I will answer the question posed in the title at the end of the story, or rather the story itself will be this answer.
The way from Volkhov, where I live with my wife and two small children, to Klin, where my mother-in-law lives, is not so far by Russian standards: seven hours by train to Tver and an hour by train. Early in June morning, having made this journey, I brought my wife and children to my grandmother for the summer. The day before, my wife and I had an amazing night of love. My chosen one is good for everyone: educated, smart, in my opinion, a beauty, although she is a little complex because of her big nose (and I really like that nose!), The figure is slender, moderately plump, and not at all thin in American fashion. At 27, my wife is already a head teacher, and she is tipped to become a school principal. Only one thing upsets me - my wife is very strict in matters of intimacy. Of all the postures, she recognizes only the classical and, as a rare exception, the posture that our witty people named after the famous river arthropod, and even that she considers extremely depraved. Sometimes it seems to me that, going to bed, she is afraid that her students would suddenly show up and condemn her for immoral behavior!
That would be half the trouble! She believed that the normal pace of intimacy is once a month!!! Only having read in some medical journal that a man, in order not to harm his health, should be discharged at least once every two weeks, she established just such a frequency. Damn that pernicious woman who wrote the article! May she live at this pace with her husband all her life! No to write at least once a week! (These are still flowers! In 1995, after graduation, I finally retired with my classmate, whom I had loved since the seventh grade, and ... Then we did not see each other for many years. In 2005, at the anniversary reunion of graduates, I saw her again. Ooh, aah. Memories, then a restaurant, and... Can you imagine what frequency! Once in a millennium!!!)
However, I must say that my betrothed is not at all frigid, and perhaps precisely because of its rarity, the minutes of our intimacy are a real holiday for both of us, the apotheosis of our love!
Two women meet us at the threshold of the mother-in-law's house: the mother-in-law herself and her youngest daughter Vika. Children throw themselves on the neck of their grandmother. We hug, we kiss. A joyful meeting smoothly turns into a festive dinner. My mother-in-law is a cheerful and hardworking woman. Everything is on fire in her hands. Likes to joke. Knows a lot of ditties and folk songs. As a seventeen-year-old girl, she fell in love with an officer of the Soviet Army. They soon got married. A year later, my future wife was born. Everything was going well, but the trouble, as always, came unexpectedly. The second daughter was born crippled. The father's service at the Semipalatinsk training ground was not in vain! Trouble in Rus', as you know, does not come alone, and misfortune for the whole country was added to personal grief! This muddy mudflow has poured into the expanses of our country of bad memory "perestroika". Soon, the father-in-law was forced to leave the service and moved with his family to Moscow. The housing problem was solved with difficulty. For several years ten of us huddled together in the four-room apartment of my wife's grandfather. Then the father-in-law managed to buy an unfinished stone house in Klin, where he and his mother-in-law and girls soon moved. A year later, in 1995, the father-in-law died of lung cancer. It's not hard to guess where he got it!
Victoria came out to meet her nephews' babies, waddling like a duck on her sick legs. She spends most of her life in a wheelchair. Walking for her is a difficult and painful task. Despite a serious illness, Vika is the same joker and optimist as her mother. She is a part-time student. He writes romance novels with great success under a pseudonym... However, let's not reveal family secrets!
The day flew by in merry bustle. The next morning, the wife with the children and the mother-in-law go for a walk in the city garden. Women tell me to be more careful with Vika, while my mother-in-law winks conspiratorially. After they leave, I go into Vicki's room. She is waiting for me. The girl lay on top of the blanket. She was wearing a light translucent tunic. Under the pink tunic, tender girlish breasts with sharp nipples shone. At the bottom of the abdomen, a triangle of hair darkened, denoting the most intimate female place. I licked my dry lips. Victoria looked at me reassuringly and whispered almost audibly: "Take me!" I pressed my lips into hers. She grabbed my head with her baby hands. The kiss turned out to be passionate and exciting. Then I kissed her nose, neck, breasts, getting drunk from the smell of French perfume, excited