar with the kitchen drawers and will not die of hunger in your absence. Even if a child already knows how to use a stove, it is better not to do this alone. During your absence, leave prepared food (for example, a cutlet with potatoes) in a thermos. At 5-6 years old, a child is already able to carefully open a thermos, put its contents on a plate and eat. If you have a microwave oven, you can heat food in it. Try to leave your child those dishes that he loves most and eats with appetite. I can say from my own experience that if you leave your child a hated hodgepodge, which he eats with disgust even in your presence, have no doubt - at best, he will flush it down the toilet and assure him that everything was very tasty. This is exactly what I did as a child with dishes that did not make me hungry.

The first time is the hardest

Leaving your child home alone for the first time and leaving is like walking through a minefield. First of all, stop being nervous. Even if the cats are scratching your soul, and you are ready to give up everything and abandon this idea, control yourself. Until you believe that the child has grown up and become completely independent, he will continue to hide behind your skirt. Children sense the mother’s psychological mood from a distance, and if you are very nervous, the baby will also be anxious, and having felt your calmness and equanimity, the child will gladly accept a new exciting game called “Home Alone.”

Don't plan important things on the first day - you won't get anything done anyway. Within a second after the door slams behind you, your imagination will begin to draw scary pictures of what could happen to your child in your absence. They say correctly - the first time is the most difficult. When my colleague Lena left her six-year-old daughter alone for the first time and went to work, in three hours she drank twelve cups of strong coffee, smoked half a pack of cigarettes (despite the fact that she practically does not smoke), did absolutely nothing and looked at her watch every second , and Lena called home every twenty minutes to find out how things were going. But her daughter’s cheerful and contented voice did not calm her down; for the entire three hours, Lena wondered out loud what her child was doing now, and, I must say, her fantasies were worse than any horror film. This went on for several days. Gradually, Lena increased the time of her absence by thirty minutes. And, two weeks later, she stopped smoking, drinking coffee out of nervousness, and worked calmly.

It’s better to start with short absences, for example to the nearest store. In 20-30 minutes, the child will not have time to do anything terrible, but will only feel like an adult and independent. By the age of 5-6, children are more or less aware of time and know how to use a watch. Before leaving, explain to your child in detail when you return, “When the big hand is on the number twelve and the little hand is on seven, I will come.” And try not to be late, because the child will be waiting for you. If upon your return you find your baby scared and crying, put off trying to teach him independence for a while. This means that your child is not yet mentally ready to be left alone. Try to role-play the situation. For example, he is a bunny, and you are a mother bunny. The bunny's mother went to get carrots, and the bunny was left alone at home. Let the child tell you what the bunny will do, what he will play and what he is afraid of. It is necessary for the child (in the role of a bunny, bear, etc.) to talk through all his fears several times. Scary situations voiced and played out will no longer seem so to the child. After a few weeks, try again to leave the child alone.

When you come home, try not to swear at your baby for the mess he made. Curiosity is a completely natural feeling (and you have it too). As children, we all dreamed of being like our parents, of becoming as grown up and important. Left alone, children, as a rule, play with “adult toys”, imitating their parents, and there is no escape from this. And if one day, when you come home, you find that all your cosmetics are smeared on your beloved daughter’s face, your son is using roll-on blush as bullets for shooting, and they signed a postcard for you with Dior pencils, try not to faint and not tear your children to pieces. Better appreciate their resourcefulness. I am still amazed at my mother’s patience when my friend (who was also a neighbor in a communal apartment) and I, playing Indians, painted ourselves with insanely expensive and scarce Polish lipstick at that time. And to her question: “What will I use to paint my lips now?” with childish spontaneity they offered their gouache (we were 5 years old at the time, and this was the first time our parents left us alone). Try to show maximum patience and tact. If you don't swear too much, your child will quickly get bored of playing with your cosmetics and will return to his toys. And for the first time, put away those things that you really really feel sorry for. Pretty soon the baby will stop secretly climbing into “forbidden” cabinets, realizing that there is nothing interesting there.

When you are sure that the child can easily tolerate half-hour absences, you can gradually increase the time. But if you need to leave for a few hours, promise to call to see how he's doing. You'll see - after a short telephone conversation you will feel much calmer. But even if the child tolerates your absence well, try to always return to the time when it is time for the child to sleep. Most children normally tolerate their mother's absence for hours, but they are afraid to fall asleep alone - this is a natural instinct: children need their parents to protect their sleep.

Very important briefing

The child must clearly understand: there are things that cannot be done under any circumstances. Here are a few of the most common “don’ts” (you may add a few of your own requirements to this list, the main thing is to make sure that the child clearly understands these rules and is not trying to secretly break them).