by the feelings that overwhelmed my soul: love, compassion, carnal desire, pity. It came to the main female caliber ... Vika loves it very much when I kiss her “there”, although at first she was very shy about this and was nervous. After a few minutes, she begins to breathe often, often, groans from an overabundance of feelings, and now I feel a small tubercle pulsating under my tongue ... Then, after a few minutes of rest, I get up so that Vika is comfortable, and let her touch mine " the main caliber. ”She is madly in love with touching and fiddling with him, stroking his testicles. Then we move on to the main dish, the classic. I am very gentle and careful. A few minutes later... However, you know how it ends without me!
The most interesting thing is that my wife Nina inspired me to cohabit with my sister. Two years ago, when Nina was eight months pregnant with Vanechka, we came to visit her mother-in-law. One evening the conversation turned to Vika. For obvious reasons, Vika could not get married. The extreme option to marry another disabled person was also not good. My wife might not have said this, and it’s understandable, but when she said that Vika is an adult girl and she has certain needs for the female part, I did not immediately understand what was at stake. The wife explained:
- She needs a man, but where to get him?
I began to guess:
Should I be this man?
And, after an affirmative answer, he attacked his wife:
- You, a legal wife, offer me, your husband, to become my sister's lover?
Then the mother-in-law came to help his wife, waited under the door? Together they began to persuade me, they say, it's okay, it's a family affair. Vika agrees, she has laid eyes on me since the wedding. Nina doesn't mind. We haven't had sex for a long time because of her pregnancy, and I'd rather be with Vika than with anyone there! The mother-in-law is also in favor. A popular Russian drink played a significant role in the persuasion, and it was far from kvass! I agreed. The next morning I went to Vika ... Since then, our meetings have become rare, but regular.
On the third day of our stay in Klin from Moscow, my brother-in-law, Uncle Kolya, rolled up in a foreign car. He promised to take Nina with the children to the zoo. My mother-in-law and I stayed to mow the grass. As soon as the car disappeared around the corner, I turned to my mother-in-law and began to tremble. So an alcoholic who is thirsty for vodka trembles at the sight of a bottle. Mother-in-law was also shaking. Without saying a word, we rushed into the barn and frantically began to undress, as if our lives depended on it. Having undressed, they rushed to the dusty sofa and pounced on each other like hungry wolves. The mother-in-law p... champed happily, letting her old friend into her limits. After a few minutes of convulsive sex, we satisfied our insatiable hunger. In the second period of our meeting, the mother-in-law took the initiative, in the third period I again, but the sex was already unconventional.
With my mother-in-law, it turned out like this: almost immediately after the wedding, she began to make clear hints that it wouldn’t be bad for us ... Having been widowed at 33, she apparently experienced certain difficulties due to a lack of male affection. Perhaps she had someone at her work (her mother-in-law worked in the city hospital), but she could not bring a man to the house because of Vicki. Over time, the mother-in-law began to behave even more freely. Having learned on one of our visits that she would soon become a woman Zina, but my wife and I were not allowed, she offered herself instead of her daughter. Sometimes, when Nina was not around, she openly pestered me, either pinching my ass or feeling me “there”, but I held on steadfastly. Everything was decided by one case. Once, quite by accident, I witnessed how to say this more delicately? In short, the mother-in-law was engaged in self-satisfaction, I apologize for the detail, without the use of foreign objects. Unusually exciting spectacle! I could not stand it, I felt sorry for the poor woman. She turned out to be a great craftswoman. I’m a little complex from the unimpressive size of my copulatory organ, and she was frankly delighted at how small and strong he was. She nicknamed “him” a gherkin, and remembered the proverb: “Little x ... k in the f ... e kinglet!” It turned out that she is a lover of non-traditional sex, where this size is preferable. Since then, my mother-in-law and I have used every opportunity for our meetings.
As for the question in the title, there are several answers to it:
1. Do not react at all.
2. Politely refuse.
3. Send mother-in-law to ...
4. Send mother-in-law to ...
5. Complain to your wife.
6. Complain to the father-in-law, if any (God forbid you do this!).
7. Give in to mother-in-law's harassment.
I chose the latter.

Seriously speaking, problems between mother-in-law and son-in-law occur much less frequently than between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. In any case, in our time. The fact is that every mother-in-law (if she is an attentive mother) first of all takes care of her beloved daughter, which means she performs an important strategic task - she protects the young family from all adversity. Still, it is not easy to find a worthy man today, it is even more difficult to maintain family happiness (this is evidenced by the divorce statistics).

Why do evil male jokes about the second mother appear?

A wise mother-in-law takes the blow if her daughter made a mistake, demonstrated her character, or injured her husband. This rule of the game is often adopted by a young couple, because sharpening a tooth on your own wife is a thankless task, it is much easier to blame the mother-in-law for everything. “The apple does not fall far from the tree. Oh, and she raised my little wife!” - removes a man's responsibility from his beloved woman.

But they laugh at their mothers-in-law and are quite satisfied with their family life and their wife. For them, this is a great opportunity to emphasize their resemblance to other representatives of the stronger sex, to join the team and just laugh. To be honest, jokes about mothers-in-law are really funny:

- Dad, dad, why does grandma run around the garden in a zigzag pattern?

- For whom - a grandmother, and for whom - a mother-in-law. Give the son the next clip!

Bad Scenarios

Just as there is some truth in every joke, in every locality there is a share of families who are familiar with the problem of “mother-in-law and son-in-law” firsthand. There are several scenarios in which an unfavorable development of relations is possible (I emphasize, it is possible!).

Lonely mother-in-law

Relationship tension can arise if the mother-in-law's personal life is not entirely arranged. In this situation, the woman feels lonely and perceives her daughter's family as her own. She either writes her son-in-law as a son, or shifts to the shoulders of the young spouses the duties that, in theory, a man should perform.

If the children do not pay proper attention to the mother, she uses various methods of pressure: she is offended, calls the spouses bad parents because she cannot call them bad children, and even gets sick in order to get the care of loved ones. In such a scenario, it is advisable for the son-in-law to act proactively: from the very first day, be interested in the life of dear mother and ask her for advice. You can also introduce your beloved mother-in-law to a lonely work colleague.

chatty wife

Sometimes a daughter can unconsciously provoke family conflicts, regularly telling her sweet mother about all the problems with her husband. She shared and forgot, and her mother, like Chip and Dale rolled into one, is already in a hurry to help. The mother-in-law deals with her son-in-law, teaches young people how to live, tries to reconcile the children, and in the end remains guilty. It’s good if the daughter doesn’t say: “Again you are climbing. Who asked you?

But this does not mean at all that nothing can be shared with the mother. On the contrary, if there is confidence that the mother can rationally, and not emotionally assess the situation, give independent advice and not interfere in solving the problem, then it is better to ask her for advice: “What would you do? With what it can be connected?" At the same time, it is not necessary to shift the responsibility to the mother, so as not to blame her for anything later.

mistress of the house

It is not easy for a man who lives in the same apartment with his wife's parents. He, like a real fighter, understands that he is in a foreign territory and must live according to established laws. This does not add self-confidence, so a man may have certain difficulties, for example, with making family decisions.

What will the mother-in-law-censor say? To prevent such a development of events, it is better for young people to immediately determine their boundaries: to explain to their parents that an eight-meter room is the territory on which the rules of their family apply. In turn, mother-in-law and father-in-law should understand that children have their own space and their own traditions. If, for example, a husband and wife like to have dinner together, you should not drag them to your table, it is better to start a tradition of family tea drinking after a meal. Of course, with mother-in-law pancakes!

But if after work you want to relax for a couple of hours in your room, and your child walks around the apartment and asks his grandmother to play with him, it will not be possible to avoid breaking boundaries, recommendations and reproaches. Therefore, it is better to sacrifice something and, if possible, share the apartment. Still, an adult who no longer has so many social contacts wants to feel his importance. And with the advent of grandchildren comes the right to give advice.

close girlfriends

Sometimes a mother and daughter have a very close relationship. They go shopping together, chat for hours over a cup of coffee, share secrets. If, for any reason, the "girlfriends" quarrel, then the guard - everyone suffers. For some time, mother and daughter do not communicate, although they are very worried about this. At a certain moment, they realize that there are a lot of topics for conversation, which means that it is necessary to conclude a truce and quickly wash the bones for everyone.

But how do you take the first step? A great way is to make friends against someone, and this "someone" is often the son-in-law. Agitated women begin to criticize him, thanks to which they establish contact and reconcile. I note that men quickly get used to such conversations and regard them as an annoying buzz.

Of course, every relationship has its own scenario. We are talking about people of the same cultural level, with the same values, ready to understand and accept each other. Unfortunately, sons-in-law are different and not always good. But that's a completely different story.

P.S. And pancakes are not without reason a symbol of the sun. They are able to melt the heart of even the most severe man. I know a lot of sons-in-law whom mother-in-law cooking strikes on the spot.