It is forbidden open the door to no one, even if it’s a neighbor who came. Moreover, this rule also applies to the time when parents are at home. Only adults should open the front door. Explain to your child that everyone close to you has keys to the apartment.

It is forbidden tell strangers on the phone that he (the child) is now alone at home, and mother will come only in 3 hours, and generally do not allow the child to enter into lengthy conversations with strangers. Tell your child to answer strangers something like this: “Mom is very busy right now and can’t answer the phone. Call back in 3 hours.” In this case, firstly, you do not force the child to lie, because the mother is really busy. And secondly, it is not clear to outsiders that the baby is at home alone.

It is forbidden Throw nothing from the balcony or window. It is generally better not to approach windows and not look outside. Even if the apartment is very hot, do not leave large windows open (even if there is a mosquito net on them), with the exception of small windows that a child cannot reach. It is better to install special locking latches on the windows that the child cannot open independently.

It is forbidden play with electrical appliances. Children very often play with a vacuum cleaner, hair dryer or safety razor on.

There should be a list of “on duty” numbers near the phone (your mobile, dad’s, aunt’s, grandma’s, etc.) so that in case of an emergency, the child knows where to call. Do not expect that the child knows all the numbers by heart - at the most crucial moment, the memory may fail. And be sure to explain to your child in what cases it is necessary to urgently call and ask for help.

Independence test

1. The child can keep himself busy for more than 2 hours and does not come to you every 5 minutes for help.
2. The child is not afraid of the dark and closed spaces: he often plays in the room behind a closed door and falls asleep without a night light.
3. The child clearly knows the limits of what is permitted: what can and cannot be done (and why not).
4. The child often plays role-playing games, putting himself in the place of adults (in the “daughter-mother”, the patient and the doctor).
5. In games, the child does not show sadomasochistic tendencies: he understands when he will be hurt and tries to avoid pain, he does not deliberately try to hurt animals, parents, brothers and sisters (the exception is toys - almost all children break them, this is normal).
6. The child knows how to use the telephone.
7. The child is not vengeful: he does not know how to hide anger for a long time, hatch a plan of revenge, quickly “moves away” and forgives insults.
8. The child knows how to adequately evaluate his actions: “I did something bad. Mom will scold,” “I did everything well. Mom will be happy.”
9. The child has certain responsibilities at home (putting away toys, making his own bed, etc.) and he fulfills them responsibly.
10. The child involuntarily complies (eats and goes to bed at approximately the same time), and parents do not have to constantly monitor him and remind him that it is time to sleep. "Restricted" children have more developed internal discipline (self-discipline).

If you answer “yes” to at least 8 points, it means that your child is quite ready to break away from you for a while and does not need minute-by-minute control. Otherwise, it's better not to take risks.

Comment on the article "Home Alone: ​​When to Leave Your Child Alone"

It's very sad to read things like this. What kind of attempts are there at 6 years old to leave one child alone? A child at 6 years old is already going to school, and you just open thermoses and try to teach them how to do something. please tell me what about kindergartens and preschool institutions, what should we do with them? How can you leave a child there alone? In general, the most offensive thing is that people read you and take your “opinions” into account

I have two kids. The daughter is 8 years old, the son is 5. Despite the fact that the daughter is the eldest, the son seems much more independent. He can occupy himself for a long time without requiring adult attention. The daughter, on the contrary, constantly controls whether her father or mother is in her field of vision. We still try not to leave them alone. There was one case when dad went away for 5 minutes. (mom was at work, and dad was running into the yard for milk) the youngest was 2 years old, he was fast asleep, and his daughter was enthusiastically watching cartoons. Result: Approaching the door upon his return, dad heard a wild roar in 2 voices. He frantically opened the door. The daughter is standing in the bathroom, washing the blood from her head with cold water. There is a bloody road to the bathroom from the living room. The younger one is right there near the bathroom, also hysterical. Both roar wildly. Oil painting from horror films. How it happened: as soon as dad was at the door, the son woke up and started asking his sister for a drink, she didn’t understand him or didn’t want to be distracted from the cartoons. The child held a rather heavy glass in his hands. Having repeated the request to his sister many times and not receiving a drink, the child threw the glass in her direction. Unfortunately, he accurately hit her head in a blood vessel.
After this incident, my husband and I developed a phobia; we are still afraid to leave our children alone. Even for a short time.

I have two 4 and 2.5, I can only leave them for 10 minutes at home, if I really need to go to the store, it’s on the corner of the house. I have 2 fears: that they will climb onto the balcony, the older one can open it, and that I could get stuck in the elevator and then it will not last for 10 minutes. I very rarely leave it, mostly I carry it with me everywhere.

Total 79 messages .

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