He was lucky in that war - he not only earned several orders, but also returned alive and well, and most importantly, he managed to save his psyche. He was not fond of drugs, did not drink (except on holidays). In the years of stagnation, there were no problems with housing, and, as a participant in hostilities, the commander allocated Georgy a service apartment. Soon he married a young student Yulia. Yulia was 18 years old, she worked as an accountant, studied at the institute at the correspondence department and ... was completely indifferent to sex. Such young ladies always surprised others: why are you going to get married in this case? Live on with your parents, do not fool your husband. But after all, before the military went willingly, because they were considered prestigious suitors ...
Zhora and his frigid wife began not life, but hard labor. It so happened that Yulia's mother was a lonely woman, and Yulia, having obtained the consent of Zhora, invited her to live a little in a new apartment with them.
Living with a mother-in-law is a risky business, but how to refuse such a trifle to a young wife? Moreover, Victoria Igorevna liked him from the moment of the first meeting, when Yulia brought him to introduce him to her mother.
Mother-in-law at that time was only 35 years old. She was once a famous gymnast, champion. And she was so “friends” with her old coach that she flew away from him at the age of 16. There was a terrible scandal, the coach was almost imprisoned. Vika left big sport, she was even given a one-room apartment. At the age of 17, Yulia was born to her, whom all relatives loved and spoiled. And she grew up a bitchy and absurd person.
The young mother-in-law (only 10 years older than him) immediately liked George as a person. There was in her both sincerity and that completeness that he dreamed of seeing in his wife. Victoria's figurine was almost perfect, and she looked so great that it was hard to even understand who she was in the Makhov family. Everyone in the military camp decided that she was Yulia's older sister.
Julia, in every possible way, shied away from fulfilling her "marital duty." Either she had a headache, or there was another reason. Moreover, she began to complain to her mother: they say, her husband always wants it, I got some kind of maniac! The mother-in-law reassured her daughter, saying that having sex is even good for health, but Yulia did not need it. In the end, she already began to annoy her young husband. There was no time for love in Afghanistan, but here I found such a "treasure" that even cry!
Soon Yulka left for a month in Zhytomyr to take the next session.
Living in the same apartment with Victoria, George sometimes had to accidentally see her in a rather frank manner. Either in a translucent nightgown, when she fluttered around the apartment, then naked through the accidentally slightly opened bathroom door, where she was washing at that time. He was invariably struck by the beauty of her unusually feminine body, its mature attractiveness. At such moments, George wanted to pounce on her, crush her under him and selflessly love, to pain, to cries of pleasure.
He, living practically without sex, really liked her strong, proportionately folded body of a gymnast and a mature woman. Passing by the bathroom one evening, Zhora involuntarily glanced at the half-open door and met the smiling gaze of his mother-in-law, who at that time was diligently wielding a washcloth. He was even thrown into a fever from the eroticism of this scene. His eyes greedily captured the smallest details of her seductive body in a split second. It was then that he felt a strong desire for intimacy with his mother-in-law. And then spit on the consequences ...
Excited by the bath, Victoria left the bathroom and soon called her son-in-law for dinner. He offered to drink a little, the woman did not refuse.
George did not even imagine that Victoria Igorevna was also not indifferent to him. She was impressed by his unshakable calm under any circumstances. They often had scandals with Julia, and their daughter was invariably their initiator. Zhora stoically endured her nit-picking, responding with smiles to reproaches. He already understood that his wife was inventing another quarrel only in order to later refuse intimacy.
In a word, they ate, drank, then danced a little and ... they themselves did not notice how they began to kiss ...
They spent the night, of course, in the same bed ... And they felt so good together that the whole month of Yulia's absence turned into a honeymoon for them. They constantly wanted to see each other and all the time they wanted to taste the forbidden fruit. However, why is it forbidden? Zhora was a determined man and soon told his mother-in-law that he could not live without her. She, seeing that with her daughter they still would not live together for a long time, reciprocated. Therefore, when Julia returned from school, her husband gave her a full resignation!
Georgy was the deputy head of the company, he left the Komsomol due to his age, but he did not enter the party. Therefore, they could not punish him for divorcing his wife, especially since there were no complaints against him in the service. Yulia was immediately married off to a rocket officer so as not to cry. He just did something unsuccessfully in the service during the maintenance of the rocket, and after receiving a dose of radiation, he could no longer dream of any sex ...
And Zhora and Vika lived soul to soul for many years, gave birth and raised two children. They changed a couple of garrisons and no one there knew that his beautiful wife Vika was his former mother-in-law!
Igor ZONOV

I got married for the first time at the age of 23, not to say that out of a fucking desire, but simply because the bride flew in ... I don’t know if it was a **** hedgehog or not, but she told me that if she had an abortion, then she would never give birth will not be able to ... Well, I fell for it. I thought so *** to my nose and decided that the girl is beautiful, smart (the character is really not so hot) so let her give birth ... Maybe we will succeed in life with her .. womb...

The family where I ended up was maybe exemplary, but living there was not sugar. Mother-in-law was in charge of everything in the house ... A beautiful, domineering and bitchy lady of 40 years old .. She worked as the head of the protocol department of one cool hotel and was used to leading both at work and at home. The father-in-law was a gentle, kind, chronically ill and tired of life peasant, who often lay on examinations in the hospital and had no right to vote at all in the house. Well, the mother-in-law, of course, is always a mountain for her daughter, but she constantly reproached me and taught me how to behave with or without reason ... Well, I must say that I was not an exemplary husband ... And I loved to **** ovate, and got drunk repeatedly and order in the house I didn’t want to support, BUT at that time I worked in a prestigious and highly paid job, constantly wandered over the hill, so my contribution to the family budget was 90%, and besides, I constantly brought foreign clothes, cosmetics and video equipment to the women.
(At that time it was cool .. not like now) .. Sitting at home with my wife and child bored me and I always tried to dump somewhere to drink or fuck ... Well, of course, my mother-in-law and wife ran into me for this and even tried to force the carpet to be vacuumed once a week, to which I answered them, “What are you, old women? Wow what? I, ****h, shoe, dress, provide for you ... A man by nature should be a breadwinner, a hunter, and it’s not my business to wash diapers, vacuum the carpet and sit next to the skirt ”Well, in general, in such a semi-scandalous situation, family life flowed …

Once my wife and I went to my grandfather's birthday ... And grandfather was not a fool to drink, and as soon as we parted, my **** begins to eat “Stop drinking .. You are already drunk .. We are going and going home!” And all in such a tone that does not allow objections ..
Well, I’m not particularly restrained when I’m drunk and I barked to my wife, “You need to go home ... so **** fuck on *** ... An adult girl, it’s childish time .. You’ll get there .. And I still want to stay with my grandfather”
Well, my wife hissed, what a bastard I am and with a bitchy mug **** silt ... And my grandfather and I drank all the water until he passed out on the couch and at about 3 in the morning I **** drank home to my " beloved "... I'm calling ... The door is not opened ... Well, I think, bitches, damn ... And the locks at that time were crappy and metal doors were not yet in vogue .. Well, I banged my palm on the door that the lock flew out ... And then two of mine fly out shrews and let's call me names in every way like “Scoundrel! Alcoholic! How dare you not walk your wife home!
And your relatives are drunks, etc., etc. "Well, here I could not stand it anymore! Usually I restrained myself from swearing, because they didn’t digest swearing in the house, but here how they **** yach “You **** snickering bitches!!! Completely freaked out?! Feed you, ****hey, poi, on *** and I still have to walk along the string in front of you? Well, fuck everyone around the rooms so that I don’t see your mugs! ” And in addition, how **** punched a shelf with all sorts of garbage in the corridor, that the shelf was shattered, everything fell to the floor ... undressing in boots, he scrabbled across the carpets into the bedroom and collapsed onto the bed ..

In the morning, of course, atas! My grandfather and I drank decently .. my head is splitting, sickening, sick ... I remember yesterday's incident and I'm waiting for “my loved ones” to attack me ... To my greatest surprise, I hear a quiet and timid knock on the door ...
The mother-in-law looks in .. and says “Andryushenka! You drank so much yesterday ... You must be very ill ... I’ll bring you a tea with lemon .... It’ll feel better ”... And brings it right to bed ... I think it’s a sinful thing if they poured something into the seagulls ... otherwise it’s somehow suspicious everything is kind. Then I judged soberly, well, they’re not stupid, to cut a chicken that lays golden testicles ... I drank some tea .. I felt better ... And basically my mother-in-law fussed around me .. Either a cold towel on my head, or a broth will cook ...

And somehow, since that day, our relationship has changed a little ... Apparently, they began to be afraid and respected .... Well, several months pass .. The father-in-law goes to the hospital for another examination. His mother-in-law regularly visits him, wears gifts, and his wife was sent on a short-term internship from the institute (she was a student at that time)

Blessed time!!! There is no one at home ... The child is with the nanny in the next entrance ... I came home from work ... I opened a bar in the wall ... I went to the kitchen, took some snacks, poured myself a glass of vodka and drank with pleasure ... At 11 o’clock in the evening my mother-in-law comes from some sabantui at work, dressed like a queen! Hairstyle, makeup, jewelry on the arms and neck, the dress is not *** with a neckline, from under which a black stocking is provocatively visible .. She is in a good mood ... It can be seen that she is a little tipsy .. I told her “Lyubov Nikolavna, hello ! You look great .. I also came recently .. I’m tired like a dog .. Let’s roll over a little and have dinner ”... She went to the kitchen ... We drank, ate and somehow talked very warmly, in our own way, without showing off, without claims. She tells me about the party, how many compliments she received, how many young guys tried to stick to her ... Well, I agree .. I sincerely see that she looks awesome in all this outfit .. She patted me so gently on the head, kissed me on the cheek and said, “ Still, you are a good man, Andryukha.
And while she was leaning towards me, I still felt the smell of her perfume .. so sweet and intoxicating ... Damn! And something stirred in me ... I feel that I want her, but I don’t dare to take the first step ... I’m afraid to get into an awkward position ... Well, we didn’t sit for a long time, and she says, “Let’s go, I’ll show you photos of my youth .. You will never see them and didn’t see it.” We went to her bedroom… The pictures ended up under the bed in an old suitcase. on the bed, on the floor on her waist... She either didn't notice it or pretended not to feel it... I also looked at a couple of pictures for decency, and then decided, "Ah!! Was-was not!” I hug her with two arms, put her on the bed and let's kiss her passionately .. She “Andryusha .. Andryusha ... Are you crazy ??” But somehow softly so without rejection ..
I'm already burning with passion and whispering "Lyubov Nikolaevna!!! You are such a beautiful, such a gorgeous woman… I want you to the point of madness…. She laughs, “Oh, you **** humiliation!!! Not enough girls for you!” Well, we are already lying side by side, I kiss her, and with my hands I climb under the dress, I feel the elastic bands from the stockings, I push back my panties ... *** it smokes and melts ...
She "Oh! You will remember all the dress for me ... Let me take it off myself ”She takes off her dress, remains in a bra, which I immediately tore off her, and in stockings with a belt .... With fucking pleasure, I just sucked on her **** e and started with pleasure lick ... She quietly molested and I, so as not to be distracted, simply lowered my trousers and inserted my penis into her ... It was something with something !!! And she had a multi-orgasm and I, unable to stand it, poured it into her and without taking it out began on a new one ... Well, the main thing was done !!! There was nowhere to retreat, and after resting and taking a shower, we went back to bed with her ... How much exquisite caresses we had was impossible to convey! My wife is a student and is no match for her!!!
Well, in the morning, of course, a very piquant situation arose ... Having sobered up and realizing what she had decided, the mother-in-law felt very embarrassed ... Most of all, she was afraid that this would affect my relationship with her daughter and that her daughter would find out ... I swear to her assured that all this would be strictly between us and neither daughter, nor father-in-law, and not a single living soul would know about it ... To be honest, even before this incident, I had already cooled down to my wife, and even more so here ..
And when an opportunity arose, we indulged in exquisite love games ...
Sometimes she happily played the role of my servant, walked around the house in stockings with a belt and an apron (damn! It turns on fucking .. Apparently she insisted on leading everyone and needed such moral compensation ... And then, in secret, she told me that she was not averse to would have somersaults with young handsome men at work, but her status did not allow even a hint of a close relationship with the hotel staff ...
This went on for some time, until my wife and I divorced ... There was a reason, and by nature we did not fit each other. At our last meeting, my mother-in-law cried and said that she had no idea how she would live without me ..
But time heals everything ... Years passed ... And the wife married a foreigner and left for permanent residence over the hill. The father-in-law died (God rest his soul) and Lyubov Nikolaevna also soon went to her daughter abroad ... We are still friends and correspond on the Internet ...
Still, it was not in vain that in Rus' there was a saying “*** that mother-in-law who won’t drag her son-in-law to bed” is not in vain. And even the Orthodox Church ceased to consider this a sin, this phenomenon was so massive in Tsarist Russia ....
In Nature, everything is wisely arranged! Young people need **** to procreate and raise children, and when the children have grown up, then the woman becomes much sexier than in her youth ... It is better to eat a ripe sweet apple than green sour meat ...

• We meet the mother-in-law
• Experienced son-in-law
• Son-in-law dreams
• Life with mother in law
• Gifts to each other
• Wisdom from mother-in-law
• Finally seeing off the mother-in-law
• Thoughts on a graveyard
• Murder
• Buried...

Gifts to each other

The son-in-law comes and sings: “The knot will be tied, the knot will be untied ... If the mother-in-law gives a scarf, it will turn out to be a snake ...”

And I collected 3 buckets of mushrooms for my mother-in-law ...
- Are they poisonous?
- What does "SUDDENLY" mean?!!

Two mushroom pickers meet. One has a bucket full of good mushrooms, and the second has two buckets of fly agaric.
The first asks the second:
Why do you need two buckets of fly agaric?
- These mushrooms are for the mother-in-law. I have it so poisonous that one bucket may not be enough.

A young man came to the electrical goods store:
What would you like to buy from us? the seller asks.
I need to buy a present for my mother-in-law!
- Here is an electric iron, here is an electric stove, here is an electric coffee maker.
- Tell me, do you have an electric chair for sale?

- I'm making a chair for my mother-in-law here!
- And how much is left?
- No. The only job left is for the electrician.

The grandmother sits at the market, and trades, shouting:
- We buy Chernobyl apples, who needs Chernobyl apples!
A man comes up and asks:
- Why are you, grandmother, shouting Chernobyl, who will buy them from you?
grandmother:
- Only a man came up, took for his mother-in-law ...

“What a gallant son-in-law,” the mother-in-law said with a smile on her face, laying out both carnations in different vases.

My mother-in-law had three sons-in-law. She decided to find out who loves her more. They went to the river to rest. The elder son-in-law is walking along the shore. The mother-in-law, seeing him, jumped into the river and shouted: “Sink! I'm drowning! The son-in-law jumped into the water and saved his mother-in-law, and the next morning he found a Zhiguli under the window with the inscription: “To my beloved son-in-law from my mother-in-law.” Once again we went to the river. The middle son-in-law is walking along the shore, the mother-in-law thumps into the water: “Sink! I'm drowning! The son-in-law saved the mother-in-law and in the morning saw under the window "Volga" with the inscription: "To the beloved son-in-law from the mother-in-law." Once again we went to rest by the river. The younger son-in-law is walking along the shore, the mother-in-law plops into the water: “Sink! I'm drowning! - "I need you!" thought the younger son-in-law and passed by. Mother-in-law drowned. The next morning, this son-in-law found a Mercedes under the window with the inscription: “To my beloved son-in-law from my father-in-law!”

Wisdom from mother-in-law

Mother-in-law (to son-in-law): - You say that I am a burden to you ... But who made me mother-in-law, if not you ?!

Mother-in-law to son-in-law: - Every evening you tell fairy tales to my grandson. Could you explain why they all end the same way: “They got married and lived happily because the bride was an orphan?”

The husband is looking for a saw in the closet. Not finding it, he asks his wife:
“Do you know where our old saw is?”
Mother-in-law's voice is heard from the kitchen:
"If I've been drinking, I'm not that old yet!"

The son-in-law reads a newspaper, the mother-in-law sits opposite and knits a sock. Boring. The son-in-law decided to bite the mother-in-law:
- Teshenka, what is "Dee-ri-zhable?"
- It's a flying egg.
- And I have two eggs, but I don’t fly ... Why?
— Fucking propeller works, son-in-law!

The son-in-law's mother-in-law teaches:
- Some of you, young, now all businesslike and preoccupied. Here I was at your age, cheerful and sonorous, like a tambourine!
- Well, why - was it? You still look like him, you keep mumbling and mumbling ...

Finally seeing off the mother-in-law

The man says to the taxi driver:
- Take the mother-in-law to the station, so as not to be late!
- Don't worry, I'll take it as my own!

A man is walking down the street. Dirty-dirty.
"Hey man, why are you so dirty?"
- Yes, he kissed a steam locomotive ...
— What are you, a fool?
- No, I sent my mother-in-law home!

Doctor:
“Unfortunately, your mother-in-law only has one hour left to live.
Visitor:
- Nothing, doctor - it's not much, I'll be patient ... I've been waiting for eight years.

Two friends meet
— What are you doing tomorrow?
- Yes, we will launch a kite with our son!
- Yeah, I'm also seeing my mother-in-law to the airport tomorrow!

Thoughts on a graveyard

We are going with my mother-in-law from the southern cemetery. The cops stop at the traffic police post. Documents and all that and the question: why is the passenger not fastened? Not knowing what to say, I say:
- And this is the mother-in-law!
Without hesitation, he silently gives the documents and says:
- Bon Voyage!

A mother-in-law dies in the family. The windows are tightly curtained in the room, twilight and silence reign. Relatives gathered, the son-in-law stands at the head. At some point, a sunbeam penetrates through a gap in the curtain and falls on the face of a dying woman. The woman opens her eyes, sighs and says:
“God, how good!”
“Mother, don’t be distracted,” says the son-in-law.

A curious passer-by joins the funeral procession and asks the man carrying the coffin.
Who are you burying?
- Mother-in-law.
Why are you holding the coffin sideways?
- And when we turn her on her back, she starts to snore.

“What are you thinking about, mother-in-law?”
- And on my grave, make a fence with small curls.
- So that we remember your cheerful character?
- So that you fuck her then paint!

The mother-in-law tells her son-in-law:
- I don’t know anything, do what you want, but I want to be buried in Red Square!
Son in law says:
- Why are you, mother-in-law, out of your mind?
And she again:
- I don’t know anything, I want to be buried in Red Square!
The son-in-law leaves somewhere, returns a couple of hours later and says to the mother-in-law:
- I don’t know anything, do what you want, but your funeral on Red Square is in two hours!

Murder

Mother-in-law bakes pancakes. A cat walks nearby and asks. Mother-in-law to him: “Go away, insolent!” The cat rubs against the legs. She told him again: "Get out you bastard!" The doorbell rings, the son-in-law comes in, the mother-in-law puts a plate of pancakes in front of him. “This is no accident!” the son-in-law thinks. Throws one pancake to the cat. The cat eats and falls dead. The son-in-law, furious, throws his mother-in-law out the window. The cat jumps up: "YES!!!"

What did your mother-in-law die from?
- Poisoned by mushrooms.
Why are all her teeth knocked out?
- I didn't want to eat...

Do I need to confess to the police if no one is looking for my mother-in-law anyway, and my father-in-law even put a bubble on me?

Winter. January. Frozen pigeon.
Frost is worthy of admiration!
The son-in-law pushes the mother-in-law into the hole,
Riot police in peace - Baptism!

The boxer is asked in court:
- Why did you beat your mother-in-law?
- So, I'm coming back from training. Mother-in-law meets me. And then I see: it opens on the left ...

The mother-in-law completely got her son-in-law, he grabs her by the legs and sticks her out the window. The following dialogue takes place. Son-in-law:
Do you know what Vanya did to his mother-in-law?
Mother-in-law (in a trembling voice):
- No…
“He killed her with an ax!” Do you know what Alexei did with his mother-in-law?
- No…
- He drowned her!
- Well, I'll let you go!

The house is on fire. One young man asks firefighters to pour water on him and throws himself into the flames. He jumps out, again asks for a pour, again rushes into the house. The fire flares up, he is restrained, but he rushes back again.
Who do you want to save there?
- Nobody. My mother-in-law is in there, and I turn her over so she cooks evenly!

Shouldn't have killed a fly on my mom!

The man's mother-in-law died. A forensic examination was ordered. The doctor asks the man:
What did she die of?
Man:
- I ate poisonous mushrooms.
Doctor:
Why does she have blue spots on her neck?
Man:
- I didn’t want to eat myself, I had to help ...

The men gathered and began to discuss how who killed his mother-in-law:
- I went to Moscow, - says the first one, - hired an expensive killer and he flunked her.
“And I went to Africa from the Indians, bought different herbs and poisoned them,” says the second.
- And I went to the pharmacy, bought a lot of pills, came home, and laid them out on the table. The mother-in-law comes up and says: “Oh, how many pills!” And I behind her with an ax: “Here, mother-in-law, get it!”

Buried...

The wife at the resort is talking to her husband on the phone: - Well, what's new at home? Everything is fine, only the cat died. “Well, what kind of tactless person are you?” I must be prepared for such words. - How? - I would start, for example, with the fact that she climbed onto the roof of the house and accidentally fell and crashed. Did you understand how? - Well actually yes. "Okay... how's my mom doing?" - Already climbed onto the roof ...

At the funeral of the mother-in-law, the son-in-law cried very much, which is why he received the Oscar for the best male role.

He wanted to jump for joy, but on his shoulders lay a heavy coffin with his mother-in-law.

- I love my mother-in-law very much. Every day - more and more. It's almost forty days now...

His son-in-law is burying his mother-in-law, his friend came to the funeral of the deceased and sees how he put his head to the brow of his mother-in-law and so the whole funeral, the father has already finished, it’s time to endure ... well, he comes up and says: “Van, you always cursed with her, you couldn’t stand it ... "-" Pogot ... yesterday I drank too much, and her forehead is so cold ... "

The funeral of the mother-in-law, everyone is sitting, grieving, and the son-in-law sits and whispers to himself:
- May the earth rest in peace to you, may the earth rest in peace to you, may the earth rest in peace to you!
A friend comes up to him and says:
"You always hated her so much!"
Son-in-law:
“If you only knew how allergic she was to fluff!”

One man buried his mother-in-law, he is already returning from the cemetery, and then a bird crap on his shoulder. He looked at the sky: “I see… Are you already there!?”

A man is walking from his mother-in-law's funeral.
Approaches the entrance, and here the brick from above, only managed to bounce.
Well, the man raises his head, and so gently: “Mom, are you already there?”.

The man went to Hell. Comrades in misfortune ask him:
- You, man, like, under what article?
- Yes, that was the case. At the funeral of his mother-in-law, he had so much fun that he tore two button accordions.
- Well, what's so special about it? With whom does not happen ...
- Yes, everything would be fine, but now my witch has got a job here in the personnel department!